Okay okay I give up!

[Zoe Girl]

Yes this is an overwhelmed rant! I am not apologizing for it. I give up trying to have the credit that I used to have, or even a decent score. Last time I checked it was too low to open a new checking account. I have worked pretty hard but still paid some bills late over the last 6-8 months. I even went to a counselor, got a better brain diagnoses, have applied for better jobs. I really for awhile thought I was doing better and had a dream of someday buying a little fixer upper house if I was very careful.

So I owe over $1K in dental bills, I ran the numbers and we need $1,500 more that I can spread out over 6 months without having more damage by not caring for their teeth. The kids's dad did agree to keep the higher amount of child support going since all the kids are living with me. But the dental work was going to be handled, I was getting there.

I found bills in the piles I have not managed well because I wanted to focus on what I knew about and paying those on time, we owe almost $2K in medical bills (in my name) for my daughter who had a baby 6 months ago and gave him up for adoption. She is having a hard time with Christmas but doing okay, we can send him gifts and the family sends pictures. She is also the daughter who was at the movie theatre during the shooting. I thought she had medicare to cover the balance but she really did not talk to me, and I need to wait a week. It is already 90 days overdue apparently so waiting until just after the holiday to deal isn't going to hurt.

I am so angry, angry at this young man who is the baby daddy and never took care of even one thing. I am angry at the roomates she had that owe her at least $1k in rent and utilities that her dad and I covered and she pulled out of her savings. And I am angry at myself for not seeing this bill, for still getting the utilities late one month, the credit card another time. I am 46, we don't have a baby in our family but we owe money still, my credit is not going to improve, and I am so very tired.

rant over,

[fidgiegirl]

Big hug. You are doing good things, and you know it . . . keep on keepin' on.

How did your adult daughter's medical bills end up in your name? Is it an insurance thing?

[Zoe Girl]

Yes insurance, I carry her on insurance. I assume that is what happened. Even if she takes them in her name that is putting off her moving out by like a year almost, and we are not going to get along that long.

I only told my sister and she is a positive person but honestly does not understand in my opinion. I told her to keep a spare room in case when my kids are grown I need to find a place to live. How embarrassing. I am probably goinv overboard but the day to day stress of paying these things and worrying about driving too far or buying expensive food is rather draining. Thank you for listening.

[Dhiana]

(((HUGS))) It can feel like a neverending battle to keep your head (and your children's) above water.

Can you take the baby's bio-father to small claims court to have him pay half the bills?
Can do the same with her old roomies?
It sounds like your sister might have the energy to help do the research to see if it's a feasible option. While you may not receive money
right away it could help in a couple of months as you are paying down those bills.

[ToomuchStuff]

I only told my sister and she is a positive person but honestly does not understand in my opinion. I told her to keep a spare room in case when my kids are grown I need to find a place to live. How embarrassing.

Was this said in jest, or do you want to move back like your kids?

[sweetana3]

Add Christmas to winter days and throw in weather makes this time of year very depressing for many many people.

[Blackdog Lin]

{{{hugs to you}}} One day at a time, sweetie. One day at a time. Rant here when you need to, and then come here for encouragement after that. We've all been there.....

[fidgiegirl]

Ugh, Zoe Girl. Stinky, stinky stuff. Thanks for clarifying the medical things. Thinking of you!!

[Zoe Girl]

Was this said in jest, or do you want to move back like your kids?

In jest, I hope I am not that broke bytthe time they all leave, but if I still owe enough money I may need to consider a roomie deal until I pay things off. I AM however joking about my sister, very nice family but we are different styles.

[JaneV2.0]

Is your daughter working toward a better-paying job (so she can contribute to the household)? Can she get some of the medical bills written off? She has the time right now to work on getting that issue resolved. It shouldn't all be on you. Dhiana's suggestion of small-claims court is a good one, IMO.

I can feel your frustration; this is a particularly lean period for you and a tough time of year.

[bunnys]

Don't freak.

Your credit will improve and quicker than you think. It only takes 2 years of not making any stupid mistakes before it's all fixed. Just find a way to organize your bills so that you don't do it again. Two years goes by really fast!

Everybody makes mistakes.

[mamalatte]

Hugs, Zoe Girl, hang in there! Maybe you have already tried this, but I have heard that hospitals and other medical providers will often lower bills considerably if you have ability-to-pay issues, especially if you are uninsured. Here is a link to an article about it with some specific suggestions how to go about negotiating medical bills: http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20456475,00.html

Also, regarding planned dental services, especially for kids, depending upon how much confidence you have in your dentist, a second opinion might be worthwhile. Our pediatric dentist tends to do a lot of procedures. We can afford them right now so I haven't been questioning them, but I honestly don't think they are all totally necessary. For myself, my dentist recently retired and his new very young replacement told me I needed a full crown due to part of a tooth cracking off. I got a second opinion from an older more established dentist and he was able to fix the tooth with a much less expensive (and less traumatic for me!) filling. Also, I was surprised to find that the second opinion was free whether I decided to do the procedure or not. My brother's kids' dentist recently recommended expensive ($3000) removal of wisdom teeth for his son, which studies show to be an overused (expensive) procedure that is not necessary in most cases. I have moved a lot and so have had quite a few different dentists. In my experience, there is a lot of wiggle room in what dentistry is "necessary" and dentists vary widely in how much they push procedures that are not strictly necessary.

I hope this is helpful. Agree with other posters that this is a great place for a rant when you need one!

p.s. I am adopted and also have an adopted daughter so I want to thank you for supporting your daughter in that choice. In line with the suggestions in the article, you may want to mention to the providers that the medical bills for the birth are related to an adoption situation . . . .

[JaneV2.0]

Aren't medical costs associated with childbirth usually borne by the adoptive parents?

[Valley]

Aren't medical costs associated with childbirth usually borne by the adoptive parents?

I thought that they were. Have you checked into this Zoe? Or were the adoptive parents chosed personally by your daughter without her requesting any financial help? Hopefully, someone...somewhere can help you out with this situation! I'm keeping you in my thoughts!

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you all, I did mostly just need to vent. I am sure there are many ways to handle this but I get pretty tired of the complication of everyday life! I may just be paying on some bills for a long time when I would rather have a lovely blank debt sheet.

So my daughter chose adoption rather late in her pregnancy. We had just chosen the family on Tuesday evening, I interviewed for a job in my department, started summer camp which is an intense deal, she worked Thursday night until 3 am, never went to sleep, and had the baby Friday. Whew. The family didn't even know they were chosen when she had him, we did the adoption ceremony the next Wednesday. So there was no deal for medical costs, and this may be handled with medicare with some calls and figuring it out. I will definitely tell them it is an adoption if I need to work out a payment plan. I did see some potential school scholarships for young women who are birth mothers. So when she is ready I am glad that may be a help.

At least I must agree with the dentist. We have really bad teeth and 4 of us. Their dad neglected dental care for 2 years so I have had 2 root canals for one child, wisdom teeth (I have been through this before and checked the xrays myself but my out of pocket is $250), crowns and so many cavities. I have 2 very old fillings that are likely to break so we need to get to crowns but the dentist is working with me about how long I can wait. My last root canal we did a build up for a crown and are leaving it like that until I can get to fiinishing it, and do the other crowns first. Actually my youngest is taking really super good care of his teeth because he saw what happened to his sisters from a few years of missing the dentist and rebelling against health food momma with soda and candy and crap. My oldest will be payng the rest of hers, I did what was necessary especially while she was pregnant.

Well it is the holidays and I can't dwell on it but I appreciate the chance to vent and freak out a little.