View Full Version : The $14,000 engagement ring
A friend of mine just got engaged (to my former boss of all people - small world!). He wanted her to pick out her own ring and gave her a "budget of $12,000 and she picked one that cost almost $14,000. I was totally astonished at those prices for a ring...a ring?!! OK, maybe I'm so far out of the loop on this stuff that this is the normal cost for an engagement ring. But it seems to be VERY VERY extravagant even if one can afford it. So is this normal? She is currently trying to unload her house via a short-sale and/or foreclosure because she hasn't made a payment ($4,000/month) in over a year and is severely underwater. She isn't underwater because she lost her job and couldn't pay for the house, but because she got a huge home equity loan to buy alot of luxury items - including new bigger breasts! I guess that expense was worth it because now she has a BF who is well off and will buy her $14,000 rings! They do say you have to spend money to make money but I never thought of doing it exactly THAT way :-)!
Holy cr@p! wonder what the wedding ring will be? Bless their hearts. Just a different priority paradigm than mine.
Wow. I can safely say I have very little to talk about with a person like that. Probably no common ground at all, even as a hedonist myself.
I got my wife a $500 .270 Winchester rifle for her engagement "ring".
As much as I love shiny, sparkly things, I wouldn't want the responsibility--never mind the expense. Fortunately, some genius came up with cubic zirconia.
I hope he gets a good pre-nup because with spending habits like that she's going to drive him quickly to the poorhouse...
iris lily
11-15-12, 10:17pm
I've been lately, and oddly (for me) kinda obsessed with rings. I've been hanging out at a website that emphasizes jewelry among other things. It is astonishing what things cost now. I mean, $5,000 for a nice but not extravagant ring and wedding band (center stone less than 1 ct) is not unusual. I gulp when I see that in the store.
But it is also astonishing how much people will pay.
It is encouraging that there is a HUGE trend for gemstones that are not diamonds: sapphire, tanzanite, lab crated gemstones, high end CZ, Morganite etc. This new/old thing called Moissanite is very popular in certain circles, lab created but a nature compound. They are cool and are inexpensive, and the great thing is that jewelers will set them in settings of precious metals that will last. That was not always possible in past times, but online sales and online ability to design rings has blown up the engagement ring sales world. My current obsession is an emerald cut Morganite in a rose gold setting. (Rose gold, very hot~!) I stopped in mid-step completely mesmerized by rings in the jewelry case by a company called Le Vian at the department store I was breezing through. OMG. Chocolate diamonds, orange opals, and diamond halos in a rose gold setting--be still my heart. (Jane stay out of department stores! DOn't look at LeVian rings!)
I came | this close to getting a pink sapphire 25 years ago as an engagement ring, so I am already predisposed to liking colored gemstones.
The diamond industry is full of b8llsh8t. When you buy a retail jewelry item from a store it is like a car, when you drive it off of the lot you lose a huge % of that money. Diamonds are not an investment for 99.9 % of the people who buy 'cause they buy non-investment quality gems. And then, the diamond industry props up prices by issuing faux appraisals at ++++ more than what one pays in the retail world. It's all a lot of crock.
But that said: I seriously evaluated having my diamond solitaire engagement ring re-set into something more fashionable. In the end I could not bring myself to change it, so I cleaned it and had the head replaced and remember why I loved that simple setting. I chose a "wrap" to spice it up for our 25th wedding anniversary. The "wrap" covers the completely unfashionable yellow gold band and gives it the look of the currently popular white gold. (PS I hate the maintenance required by white gold, you have to have it "re-dipped." I had no idea!)
I've got a platinum engagement ring from an ancient relative and this style is very popular right now, I am fashionable in this regard. Platinum is hot, rose gold is hot in fashion, regular gold is not.
JaneV2.0
11-15-12, 10:59pm
Note to self: LeVian.
I like all kinds of gold and platinum, but prices have gone through the roof. I have a gold band with diamonds--a gift from the SO on our first Christmas together--that is narrow enough to wear whatever next to it. Simple but effective.
Morganite in rose gold! Rubies in rose gold! (Pink lab-created sapphire, anyone?) Cushion-cut anything, especially canary cz. But I digress...
JaneV2.0
11-15-12, 11:06pm
See, I'd go for the look without the price. Behold Tacori:
http://www.qvc.com/CatalogSearch?langId=-1&storeId=10251&catalogId=10151&keyword=tacori+rings
SteveinMN
11-15-12, 11:38pm
Gold closed today at more than $1,700 per troy ounce. Ten years ago, the closing price (for the year) was $342. The price of gold was relatively stable on a year-to-year basis for about the last 30 years. (source (http://www.onlygold.com/TutorialPages/prices200yrsfs.htm)). The price of diamonds has increased as well, but not so dramatically. DeBeers, the diamond people, have been selling for years the idea that a ring should cost "two month's salary". For someone making $75,000 a year, that's $12,000. (DeBeers is coy about whether it's gross or net salary.)
So between the increase in the price of traditional gold and DeBeers' established convention, yeah. 12 grand.
When my wife and I got engaged, it was a couple of months after two daughters of friends got engaged. Both of them sported suspiciously large rocks for kids fresh out of college (but not out of college debt). I had no interest in that "arms race". We're older and getting married again; there was no need for us to make that kind of display. We didn't even spend a grand. And the jewelry suits us fine. It's the love behind the ring that counts, not the cost behind the ring.
try2bfrugal
11-15-12, 11:42pm
I have a friend that rocks a big cubic zirconia. She says no one can tell the difference. I sure wouldn't have known if she hadn't told me.
awakenedsoul
11-15-12, 11:42pm
That sounds so LA. I remember a friend of mine complaining about her sister in law. "To give you an idea of her priorities, the kids are dressed in rags, there's no food in the house, and she just got her boobs done." I laughed so hard. But, it's such a materialistic area. I hope she doesn't lose the ring!
My aunt gave me two gorgeous opal rings, both set in yellow gold. I love them. People gawk at them when I wear them. I hate to have them just sitting in a drawer. They're old and beautiful. My mom gave me a rose gold ring that's monogrammed. It's an antique, and I love it.
My mom wears a lot of that white gold now. I don't really care for it. It looks like silver to me. I still love the antique jewelry best. I've got a string of very old pearls that belonged to an elderly friend of my grandmother. I like to wear them with a cardigan sweater...like Coco Chanel did. People where I live don't really wear jewelry.
Our wedding rings are simple white-gold bands, with a celtic braid in them, that we got from a craftsman at a fair, mostly because we were having such a nice time at the fair, and the fellow was pleasant to chat with, and showed us how he made them. They didn't cost particularly much, they've held up well, and look nice.
I got my wife a $500 .270 Winchester rifle for her engagement "ring".
I have a dear friend who got a chainsaw as her engagement gift. Rural living, ya know?
Mine is a beautiful amethyst reproduction from a local art museum gift store. Probably around $50. DH saw me admiring it. We had our wedding rings made by a local jeweler, pounded 18CT gold. Our kids wanted some Celtic runes engraved on the inside, so we went with that. They represent happiness, humor, protection and something else I forget.
14K?!?!? Damn. That is insane.
I have a dear friend who got a chainsaw as her engagement gift. Rural living, ya know?
My "ring" was highly strategic in nature, we got many a husband/wife hunting trip out of that gift over the years. Plus she's just about the best shot I know, and I hang out with guys who are paid to shoot rifles precisely at a distance, so that's saying something :-)
When we visited her family's ancestral hunting camp in the wilds of Michigan, the activities were very sex-segregated and stereotyped. My wife wanted to participate in the manly rifle competition, and they laughingly allowed the "little lady" to try. She cleaned everyone's clock. I loved it. When her cousin asked "what's it like, knowing she can outshoot you?" I responded "sure keeps me honest :-)".
We got DH's wedding ring in denmark. it was custom made for him in one day. Beautifully done and he loves it: matte titanium. I think it cost us $100. Mine were more expensive. I have diamonds. :D I was 21 at the time, ya'll, it was before I'd figured things out. LOL
Anyway, we actually got a used set (engagement ring and band), and when a friend of mine (a jeweler) did the refit for me (for free), he said they were worth about $3k. We got them for $800. I wear them all the time. Mine are also platinum.
I own four other rings: a ring from Helsinki that is local amber and white gold with a very modern look (i wear it once a week); a gold band ring from my husband's aunt that I got after she passed (I wear that off and on non stop throughout the year), a birthday ring that is an opal set in white gold (it's at my sister's, she borrowed it and. .. well), and a ruby cabochon set in a white-gold setting that is modern like the helsinki one.
This last one -- other than the inherited one -- is the one of the most interesting. I received the ruby as a gift from a friend in africa, for helping his daughters with some paperwork to get into american schools. I wanted the modern look like the helsinki ring for it, but we just couldn't afford to have it made. Then, we made friends with a jewelry maker, and DH asked him to create the ring for me. DH planned to pay in full, since it was a birthday gift for me. But in the end, the guy only charged him for the cost of the metal, which wasn't very much (i don't know how much).
I don't really wear a lot of rings, so how I ended up with so many is beyond me. LOL I also own two watches! TWO! one was free from DH's work (a holiday gift), and the other I got out of the lost/found at a yoga studio years ago. I need to get the batteries changed in them. DH only has one watch (also a gift from his former work).
I also have several necklaces, but I only use a few of htem. My grandmother gave me a 'fire opal' in yellow gold from her trip to Australia. My sister has that one, too. I have my citrine rock one -- that came from a craft fair for $60. I have a red amber one from africa (also a gift from an african friend). I have my om-symbol in white gold (with white gold chain) given to me by a friend before leaving the US. And two sets of small pearls -- one a graduation gift from my grandmother, and the other a graduation gift from my parents. I mostly go in phases of wearing each of these (except the one my sister has) in an 'every-day" sort of way until i get tired of it and switch out.
And I have 3 rabbit pins (gold, sterling, and pewter). Those were all gifts.
Since I don't wear earrings right now, I culled down to my onyx ones given to me by my uncle when I was 9, and then also the simple, surgical steel hoops that I was wearing until the holes went nutters. Everything else was "costume jewelry" so I gave it to some teenagers.
I have one nostril screw (wear it always), and two septum crescents -- one surgical steel and one made of paua shell. I'm probably going to switch out to the paua shell for the summer. It depends upon how my nose responds. I think that the screw cost $20, the crescent cost $35, and the paua one (which is one of only 5 made) cost me $35NZ.
And that's all of my jewelry. I don't think it even adds up to $14,000.
Wildflower
11-16-12, 1:14am
It's not normal, at least not in my world.... :0!
Spartana, both those people (your old boss and his "squeeze") sound really shallow.
I am not a ring person. Husband's thoughts are it is for the man, it looks good when the lady in his life has the Big Rock on her finger. I could never justify a purchase of such cost, he could yet knows the argument it could cause. He notices rings and will make the comment that you could have one, but you won't let me. SO there are differing reasons for them I suppose.
My 25 year old son and finance ended the relationship. He actually wanted the ring back. This went on for 7 months. I said nothing, then I could not take it anymore and said to him, You have got to be kidding, you gave it you can't ask for it back, let it go it is money down the river, lesson learned and such. Then I said I would never give a gift such as that back. He ended it or at least telling me about it.
Blackdog Lin
11-16-12, 9:22am
Such a purchase doesn't anymore reflect our household's values and priorities, and yep, I think it shallow (especially the part where she couldn't even stay within his suggested budget - she just COULDN'T find one she liked for a few thousand less?!!!)
But if I were the type of person to want a "bragging rights ring", then I wouldn't be here all the time on the Simple Living forums, would I? :)
Blackdog Lin
11-16-12, 9:23am
sorry, double post. balky 'puter.
My what a judgemental bunch we have here. Its still their money to spend how they wish. Or is that no longer true?
puglogic
11-16-12, 10:37am
Of course, this is America, it is their money to spend as they wish.
And it's equally true that those who would spend money in this way -- and act this way toward their other financial obligations in order to afford luxuries -- are very likely shallow, materialistic people. There's no soul in this, no matter how you twist it.
They could be very nice people. But in this case it is pretty easy to tell a book by its cover. And they have little (if anything) in common with the people on this board, who take pride in focusing on what matters in life.
ToomuchStuff
11-16-12, 11:01am
I am not a ring person. Husband's thoughts are it is for the man, it looks good when the lady in his life has the Big Rock on her finger. I could never justify a purchase of such cost, he could yet knows the argument it could cause. He notices rings and will make the comment that you could have one, but you won't let me. SO there are differing reasons for them I suppose.
My 25 year old son and finance ended the relationship. He actually wanted the ring back. This went on for 7 months. I said nothing, then I could not take it anymore and said to him, You have got to be kidding, you gave it you can't ask for it back, let it go it is money down the river, lesson learned and such. Then I said I would never give a gift such as that back. He ended it or at least telling me about it.
The rule of thumb on the ring going back, at least to me, has been a legal one. Is the ring PAID for, if not, it is security against the note. If it was, then it is a matter of who broke it off. (If she broke it off, due to him cheating is something different then if she broke it off because she decided she loves someone else, verses him breaking it off, etc).
We have a supplier at work who was less distraught then her husband. When they were on a trip, he lost his ring in the ocean. I gave her one of those deal of the day sites, where $4.99 rings are always being posted. If your in any kind of a profession where a ring can be lost or cause problems (safety issues), then CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP, in my view.
Women's rings on the other hand, I have seen it all over the place. I have one friend who proposed, and she said she didn't like the ring and he could afford more (he could, money wasn't the issue). They never married, but are still together, to this day.
It is only an object, after all.
iris lily
11-16-12, 12:13pm
Of course, this is America, it is their money to spend as they wish.
And it's equally true that those who would spend money in this way -- and act this way toward their other financial obligations in order to afford luxuries -- are very likely shallow, materialistic people. There's no soul in this, no matter how you twist it.
They could be very nice people. But in this case it is pretty easy to tell a book by its cover. And they have little (if anything) in common with the people on this board, who take pride in focusing on what matters in life.
I won't wade into the judgements about their shallowness (not that I have anything against making judgements about people. Judgment thy name is IRis Lily, haha) because we can't really know.
But--
Someone here could very well pay $12,000 for a nice rock BECAUSE it represents something they value. They might drive an old beatup car ('cause they don't value slick automobiles) shop at Goodwill (don't care about fashion) dumpster dive (because it's fun and interesting.) See, I fit that profile and truly have been debating jewelry choices to re-set my engagement ring. Ok not to the tune of $12,000 but I COULD easily do that if I wanted. Easily. And it's something I have thought about.
San Onofre Guy
11-16-12, 12:22pm
I gave up having discussions with females concerning cubic zurconia. My point is that rings are a symbol and they should look good, if it is a cz then all the better as the family unit is fiscally stronger. For the most part, most females call anyone with my attitude cheap and not worth marrying. They don't realize that their attitude gives off the impression that they can be bought.
DW's ring was custom made for us. The large stone came from a broach that was my Grandma's and the smaller ones that surround it came from an old ring of her Mom's. It's white gold. The total cost was about $400 (engagement and wedding bands). Of course gold was only $350/oz. back then. She doesn't like to wear it much these days becuase she thinks it's too big and flashy.
SteveinMN
11-16-12, 12:41pm
My what a judgemental bunch we have here. Its still their money to spend how they wish. Or is that no longer true?
It's true ... and it's not, IMHO.
First, the market for engagement/wedding rings is, for the most part, horribly manipulated. The supply of the traditional materials is artificially constricted, inflating their value. The very subjective value of art is involved in creating the jewelry. And, finally, the matter of accurately estimating the value of the finished piece is highly variable. I'm guessing the jewelry store that sold that $14,000 ring "appraised" it for far more than that. Yet their cost probably was down to maybe a third of the sale price. Maybe less. It's not smart to put that kind of money into something for which the price is heavily gamed.
Second, there are so many other places where that kind of money would have a much more lasting effect. Are you in love with your spouse twice as much if the ring costs twice as much? Investing $14,000 for retirement or life's ups and downs or traveling/education or even real estate is a joint commitment that, I think, has much greater potential for financial appreciation and for making life better at some future point.
And, finally, it fits in so well with wanton consumerism at the expense of what really matters. Buy a $14,000 ring and complain about helping out people who can only dream of a $14,000 ring. I am aware not everyone on this board feels this way, but I just have to feel there are better ways to spend money. JMHO.
JaneV2.0
11-16-12, 12:43pm
I gave up having discussions with females concerning cubic zurconia. My point is that rings are a symbol and they should look good, if it is a cz then all the better as the family unit is fiscally stronger. For the most part, most females call anyone with my attitude cheap and not worth marrying. They don't realize that their attitude gives off the impression that they can be bought.
Funny you should say that--exactly my take on it.
Kind of primitive, like a bride price of a few head of cattle--but it's one way to separate the wheat from the chaff (sticking to the agricultural theme). It's a values check. If you see marriage as more a fee-for-service kind of transaction and less as a partnership of equals, a big show of (male) wealth makes sense.
iris lily
11-16-12, 12:55pm
.... She doesn't like to wear it much these days becuase she thinks it's too big and flashy.
That's 'cause you guys are midwesterners like me. My e-ring is less than a carat but is big within the cultural norms of our families and peer group because we are the sort of people who buy farm land not diamonds. I think you know how much farm land appreciates vs your typical consumer diamond. :laff: But I wanted a "big" rock because, frankly, it was a bit of a test for DH. I wasn't all that keen on getting married so I thought "well let's prolong this question of officially getting engaged a while and go ring shopping and see how if he blanches." He never blanched. I'm the one who put a limit on the price because at heart, I am a frugal girl.
There is an interesting/funny/insightful blog post on http://bitchujusmad.com/black-women-have-the-ugliest-engagement-rings/
about African-American cultural norms in engagement rings. One of her assertions is that balck women buy ugly rings because their mothers don't teach them about jewelry. White mothers teach their daughters about jewelry.
Ha, My parents taught me about farm land not rings. We just didn't' "do" jewelry in my family 'though all of the moms and grandmas have an engagement diamond ring. :laff:
Blingy jewelry seems to be more important on the east coast. Midwesterns have their heads screwed on straight (hows that for judgement and sterotyping???!!!)
Steve, please note that no where in my lenghty discussions of engagement rings have I made any sort of statement that they are good investements or are even "investments." They are not.
As much as I love shiny, sparkly things, I wouldn't want the responsibility--never mind the expense. Fortunately, some genius came up with cubic zirconia.
Ha! This would be me. I'd buy the $5 CZ and tell future DH that it was a $14K ring and pocket the extra $13,995!!
Ha! This would be me. I'd buy the $5 CZ and tell future DH that it was a $14K ring and pocket the extra $13,995!!
Scamp!
Spartana, both those people (your old boss and his "squeeze") sound really shallow.
Well she is pretty shallow - and I say that as a loving friend since we were 14. I was even her maid of honor at her first wedding. But the ex-boss - a great guy - is just smitten. She's very beautiful, looks just like a blonde Jennifer Aniston, and very sweet and fun, and he is recently widowed after his wife of many years passed away from a long term illness. I know she loves him but, yeah, I do feel she is taking advantage of him...alot! There is even more. I found out that he is buying her home in a short sale (for much less then she owes on it) and then will be deeding it back to her 100% - not even leaving himself on as co-owner. He will be financing that with a 2nd loan on his house. They are doing this because they both have teenage kids at home and don't want to get married for a couple of years until the kids are grown and none of the kids want them to get married or even have aanything to do with them). While she does intend to make the payments to him, he leaves himself - and his 4 kids - vulnerable in case something happens to him (dies before they get married or they break up). The he or his kids will still have to pay the 2nd mortgage on his place where she can walk off scott free. But, despite her crazy sense of entitlement, she is an honorable person and I believe she really will make an attempt at paying him off. Hopefully he keeps his name on her house title too but it doesn't sound like he plans to do that. Oh and he is about 10 years older then her. Can you say Sugar Daddy?
Well she is pretty shallow - and I say that as a loving friend since we were 14. I was even her maid of honor at her first wedding. But the ex-boss - a great guy - is just smitten. She's very beautiful, looks just like a blonde Jennifer Aniston, and very sweet and fun, and he is recently widowed after his wife of many years passed away from a long term illness. I know she loves him but, yeah, I do feel she is taking advantage of him...alot! There is even more. I found out that he is buying her home in a short sale (for much less then she owes on it) and then will be deeding it back to her 100% - not even leaving himself on as co-owner. He will be financing that with a 2nd loan on his house. They are doing this because they both have teenage kids at home and don't want to get married for a couple of years until the kids are grown and none of the kids want them to get married or even have aanything to do with them). While she does intend to make the payments to him, he leaves himself - and his 4 kids - vulnerable in case something happens to him (dies before they get married or they break up). The he or his kids will still have to pay the 2nd mortgage on his place where she can walk off scott free. But, despite her crazy sense of entitlement, she is an honorable person and I believe she really will make an attempt at paying him off. Hopefully he keeps his name on her house title too but it doesn't sound like he plans to do that. Oh and he is about 10 years older then her. Can you say Sugar Daddy?
Thats a lot more risky than a $14,000 ring - yikes!
I am not a ring person. Husband's thoughts are it is for the man, it looks good when the lady in his life has the Big Rock on her finger. I could never justify a purchase of such cost, he could yet knows the argument it could cause. He notices rings and will make the comment that you could have one, but you won't let me. SO there are differing reasons for them I suppose.
My 25 year old son and finance ended the relationship. He actually wanted the ring back. This went on for 7 months. I said nothing, then I could not take it anymore and said to him, You have got to be kidding, you gave it you can't ask for it back, let it go it is money down the river, lesson learned and such. Then I said I would never give a gift such as that back. He ended it or at least telling me about it.
I'm not a ring person either. Almost never wore my wedding ring when I was married (mostly because it wasn't allowed on my job to wear jewelry). I had what was as perfect ring for me - just a single solitaire diamond, maybe 1/4 carats or maybe 1/2 carat, and a thin gold band. When I got divorced I gave them back to dh even though he didn't want them.
Scamp!
The beauty of keeping seperate bank accounts - you can lie your :moon: off!
OK so I wouldn't really do that but I'd get the inexpensive ring - which I'd probably never wear so it would just be symbolic - and have dh keep his money to buy my things I'd actually like!
My what a judgemental bunch we have here. Its still their money to spend how they wish. Or is that no longer true?
Well my point was not so much on how they spent their money, but are people actually buying rings that cost that much? I didn't even know that there were rings that cost that much out there! I'm not a jewelry person at all (don't own any except some inexpensive earrings) so never look at prices and it was sort of shocking to me when she told me.
ETA: But yes, given her financial situation, I did feel the purchase was very frivolous and irresponsible. If she was financially solvent then I would just consider it an extravant, but affordable for them, purchase
SteveinMN
11-16-12, 5:53pm
Steve, please note that no where in my lenghty discussions of engagement rings have I made any sort of statement that they are good investements or are even "investments." They are not.
Absolutely agree, and I did not get that from you. But gold and diamonds are represented that way. Then there's that whole "if you love her a lot buy her a big ring" thing. I'm sure there are people (friends of my wife, even) who look at her wedding jewelry (with its paltry 0.12 carats of diamonds) and think I'm an incredibly cheap #&#*%&@. But my wife doesn't care. And our friends are all the same age but I'm retired and my wife's got her exit planned -- and they're not. It's all choices... :)
My 25 year old son and finance ended the relationship. He actually wanted the ring back. This went on for 7 months. I said nothing, then I could not take it anymore and said to him, You have got to be kidding, you gave it you can't ask for it back, let it go it is money down the river, lesson learned and such. Then I said I would never give a gift such as that back. He ended it or at least telling me about it.
Etiquette asserts that if she broke it off with him, then the ring returns to him. If he broke it off with her, then the ring stays with her. If they mutually decided to end the relationship, then the ring goes back to him as he paid for it, and a mutual agreement is an understanding that she is walking away (and thereby, breaking it off with him).
So, he's not necessarily wrong to ask for it back, AND if he paid credit on it (or still owes money on it), then he could possibly return it and not have to pay much of the difference.
Are people buying rings that expensive? Upper middle class and higher, yes. Middle class and lower, no.
I had many wealthy clients in the US. Many of those clients would get massive rings at the holidays. Our local mall had a Tiffany's and a Cartier's, as well as several other high end jewelry stores (not quite as high-end as these, but still). So, I knew several women who would get $7-15k rings for christmas (or other jewelry), and wear it all the time.
In fact, at the one yoga studio where I worked for a bit, all of the other teachers were dripping in expensive jewelry. The neighborhood was seriously posh -- mostly horse farms. The low end housing in this neighborhood -- if you were purchasing -- was over $750k. The average home price was over $5m.
Most of the yoga teachers and clients were either trust-funded or kept, married gals. Most of them complained about how hard it was to be rich most of hte time. LOL
The teacher's pay there was low because it ws a "service" which allowed the studio owner to take home about $500k/annum. I was considered " a girl of simple tastes " because I wore so little jewelry.
I remember the first teacher training weekend the one year. All of the ladies had multiple diamond/gemstone rings in gold or platinum (white gold is considered cheap in that crowd), big honking hoops with diamonds in them, and then next to that, a large diamond stud (most women had two piecings in each ear), and most of them "stacked" rings -- so the wedding ring finger might have 5 or 6 stacked rings around the band -- wedding, then engagement, then anniversary diamonds, then the 'family rings' which would be one for each child that the woman had with their birth gemstone and more diamonds (alternating). Most hat 5 or 6. Then, there would be at least two fingers in the same decoration on the right hand. Then a very expensive (usually cartier) watch (with diamonds), and with it a tennis bracelet and then also a second bacelet of some design work studded with jewels. Or, a large cuff and two smaller bracelets. The neck would usually have two necklaces -- one with a diamond or other jewel solitare, and the other having another sort of charm that would have 'sentimental meaning.'
Toe rings became popular, and did you know you could get platinum, diamond or other gemstone encrusted ones? Oh yes. And you stack those too -- at least 4-5 -- alternating between just metal, metal/diamond, and metal/favored gemstone. YOu need at least 8-10, so that you can wear them on both feet! And then, there was also usually an anklet, that matched one of the two necklaces.
And that was worn with very expensive yoga clothing. Nails done at the salon (gel, usually -- both hands and feet), and then hair was also really important, and lots of make up.
In a HOT yoga studio where temps reach 105 degrees F.
It was pretty. . . interesting.
because when I was taught to teach, jewelry of any kind (including a watch) was completely forbidden. Hair was either in a pony tail or bun (like a dance studio). Clean hands and feet, no polish (or clear polish). It was really strict.
The cultural changed dramatically over a couple of years. :)
I have no issue with how these people spend their money. They had b-zillions, so I didn't really care, honestly.
The only real problem was that I wasn't able to ask for more income for my work, because I could be replaced by a lady who didn't care what she got paid because she wasn't earning a living from teaching.
If someone who is financially sounds wants to spend $14k on a ring, a car, a boat, or a large collection of smurf memorabilia more power to them. But for people who are in significant debt, to the point of being foreclosed on, decide to spend their money on bling then yes, I'm going to be a bit judgemental. Sorry, can't help myself.
Spartana's added details above just add to me urge to yell at this guy "run away, run away, run away and hide!" He is not making good financial choices here, and probably not good personal ones either. Yeah, it is his life, but as Spartana points out he is potentially leaving his minor children in a very difficult spot financially if he should meet an untimely end.
lhamo
awakenedsoul
11-16-12, 8:25pm
This is interesting to me because I wear my old rings for sentimental reasons. They were gifts, and they remind me of favorite relatives who have passed away. I keep my nails polished in a shade of rose, and use hand cream every night. If I didn't, my nails and hands would look terrible from all of the gardening and cleaning I do.
The pearls I have are from probably 1910. The old lady that gave them to my mom kept them in a safe deposit box all those years. I get good vibes from wearing them. They feel alive. I love antiques, old china, and retro decor. For me jewelry is an adornment. I surround myself with beauty. I feel it would be wasteful not to wear these pieces that cost me nothing. I love them, and I feel good when I wear them. I wouldn't spend money buying jewelry, though.
If an elderly relative left me an old classic car, I would take care of it and drive it. I am drawn to the elegance of those styles. Everything was so well made back then. I was really cash strapped for years and years, so now that I have enough money to meet my expenses, I make an effort to take good care of my things. For so many years I couldn't afford to fix anything. Post Dave Ramsey: I plan ahead and write it into the yearly budget.
I agree. I have no problem with people spending their money this way if they can afford it.
My problem is when they can't afford it, and complain about always being broke and never having savings and how "lucky" we are that we "can" save. And yet, they live in HUGE houses, drive fancy cars, wear fancy jewelry, have lots of electronics, etc etc etc.
Our ability to save isn't "luck!"
I think the guy can afford it as he is the General Mnager at the public agency I used to work for. So he has a decent salary even though he does live the high life. Still the cost seems high to me but what do I know. I'm always shocked when people tell me how much they pay for most things wedding related (well... anything related to anything be honest) so maybe this is normal. She and I are very different about financial stuff anyways (well we are very different about alot of stuff but that's another thread!). I have never understood her lifestyle or her expectations - especially when it comes to her financial expectaions of men she dates or marries (this will be her 3rd marriage btw). And she doesn't under stand mine. It's funny that you can be friends - best friends in our case - with someone in your teens but turn out to be very different people in adulthood and really find you have nothing in common but keep the friendship because you still like each other and enjoy each other's company even if you aren't compatable.
iris lily
11-17-12, 7:21pm
I think the guy can afford it as he is the General Mnager at the public agency I used to work for. So he has a decent salary even though he does live the high life. Still the cost seems high to me but what do I know. I'm always shocked when people tell me how much they pay for most things wedding related (well... anything related to anything be honest) so maybe this is normal. She and I are very different about financial stuff anyways (well we are very different about alot of stuff but that's another thread!). I have never understood her lifestyle or her expectations - especially when it comes to her financial expectaions of men she dates or marries (this will be her 3rd marriage btw). And she doesn't under stand mine. It's funny that you can be friends - best friends in our case - with someone in your teens but turn out to be very different people in adulthood and really find you have nothing in common but keep the friendship because you still like each other and enjoy each other's company even if you aren't compatable.
oh weddings, don't get me started. Here's what I place value on for the Wed-ding Thing:
* nice engagement ring--it's gonna last 50 years and I will have to look at it every day of my life. Give me a nice one, please!
* honeymoon=nice vacation
The rest of it--naw. Well today I suppose I would like a pretty dress if I were getting married and one bouquet of flowers that I like, but considering that I'm a flower person, I like just about anything, just no astromeoria, please. Keep that crap out of my bouquet!!!
Spartana, I certainly don't hang out with the "find a rich man" crowd, but I distinctly remember a chick from high school whose stated goal was to marry a rich man. Same for her sister. They were pastors' kids, oddly enough. They were always very fashionable and while not all that beautiful, presented themselves in a way that men thought they were hot. Anyway. They both got married young and then divorced a few years later for the same reason: turns out that the men didn't have any money. I was a cynic even at the tender age of 19 and thought that they weren't bright enough to identify men with real money, and as it turns out, they were not. See upthread about farmland, haha.
rodeosweetheart
11-19-12, 11:31am
Iris, I misread your post and thought it said, "I was a cynic even at the tender age of 9" and had to laugh.
Blingy jewelry seems to be more important on the east coast. Midwesterns have their heads screwed on straight (hows that for judgement and sterotyping???!!!).
Stereotype or not I can't argue with your conclusion. ;)
We bought really nice rings for ourselves....I have to wear it everyday and I love shiny things (the indian in me!) However, my engagement ring was $4500 and with Kohls' doorbuster sale/30% off/ new card discounts we got it for under 1K! Our wedding rings I bought in India and the total came to $4K but it is 18 carat gold. In our culture, the gold is an investment and an "oh **** fund"! Everything was paid for.
As for spending 14K on a ring when there is no money....that is crazy! I also never understood some of the women who seem to think that a man will pay for everything and that they should get as much as they can from them in the relationship.
iris lily
11-19-12, 12:05pm
Iris, I misread your post and thought it said, "I was a cynic even at the tender age of 9" and had to laugh.
Well, I remember being a cynic at the age of 7 or 8, looking up in the sky with my Catholic friend of the same age. She saw God, I did not and thought she was a little stupid for that. I never liked her even throughout high school. But her sister was funny, I liked the sister so when we had overnights I played with the sister. Come to think of it, she was another one of the "I'm going to marry rich" brigade and ended up with an old man who owed hundreds of thousands to the IRS and later divorced form him.
This all reminds me of that old song Little Things Mean a Lot:
Don't have to buy me diamonds and pearls
Champagne, sables or such
I never cared much for diamonds and pearls
'cause honestly, honey, they just cost money
Give me your hand when I've lost the way
Give me a shoulder to cry on
Whether the day is bright or gray
Give me your heart to rely on
Those lyrics held up pretty well, didn't they?
The PNW is pretty non-showy and practical, too. I like it here.
I have no idea what normal is for an engagement ring. I don't have an engagement ring. I have a simple, gold wedding band and Zach's grandma's engagement ring, which I got long after we were married.
My Grandma, OTOH, has a $65,000 engagement ring. I don't think she is shallow, though. Both my grandfather and step-Grandfather were very wealthy and it was just the ring that they liked. She grew up dirt poor on a farm in the depression and appreciates not being poor anymore. Surprisingly, she'd probably have a lot in common with many of us here on a lot of things. She's in her late 80s now, so she's slowing down, but back in the day she could cook from scratch with the best of them. She likes to buy quality things that last a long time and she has quite a few leftover frugal habits from her depression era upbringing.
She does have expensive things, but she's also done some pretty altruistic things in her life too. When I was a kid she put the kid who did the maintenance on her beach property in Mexico through college in the U.S. entirely on her dime. Prior to that he had been living in a literal shack with his family with almost nothing. I remember her finding out that his little sister had never had a doll. We took the sister shopping, her first time in a car, and let her pick out whatever doll she wanted. She and my Grandpa got a real kick out of being able to help people.
I can't relate to such extravagance. No doubt, I'm biased towards such things, because I'm not materialistic, however, I really do think there's something missing in society, in relationships, today, where price, sets the tone for love. IMO, there's something missing in relationships where such exists.
thinkgreen
11-20-12, 2:21am
I can't relate to the prices nowadays. I recently "lost" some jewellery which was bought in the 1960s and 1970s. It was unbelievable how much the replacement cost was. Fortunately, our insurance covered us because I never would have spent that money to replace it.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.