View Full Version : 10 Things Happy People Do Differently
I thought some folks here on the SLN might enjoy this blog post. Several of the strategies listed are things that I think those of us who practice simple living are very much attuned to: social connections, gratitude, volunteerism, less of a focus on material goods, etc.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paula-davislaack/happiness-tips_b_2325700.html
Thank you cdttmm. I really enjoyed reading the list and it helps to reinforce these proven strategies.
Pretty much sums-up how I try and embrace life. Simple living, sure is good! So is enjoying what you have, not dreaming about enjoying what you don't have.
I like that, too. I feel lucky to have inherited a "happy gene"--I know it's more of a struggle for some to find happiness, and I'm not saying I'm special--just the luck of the draw in terms of brain chemistry.. and also perhaps having the advantage of a childhood that was less than perfect, so as I result, I feel like the simple pleasures of a "normal" life are such a huge blessing and reason to rejoice every day--and I've been training myself to also rejoice in the moments of unhappiness as well. I think gratitude is a broad brush, not just meant to color the things WE would have in our lives, but also to color everything that comes into it, no matter how we judge it.
Here's another motivational piece from Deepak Chopra, published on today's CNN.com (http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/04/health/chopra-better-brain/index.html?hpt=hp_abar) on how to inspire your brain, which he says is very malleable in terms of its response to stimuli YOU give it.
How to inspire your brain
Take care of stress. Avoid dulling routine. Do something creative every day. Read poetry, spiritual material or anything else that makes you feel uplifted. Take time to be in nature. Bond with another person who is heartwarming. Pay attention to being happy. Make sure you take time every day by yourself to relax, meditate and self-reflect. Deal with negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Focus on activity that makes you feel fulfilled. Give of yourself. Follow a personal vision. Attach yourself to a cause that is bigger than you are. Take the risk to love and be loved.
How to ignore your brain
Get set in your ways. Don't look beyond your opinions, likes and dislikes. Isolate yourself from others. Take relationships for granted. Reconcile yourself to going downhill as you age. Look upon the past as the best time of your life. Forget about having ideals. Act on selfish impulses. Don't examine what makes you tick. Give in to anger and anxiety. Let life take care of itself. Go along to get along. Assume that you are automatically right. Avoid anything new or challenging. Put up with stress. Take no emotional risks. Distract yourself with mindless diversions like watching sports for hours on end.
Originally posted by Catherine.
I feel lucky to have inherited a "happy gene"I love the magical way you have with wording things. It seems to come to you so naturally/effortlessly, and I envy that about you so much. :)
awakenedsoul
1-4-13, 2:34pm
It helps to be aware of what makes you happy, too. I enjoy learning skills that develop my natural talents. As long as I'm being creative in some form, I am able to feel positive. I do different things for happiness now than I did when I was younger. I am learning how to knit socks, and that makes me feel excited and inspired.
I love this list, and the Chopra article too. There are a few areas where I know I can do better. And I will.
catherine, I understand exactly what you mean, I've got the good mental health gene (although I am, by nature, skeptical. Cynical. I like the dark side of things but have never been suicidal. ) It's pretty much genes, I am convinced. We don't have mental illness in my immediate family back up both lines. My mom always said "I am lucky and must be stupid because I've always been happy." Umm, ok, mom that is annoying but thanks for those genes!
It is very important to understand who we (the generic person) really are. Self actualization means reaching into the core of our persona to understand what makes us excited/passionate/motivated and what dulls that sheen. Then, we must have courage to craft our lives along that path. To do otherwise leads to unhappiness.
awakenedsoul
1-4-13, 11:14pm
It is very important to understand who we (the generic person) really are. Self actualization means reaching into the core of our persona to understand what makes us excited/passionate/motivated and what dulls that sheen. Then, we must have courage to craft our lives along that path. To do otherwise leads to unhappiness.[/QUOTE]
So true! And also, who makes us feel excited/passionate/motivated. And who doesn't. With artists, the creative aspect is even stronger. An artist will be miserable if they do not create. I think all this technology is taking many people away from their creativity. For me, it doesn't matter whether it's growing food, knitting socks, baking a cake, or choreographing a ballet...as long as I'm doing something tangible with my talents.
Every morning, I read happiness thoughts. I have a few apps and links for daily thoughts. It really starts the day out right for me. I have found at my ripe old age of 51 that certain people suck the life out of me with the down attitudes or the everything is bad talk, so I just avoid them or not respond.
I've been reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet. Not a new book but new to me. She lists ten habits that are similar to what I read above....take time to be with yourself, know your feelings, pay attention to what you really want, play, enjoy life, do something creative every day. She makes the point that just living uses our creativity....and being aware of that helps! I think that what was said about artists needing to be creative can be said of everyone. If we only hadn't taught people that "creativity" is limited to making art or music and that most of us "can't" do those things!
Anyway, I am working on letting more fun and more play into my life, and making choices that involve taking some risks (because living in a fear-based way is too limiting for the life that I want).
I've been reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet. Not a new book but new to me. She lists ten habits that are similar to what I read above....take time to be with yourself, know your feelings, pay attention to what you really want, play, enjoy life, do something creative every day. She makes the point that just living uses our creativity....and being aware of that helps! I think that what was said about artists needing to be creative can be said of everyone.
The Joy Diet is one of my favorite books on disc, a real life-changer for me. I play it in the car or while I'm working, and it brings me back to the basics. It's a shame.... I don't think she markets it much any more (maybe she's changed her mind on her recommendations, though I love all 10 still) I think a lot of people could really benefit from this book.
Every morning, I read happiness thoughts. I have a few apps and links for daily thoughts. It really starts the day out right for me. I have found at my ripe old age of 51 that certain people suck the life out of me with the down attitudes or the everything is bad talk, so I just avoid them or not respond.
I do the same, ctg. Must be something about 51..... I posted this link on my FB and had a friend come back in defense of depressed people, citing research that claimed they were more compassionate and I believe more empathetic. That may be, but it still doesn't mean I want to be around a pool of negativity all the time....and to defend it as a desirable state? Not sure about that.
Blackdog Lin
1-5-13, 9:41pm
Like catherine and Iris Lily, I've always known that I am lucky in having, if not a "happiness gene", I have "happiness chemistry". I've always believed that depression - and negativity in general - is at least in part a brain (or body) chemistry thing. I have happy body chemistry, for which I am supremely grateful.
I also work at it every day, as y'all have mentioned. I've had extremely sucky times of my life, but have always been able to lift myself out of them with laughter therapy.
To me, it's kinda the same thing as the old "nature vs. nurture" argument: I am lucky in my body chemistry, but I also work at being happy. DH is unlucky with his body chemistry (serious tendencies toward depression/grumpiness) but he could help himself by working at overcoming it with some "happiness nurturing".
Another one here with a happiness gene. When we were kids, my sister and I would giggle at how my mother would hum to herself when in stores. The only difference now is that my sister and I do our store singing silently. I also do a lot of happiness activities, like gratefulness and savoring what I have. Hubby on the other hand, comes from a depressed family (although they mostly aren't self aware enough or don't have the vocabulary to really talk about it) and he goes and listens to talk radio that often makes him incensed and irritated. Sometimes I have to tell him that its too early in the day for that, and make him put on jazz instead.
ApatheticNoMore
1-6-13, 4:13am
do the same, ctg. Must be something about 51..... I posted this link on my FB and had a friend come back in defense of depressed people, citing research that claimed they were more compassionate and I believe more empathetic. That may be, but it still doesn't mean I want to be around a pool of negativity all the time....
sometimes I wonder where all these ostracized depressed people are, I'll be their friend (we are friends of the friendless yes we are ...). Come as you are, even if the pursuit of happiness is a badly stalled out as an old rusting car ... on blocks ... on your lawn, or the darkness pokes at you on sleepless nights, when staring at the abyss two pairs of eyes are better than one.
Since I'm quite sure if there is a genetic basis for happiness (and there probably is) my reoccuring (not always frequent but reoccuring) bouts with depression surely show I don't have it. I might lose patience if the unhappiness was purely manipulative, since I can't stand manipulation any more than anyone else, but otherwise, I'd way rather people be REAL than always under pressure to either fake smile or else to pull themselves up by their own neurotransmitters.
The Power of Negative thinking
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324705104578147333270637790.html?m od=WSJ_MostPopular_US
Not a very good article, but have to love this part: "The result all too often mirrors the famously annoying parlor game about trying not to think of a white bear: The harder you try, the more you think about one."
And this though it's really more positive than negative (though I could see it conflicting with certain dogmatic positive thinking strains):
"Seneca the Stoic was a radical on this matter. If you feared losing your wealth, he once advised, "set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: 'Is this the condition that I feared?'" Of course modern society adds complications to this last one.
and he goes and listens to talk radio that often makes him incensed and irritated
I don't know how people listen to that. It's so horrible.
Since I'm quite sure if there is a genetic basis for happiness (and there probably is)
Yes, there is! Sonja Lyubomirsky and other positive psychology researchers have shown that about 40% of our "happiness" (researchers in this area tend to avoid the word happiness in their actual research as it's misleading; instead they tend to use life satisfaction, well-being, or subjective well-being) is genetically based. Approximately 10% is circumstances (whoa! that means material wealth and other life circumstances count for *very* little) and about 50% of our emotional state or life satisfaction is entirely within our control and has to do with the choices we make (like the ones listed in the blog post I linked to originally).
So, yes, there are some people with a naturally higher set point for their emotional state (I'm one of them) and there are people with a naturally lower set point. But, largely, our satisfaction with life -- our happiness -- is within our control. In the grand scheme of things, much of it comes down to a series of learned behaviors. I find this absolutely fascinating.
My parents listen to that awful, negative talk radio for hours every day and it definitely makes them more cranky. They gripe about everything. When I am visiting I remind them at least once daily that people often have good motives for the things they do...
Rosemary, good motives, eh? That made me laugh.
I am fortunate to be a genetic optimist, I think. I live with a partner who is not and has to work pretty consistently at maintaining stability. However, I sometimes wonder if he is afraid to be more positive. I am trying to read "Undoing Depression" which I think was recommended here; he talks about the skill sets depressed people have developed in response to their depression, and the challenge of developing different skill sets.
Anyway, a gratitude journal worked wonders for me, and there is good research to support it in alleviating depressive symptomology, but I do know people who simply cannot (genuinely CANNOT) generate a single thing that opens them to gratitude. I think of one in particular who could only imagine being grateful if someone did something especially for him. So no sense of gratitude for being alive, for the sunrise, for the smell of coffee...none of those little sensory things were available to him as a way to open up his softer side. That helped me to understand that some characters have a bigger struggle with depression/negativity/ low subjective well-being than others.
And pug, thanks for mentioning the Joy Diet on audio! It never occurred to me but that would be a nice accompaniment to, say, the treadmill. Feel the joy on the treadmill! Yeah....!
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Anyway, a gratitude journal worked wonders for me, and there is good research to support it in alleviating depressive symptomology, but I do know people who simply cannot (genuinely CANNOT) generate a single thing that opens them to gratitude. I think of one in particular who could only imagine being grateful if someone did something especially for him. So no sense of gratitude for being alive, for the sunrise, for the smell of coffee...none of those little sensory things were available to him as a way to open up his softer side. That helped me to understand that some characters have a bigger struggle with depression/negativity/ low subjective well-being than others.
I was commenting to my SO the other day that I'll forgive a lot in a friend who makes me laugh. And the converse is equally true. It's extremely bad form to infect others with gloom and misery, to be hypercritical, or in other ways poison the air around you with constant kvetching or arguing. It's just plain bad manners.
It's extremely bad form to infect others with gloom and misery, to be hypercritical, or in other ways poison the air around you with constant kvetching or arguing. It's just plain bad manners.
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