Creating a civil society

[pinkytoe]

Recent events have us all realizing how troubled and hopeless our society seems. No wonder some anxiously await the end of the world.
I am wondering though if we could rise from the ashes so to speak by a personal and public commitment to creating a more civil society.
Instead of talking about just one aspect, guns or mental health, why not consider the bigger picture?
What is happening in our culture that has led to such a state? How can we fix it? Thoughts?

[mtnlaurel]

I happen to think that basic Civility is timeless and can be found in Ways of Truth.

I don't need to reinvent the wheel, so I am teaching basic Civility to my children through loving Christian principles taught through regular church attendance and Good Old Fashioned Manners.
Those are NOT the only ways by any stretch of the imagination, as we see all the loving people on this board doing awesome things everyday, but they are the way that my sister & I were brought up and we turned out fairly civil.

And the parts of the way I was brought up that aren't civil I work hard to drop... judging people based on outside things, their zipcode, color of their skin, etc.

Regarding bigger picture...... hmmmmmmm
American Culture as a whole seems really disconnected right now to me and the things that we rally behind seem trivial --- the latest meme, celebrity worship, our selected news source that is THE RIGHT ONE.
We don't value our elders very much and that link of passing on timeless values seems to be missing in many ways.

The only way that I can think to fix it is to live right, do the next best thing, fix my side of the street and support efforts to help those that haven't been as lucky as I have.

[razz]

Interesting question.
I have been pondering something similar and would love to hear your thoughts on my viewpoint. I might even send a letter to the editor after getting your imput.

Edmund Burke ... For evil to prosper all it needs is for good people to do nothing.

Thoughts of harming another to gain power or influence whether in our thoughts or another's are parent to the deed. We need to detect the thoughts. feelings or actions of harming another in ourselves or others, vigourously reject and deny them a place. Once detected, the rejection involves naming and declaring that these thoughts, feelings and actions are wrong, harmful and unacceptable.

I once watched a TV program where a panel discussed the issue of evil or harmful activity. It was suggested that as long as the deviant thoughts are considered unacceptable, the individual holding them will be slow to act. Panel members then stated that the internet, unfortunately, has given deviant mindsets a place to meet and establish communities where the deviant thoughts are not only accepted but encouraged into action. This impacts the prevalence of child pornography, violent acts, etc., in any culture.

So, what can we do? We can detect evil or harmful intent thoughts, feelings and actions in ourselves and others, name and reject them as unacceptable and not to be tolerated in thought, word or deed. It is important then to counteract or neutralize the evil or harmful activity with all the good activity that is going on at the same time. Shrink the evil down to size, turn off the media that rehearses and recycles the harm act or evil thereby widely extending and perpetuating its influence. Unfortunately, what happens is that we repeat and rehearse the evil, look for bandaid solutions that make us feel good and the evil thought that triggers the act remains unchallenged or rejected.

Emotions can be manipulated for good or evil, let's use them to work towards the importance of self-government in ourselves and others in thought, word and deed. Innocence needs to be defended vigourously.

[puglogic]

I think the word "evil" is a tough one to hang a philosophy on. What is evil, exactly? Not even exactly. Where is the boundary we cross over from simple self-indulgence to evil? If someone runs a factory and makes tons of money, but the people who work for him are in misery - is he evil, or just a smart businessman? If someone takes any action that benefits himself and his peers/family, but harms another (or lots of others) where does he cross the stripe into Evil? Are people who hunt/kill for sport evil? What about someone who shoots & kills another because one of their possessions was about to be stolen - is he evil? Is the Westboro Baptist Church evil or good? Everyone has their own yardstick, unfortunately.

Civility is a little easier, I think. But civility and kindness are out of vogue in our society. Acquisition, instant gratification, power, self-importance -- those are glorified in the media every minute of every day. Some days it astonishes me that anybody escapes turning into the kind of self-centered materialistic automatons that seem to be everywhere these days.

I ask myself these questions all the time, pinkytoe. How did we become a society that covets, obsesses over, fights to the death for the right to collect devices designed to kill other people? Why don't we consider these people mentally ill? I do.

Should the media really be allowed to broadcast anything they wish (as long as it's within FCC rules) regardless of the effects it is proven to have on society at large? Is that the mark of a free society, or of a society like Edmund Burke's -- where we stand by and do nothing, just watching the damage grow?

Is "freedom" more important than compassion?

Is it really normal and desirable for a person's life goal to be to acquire as much wealth as possible -- a hundred thousand times more than is needed to stay safe, warm, fed, and cared for? Of course it is their right. But I am coming to consider those people as mentally ill as well.....deep in my being, I see such people as really sick and to be avoided. And yet they are worshipped, revered, their rights protected even at the cost of caring for those in danger of dying of disease, crime, starvation, and the lack of clean water. Why? How?

Although we do not do it the same way, I live as mtnlaurel and razz do -- I cultivate civility in myself, examining myself closely for these kinds sicknesses and rooting them out. I cultivate civility in my family, friends, and community by being a living example of what I see as important. I actively teach when the opportunities arise - but mostly I try to live as I envision a civilized world should live: compassionate, courageous in the name of fairness, letting go of fears that live only in my mind, and elevating others every day.

It is all I feel I can do. I do not think we have ever, as a species, ever been truly civilized -- and I see us as only getting worse as more of us are squeezed onto this planet and death & mayhem become commonplace. I can't change that. But I can live a life I'm proud of, and die with dignity knowing I tried.

[ctg492]

I wish I knew, I look forward to reading the responses here.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I dont' think it can primarily be acheived through politics, the best politics can provide: stop making so many wars, a country that is at *constant* (not ocassional and justified but constant like the modern U.S.) war can't help but have certain pathologies, it's part and parcel of the whole thing, war is in the very thread of society. And provide a safety net because a society where vast quantities of people aren't economically desperate is likely to be more civil. That's about the best one can expect (though in a different political climate more might be feasible), but the last thing I want to hear is for smarmy hypocritical corrupt snake-like politicians to start talking about civility, for it to become the new buzzword, ugh, it would just drive me nuts.

So beyond that what I really believe is just keep encouraging (with money, with time, with whatever you have to give) the organizations that are community focused that are deliberately trying to turn people toward community (hey yes even like Rolling Jubilee, although I'm not saying it's the best out there, maybe Occupy Sandy was ;)).

[Tammy]

The last few years I've boiled down my personal ethic to one idea: unconditional positive regard. Carl Rogers.

It sounds simplistic. But its powerful. And I usually fail at it. I think I chose it (or it chose me) because I need it so much.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_positive_regard

[fidgiegirl]

Tammy, I enjoyed the link. It reminds me of a powerful tenet we held in a former work environment of mine: Assume Positive Intentions. Not always the same, but helps me to remember that even those I don't agree with are 99% coming from the best place they can and have good intentions in mind.

[goldensmom]

As a personal commitment, I try to live by this: 'Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others' (Phil. 2:3,4 ESV). I can't change society as a whole but it's how I can act/react to the world around me.

[Zoebird]

The last few years I've boiled down my personal ethic to one idea: unconditional positive regard. Carl Rogers.

It sounds simplistic. But its powerful. And I usually fail at it. I think I chose it (or it chose me) because I need it so much.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_positive_regard

This is really interesting stuff!

[awakenedsoul]

I was thinking about civility today, too. Sometimes someone has to speak up, and point out the abuse. My really good friend explained it to her kids this way. "Logan is doing such and such. He thinks it's okay, but it's not." I chuckled. She named the behavior. She didn't lose her temper, she just quietly addressed it. It worked.

I try to take positive actions each day. I think daily spiritual practice adds up over time. The thing that I'd really like to see is people thinking before they speak. Words are so powerful.

[SteveinMN]

It's a very complicated issue.

I think a key to it is to quit casting each other as "the enemy". Rugged American individualism has done wonderful things for this country, but it seems to have transformed itself to some warped extreme in which a person can "win" or even just hold their ground only at the expense of another. Life is not a zero-sum game.

Henry Ford made a fortune with his perfection of standardized assembly, but he also was smart enough to pay his employees enough to buy the products they were making. Today Henry would be regarded as a chump for letting labor be such a high percentage of costs. (In fact, current Ford family members have complained about just that.)

And discourse of almost any kind any more has devolved from agreeing to disagree to "It's my opinion and it's very true" and the belief that anyone who does not agree with you is actually against you. Makes it hard to be civil -- or to advance.

[freein05]

I believe the need to more civil and peace full and loving of our neighbor is an individual thing in the United States. We as a nation have a history of violence starting with the genocide committed against Native Americans. This violence continues today in all our wars and everyday murders in our cities.

[razz]

This is really interesting stuff!
Tammy's link is really interesting, I agree.

[citrine]

I have been thinking the same way...it seems as if our society is just spiraling out of control! I was watching a show about the end of times 2012 and this guy had bought an abandoned bunker that stored a missle to build apartments for 70 people....starting price 900K and going up to 1.7 million so that a select few could repopulate the earth after disaster struck. What happened to helping others? It is quite sad to feel all this negative energy....I try to be the best I can be every day, help others, and take care of our little piece of earth.