my uncle relapsed

[Zoe Girl]

Apparently he has been drinking again. My mom told me today. I just saw him at THanksgiving. I know this has been a life long struggle and he went through re-hab about 5 years ago. He actually spent all his time not at work living at the treatment center for some time I think. He is currently staying with my aunt.

I am putting him the prayer list, not sure what else to do. Of course this is hard on my mom, he looked way older than his siblings at Thanksgiving. I also just wonder about the overall family. I guess I am still in my buddhist mode or whatever mode because alcohol is a totallly optional thing for me in life. I went many years without having any alcohol, I think over 15 years I had a handlful of glasses of wine. After my divorce I purposefully drank responsibly so that my kids could see that (my ex-family were rabid AA types). I really do not drink now because of the Buddhism and because of medication, like once a month a drink or 2. But when I first started having a drink now and then my family was sooo happy. I was talking to my sister and obviously she and my mom talked and my sister said everyone was relieved that I was drinking. I can see that I was more relaxed about it which is nice, but I had always bought a bottle of wine and some beer before my parents visited anyway.

So it is not just my uncle for sure. There are lots of functional drinkers in the family. However he really has an issue if they know it is an issue. He has a daughter in her late 30"s who has Down's so there have been concerns for some time about her long term care. (she has a mom in the area also). However my mom said something about putting our issues in perspective and they are coming for Christmas and are generally critical of my cleanliness or older rental house in a bad area. So I hope that holds true since I have had things in perspective for awhile IMHO.

[iris lily]

... But when I first started having a drink now and then my family was sooo happy. I was talking to my sister and obviously she and my mom talked and my sister said everyone was relieved that I was drinking....

They are happy that you are drinking? That is strange.

Look, I like my wine, but it make s no damned difference to me is people who don't like to drink do not drink.

[Zoe Girl]

Yeah, that was my hint of one reason it is hard on my uncle. My family does nothing without a drink and I did notice now and then although I never really drank those years. I still really don't often drink. Just interesting.

[gimmethesimplelife]

Just wanted to say Best Wishes for your uncle - addiction to alcohol is not a pleasant thing to have to deal with, not if you are affected by it and I would think not if it is your problem. I went through this with my father and all I can say at this late date is that I hope he is in a better place now. Rob

[jennipurrr]

They are happy that you are drinking? That is strange.


Oh I totally got that one. As some of yall may know my DH's family are big drinkers. When someone makes the choice not to drink then I think they (certain members of the family) feel that is an affront to their choices. Sometimes its easier just to hold a drink and not drink it than deal with their stuff.

Once, DH's aunt came home for Christmas. MIL said, "you look great!" Aunt said, "I've been going to AA and lost 20 lbs not drinking, " MIL..."AA, what are you talking about?! We need to get you a glass of wine!" :/

[Zoe Girl]

jenni, yeah you do get it, sigh. I am not sure how I am related to these people. I recall being the designated driver for my parents a few times starting at 16 mostly because they wouldn't let me do more. I was kinda glad they lived out of state while my kids were growing up, my kids would comment after a visit about how much alcohol was around. It is not that much but my kids were raised without basically. I have not really been judgemental because they are all functional besides my uncle and ex-uncle (my aunt still invites him to thanksgiving) and I don't think we have the driving issue so much. However I am just thinking as I send prayers how hard it must be to be around family all the time when part of the definition of being a grown up is drinking, so you are either seen as not an adult or sick when you don't drink. Okay I didn't drink but part of that is my role in the family as the weird one, they shake my head at me.

[sweetana3]

I feel sorry for your uncle. To get away from drinking, he would have to give up his family since they obviously would not be able to help with his sobriety.

[pony mom]

I feel sorry for your uncle. To get away from drinking, he would have to give up his family since they obviously would not be able to help with his sobriety.

I agree. That's a shame that he tried so hard in the past and now gave in again. A former coworker was raised where alcohol was involved anytime people got together and she still lives that way; she's also very irresponsible with money and lives for today. And has two kids.

Alcoholism is so tough because it's socially acceptable. I've had maybe 4 drinks in my life (wine coolers mostly) and have quite a few family members who go overboard at parties, and of course, my sister who is a serious alcoholic. She got arrested for DWI and will be spending the weekend in jail. I've always felt out of place and slightly immature wherever alcohol is being served and I refuse it. No one says "Good for you" or "Wish I could give it up" like some do with cigarettes. Stick to your beliefs and don't drink if you don't want to.