Nervous to talk things out with a friend

[Diamond_]

Hello, me again!

I'm meeting up with a friend tonight (my best friend who I felt kinda ditched me for her boyfriend, we used to go out every weekend now she cancelled 3 times on me because "her boyfriend didn't feel like it").
So we're meeting up tonight to have a drink and chat, cuz we haven't seen eachother in a while. So I wanted to talk things out with her, because I'm upset about some things. Now we texted last night about a party next week, and I said: I'll see if I can make it, I don't have a lot of money left. She said she owed me some money, but I didn't reply because I know she owes me money. Yesterday she was like: I texted u about the money I owe you and you didn't even answer!
Let me tell you, she's not a good answerer herself, when I told her she doesn't answer my texts as often anymore she said: well, you didn't ask me a question in the text so...
So she didn't see the problem when she did it, but when I do it... well, you know.
So then she said I'm weird (thank you -_-) and she'll explain it to me today. I said: why am i weird? Whenever I ask you to hang out you always say: I'll see, and now I'm the one who's weird?
She said she'll explain it to me.
Now I don't really feel like meeting up anymore, my friend telling me I'm weird because I simply just act like she did... Also, I feel she's a bit...intimidating lately. Like, whatever I say, I have to watch my words because I feel she'll laugh at me if I say something wrong or blame it all on me. Now I'm worried that, when I say to her that I feel she's neglecting our friendship because of her boyfriend, I feel that I didn't make enough effort to hang out, even though whenever I asked her, she cancelled it.
I'm just nervous to talk things through with her...

[Lainey]

If she's a true friend, just say you want to "clear the air about a few things." Everyone's relationship needs a frank talk now and then, so that irritations don't build up.
It's only natural that her boyfriend takes away from social time she could be spending with you - that's an age-old problem. But it sounds like the way she's dealing with it is to expect you to make all the compromises.

Is this a long-time friend? or someone you've known a short time? It's something to evaluate whether you want to continue as her friend, or cut her loose and find friends who like you as you are.

[Diamond_]

She is/was my best friend for a year or two but we've known eachother longer than that, we just kinda clicked and went out every weekend and talked all the time. I understand she wants to spend time with her boyfriend, totally, and I'm happy for her things are going great in her relationship. But I just feel neglected since she cancelled on me a couple of times because her boyfriend didn't feel like going. But then I was like: if it's just you and me, why does he have the power to cancel it?
We agreed we needed to talk, we're doing that this weekend but still I'm nervous that she'll say that I don't make enough effort and stuff...

[razz]

When you talk, focus on what you like about her and your friendship and ask her how she sees the situation and then shut up and listen. Don't get defensive or demanding etc., just listen and hear what she is saying. In a communications course that I am working through, the professor states that effective communication means listening 60% of the time. Don't worry about coming up with an argument or counterfact, just really listen to her. Silence is OK between friends at times.

Freindships that are longlasting go through cycles and what you value about those friends is like an elastic band that keeps you connected but gives all parties freedom to do their own thing at times as well.
Hope it goes well.

[Diamond_]

Thanks, that was what I needed, to know how to behave during those talks because I've never been good at them. I'll just ask her why she thinks I'm acting weird and then I'll listen and then I'll say that I kinda feel neglected.

[citrine]

I hope things go well....I have had this happen a few times myself when my friends started pairing up. I would have a heart to heart and preface everything with "I feel" instead of "You are not doing....." that way there is less room for agitation and defensiveness. I would also start looking for some other friends.

[Diamond_]

I have other friends, but they can't meet up as often so I have some quiet weekends at home sometimes. During the week I'm in another place in my country, for school and there I meet up with my friends there.
Thanks for all the advice!