Zoe Girl
11-29-12, 9:24pm
Hi all, I have my oldest living at home again. She is collecting a paycheck but not going into work since her job is at the movie theatre that was closed due to the shooting here in Aurora. So basically right now she does about nothing, has sleep issues so is almost on a backwards schedule from everyone and is kinda unhelpful. It has not been a good week for all this. Last night I expected her to make dinner so we could go to her brother's concert and she didn't do that, said she should not be expected to do that much and then called her sister who went to a full day of work and then college class to vent out her frustration (and mention there was no dinner waiting when sister got home).
So I set up a meeting with my minister today to work some of this out. We worked on some of the practical, basically putting her in charge of managing the household until she does school or work in some way. We talked about how we coudl use a white board and do different things. My minister heard about the insomnia and saw the severe excema that needs to be looked at again and talked to my daughter about it (never implying that I could or should help with this! yeah). Now we will see how this actually happens,
Meanwhile I did tell her some of my feelings and I have a hard time because they don't just poof away. Feelings about raising a kid who can push aside dirty dishes, know that the entire family is out working or at school all day, and then just make her coffee and leave it. Feelings about getting divorced and dealing with the difficulty of that because her dad does the same thing and he had no reason to change and I had no power to affect it. Still I did tell her that I had been planning on doing more meditation retreats with her staying with me since someone would be there but after how this week went I feel I cannot leave them alone (I am still going to do retreats, but she needed to know that I feel better leaving the 2 younger ones alone than with her because of the fighting and passive aggressive tendancies).
There is no one great answer for getting young adults onto their own and balancing some need for the family to care for each other with tough love, but this was a good step I think.
So I set up a meeting with my minister today to work some of this out. We worked on some of the practical, basically putting her in charge of managing the household until she does school or work in some way. We talked about how we coudl use a white board and do different things. My minister heard about the insomnia and saw the severe excema that needs to be looked at again and talked to my daughter about it (never implying that I could or should help with this! yeah). Now we will see how this actually happens,
Meanwhile I did tell her some of my feelings and I have a hard time because they don't just poof away. Feelings about raising a kid who can push aside dirty dishes, know that the entire family is out working or at school all day, and then just make her coffee and leave it. Feelings about getting divorced and dealing with the difficulty of that because her dad does the same thing and he had no reason to change and I had no power to affect it. Still I did tell her that I had been planning on doing more meditation retreats with her staying with me since someone would be there but after how this week went I feel I cannot leave them alone (I am still going to do retreats, but she needed to know that I feel better leaving the 2 younger ones alone than with her because of the fighting and passive aggressive tendancies).
There is no one great answer for getting young adults onto their own and balancing some need for the family to care for each other with tough love, but this was a good step I think.