The ups and downs of big kids

[Zoe Girl]

So there are ups and downs of having my oldest move back home.

Let's get the downs and so i end on an up note
* She slept until 3;15 today,
* she and her sister are getting along so well, they are complaining about work in the next room and I am hearing F this and F that,

okay the pros are
* she moved herself, I took some trips with stuff and few weekends ago and she handled the rest
* she is getting a storage unit tomorrow (IF she wakes up) to make the crowded situation at home easier to process with her stuff
* she doesn't hate the shows i watch on netFlix
* we share an interest in cletic knotwork, and so she is thinking it is cool what I am drawing
* she picked up her sister from work today which is a huge help, their dad is going to get a car for my one daughter but he moves on a different planet of speed and focus, if he was really smart he would be one of those professor types, that is beside the point except that he thinks it is total crap to do things like pick up a kid from work so the burden adds up at times,
* her brother will be home alone less with my work schedule that goes in the evening

I really love Charlotte Joko Beck as a Buddhist writer, she says things that would sound very negative but somehow pulls it off as positive. One of the things she says is that relationships are doomed to failure, we are just ourselves and we irritate each other and we don't change. Even or especially relatives can annoy. So expecting a relationship that makes everything good is not realistic, it has been nice to think that in this relationship I will likely always think her sleep schedule is a serious issue, just like my mom thinks I am not cleaning ever, and her mother thinks something about her

[redfox]

You know, she's onto something with the relationships are doomed thing. Stephen & Ondrea Levine, in their writings, say that every relationship has the seeds of its ending sowed in the beginning, as one person will die or the couple will split up. The point is to dwell in the moment we have with each other. I find this to be very moving... and try to remember it, especially when I am impatient or cross with my dearest husband, like I was today most of today...

[awakenedsoul]

How is she going to support herself if she sleeps until 3:15 p.m.? Sorry if that sounds rude or judgemental. Just wondering...One time when I was little I called my brother, "Stupid", and my mother washed my mouth out with soap. I have never called anyone names since. (or sworn in front of my parents.) Do you allow swearing in your home? Do you want it? I don't. Although I do lose it sometimes. But all that F this and F that is just a bad habit. My neighbor does the same thing when he's on the phone. I go inside because I don't like to listen to it.

I guess it's generational. I think it's also cultural. I was visiting with an Indian family this evening. They live around the corner from me. I was so impressed with their grown daughter and how she treated them. They are so polite.

Another way to look at relationiships is practice at being your best self. I don't feel that all relationships are doomed. I think they are a chance to expand and move into a higher place spiritually, emotionally, and as a person. I get along very well with both of my parents. I guess I'm lucky that way. I hope it works out for you.

[Zoebird]

eh, she could work a late shift and support herself.

[Zoe Girl]

I haven't read too much of the Levine parents, a little of Noah and his dharma punx ( I go to meditate when i can with his group) Still it is a very buddhist attitude to understand that relationships beginning and ending, not fulfilling our expectations, etc. are simply part of it all. that is the nature of relationshops that is not going to change. Hey don't forget that being impatient is also part of it, and I like your Leonard Cohen quote, really love his music and what he has to say in general.

My daughter has supported herself for a few years both in Colorado and a short time she lived in California with friends. Her friends had a mother with cancer that passed away within 4 months and they had to care for her so she came back then. She has been at the same job for 2 years and it is a movie theatre so nights are normal, getting off work at 3 am sometimes. It is just that I live a schedule where I am up at 5 am mostly and so it is a challenge, it just irritates.

Ahh I have to appreciate that she takes after me. If i would have had my mouth washed out I probably would have said it a dozen more times. It is pretty obvious what is a problem with that personality, however there is a benefit. My kids are polite around others, and they do not use that language in front of me, but it is a small house and i overhear. I will tell you that we have no risk of falling to peer pressure around here, all bad decisions are our own fault! Also a unique thing about my kids is that they are able to get along well with all ages, I am not sure how that happened.

[redfox]

Loved Dharma Punx! And I do recommend Embracing The Beloved. Amazing. Must re-read...

[Birchwood]

I have an adult daughter. She lives 8 hours away. When she was single, she will come every year to stay about a week for a visit.
Never will she sleep till 3:15 pm! She'll wake up at 7 am and do things. The training I had when I was young was never let the sun rise on you.
You should be up and about and thinking of things to do. My late mother would call that slothful. I agree with Awakenedsoul, you should not
allow your kids swear or use the F word at home. To me it showed a sign of disrespect of the house and people living in it. F word is used only on very extreme situation but not a regular staple of conversation.

[Mrs-M]

I'd like to see you put your foot down on all the cussing/swearing, Zoe Girl, and as far as allowing sleep times to extend into the late afternoon, totally unacceptable. I'd be cracking down on both.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Mrs-M!!!!!!!

[Mrs-M]

Hi, ApatheticNoMore!