Co-worker hitting me up for money...again...

[crunchycon]

I have a co-worker who, about once a year, hits me up for money to help pay her power bill. This is a sweet lady whose husband has a low-paying job and they have a couple of girls, one in college. We are not IRL friends, but have been in the same department for 12 years + and are cordial. I loaned her a fair sum the first time, as it was just before Christmas and she came to me in tears. She did pay me back, though it took a couple of years. She then asked me for an additional loan several months later, which has not been repaid and I'm sort of OK with the fact that I'll not see the money again.

Today, another e-mail "asking for prayers" as she needs x$ to pay the light bill, which I interpret as needing another loan.

Yes, I have the money to lend her. I'm an obvious choice (I guess), as I'm one of the long-time employees with a decent-paying job and no kids.

I'm ashamed to say that I'm reluctant to help her out again, but I don't know what she would do.

I'd welcome your thoughts, as you all are a fount of good common sense, work-wise.

[sweetana3]

I have no problems helping those who are in a tight spot and make clear plans to repay and then do it. Here is someone who is taking and not making an effort or plan to repay.

I feel like you are being played for a sucker by this woman who will never stop picking your pocket.

I would suggest that you explain that she has not repaid the previous loan and you cannot give her any more. It is bad form to get in this situation at work by the way. It can lead to very uncomfortable situtations.

[bunnys]

Consider it a gift, not a loan before you give her any more money. Also realize that you are her go-to person when she can't pay her bills and will continue to be as long as you continue to subsidize her.

Your position in the company, salary and length of tenure has NOTHING to do with whether or not you should continue to provide this woman with monetary gifts. Actually, gift is not the correct word here as the giving of a gift is motivated by the giver and without expectation of repayment. Maybe I mean grant?

I do not recommend you explain to this woman why you are choosing to give her more money. You don't owe her an explanation for not paying her light bill. It also weakens your argument and gives her an opportunity to turn on the waterworks which apparently works for you.

I wouldn't respond to the email as she didn't directly ask for money in the email. If she directly asks you I'd just say "it's not in my budget. Can I help you find a government or charitable agency that can help you work this out?" and move on.

[SteveinMN]

I have a co-worker who, about once a year, hits me up for money to help pay her power bill. This is a sweet lady whose husband has a low-paying job and they have a couple of girls, one in college. We are not IRL friends, but have been in the same department for 12 years + and are cordial. I loaned her a fair sum the first time, as it was just before Christmas and she came to me in tears. She did pay me back, though it took a couple of years. She then asked me for an additional loan several months later, which has not been repaid and I'm sort of OK with the fact that I'll not see the money again.

Today, another e-mail "asking for prayers" as she needs x$ to pay the light bill, which I interpret as needing another loan.

Yes, I have the money to lend her. I'm an obvious choice (I guess), as I'm one of the long-time employees with a decent-paying job and no kids.

I'm ashamed to say that I'm reluctant to help her out again, but I don't know what she would do.

I'd welcome your thoughts, as you all are a fount of good common sense, work-wise.
One of the main tenets of my faith is that "there is enough for everyone". You wrote that you have enough money to contribute money to her. From that perspective, loaning her the money would allow you to know that you are a generous person -- not just that you think of yourself as generous. Generous people give things. People who want to be generous do not.

But I did use the word "contribute". I suspect you won't see this "loan" repaid either. You need to be okay with that; you wrote that you're not completely okay with that. Especially in an office in which you may not be able to avoid this woman in the future, you need to be okay with that. If giving her this money will taint your attitude toward her (or if you think it's likely her attitude toward you will be tainted), giving her the money is a bad idea.

Okay, beyond theoretics: After a few days, I would ask her how her fundraising is going. If she tells you she does not have all of the money, if you feel led to do so, you then can offer to make up the difference. If not, wish her luck and move on. You've established all the concern you need to. Maybe you could see if her power company offers assistance to low-income customers and point her in that direction if she does not know about it. You might make out your check to the power company before giving it to her; the power company doesn't care who pays her bill so long as it is paid -- and you won't have to think about (or judge) how she may use the money.

I hope that helps.

[redfox]

Today, another e-mail "asking for prayers" as she needs x$ to pay the light bill, which I interpret as needing another loan.

My advice: Don't interpret. She asks for prayers; offer prayers if that feels right. Nothing more. If she asks for $$ directly, respond directly to that. Keep it simple!

[SimplyL]

I would also pray for her. It sounds like she didn't ask (directly). So, I would take it face value, as you read it.

Also want to mention that some utility companies will make payment arrangemements or have hardship non for profits that they direct customers to, rather than just disconnect them. (If she and her husband's low income qualifies them).

Mentioning this, because a relative was in this position a few years ago. It never occured to him that he could call and make a work out plan. I suggested it and the electric company allowed him to pay a portion on time and float the remaining amount to next month's bill. He did incur a late fee yet was not cut off. He then switched to budget billing, which worked better for him. And he was able to catch up with having that extra month to save and get back on track. Sometimes, people do not think to just pick up the phone and ask a company for a little extra time. Maybe that stems from embarrasment. Personally, I'd rather call and talk to a customer service rep that I'll never meet and ask for an extension rather than ask a co-worker for money.

[puglogic]

I would give her all the prayers she needs, good strong ones, and let her know that.

And if you want to be generous, take a few minutes and find some local agencies who help with utility bills. Our utility company also has a payment plan for people who can't keep up. Providing prayers with a few phone numbers and links would be appropriate and compassionate here, I think.

Truly, there are many opportunities to be generous every day, think about the fact that there are people out there who have absolutely nothing, having trouble feeding themselves, can't even dream about sending kids to college, don't have a choice of finding a better paying job. There are trillions of other places who could use your spare money and TLC. Sadly, we all have to set our own priorities as to where our monetary generosity flows, lest there be none left.

[razz]

How are you helping? Are you not enabling when you loan? What agencies are there that will cort through the assistance required?
Your income and position has nothing to do with her situation. Power expenses should not be too bad at this time of the year. When it is icy cold or extreme heat, the situation may be different.

FWIW, I annually make a sustantial donation to an agency, The Salvation Army, with minimum overhead that I know without a doubt aids those who are genuinely in need - energy costs, rental expense, Christmas family support, furniture, clothes, food, etc. There was a problem with some people applying to several local agencies for the same support until the agencies that provide aid decided to work together in their screening and support efforts.

What I do, when approached, is tell the parties that I make a substantial donation to this agency who will assist as much as is possible and to visit their office. I feel that I need to make a financial contribution to my community but when my annual donation budget is set each year, I rarely deviate. There are people in my life to whom I make an annual gift of money to help them with life's expenses as well.

[Simplemind]

I couldn't have said it any better than what has already been posted here. Back when I was working we dealt with people in need on a daily basis and had an amazing amount of resources to point them towards. Some would hop right on it while others didn't want to be part of their own solution, they just wanted us to fix it on the spot. One stop shopping I guess. Not too much of a surprise were the people who worked in our office that found themselves with some of the same challenges that didn't want to use the resources they were very educated about. They were much more likely to borrow from family, friends or just not pay. Couldn't tell you how many vehicles were repossesed from the employee parking lot.
It is a personal decision for sure. Some people fall on hard times through no fault of their own. Some people bring on hard times by the choices they make and hope they can find somebody else to quickly fill the gap. I will bend over backwards for the former but have a very difficult time offering anything more than resources to the latter.

[sweetana3]

I just wanted to say I liked all the responses. Cover a range of possible solutions for the poster to choose from.

[Gardenarian]

Good advice all around.

[Zoe Girl]

I appreciate some posters mentioning just paying attention to if you are feeling like you can give. It seems in these economic times many people are not overspending but still struggling quite a bit. So it is very respectful to consider that they simply may have a rough time. Also that there are resources. My church passes out or serves 3,000 meals a month so when I see someone on a street corner I know that most of the time there is a place not too far where they canbe warm and/or get a meal. Not to say that is easy at all and a few times I have felt the urge to give some money, but then I go and donate to church as well.

[creaker]

Charity is like spending money on anything - you set the amount you are willing to spend and stick to it. If you feel you've already done enough, that's enough.

[crunchycon]

Thanks to one and all for your thoughtful responses. At this point, I responded to her e-mail with something along the lines of "you have my prayers" and nothing since. If I get an opportunity to speak to her without a bunch of other folks around, I'll ask how things are going.

I knew I could rely on my SL comrades. Thank you again.

[awakenedsoul]

I wouldn't loan her any more money. I'm afraid she's going to become dependent on you. I might give her a Dave Ramsey book. She's going to have to find creative ways to come up with more money. When I was struggling financially, I called the gas and power companies, and they gave me the low income rate. I also took a second job at a farm. That $200. a week was more than enough to cover my shortfall. I would also offer her work, if you have it. (House cleaning, etc...) That way she would be earning the money.

[Kestrel]

As awakenedsoul said above. We have helped many friends in the past who have been in "hard times" -- tho they've never asked for money. But what we did, rather than give them money, was hire them to do work for us. In one case, a woman's husband left her with three small kids and rather than giving her money she cooked (casseroles) for me three days a week. We supplied the recipes and all ingredients and let her take "half" of the food plus paid her for cooking. That helped her some. Another friend cleaned house for us weekly. Another did outside yard work. We paid all of them. But we never GAVE them any money. Would that work somehow? Anything your co-worker could do for you?