How do you handle your finances?

[citrine]

Hubby and I have always had our separate accounts throughout our relationship which has worked very well. We both contribute to the household expenses, he pays the child support and college tuition per month for his oldest. He is building up his retirement account via a 401K at work and I have a 401K with Fidelity as well as mutual funds, Trad/Roth IRA's.
He has the remainder of an inheritance coming to him ~15K leftover after all debts have been paid.
I have 2K on credit card which will be paid off in december. We will only have our mortgage after that and we started paying an extra $400 towards that every month.

My question is....should we blend in the monies or keep things the way they are? We both have a 1,000 emergency fund, we have a 19,000 "oh ****" fund in a joint account.

I feel a little queasy thinking about merging the money...not because I don't trust him---issues from my childhood and vowing to myself that I would always have my own money and not depend on a man to take care of me (old school indian parents who had an arranged marriage, hate each other, but cannot leave due to finances).

So how do you do it?

[Merski]

I'm 60 years old to give you perspective. We've got joint everything and will be married 40 years next year (if the Mayans don't get us first!) Everything is joint tenents with rights of survival. We have mutual trust-would never buy anything expensive without talking with each other. We do allow little luxuries exemptions (for me) but knowing it would be okay makes me not want them. How long have you been together? Your ages?

[lhamo]

We more or less merged accounts, though DH keeps some in a small checking account at our US credit union (basically never touches) and more in some accounts in China that he accesses mostly for work-related spending and daily petty cash type stuff. Our paychecks both get deposited in our joint checking account at the credit union, and I manage most of the household expenses out of that.

I think if the system you have is working you should stick with it. I'd add the 15k inheritance to the OS fund, and if you have extra money after the credit card bill is paid off maybe you could set up some kind of separate savings or investment account for something else you want to do. Are you both maxing your retirement at this point? I'd personally put at least some of the money toward increased retirement savings if you don't have any other urgent needs for it.

Congratulations on having a system that works! I think that is the most important thing.

lhamo

[awakenedsoul]

Wow, that's intense! (about your parents.) I'm single, so my experience wouldn't help you. When I did live with a man, over 15 years ago, we kept our finances separate. I'm very glad, because it turned out that he had massive debt! At the time, I paid half of the mortgage and half of the utilities and groceries. Suze Orman suggests doing it on a percentage basis, so if one partner earns less money, you're both putting in 50%, according to your income. That seems fair to me. I think it's good for each person to have their own blow money for hobbies. I also think it's wise to have your own personal savings account.

[Gardenarian]

We keep them separate, like you. The one thing we do is file our taxes jointly - big mistake! We would have saved a lot by filing singly, but once you've filed jointly, it's forever.

[try2bfrugal]

We have joint everything. I know this would not work in some friends' relationships because some of them have one saver and one spender, so they do better with separate finances. You should just do whatever works for you. I don't think there is one right answer for every couple.

[Kestra]

I wouldn't bother merging unless there's some benefit to the both of you. We got married a bit older than some - 31 - so both had assets and ways of managing our money. We keep most things separate but don't have any secrets from the other person. I track everything for both of us cause he's just not that interested in money management.

I think it's perfectly ok to always want to have your own money, as long as you're not hiding anything from your partner. We both wanted separate money, so it's never been an issue for us, but I could see myself having similar feelings about giving up all control. I'm sure he's the same.

[artist]

We have everything in joint accounts with right of survivorship. Our attitude about finances is that we are married.... not roommates.

[rosarugosa]

We have everything in joint accounts as well. We're 54 & 52, and have been married for 28 years. This works fine for us; there have never been any issues.

[Rosemary]

When we first married we maintained our separate accounts, but over our 12 years together, job changes, cross-country move, life changes, we've merged our general checking and savings accounts. We still have retirement accounts in our individual names.

[SteveinMN]

First marriage: all in. Joint everything except for an account each for side businesses we had (I did computer consulting; she did party sales).

Second marriage: we have separate accounts, mostly because we want to keep the finances separate (DW's credit rating tanked with the short sale of her house). We do have one account from which we pay groceries, mortgage/property taxes, etc. I have a separate account for my rental property and another account for my business. DW has another account held jointly with DSD, set up mostly to allow them to transfer college funds and expenses. That's working for us, but we plan to eventually merge the accounts fully where it makes sense (the "house" and business accounts will stay separate). It's just easier that way. We discuss spending and get approval from each other for purchases over maybe $50, so we don't feel constrained about "I don't have money of my own to spend".

[iris lily]

We work from merged finances. I have my own charge accounts cards for spending. We have retirement accounts in separate names, otherwise I'd say that everything else is merged. If we ever got divorced we'd have to split everything 50/50 since he had more money coming into this marriage, but I've always made more money. It would be too complicated to disintangle.

[citrine]

I'm 60 years old to give you perspective. We've got joint everything and will be married 40 years next year (if the Mayans don't get us first!) Everything is joint tenents with rights of survival. We have mutual trust-would never buy anything expensive without talking with each other. We do allow little luxuries exemptions (for me) but knowing it would be okay makes me not want them. How long have you been together? Your ages?

I will be 38 in two days and he is 47. It is my first marriage and his second.

"Are you both maxing your retirement at this point? I'd personally put at least some of the money toward increased retirement savings if you don't have any other urgent needs for it.

lhamo

I put 5K into my Roth IRA every year and he just increased his 401K from 3% to 5%, employer match is 3%. I definitely want to start a Self 401K (not sure of technical term) next year in addition to the yearly 5K to the Roth.

[fidgiegirl]

Ours are joint. We thought we would keep them separate at first, not really sure why, but that quickly went by the wayside. With our shared goals it naturally followed for us to merge. I came in with lower net worth, but am also younger by 7 years. He'd already owned our previous home for several years. I had been making excellent progress as a single on my debt, but we really obliterated it with our joint earning power. We earn almost identical amounts of money so we're ok there. I foresee that if either of us (read: me :|() wants to leave the workforce sooner than the other, say if we have kids we might have some issues, though. But not worrying about that until it is in reach.

[Birchwood]

Married 35 years. Everything is merged except for Sep-Ira and IRAs, but the other has the right of survivorship. My only daughter is second in line to inherit everything. We figure if one of us go first, the one left is sitting pretty and can exist. I made considerably more money than my wife, but it is important to put it also in her name so that she feels secure if something happens. We trust each other and my wife is into simple living despite our high income. Everything above 1K, we consult each other. Everything we own has both of our name on it except for some personal items. I manage and decide on investments and my wife keep the records. We're 61 and divorce is out of the question.

[Fawn]

I've been married three times.

1) I was 22, he was 21. I had about $2,000 in student loans. He had about $5,000 in student loans, $600 in consumer credit. Everything was merged. Due to my influence, by the time we divorced, all of the debt was paid off.
2) I was 29, he was 34. We kept things separate. He owned a house, he paid the mortgage and I paid the utilities. I had about $8,000 student loans at that time. Marriage did not last a year.
3) I was 35 and he was 32. He owned a farm with big mortgage. I sold my home and put equity into farm. Six years and three kids later, when I left, I left only with the kids. All income I had earned during the marriage was left in the farm.

If I was to marry again (yes, I hear the laughter from those that know me...) I would keep everything separate, I would have a pre-nuptual.
Every single time I have been more financially responsible than my husbands and I have lost money in the divorce. I'm too old to start over.