View Full Version : I like this contract between a mother and her son
This is certain to be all over the news eventually, but I thought that I would share it here.
Cell phones were not something that children asked for when my daughter was younger. I am sure that the desire for having one was something many children desired, perhaps even my own daughter, but she never said anything about wanting one. I should ask her sometime.
Anyway, I love the idea of a contract for having this kind of responsible and mature use of a phone.
Janell Hoffman
http://www.janellburleyhofmann.com/gregorys-iphone-contract/
Square Peg
12-31-12, 2:18pm
I am sad that we live in a society where iPhones for 13 year olds are becoming the norm.
Maybe, but if a parent thinks that the family dynamic is supported by this kind of technology, believes his/her child to be at least on the cusp of the level of maturity to use such technology, then both sides understanding and agreeing to its use is a mighty fine thing.
My grandsons, 4 and 5 1/2 years of age know how to use the family computer. My oldest grandson is in school and his teacher has a web site that is not only informative for her student's families, it has many educational and interactive activities.
Our world, society if you will, has these advancements (subject to one's definition of what is advanced or not) and it is in a parent's and family's best interest to be as informed and proactive as is possible.
If I had a thirteen year old child now, I would be very interested in providing an extra measure of safety that her/his having a cell phone would, or could, provide.
I am sad that we live in a society where iPhones for 13 year olds are becoming the norm.
I'm not sure what there is to be "sad" about. It's just technology, and can be hugely useful if properly applied.
That said, I find some of the terms of this offered "contract" spot-on, and some a bit creepy.
ApatheticNoMore
12-31-12, 4:17pm
That said, I find some of the terms of this offered "contract" spot-on, and some a bit creepy.
Yea I had the same impression, some was just common sense: be polite despite the iphone, don't spent your time at school on the iphone, and yea the naked pics are not a good idea. I found other parts rather creepy as well (i'd be half tempted to say take your iphone and shove it where ...). Part of the problem is there are very few ways a 13 year old kid could ever earn the money to buy it themselves (many adults couldn't afford it), yet there is probably a lot of peer pressure, and so any old controlling contract can be imposed on the poor kid (more of it was resonable than not probably, just the bad parts ...). "Don't see any information we wouldn't approve". Ha, but curiosity will out. Back in my day we found out the facts of life from dictionaries and so on. Curiosity will out.
I'm curious what the response would have been if the son said " no thanks" to this "contract". My parents and I were battling quite a bit about "control" around that age, I could easily imagine saying "I don't want it (the iphone)".
sweetana3
12-31-12, 4:49pm
Oh My, there was a 3 year old playing on her Ipod yesterday at a party. The child could not speak (enough for me to understand) but she was engrossed over some game/picture on the Ipod. What is the world coming to when now they have Ipod's as babysitters so the parents can party?
Oh My, there was a 3 year old playing on her Ipod yesterday at a party. The child could not speak (enough for me to understand) but she was engrossed over some game/picture on the Ipod. What is the world coming to when now they have Ipod's as babysitters so the parents can party?
I like the reverse even less - I see so many kids that get 0 interaction from the adult they're out with because said adult is on their phone or other device. It's sad.
Square Peg
12-31-12, 5:02pm
I want kids to be out in the world, learning to interact with people of all ages, not glued to their phones. I hate going out with some of me friends who have iphones because they continually check them mid-conversation. I also think technology is highly addictive.
Those first two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
Square Peg
12-31-12, 8:27pm
Which two things?
I hope and expect based on my impression of this parent that she has probably already started a dialogue with her son re: sex. Ignoring that aspect of the phone's potential use/abuse would seem like a bad idea. After all he IS 13...
Thinking about the rule to not memorialize EVERYthing with videos/photos i'm reminded of my boss a few months back. He'd gone to photograph the space shuttle on it's trip to LA. He got back to the office and told us he'd had an equipment failure of some sort so no photos. However he wasnt upset. His response was "i've got the high def right here baby" as he tapped the side of his head.
rodeosweetheart
12-31-12, 9:22pm
To me the problem lies in her willingness to make extremely public what should be private conversations between her son and herself, with seemingly no regard for his privacy. As in , what kid of 13 wants/deserves his mother's immortalization of this parenting moment, with his name attached? To me, this does not bode well for their relationship, but perhaps there is no more family privacy these days.
And that is disturbing. I guess it is more the broadcasting of this "contract" that seems horrible to me than the actual content of the contract. Who exploits their child in this way?
Never mind. I am sorry that I shared this. Anyone who wants to delete it, please feel free.
Never mind. I am sorry that I shared this. Anyone who wants to delete it, please feel free.
I think it's important that you shared this. Each parent/grandparent is going to parent their child slightly differently. And I'm sure there are others who would really appreciate knowing how others handle the balance of technology wants & needs.
While there seems to be the debate about whether or not a 13 yo should even have a smart phone...What about a parent who would like to always be in contact with that child? Aren't parents legally responsible for what that child does and where that child is? An iPhone app such as Glympse which tracks that child's location could be a big help in doing that?
The learning for everyone needs to start somewhere. Thanks for sharing :)
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/glympse-share-location-friends/id330316698?mt=8
...What about a parent who would like to always be in contact with that child?
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/glympse-share-location-friends/id330316698?mt=8
This is a question I've been asking myself as I now have a teen and a tween. The teen does have a phone and our routine is that she contacts me if there is a change in her plans. I don't need a phone call or txt every step of the way when she's not at home. So far, so good.
I heard an interview on the radio a few months ago about this very topic, and one part stuck with me. The conversation was about how cell phones make it more comfortable for parents with adolescents to keep track of them. And one person commented, "The purpose of adolescence is not the comfort of parents." As a parent of a teen, I had to take a deep breath and realize that's true.
However, that doesn't mean I send them out into the world without preparation and expectations. I didn't grow up with cell phones, so this is new territory for me as a parent. I need to educate myself on what is happening. It wouldn't occur to me to tell my kids not to send photos of private parts, for example, but a friend of mine's son (a good kid) did just that...and the consequences for him were severe.
I don't like the idea of the teen turning over the phone each evening. I know I couldn't enforce that rule as I'd forget! You can put parental limits on your phone package that allows you to limit access during certain times, if I understand the plans correctly. I haven't done this, but I would if needed. (Sometimes I turn on a web nanny to restrict my own internet usage when I'm too tempted by distractions, so I can't fault a teen for feeling the same impulses to txt too much. It's okay to use technology to limit technology.)
I do like the line item in the mom's contract about not having to document every moment in photos. Amen!
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