View Full Version : Going over the family cliff
How do I handle being around a family full of gun nuts? Everybody should have their own semi-automatic because obviously you can't protect yourself against bad guys with rocks and sticks. Honestly, I have just been confronted with this and I am speechless. This is my husband's family and I have managed for 44 years to maintain peaceful relations but I have just had my limit. They post insulting posts on Facebook about how stupid people who don't agree with them. I don't want to argue because I will not change their mind and they won't change mine.
Edited to add: This probably should be in Family so Moderators please feel free to move it.
I usually assert to folks that I am simply never close enough to bad guys to be in a position to need to defend myself -- and certainly not often enough to go through the costs of acquiring and learning how to use the gun worthwhile.
But then, back it up with "I'll just rely on all of you guys to help me out if I do end up in such a situation. So thanks for that."
(btw, "thanks for that" is how DH and I say "F off" in the politest way possible.
ApatheticNoMore
12-21-12, 8:09pm
You can hide their posts on Facebook so you don't see any of their posts (that's assuming you want to be discrete about it and not defriend them :) - but there is also that option). Because really social media is pretty bad for that type of thing (at least here we *try* to keep it in Public Policy :)). I mean you could try to start a FB war by counter posting your own links and commentary etc., but I can't imagine anything being achieved by it, except frustration.
I'm going to sleep on it before I unfriend them but even if I do that, eventually I have to attend occasional family gatherings. Perhaps, I should show up in a bullet proof vest. LOL, sort of...
Some food for thought: As long as it's out there, don't be surprised if someone asks the difference between a person's social media posts calling people they disagree with stupid and public forum posts calling people they disagree with 'nuts'. Just sayin'....:|(
goldensmom
12-21-12, 9:09pm
As noted previously regarding Facebook, just hide their posts you don't have to unfriend them. I have relatives who are stubborn, pig-headed, their way is the only right way, etc.. and they are very vocal about it at family gatherings. Regardless the issue......guns, religion, politics.....I simply will not engage in conversation with them if possible, if not possible I just agree so as not to fuel their fire. What good comes from debating/arguing an issue when you know the other person will not be persuaded to change their view or to respect yours?
ApatheticNoMore
12-21-12, 9:10pm
Some food for thought: As long as it's out there, don't be surprised if someone asks the difference between a person's social media posts calling people they disagree with stupid and public forum posts calling people they disagree with 'nuts'. Just sayin'....
Because we rant about our families all the time here, often under alias. And the question was really just what to do about annoying people. Answer: you don't have to be subjected to unnecessary annoyance at the very least via FB (and really the political discussions going on on FB don't even have the virtue of being interesting, they are mostly just quips people get and mass post repetitively - who needs that really if all they do is make one angry).
How do I handle being around a family full of gun nuts?
I think when it comes to family and possibly good friends there are far more important qualities to determine how you get along. Unless they start stealing your sterling to make silver bullets to take down vampires, I'd try to look the other way.
"We're unlikely to ever agree on this topic. Nonetheless, I love you, you're my family, and I'd prefer to not talk about this topic again. I'd much prefer to get gardening advice (bourbon suggestions) from you, because you raise the best tomatoes (make the best Manhattans) ever. Thanks for understanding!"
Some food for thought: As long as it's out there, don't be surprised if someone asks the difference between a person's social media posts calling people they disagree with stupid and public forum posts calling people they disagree with 'nuts'. Just sayin'....:|(
LOL! Of course you are right. Note to self: At all family gatherings, do not use the phrase "gun nuts"!!
"We're unlikely to ever agree on this topic. Nonetheless, I love you, you're my family, and I'd prefer to not talk about this topic again. I'd much prefer to get gardening advice (bourbon suggestions) from you, because you raise the best tomatoes (make the best Manhattans) ever. Thanks for understanding!"
I think I can get the first sentence out but the rest is going to be hard. But then no one ever said family affairs would be easy.
JaneV2.0
12-21-12, 11:03pm
I think I can get the first sentence out but the rest is going to be hard. But then no one ever said family affairs would be easy.
"We're unlikely to ever agree on this topic. One more post on it, and I'm putting you in time out."
How do I handle being around a family full of gun nuts? Everybody should have their own semi-automatic because obviously you can't protect yourself against bad guys with rocks and sticks.
I've been protecting myself against the bad guys with only rocks and sticks for decades now and I've never had a problem.
Good luck. I don't have any gun nuts in my family--I have to avoid them for other reasons...
iris lily
12-22-12, 12:08am
This is amusing to me because I often remark to myself on the fact that we have several people who carry guns among our siblings. Out of 5 siblings, 3 of them carry guns, and then add in a spouse or two and there are rather a lot of guns in the group. DH an dI don't have guns. They live in pretty much lily white suburbia while DH and I live in the murder capitol of the world. Perhaps we are foolish,and I won't push back against argument like that. I just always find this ironic.
iris lily
12-22-12, 12:11am
I think when it comes to family and possibly good friends there are far more important qualities to determine how you get along. Unless they start stealing your sterling to make silver bullets to take down vampires, I'd try to look the other way.
You are entirely too reasonable to look at the overall picture of personality and relationships. It's more fun to make fun of them as gun nuts.
To FLorence I would say: why are you even bothering with Facebook posts?
You are entirely too reasonable to look at the overall picture of personality and relationships. It's more fun to make fun of them as gun nuts.
I have a friend who, much to his wife's disdain, keeps a pistol in his refrigerator. His story is that if robbers come to his house, he is going to offer to make them a sandwich. Fortunately they don't have children.
sweetana3
12-22-12, 7:57am
In Alaska guns are everywhere. We were housesitting and got to sleep in the owner's bed. Found pistols under the pillows. Another acquaintance kept them under the seat in the truck.
I think up there it was more unusual not to have any guns. But you never went out in the wilderness without some form of protection due to things like bears and rabid animals.
dado potato
12-22-12, 8:27am
I had occasion to attend a child's birthday party at a home of a distant relative. (As distant as I can make them after this occasion! LOL) The head of the household got his rifle out, while partiers were hanging around on his porch enjoying the evening air. He appeared carrying it, and (all in fun) said, "Come in the house, before I shoot somebody."
Rather than go inside, I moseyed out to where our car was parked, and motioned to DW to come and join me. We left immediately. To me it makes no difference whether this behavior was typical of the guy or not. I witnessed what I considered "playing with" or "fooling around" with a lethal weapon. I have zero tolerance for that behavior.
On the other hand I am perfectly at ease around people who own guns and use them responsibly. (Normally their firearms are secured in a gun safe, and so attention is rarely given to them.)
As to the original poster's concern, I regard it as talk in the family that is irritating (at least to the OP). Every family has problems of irritating talk to some degree. When it comes up, I tend to "agree to disagree" and try to move the conversation on to a new and hopefully more agreeable topic.
This is amusing to me because I often remark to myself on the fact that we have several people who carry guns among our siblings. Out of 5 siblings, 3 of them carry guns, and then add in a spouse or two and there are rather a lot of guns in the group. DH an dI don't have guns. They live in pretty much lily white suburbia while DH and I live in the murder capitol of the world. Perhaps we are foolish,and I won't push back against argument like that. I just always find this ironic.
I like your comment. It kind of fits into the other conversations on the board about guns. It is kind of funny but I may be the only person on the boards that has had a gun pointed at his head during a robbery and don't feal a need to own a gun or carry a gun. I am all for good gun controls.
awakenedsoul
12-22-12, 7:32pm
I'm not a gun person, either. I think I'm the only person in my neighborhood that doesn't have a gun. I have no idea how to handle them. It's kind of like a religious fanatic. My friend told me to tell my neighbors who are very obsessed with their religion and were trying to force it on me, "I have my own church." The thing is, I don't. I do yoga. I'm okay with all religions. Oh well.
I was at Costco the other day. I was feeling sad about what just happened with that school shooting. My intuition told me, "You stock up on food to feel safe. They (people who love guns,) have their guns for the same reason." All of a sudden I got it. It's security. A different viewpoint. It really helped me as far as perspective.
This is amusing to me because I often remark to myself on the fact that we have several people who carry guns among our siblings. Out of 5 siblings, 3 of them carry guns, and then add in a spouse or two and there are rather a lot of guns in the group. DH an dI don't have guns. They live in pretty much lily white suburbia while DH and I live in the murder capitol of the world. Perhaps we are foolish,and I won't push back against argument like that. I just always find this ironic.
After reading in the other thread that there are approx. 8,000 gun murders in the US every year, most of which are probably not random deaths, but someone killing a specific person intentionally, it seems to me that I've been correct all along in believing that I don't need a gun. Given the odds it's really not particularly remarkable that I've lived 45 years without being in a situation where a gun was necessary or even useful. Certainly I could find myself in such a situation tomorrow, but given the low likelihood of it I'll take my chances.
After reading in the other thread that there are approx. 8,000 gun murders in the US every year, most of which are probably not random deaths, but someone killing a specific person intentionally, it seems to me that I've been correct all along in believing that I don't need a gun. Given the odds it's really not particularly remarkable that I've lived 45 years without being in a situation where a gun was necessary or even useful. Certainly I could find myself in such a situation tomorrow, but given the low likelihood of it I'll take my chances. Well don't forget rapes, assaults, robberies, burglaries, car-jackings, kidnappings,etc... Most people who own and/or carry guns don't do so to prevent murder - their own or others - but for many forms of self protection.
In terms of FB, I have a question.
My family and friends might post things like "everyone needs a gun for personal security!" and I just ignore it. There are two ways I do this: 1. internal eye roll, keep scrolling; 2. unsubscribe from their feeds for a bit.
I had to do 2 during the election (for both liberals and conservatives). it was getting turly annoying.
If they are personal messaging you, tagging you, or putting something on your wall, I usually do the following:
PM: ignore the PM/delete it without response
Tagging: untag myself/unfollow the post stream
On my wall: delete
If they "confront" me about it, I would just say "i'm not really interested in having this dialogue on FB, or at all for that matter. I know it's important to you, but it's not important to me and not what I want going to *all* of my friends by way of tag/wall post. So, please just respect my facebook space a bit."
I tend to be direct, though.
If this stuff comes up in person, then I use that "pass the bean dip" approach. parenting circles use this a lot: "breast feeding is bad for babies!" and then the breastfeeding mother goes "please pass the bean dip." (or change the subject)
Well don't forget rapes, assaults, robberies, burglaries, car-jackings, kidnappings,etc... Most people who own and/or carry guns don't do so to prevent murder - their own or others - but for many forms of self protection.
Very true, although, with the exception of having my car broken into once, I've also not been a victim of any of those either. As Yossarian pointed out crime overall has been trending significantly down for decades. My experience has been that the world, at least the one I live in, just isn't that dangerous. Certainly not enough to necessitate being prepared to kill another person. Maybe I'm foolish, but based on my experiences I still believe that most people are inherently good and are not likely to physically harm me. Other people may feel differently.
The Storyteller
12-24-12, 12:21pm
How do I handle being around a family full of gun nuts? Everybody should have their own semi-automatic because obviously you can't protect yourself against bad guys with rocks and sticks. Honestly, I have just been confronted with this and I am speechless. This is my husband's family and I have managed for 44 years to maintain peaceful relations but I have just had my limit. They post insulting posts on Facebook about how stupid people who don't agree with them. I don't want to argue because I will not change their mind and they won't change mine.
Well, Florence, the tool I use is my own point of view posted from my profile, without really arguing. I avoid getting in discussions in my profile or that of Friends. I simply post a picture or link or comment that supports my point of view, without arguing. They link to or comment on a pro gun position, I don't say a word. I just wait a few days and link to something that argues against it. That way they know my views without me getting into an argument with them.
Some of my loved ones get all worked up about the War on Christmas thing, for instance. I waited until the right cartoon came along that presented my point of view and shared it.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1081&d=1356365924
Birchwood
12-27-12, 2:47pm
Ididn't know my brother is that steep into the NRA. Both of us are gun owners, though I am not an NRA fan. I happen to tell him that
Wayne Lappierre is a total idiot for saying that all schools should have an armed guard! he blew up and gave me all the ridiculous
NRA indoctrinations analogies. I simply told him to stop sending me those crazy NRA e-mail attachments, and I will not tell him my opinion about it. If he does, then I will always say something which will surely annoy him..
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