Anyone work/volunteer with a hospice?

[Yossarian]

I just sent my name in to a couple of local hospice organizations to see if they need any volunteers. I spend a lot of time helping people with business, tax and finance issues. It keeps the bills paid and the wheels of commerce turning, which I guess in turn helps people live better lives, at least in a materialistic sense. But I don’t pretend I’m making the world a better place directly. A couple of months ago I went to a big charity auction fundraiser for Make-A-Wish. They try to fulfill special wishes for terminally ill kids. What they do is great, but I also think that’s a lot of resources going to a small number of kids. I’m glad the kids get the special memories, but we all have to face dying. Most of us won’t get a free trip to Disney World to take our minds off it when the time comes.

I don’t know how many people get to the end of life prepared for it. For the most part we spend a lot of time avoiding the truth about death, particularly our own. I don’t really have a religion, but my personal philosophy, which is more Eastern than Western, values thinking about death as a means to get to the essence of life. It’s hard to say how that compares to anyone else as I don’t have any way of knowing what’s in people’s hearts. To the extent it comes up in family discussions it seems like most people just dismiss it as unpleasant to think about or give a pat religious answer that may or may not hold up when the time comes. But it seems to me that there is something about the process of dying that makes people face things that they spend the better part of their live creating illusions to avoid. I guess I’m selfishly hoping that working with these people might give me some insights into things that matter to me and maybe help me in my own quest to lead a genuine life. And I just want to help people that need it.

So my question to our esteemed group here is whether any of you participate in hospice organizations and if so what advice would you have for me when looking for a place to donate my time? I have zero healthcare skills and don’t really see that as something I would be good at, but I’ve been successful professionally helping solve other people’s problems and think I could probably help patients resolve whatever it is they want to get done before they go. Probably not a bucket list with Morgan Freeman, but maybe there is something I can help them settle before they go. Or just be supportive so they don't have to go alone. Is there anything volunteers can do other than sponge baths and bed pans?

[razz]

Well, Yossarian, my DH just passed away on Friday and I worked through a number of things with him prior to his passing. The nurses in palliative care provided the guidance that I needed. I have a healthcare background and worked with residents in longterm care who were very fragile.

That said, when I had to deal with a beloved family member, it was a whole new ballgame.

DH and I had already consolidated everything for ease of transfer regardless of who went first, discussed issues of how much treatment or not including direction to 'do not resuscitate' , the choice on options re disposal of remains, who to contact, etc.

It strikes me that a hospice volunteer could offer a listening ear to both the frail person and the different family members whose needs may be very different from each other but training would be necessary to properly deal with all.

The funeral director and CFP as well as lawyer and accountant will be experienced in more practical aid for things to consider or at least that was my experience.

[fidgiegirl]

razz, so sorry to hear this. Big hugs for you.

[iris lily]

razz, I am sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.

[puglogic]

Razz, my condolences on your DH's passing. Sending hugs and strength to you to get through the healing process.

Yossarian, bless your heart for wanting to be involved in hospice. I got very involved a few years ago when my mother-in-law passed, wrote about it, hung around hospices just being with people and reading to them. It was about the most alive and connected I've ever felt. I think if you were to identify and contact the governing body for your local hospice centers (if there is one) or simply contacted the one that seems the largest and most well-known, their director of volunteers would help you nail down where you can put your skills and compassion to best use.

One young woman was dying of AIDS, and had no visitors to speak of (her family was too -- irrationally -- afraid of being infected, and also were ashamed of her disease). We sat together and wrote cards to her loved ones, made little art projects for her kids, and journalled about what she was feeling. It was beautiful, heartrending, powerful.

Knowing that at least some of their (physical and spiritual) "loose ends" were being taken care of would be a tremendous gift to many folks who end up in hospice. Many of the people I spoke to were more worried about the mess they might be leaving behind than with the fact of their own imminent passing.

[Yossarian]

my DH just passed away on Friday

{{{razz}}} Very sorry to hear that.

[dado potato]

I have served as a volunteer for 2 different hospice organizations. Generally my role was companion.... who filled in when the regular caregiver at home needed to be away. As a male, my companionship was allocated exclusively to male patients. Both hospice organizations provided what they felt was adequate training. The experience opened my eyes to the effects of dementia. And I learned a few things as a companion to men in the extremity of physical deterioration and (managed) pain.

[Fawn]

I have been a hospice nurse for over 20 years.

I have written a book about some of my experiences.

[larknm]

Razz, thanks for telling us, may there be some things bringing you peace. The woman who raised me just died at 89. I was going into my usual identifying-with-the-dead person funk that can get really bad, but am making friends long-distance with her grand-daughter, who is so much like her and so smart and we share stories about Dorothy, and that has helped enormously, though I couldn't have planned it.

[razz]

larknm, thankyou and all the others for the condolences.
What has helped enormously is having someone to talk to about what was spinning around my thoughts. When I picked up the ashes, I had a chance to talk to the funeral director who helped me understand that surveys have indicated over and over - people don't fear death but do fear the mode of dying. Yossarian could help with this as a hospice volunteer.

My DH knew that I was going to fight furiously to ensure his comfort in his dying and needed me to be there for that reason in particular among all the others. The hospital staff were amazing and supportive once he stated that he did not want to be resuscitated and I, very firmly, confirmed that we had discussed this decades ago and reviewed it periodically. I could see him visibly relax once they backed off and then the MD started morphine and the palliative process.

What has helped me enormously post the passing of DH has been a philosophical approach that may help others and I offer for that reason alone.
I worried about DH and finally realized that a Creator needs a creation as evidence to be acknowleldged as a divine creator. Family and friends provide the evidence of the divine influence in both my and DH's life in terms that we can understand with their kindness, love, support, intelligence, joy, humour and so on. Hope that makes sense.

Hospice volunteers are important but so are the many simple acts of thoughtful support from family and friends prior to and post the passing of a loved one.

[gail_d]

Fawn, I just found your book on Amazon and have purchased it. The preview was compelling.

[Spartana]

I also read the previews of Fawns book and I think it sounds wonderful. I am always humbled and in utter awe by hospice workers. Certainly some of the most couragous and caring people on the planet. Proud to say I "know" Fawn (if only online).

[razz]

Fawn, your book preview is wonderful. What a compassionate insight you have given.

[Wildflower]

Razz, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to read of your DH's passing. My sympathies.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.