When is too much too much!

[miradoblackwarrior]

I've really, really had it! My boss is discriminatory, patronizing, and has absolutely no interest in what I am doing. Currently I am doing the work of three jobs, a fact which she vehemently denies (I have the individual job postings). She dismisses my claims that I cannot get this work done--I am, after all, a mere human being. She does not want to discuss this, it is "do it or else."

Well, at this point, I would welcome the "or else." I am exhausted, my stomach is tied up in knots, my blood pressure is rising. I am depressed and despondent, and she suggested I see a psychiatrist because I can no longer "love" my job!

I'm sorry for ranting. This is not an economy for major changes. However, I would gladly cashier or clean houses to get out of this job.

FYI--I am a librarian. I was laid off three years ago, reinstated in name only, and saddled with three jobs. I am also 57 years old, and I know the reality of quitting this job. I could retire, but the amount would make my life difficult.

I guess what I am asking for is ideas, or encouragement, or some guidance.

Thank you for listening.

Susan

[bunnys]

I think this boils down to an economic decision. If you can afford to quit and get a minimum or near minimum wage job to support yourself then do it.

If you will lose your health insurance, that would be a deal breaker for me.

If you think you are going to quit and get a minimum wage job w/ no health insurance/benefits you can do that but you will become part of the class of working poor and will need government assistance and I don't think those benefits can be counted on given the current political climate.

But being part of the working poor would be very difficult to escape from and would be as or more stressful than your current job but for different reasons.

I would suggest you just keep sucking it up and use whatever emotional energy that job isn't sucking out of you and focus on finding other employment.

It sounds to me that if you are willing to clean houses you must not be in an enviable financial situation to begin with and while I understand you feeling at the end of your rope you might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire if you just chuck it all.

Sorry you're going through this. I know it's tough. Good luck.

[Miss Cellane]

I would stop trying to do it all.

Write down a list of every single responsibility that you have. Check those job listings to make sure you don't miss anything.

Then go to your boss and make her prioritize each and every task. Then you work on the most important things and let the others go. When she tells you to do something else, you can point out the priority of what you are doing and force her to make the decision about what you are to work on.

If she refuses to prioritize things, that's okay, too. Just follow-up your meeting with her with an email to document that she refused to tell you which aspects of your job are the most important. "Dear Boss, Based on our meeting of 12/12/12, you have informed me that it is up to me to determine which tasks, of the list of 138 individual tasks I presented, are the most important and must be done regularly. What follows is the list of priorities I have created. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know."

Bingo! You have covered yourself, in writing. Make sure to send a BCC of that email to yourself at a non-work email address.

Then you do what you can. While hunkering down and looking for another job.

And use that email tactic every time you have a meeting with her. It's the only way to get her instructions put into writing. Just sum up the results of the meeting or the orders she gave you, put them in an email and send it off to her with a request for her to let you know if you got something wrong.

And if your boss is really, truly discriminating against you or any other employee--well, my guess is that you have a government job, right? Either town, or city, or state? Find out the definition of discrimination as they use it, start recording evidence and become a whistle blower in 6 months. It is usually a very bad thing for a government employee to be found out as discriminating against employees.

Do what you have to do to stay employed. But take back some of the power in this, and start writing up her wrong-doings and looking for a new job.

[bunnys]

I would stop trying to do it all.
Do what you have to do to stay employed. But take back some of the power in this, and start writing up her wrong-doings and looking for a new job.

Really good ideas, Cellane.

[sweetana3]

Bad bosses can be outlived. I have had several.

I agree with doing the detailed list of duties, I mean every single thing you do or are asked to do. Keep track of what you are working on hourly. This is only for your benefit. Take those 3 jobs and list all the duties you are doing to show in written form what is being asked of you. Ensure the items are all requirements of the boss and not just nice things to do because "it needs to be done". Make the boss come up with the priorities based on this list of duties exactly like another poster suggested. It is very important that this list be very accurate and detailed. Do not just say "payroll" but come up with all the steps of each job including calls for needed material and waiting times (estimate if necessary). If your job requires customer contact at unexpected times, keep track of calls and the time to research and return call. If you are required to do something like pull books, notate the number of time and the number of books.

You can make up some simple forms to keep track or just do journal entries and summarize at the end of each day.

Keep as calm as possible and look to see if you are causing any of your own issues. I had one boss, who I adored, tell me that I was my own worst enemy because I was putting so much pressure on myself to do it all. At this point in the job, I was crying in his office. We all would like to do perfect jobs of everything that we are given to do but it is most often not possible. Do a good job but don't set yourself up trying (to the breaking point) to get it all done perfectly.

Do not do the jobs of others in the office unless told specifically to do it.

[creaker]

I started posting, but Miss Cellane covered everything I was going to say.

All I could add is do what you feel is a good job (what you think, not what your boss thinks) and go with that. And then be proud that you can still do good work in spite of working for an idiot. I've worked with "manage through intimidation" types before - they're all idiots who do that because they have no idea how to really manage or how work gets done. Getting mad is ok - but it's not worth getting stressed out over what an idiot does.

[JaneV2.0]

My library was in the process of unionizing when I left. Is that an option where you work?

[SteveinMN]

Miss Cellane and sweetana have offered exactly the advice I would have. There is no other good way to survive if you cannot leave. Make this job as manageable as possible by doing your work -- not your boss' in prioritizing work and not your colleague's work trying to be nice to work with. And, if at all possible, when you go home, leave work there. You have real work to do in your off hours, looking for another job or lowering your expenses enough to get out.

[lhamo]

Before you quit you might also consult with a doctor and see if your physical reaction is enough for you to be put on some kind of medical leave. And perhaps with an employment lawyer to see if there are grounds for any legal action. I wouldn't normally suggest such things, but if you are on the brink of walking out anyway it might not hurt to ask and see if there are some alternatives to sucking it up or walking out.

And if there isn't a union (sounds like there isn't) maybe you could organize one -- if it doesn't work out that could still be the start of a second career as a labor activist!

Good luck -- I know how hard it is working for an abusive boss, so I sympathize. Lots of good advice above about how to keep yourself focused on what you really can/need to do and leave work at work. that is really important. I got through the last 6 months at a job that turned bad by doing a big spreadsheet that showed how much money I was earning every day as long as I didn't quit, and how that was contributing to our net worth. There were days when that was literally the one thing that kept me going, along with the vacation days I had plugged in at regular intervals as little mental respites.

lhamo

[miradoblackwarrior]

Hello, everyone--
Thank you for your advice. Some good ideas to work with.

Yes, I am a part of a union. Our administration is extremely hostile, and is nickle and diming us to death, scratching out more and more and leaving us less and less, in terms of benefits, money, and duties. We haven't had a raise since 2006. The rest of the world is increasing in cost due to inflation. We are standing stock still. So, I cut, then I cut, then I cut some more. That is a part of the frustration.

I will think about your advice. And I will be proactive in my career choices. Thank you all, so much, for your good wishes!

Susan