View Full Version : Feeling a bit sad/alone since my friends are celebrating new year with their boyfrien
Title cut my question short, but you know what I mean.
I have a small group of friends in my home town, I posted a while ago about some issues over NYE with the dinner and stuff. Well, I was supposed to celebrate NY with two friends, but one of them decided to go out for dinner with her sister/family and her boyfriend. Which I totally understand, if I were close with my family and they would be around, I'd do that too.
But now it's just the other friend and me left and I'm not sure if she wants to spend NYE with me. I emailed her on fb (yes, I know, it's facebook but we don't see eachother that often) and she said she's in for a party, but before deciding where to go, we should check around and see where our other friends are going after their boyfriend/girlfriend/family dinner and we should wait until after the weekend to decide (she told me last week). So now it's Wednesday and I emailed her about it, to slowly check out where we could go. But I'm starting to realise: what if she decides she doesn't wanna go party with me that night? I know, it's nothing special, but I wanna end/start the year on a good note, not feeling depressed and alone.
Any thoughts?
see what events may be happening around town and go.
IshbelRobertson
12-5-12, 2:55pm
It may just be me, but you seem to be overly needy regarding your friends!
I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but I don't remember angsting about friends and my relationships with them, or even that my children were quite so intense. And this, mind you, from natives of Edinburgh, which boasts it throws the biggest Hogmanay (New Year's Eve) party in the WORLD!
Why do you want to start/end year on a positive note? It doesn't mean anything. Just a day arbitrarily chosen at a random time in the year hundreds of years ago (current calendar.) If you celebrate it or not or celebrate the new year on February 19th, it doesn't matter as it's random.
You really only want to spend any evenings with people who want to spend them with you, right? You put it out there. Let it be and see what friend says. If she doesn't follow through in the next 2 weeks, forget it and make other plans for that particular Monday night.
Personally, I spend most Monday nights at home watching the news after having eaten dinner at home.
Hm, yeah, I am quite "needy", but it's just that I see people making plans with friends and boyfriends and this and that, and I don't wanna be alone. Seems silly or childish, I know, but I just don't wanna be alone alone, you know?
But yeah, you're right, it's nothing special, it's just like...social pressure or something?
Ah, I shouldn't worry about it so much. So what I'll spend NYE at home? It's with my parents, so it'll be cosy and nice.
What I figured out over the years is that NYE is really nothing at all exciting.
I've been to NYE events all over the place -- small towns, big cities, even NYC -- and I've stayed home. I've been to parties as well -- big and small.
And you know what? I wasn't missing a thing. They were largely loud, often boring, sometimes scary (the NYC one was really overwhelming for me -- I ended up at a person's private party, and that was much better. . . a really good looking south-african guy), and really not at all what I like to do, really.
Probably the best NYE I ever had was just staying home, watching a movie, and going to bed early. And these days, I don't even think about it. Honestly, I never even know what day it is and don't celebrate any holidays anyway (ie, not even christmas!). So, really, I'm not missing anything at all, am I?
Also, you might want to look into what your fear of being "alone alone" is.
For myself, alone is good. I love to be alone (partly because I'm introverted). For me, alone = freedom.
These days, I'm never alone. I'm working (which is with people -- an extroverted job), or I'm with my son and husband (one or both). My kid sleeps ON me most nights, and as sweet and lovely as that is, it also means that my body is not even my own space anymore (and hasnt' been since I was pregnant).
About two weeks ago, I went to see the Twilight movie thingy ALL BY MYSELF! Yea, there were lots of people there (full house), btu the opportunity to eat my own popcorn without little hands in it,and then smearing butter on my face, hair, shirt, and watching a film that didn't torment my husband (all the drama and sighing that he does!), and just be BY MYSELF for several hours was awesome.
You gotta figure out how alone-alone actually IS awesome. because I was Alone-Alone for a long time. I didn't have a boyfriend before my husband, and I didn't have many friends (still don't). I'm glad that I have my husband and son, and the friends that I do have, but alone is great!
Alone is great -- if you're an introvert. I know from other threads that many of us are. But not everyone is. In addition, Diamond_ comes from a different place than most of us. We're generally pretty settled in life (or at least very focused on what we want); have chosen a partner or have chosen actively to not have a partner; and have lived a lot more of life than someone just starting university. And, FWIW, some people make a deal out of New Year's (holidays in general). That some of us do not does not mean that people who like New Year's are misguided.
But now it's just the other friend and me left and I'm not sure if she wants to spend NYE with me. I emailed her on fb (yes, I know, it's facebook but we don't see eachother that often) and she said she's in for a party, but before deciding where to go, we should check around and see where our other friends are going after their boyfriend/girlfriend/family dinner and we should wait until after the weekend to decide (she told me last week). So now it's Wednesday and I emailed her about it, to slowly check out where we could go. But I'm starting to realise: what if she decides she doesn't wanna go party with me that night?
Diamond_, what I read above sounds like Friend #2 wants to party with you. Again, you have friends who don't seem to care much for planning ahead. I see nothing wrong with the idea of checking out what other friends might be doing and maybe making a group outing of it. So far your friend has not changed her mind and decided to do something else for NYE. So why worry about it? You can help yourself by just getting in touch with her with something casual, like "Have you heard yet what BoyY and GirlX are doing?". You can mention that you're really looking forward to partying with your friends on NYE and that you're looking forward to spending time with her and maybe other friends if it can work out. You could even say that you'll be the one to contact your friends and try to find out who is doing what and where they're doing it.
Then follow bunnys advice and give it a week or two. If nothing is locked down (or as locked down as your friends' plans get) by then, then start looking for something else to do on NYE. I know it would be sad to not be with your group on such a happy holiday. But this is a time of great social change for you and all your friends, and it may just be that it is time for some of you to move on to new experiences and new friendships.
Look at it this way: if you do end up celebrating NYE with just family (nothing wrong with that, BTW) or by yourself, you've got a whole new year to improve upon that for next NYE!
Sure, i'm 36 now.
But I was also 18 once.
And 12.
I remember first feeling very lonely and unlike other people at that age. I never understood how other people had friends, parties to go to, and did the holiday thing much bigger than my family did. I was never invited to stuff, and people never came to the parties taht i created when i wanted to celebrate things.
It was at 14 that I made some decisions about that. I remember very clearly that I didn't want to just "blend in to fit in." I had started experimenting with that, but found it very unsatisfying. It did "get me friends" but I wasn't having a lot of fun. We never did the sorts of things that I wanted to do, and many of the things that they wanted to do were not very fun for me (not unlike much of whta my current friends like to do! LOL).
It probably didn't help that I moved around a lot, because at 17 -- having forged several friendships where I did have things like slumber parties and people to "go out" with (concerts, free events, and just hanging out) in those teen years -- I lost all of them completely becasue I moved out of state and owuld not return. So, they basically cut me out about 5 months before I left. So, I graduated very lonely -- even though I would go to school with these friends, they had graduation parties, etc. . . I wasn't invited. And none of them came to the parties that I tried to hold. I was -- quite literally -- ignored for 5 months.
I moved on to university. I didn't make friends the first year. I knew several people, but again -- it was the same issue of not being interested i the same things. I've never been a drinker, for example.
And, like Diamond_, I really *wanted* to have the vision of life that so many of my peers had: friends to go to football games, talk to about school, philosophy, etc, going to parties, etc. I just never had that. As in NEVER.
I still don't have that. It's just that I've now learned that it's ok not to have that -- and it's also helpful to no longer "want" it (reduces suffering).
And what I really, really, really wanted? A life partner.
You see, I was made fun of in school from age 9 onwards. I was ugly and worthless according to most of my peers, and in my family, I'm less favored than my sister who is the smart, pretty capable one and I'm the ok-looking, doesn't ever do right really, "free spirited" lazy one. This, btw, is still the family's vision of me -- it's shocking if you were to come to a family dinner. Anyway, so out of this, i really believed that no one would "like-like" me, and i really wanted it.
In fact, looking back at it, I actually *grieved* it. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, and for the first two years of university, not only did I not really have any friends, I also didn't have any boyfriends or prospects thereof. I had several lesbian girls interested in me, but I am not a lesbian.
It was around this time -- age 19 in fact -- when I just decided to "give up."
I was really tired of living my life upset that my life wasn't like other people's lives. I wasn't spectacular in any way, or particularly brilliant, or even special really (in my own mind at the time. to an extent I still feel this way, but not in a low-self esteem way, but in a way that says "it's ok to be ordinary"). And, I was also not experiencing my life.
Instead of going out and doing the things that I wanted to do -- go to concerts, plays, interesting lectures and classes, discussion groups, hikes, etc -- I was sitting at home or going through a daily routine that someone without friends would. Wake up, clean up, breakfast, classes, study, chores, dinner, watch TV, go to bed. It's a sad waste of a life -- particularly at age 19.
I thought to myself -- if I'm never going to have a partner or friends, is this *really* what I want my life to be like? This daily schedule? Nothing special but looking forward to TV programs? Really?
I realized that -- even on my own -- I can have a life. I can have a full, wonderful, vibrant life. And maybe I meet someone, and maybe I make friends -- and maybe I don't. But my life can still be fun and brilliant and full of all of the good things that other people experience: music and art, travel, lectures, hiking -- all kinds of wonderful things.
And, I also realized -- from listening to people like my roommates -- that having a partner can *inhibit* these things, or only doing what your friends want to do as well. One of my roommates at the time had a unique interest in foreign film. But, she would never go on her own. She always wanted her boyfriend or a friend to go with her. And they never wanted to. So, she never went. Sometimes she'd rent one or two on a weekend, but even then, her plans were usually changed by those around her.
And, even after I met my husband -- which was shortly after this -- and things were even more fun (my normal things) -- there were still inhibitions. We had to make choices in how to spend our time together. And, I do have less time on my own as well -- to spend as I would want to by myself. And then you add a kid to the mix.
So what making this decision at age 19 meant for me was total freedom. I could go where I pleased without having to ask anyone if it worked for them or if it was ok or fi they wanted to join me (they are welcome to or not, but it wouldn't necessarily impact whether or not I did something). I had unlimited options in my choices -- I could go anywhere in the world (barring my school schedule, of course, and the money I had), and I could do whatever I wanted. Being in Uni meant that we had a lot of really cool opportunities right on campus (that's how cool university is -- and in my opinion, the only really cool thing about it. lol).
As such, I spent most of my holidays at uni -- because there was always something going on that was way more interesting than being at home whiel my parents worked, while my sister finished her high-school days (they only got a week off, and I had something like 5! at christmas). So, I'd go home for that week, have family time, and head back into my own life.
And, that's when I really started living. I had *so much* fun learning about myself and doing all kinds of cool things.
My roommates -- who had boyfriends and large groups of friends -- they would say "oh, I wish I could be like you!" or "I wish I could do those things!" And what was holding them back: themselves -- and to an extent, their friends and boyfriends (they were making choices, you know). But I didn't have that.
And everywhere I went, I met people and had great talks and had a great time. And it was never more than what was needed -- a good conversation now and again, a dance partner for when I wnated (or Matt wanted) to go dancing. It was simple.
And when I met my husband, he was the first guy who didn't inhibit me. He would join me, invite me to other interesting things, and also just say no to things he didn't want to do without trying to tell me that I should read comic books with him or watch him play video games (which is what a lot of girlfriends did in that era, from what I can tell). I could still go out and do things on my own -- without him -- and he could too (and we still do this to this day, even though there's a kid in the mix), and if we are questioning something or itnerested in something, even things that are "scary" or "taboo" to the other, we each allow each other to explore and learn and figure out.
And it's fun and easy and nice.
Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't ahve stayed with him. Once I had that freedom, I never wanted to give it up.
But I had to change my MIND.
And since it's possible for me -- at age 19 -- I think it's also possible for Diamond_.
It sounds to me like your friend is planning on partying with you, and that's enough of a plan for her right now. I think you can safely let her alone for a couple weeks. I do suggest having a fallback - it's flu season, family happens, etc. That could be a party or concert where you'd be comfortable solo, or something the next day instead - something you'd look forward to doing.
I'm also an introvert. My experience is that being alone is great, almost always. Finding myself alone for significant(-to-me) events, when I'd wanted to get out, see people, do things... that can really suck. Not at all the same as solitude I've chosen.
On a broader note: I could have written very, very similar posts in years past, if I'd been brave enough to actually talk about things like that when they were happening. Diamond_, you're on the right track there! Hang in there.
Things that helped me: there's a pretty decent body of literature about friendships, how social circles work, toxic friendships, etc., that I found useful for figuring out how all that stuff works for normal people in the real world. (It did not come to me naturally.) Also looking into anxiety issues - mostly reading again, but in retrospect I wish I'd taken advantage of the counseling services back in college too. These may not be issues for you at all - maintaining friendships with the planning-challenged lends itself to a certain amount of frustration, I think!
Wildflower
12-6-12, 1:24am
I understand how you feel, Diamond. And I'm 55, but when I was your age it was very important how and who I spent NYE with even though I am an introvert. So I'm not sure why anyone here would be hard on you about that! But don't be too hard on yourself if no good plans pan out on NYE. Maybe find something you really enjoy doing, or cook a special meal, watch a good movie, spend time with someone else that might be lonely, or come here and we'll ring in the New Year together. I'm sure there will be some of us hanging out here! :)
I also understand exactly how you feel. I'm 65, but when I was young, NYE was the most important "date" night of the year. We used to plan that night for weeks. But that was a different time; I think young people have so many different options nowadays. Find a party and go alone with the intent of meeting new people. Chances are there are a few people at the party just like you! Happy NY!
I also understand.
Another possibility - volunteer for something that night. I volunteer at a homeless shelter over Christmas and it helps me to have fun, meet great people and forget the bereavements and family trouble that would otherwise make it a painful time.
I hope your plans go well xx
Speak of that Julia, I do have to agree.
I have volunteered off and on throughout the years since I was 14. It's seriously rewarding. This year, I'm volunteering to be with my ILs. :P
Anyway, a friend of mine wrote on FB that she is disappointed that her kids arent' coming for christmas. A friend of hers chimed in and said "ours are the same age, same thing." He then wrote "wife and I are going to the USO for christmas eve, christmas day, and boxing day. It's a lot of fun. A lot of young people and young families can't go home for christmas because they are in the service. They have lots of fun activities and parties, and they always need volunteers to help. It's a lot of fun, why don't you come along?"
So, she's doing that. Her husband will be going to his family's celebrations (there are tensions between her and his family because she is wiccan and they are fundamentalist christian), and she was going to have her kids over -- but they are going to other places. Thus, she was feeling a bit down, and while she's doing her pagan stuff with friends a bit earlier (22nd) and a bit later (new year), she was going to be home alone.
Now she's going to volunteer at the USO, which is pretty stinking awesome if you ask me.
Also, Diamond_, young eligible boyfriends will be there.
In my town in Belgium there aren't many possibilities other than partying, going to a bar, going out for dinner or staying at home for NYE. I emailed my friend on facebook on wednesday, she's seen it that day but she didn't reply. Oh well, if she's not bothered anymore, I'll stay at home and see if friends go to a bar later that night so maybe I could join them. If not, I'll stay at home :-)
Thanks for your replies!
perhaps there's an elder family without anyone to hang with them that you could invite over for dinner. I don't know how small the town is, but it's an option.
Make plans for yourself. Do something special that you enjoy and keep it simple. I've never actually celebrated NY. To me it's just another day, just the end of one month and the start of another, like any other month.
My husband and college aged son are going to a minor league hockey game. I'm taking my 85 year old mom out to an early dinner and then going home myself afterwards (I do this every few months with her. So the fact that it's NYE doesn't really factor into it other than it was a good nigh to go because my husband and son won't be home). I don't own a tv so I won't even watch the ball drop.
We would make NYE into such a big deal when I was in my 20's. Now, it's all about cleaning the house, making a great meal, and having a fire in the backyard with some banging of the pots and pans!
But I do remember making those plans with friends who could not/would not make up their minds, the last minute party invite, the bar scene, that need to be at the right party at the right time....hopefully kissing the right guy at midnight! My advice is to not make NYE such a big deal....honestly, it becomes just another day as you get older!
Other people have given excellent ideas. I just wanted to say one thing. I know on facebook, you can see if someone has read your message or not, which can be good, but can sometimes cause hard feelings if people don't respond immediately. I almost never respond immediately to something I've read, and it's almost never because I am uninterested in responding. Sometimes I have to think about what I am going to say. Sometimes I check my messages in the few minutes I have between other activities, but I don't have time at the moment to respond. Sometimes I'm reading the message on my phone and I hate using the little iPhone keyboard to type anything more than a couple of words, so I wait until I'm at my computer, or at least my iPad. A lot of people are just like that. They're not instant communicators. I think there's this expectation these days that everything should be instant, but that can really get chaotic.
I wouldn't take it personally. My mom always used to say that she made it a policy of never taking anything personally unless there was no other way to take it. I think that's a healthy approach to life.
Other people have given excellent ideas. I just wanted to say one thing. I know on facebook, you can see if someone has read your message or not, which can be good, but can sometimes cause hard feelings if people don't respond immediately. I almost never respond immediately to something I've read, and it's almost never because I am uninterested in responding. Sometimes I have to think about what I am going to say. Sometimes I check my messages in the few minutes I have between other activities, but I don't have time at the moment to respond. Sometimes I'm reading the message on my phone and I hate using the little iPhone keyboard to type anything more than a couple of words, so I wait until I'm at my computer, or at least my iPad. A lot of people are just like that. They're not instant communicators. I think there's this expectation these days that everything should be instant, but that can really get chaotic.
I wouldn't take it personally. My mom always used to say that she made it a policy of never taking anything personally unless there was no other way to take it. I think that's a healthy approach to life.
I don't mind people not responding asap, but I do mind people not responding after a week... But she got back to me yesterday and she said she saw a pretty cool party so now we're going there, getting tickets tomorrow :-)
I do realise that it's okay not to be surrounded by friends on big days, or days that society claims as big. I should learn to be comfortable with myself and not let my happiness or self worth depend on what people do and think. It's not something I can control so why worry about it? All I can do is try to be a loveable person.
Thanks for your replies! I'll try to let the neediness go, I'll do my best!
SteveinMN
12-11-12, 11:52am
I do realise that it's okay not to be surrounded by friends on big days, or days that society claims as big. I should learn to be comfortable with myself and not let my happiness or self worth depend on what people do and think. It's not something I can control so why worry about it? All I can do is try to be a loveable person.
Diamond_, a lot of us were where you are now. Our beliefs are so much a product of how we grew up, what we're surrounded by, how people like us behave. That's our "normal" even though, if we can look at it from further away, we often find our "normal" is not many other people's "normal". Changing those beliefs takes time. And, among all the other changes in your life right now -- moving away from friends and family, the relative lack of structure at university -- change can be pretty tough.
It does get better. And you are going to a NYE party with a good friend. You're doing okay!
Yeah, I got the tickets but I'm not hearing from her anymore, but I'm sure she'll answer my texts soon, if not I'll just call her to see if we're still on, hope so cuz I already paid two tickets -_-
It's just that, society makes me think that not having a lot of friends isn't normal, you see it in so many shows: friends, how i met your mother, sex and the city (love that show but I bet 75% of women watching that are thinking: I wish I had friends like that). It's like being alone is wrong, something that isn't good or normal, or "the rule". I just hate that.
sweetana3
12-12-12, 4:06pm
TV is not reality. Not real in # of friends, size of apartment, activities, amount of money to spend, work issues, or anything else. These shows are written for entertainment and real life would not be entertaining.
TV is not reality. Not real in # of friends, size of apartment, activities, amount of money to spend, work issues, or anything else. These shows are written for entertainment and real life would not be entertaining.
I know they're not reality. But they can give some people, including me, the impression that you SHOULD have friends, that having not a lot of friends isn't normal.
I know it is normal, some people are more social than others, need more people than others, some people don't need anybody and that's fine!
I'm an introvert and 45 years old. But, like others here, when I was in my 20s it was critical that I have big plans to go out and have a good time for new year's, so I totally get where Diamond is coming from. During the intervening years my desire to go out for big nights out has dropped significantly and my tastes have shifted from loud, crowded events to more calmer, low key events. New year's is now one of my least favorite nights to go out. We'll probably still do so this year since we're going to be on vacation at the time, but if we end up back at the hotel before midnight I won't be upset or disappointed.
My only advice, if any, would be to sit back and not worry. It's still 2 1/2 weeks away. You've bought tickets, you've got your friend's agreement that she wants to go. Follow up to finalize the details closer to the day. And if they back out or flake out then you have an extra ticket that you can use to invite someone else.
I'm gonna see her on Monday to give her the ticket and to get my money ^^. So that point is solved! Seems like I really do need to work a bit more on my self esteem and value and not letting it depend on other people...
you could consider counselling, which can help a lot, and also perhaps group therapy (which might be the start of a friend group).
Wildflower
12-15-12, 5:28am
you could consider counselling, which can help a lot, and also perhaps group therapy (which might be the start of a friend group).
I don't think Diamond_ needs counseling or group therapy. Her feelings are perfectly normal for her age. I don't know one person that didn't feel like she feels at her age. She'll figure things out herself as she ages, matures, and has different life experiences....
Now if she were significantly depressed I would suggest otherwise, but she seems to be an introvert like most of us here - trying to find her way in life. It's a process... she'll be ok. :)
I'm in two minds about the counselling suggestion - I've gradually come to terms with my introverted sensitive self but I'm 48 and I've suffered greatly over my inability to be like other people. I think the right counselling might have helped me accept myself sooner, and realise that my personality type is neither rare nor necessarily a problem. it's only a problem when you see yourself as faulty, which I did for so many years. Diamond - I hope you have a great NYE xx
IshbelRobertson
12-15-12, 10:54am
I don't believe therapy is a commonly-sought solution either here in the UK or in mainland Europe. I think I have only known 4 or 5 people in my circle to have undergone any form of therapy, and two of them used hypnotherapy to stop smoking!
SteveinMN
12-15-12, 1:20pm
I'm in two minds about the counselling suggestion - I've gradually come to terms with my introverted sensitive self but I'm 48 and I've suffered greatly over my inability to be like other people. I think the right counselling might have helped me accept myself sooner, and realise that my personality type is neither rare nor necessarily a problem. it's only a problem when you see yourself as faulty, which I did for so many years.
For years, my (introverted) DW and Introverted I have met (separately) with friends for lunch or drinks at what we smilingly call "therapy sessions". It's a chance to be among like-minded people around whom we can share our experiences and realize that we're all on the same rollercoaster.
There's heavy-duty psychologist-led counseling and then there's being among a group of people like yourself in which you can bond over your lives as they are, realize you're not the outlier you think you are, and maybe even get some tips on how to handle the situations you-all encounter. I see the irony in asking a bunch of very introverted people to join together and share their experiences and emotions, but I think it's the kind of "counseling" which would benefit Diamond_. Fortunately, in the Internet age, we're no longer limited to gathering face-to-face at appointed times. Diamond_, there may be some Web forums or even Usenet groups which could serve as a source of support for you -- virtual friends, if you will.
I think your perfectly normal Diamond. I think most people go through periods where they don't feel connected or lonely. I've found the people that seem have it all together are, in a lot of cases, covering up some general unhappiness.
see what events may be happening around town and go.
Ditto: Try www.meetup.com for things in your area to do that are fun. Why mope about or wait on your friends to decide what YOU do. Make your plans and then invite any friends that want to join you to come along. If they do - great. If they don't - great. new people and an exciting night out can lead to not only a great new start to the year but a new adventure too! You never know.
I'm also "alone-alone" right now having ended my last relationship recently. And I am loving it!! And I plasn to have a great NYE whatever I do. Like Zoebird said - being alone to me equals freedom - to do and be whatever I want, whenever I want. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be physically alone. You have the freedom to choose what you do, and who you want to do it with (even if it ends up just being with yourself), and for how long or how often irregarlless of anyone else - including your friends and family.
ETA: I just saw that you are in Belgium so meet ups may not be there (it's an online site that list all sorts of activities for everything you can think of - including groups of different ages who meet at bars and clubs to dance and party the night away!). But there may be something similair in Belgium for you. And if not, consider going alone. I lived in Europe (Spain and Germany) for along time and going to a night club or disco alone was no big deal and done by almost all the women I know
Meetup is international, so there might be something.
Also, it might require going out of your town and into the nearest city or larger town to meet people.
There's heavy-duty psychologist-led counseling and then there's being among a group of people like yourself in which you can bond over your lives as they are, realize you're not the outlier you think you are, and maybe even get some tips on how to handle the situations you-all encounter. I see the irony in asking a bunch of very introverted people to join together and share their experiences and emotions, but I think it's the kind of "counseling" which would benefit Diamond_. Fortunately, in the Internet age, we're no longer limited to gathering face-to-face at appointed times. Diamond_, there may be some Web forums or even Usenet groups which could serve as a source of support for you -- virtual friends, if you will.
I agree that associating with others that have similar personality types is a very useful thing, and could probably help the OP learn that 1) there's nothing wrong with her, and 2) some coping methods for finding a happy balance in her life.
A while back I did a DISC personality assessment training at work. Since my job has a sales component to it the purpose was to learn how to recognize the 4 main personality types and be able to interact with them more effectively. At the end of the training we had to break out into groups of our own personality type and then spend 15 minutes preparing a brief presentation about our personality type and explain how we like to be interacted with which we would share with the whole training class. As soon as we got into groups and the instructor finished giving instructions my group, the S's (submission), all immediately opened up our notes from the session and began scouring them individually to find the important points we wanted to present to the class. At the other extreme, the D's (driver/dominant), all immediately started yelling at each other to try and take charge of their group. Looking around the room at the 4 different personality groups made it quite clear that we really do have natural behavior tendencies. Yes we can step outside our tendencies but it takes effort and trying to do it all the time is unnatural, and probably unhealthy.
From the ages of about 18 to 21, I had an awful time at new year because I couldn't spend it with my friends - they all spent it with their school friends and I didn't have any because I hadn't gone to school for very long here. I always felt so incredibly sorry for myself and really resented the fact that I had been forced to move around so much as a kid.
So I understand the pressure and ending up feeling lonely. However, I eventually went through some changes and gained more confidence in myself. Consequently, I began to appreciate my family more and no longer saw spending NYE with them as the 'booby prize' option. I know you said you don't have that option this year, but it may be worth considering it in the future; it could strengthen your relationship with your family.
From the ages of about 18 to 21, I had an awful time at new year because I couldn't spend it with my friends - they all spent it with their school friends and I didn't have any because I hadn't gone to school for very long here. I always felt so incredibly sorry for myself and really resented the fact that I had been forced to move around so much as a kid.
So I understand the pressure and ending up feeling lonely. However, I eventually went through some changes and gained more confidence in myself. Consequently, I began to appreciate my family more and no longer saw spending NYE with them as the 'booby prize' option. I know you said you don't have that option this year, but it may be worth considering it in the future; it could strengthen your relationship with your family.
Thanks for all the answers everyone! I don't feel like that sad that often about my friends, just a bit bummed out that they all are moving on with their life and I'm kinda "stuck".
I don't really have a good bond with my family, family on my dad's side is dead, grandparents too (almost, one is in hospital and it's just a matter of time now ...), family of my mom...well, stuff happened in the past and we don't talk anymore. So family NYE is out of the question, just with my mom and dad and they go to sleep sometimes before midnight or right after it.
Just thought I'd check in and ask how the OP's new year's eve turned out...
It was good, I had fun! I met up with that friend who promised she'd go with me, we met up with some of her friends at home and they were all great! We went to the party, bit of a bummer but spent the rest of the night/morning with her friends again. The other friends I have texted me so I guess they didn't forget about me :-)
Glad you had a good time.
Wildflower
1-13-13, 2:52am
Diamond, good to hear that you had a good time afterall. :)
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