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What kind of dating activities do you like to do that are in line with your simple living values? Do you do different things if you are in a long term relationship or married then you do/did when you first started dating your SO? Do you like to be wined and dined or would your prefer something less extravagant? If you are a women, do you expect the guy to pay for the date everytime? And if you are a guy do you expect to pay or split the costs and do you like it when a woman pays for everything occasionally? I personally like sporty kinds of day time dates - a bike ride followed by a simple, inexpensive dinner afterwards. If a guy asks me out I assume he'll pay. If I invite a guy out (and I do if it's someone I have been seeing awhile but rarely if ever have asked a guy out first a date) then I assume I'll pay. But, because I'm not always sure how a guy will respond to that, I find it easier (or is that wimpier) to get tickets to something before hand (concert, movie, sport, etc.) and then invite him. Although I find younger men (younger then ancient old me that is) are more open and accepting of non-traditional dates or having the woman pay for some things then older or my age guys.
The best "date" SO and I had during early courtship and since was a picnic. We just put together a cooler of what was leftover from the night before, some cut up watermelon and such...then found a lovely place with a picnic bench and a view. Cost? Gas getting there, and that's it. We both remember it as our favorite date so far.
I've been paying my own way since I saw the light in my mid-twenties. Generally, we either take turns or split the bill.
And I can tell you that after thirty years or so, our favorite activities have changed some.
Square Peg
1-11-13, 6:22pm
Back in the dark ages when we were dating, we would buy a KFC meal and go watch a movie at the drive in.
When we lived in Florida, we used to go to the beach.
Since we are doing South Beach diet and trying to be frugal, when we go out now, it is often lunch not dinner, and we split an order, since there is always plenty of food for two.
We also like to go thrifting together
rosarugosa
1-11-13, 7:22pm
I don't think I really ever went on dates. I came from a time and place where we pretty much drank and got high in the woods. Your "date" was the one you made out with by the bonfire. We pooled our meager resources for the beverages. High society all the way! That might not work so well at my current age unless I was hanging with homeless folks under the bridge or something :)
We never did the fancy date thing and now being married still don't. First few dates were for coffee, a meal. Then it was pretty much just hanging out, watching a movie or just talking. Lots of walking. We usually split the cost or took turns paying. He didn't think it was right for the man to pay for everything and it would have made me uncomfortable. However, it did bother me to obviously split the bill at the table - I probably shouldn't have been so sensitive or old-fashioned, but appearances mattered to me so if we were splitting I wanted to just have one of us pay and then take care of it afterwards or before. I didn't want "them" to think I was dating a guy who wouldn't even pay for me at all. Whereas in private, I'm perfectly fine with the way we split 50/50 and keep money separate, because I know the level of commitment we have. But as a public gesture, who pays is the only thing other people see.
I like to say I went after my husband for his car (20 year old beater) and his unemployment (intentional) when I met him. If he'd tried to wine and dine me, I'd have run the other way. I didn't want to waste my time as a 30 year old planning for early retirement with someone who wasn't good with money and valued things more than freedom. We both agree the best entertainment is the cheaper type.
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I like to say I went after my husband for his car (20 year old beater) and his unemployment (intentional) when I met him. If he'd tried to wine and dine me, I'd have run the other way. I didn't want to waste my time as a 30 year old planning for early retirement with someone who wasn't good with money and valued things more than freedom. We both agree the best entertainment is the cheaper type.
I've never been attracted to "strivers." They've always seemed kind of pathetic to me--like they're trying too hard and not having much fun. I dated a guy once who said his father told him "When you work, work hard, and when you play, play hard." All I could think was how joyless that sounded. I'll be impressed (or not) by your kindness and wit, not by your FICO score. I don't care if someone values things or freedom (because I value both), as long as they can support themselves.
The joke between my husband and I was that he knew I was the woman for him, when I paid the bill for dinner while he'd been in the restroom. :laff:
I'm a big fan of picnics, and I usually give picnic baskets as wedding presents, because I think they are romantic and can be done even when money is tight. I also liked casual things like bike rides, and ice skating, sledding etc. Just being outside and together doing something fun. Those are still are favorite activities.
It's been 25 years since I dated, but I distinctly remember these same issues. I made it clear to anyone who was around for a while that a date with me didn't necessarily mean SPEND MONEY. And those people who seem to think they've got to throw the money around just gave me the willies. And, I often paid.
Lost of walks, picnics, picnics combined with outdoor concerts, dinners at home, occasional movies without loading up on soda and popcorn. Those are all easily affordable. Oh yeah, and festivals. So many of them now require entrance fees and that sucks, but in the olden days they were all free.
I think DW and I do the same kinds of things on current dates that we used to do before we married (though in our case that's only been about five years or so). We go out to dinner less, but we don't mind that -- sometimes it's nice just to enjoy a quiet evening at home, too. It was pretty much that way with my first wife, too.
It has never bothered me if a woman asked me out or paid for an outing/date. But I've never been up for the "strivers": the women who spent money I was pretty sure they didn't have. Either they thought it would impress me ($$ won't do it) or their priorities for spending were very different from mine. Neither did I ever spend a lot of money in the hopes that a date would see me as a free spender with money.
Some of the best dates I've ever been on were simple and cheap. One was a tour of statues (kind of like Chicago's decorated pigs), just scouting around new neighborhoods, being distracted by the new things we saw, and appreciating the different designs. Walks around a lake or an art fair, a concert in the park for music we'd both enjoy, ... There are times I've spent considerable coin on a date, but it's never been to impress. It's just been the cost of an event we both really wanted to attend. The simple ones are just as much fun as the expensive ones.
What kind of dating activities do you like to do that are in line with your simple living values?
I dated a young lady when I was 14, my first date, 35 years ago-ish, we went horseback riding on the high prairie. Never dated anyone else(*). Married her. Problem solved. Simplicity itself.
(*) On edit, I did go on several ski weekends as a "date" with a good friend of my wife-to-be, an exchange student from Europe. It was made clear to us both they were not "romantic ski getaways" but rather that I was to provide ESL tutoring in exchange for ski lessons, as Ms. V. was an expert skier, and I only knew how to surf and skateboard. We're all still good friends, so clearly it all worked out for the best.
awakenedsoul
1-11-13, 9:49pm
My most romantic relationship was in Vienna, Austria. We met at Cafe Museum. We had coffee and "cheese toast." I was with my girlfriend, he was with two male friends. We invited them to see our show that night. ("42nd Street.") I think we got comps. He did wine and dine me, and it was really enjoyable. Vienna is such a gorgeous city! We had many simple dates though, too. We walked around the ring and he told me about all of the sculpture. He rode me on the back of his bicycle to the park one time. I often made us a salad at my hotel. He would pay when we went out to eat. (That's the custom there.) I offerred to pay and he said, "I invited you..." We went to Salzburg together. He paid for the night. (We spent together.) I paid for the next night because I stayed an extra day, and he had to get back to Vienna. He was a very generous man, though. He also bought me some beautiful jewelry. It wasn't fancy like the stuff I have now, (antique heirlooms,) but it was very special. (An ivory amulet for protection, and a heart pendant.)
Wildflower
1-12-13, 1:25am
DH and I always enjoyed hiking through scenic areas, and picnics by the lake in our early dating years.
We still enjoy picnics by the lake, but hiking is out these days, due to joint and spine problems for both of us... We really miss hiking.*sigh*
Nowadays, we like to go to a museum, concert, the occasional movie, botannical gardens, and/or a nice quiet dinner in an ethnic restaurant. We've been married almost 38 years, and have always tried to have a date night out about once a week to every other week. It's been a real positive for us....
Many, many years ago, an older (probably in her twenties) co-worker announced in my hearing that she would never date anyone she wouldn't sleep with. At the time, I was scandalized but now I think that's practical advice for most of us.
We like ethnic buffets; local parks (for a rousing geriatric game of "first bounce or fall down"); thrifting (I love it, he doesn't mind and occasionally scores something); hanging around community food and coffee courts like Crossroads or Third Place Books; exploring new places, taking pictures; antiquing (he loves it, I don't mind and occasionally score something); companionably watching TV/reading together. Sounds pretty boring when I put it down on paper...
Next week, we'll have our 16th anniversary date, and because of accumulated gift cards, we're heading to a local soon-to-close French restaurant, which we never could have otherwise afforded. Compliments of friends & family! Our dates generally consist of walks, or in the deep of winter, a sazerac (http://www.gumbopages.com/food/beverages/sazerac.html) by the fire.
Our first day was at a thai restaurant, after that we went to NYC to museums, a couple of concerts, and coffee at Barnes and Noble...we would take turns paying. We still do the same now, though most of our dates have become "renovating house and garden" dates :) I love seeing him use his saws and build me things! We also stay in sometimes and have dinner and movie dates, or go to the local parks for a walk and ice-cream cone :) I cannot wait to do that again in the summer.
Redfox, I like how you said "soon-to-close". Thats how we describe a lot of restaurants around here. We try to eat at any new 'locally owned/not a chain' restaurant within weeks of their opening because they are most likely 'soon-to-close'.
I don't think I really ever went on dates. I came from a time and place where we pretty much drank and got high in the woods. Your "date" was the one you made out with by the bonfire. We pooled our meager resources for the beverages. High society all the way! That might not work so well at my current age unless I was hanging with homeless folks under the bridge or something :) HA! :devil::devil::laff:
If he'd tried to wine and dine me, I'd have run the other way. I didn't want to waste my time as a 30 year old planning for early retirement with someone who wasn't good with money and valued things more than freedom. We both agree the best entertainment is the cheaper type.
This is kind of where I am at now. Was married a long time to a guy with very similair values to mine, but since we have divorced and I've been dating, really struggle with meeting guys who aren't fixated on the upwardly mobile at any cost life. Probably living in SoCal doesn't help much. Not too many "drives and old pick up truck and wants to retire early to live the simple life" kind of guys here. Of course I'm terrible about making compromises to what I want in life, and most guys my age still have a decade or 2 before retirering, so haven't met anyone who is OK with me travelling part for several months a year. And that is something I am unwilling to give up for anyone.
Way back in 1980, my husband and took bike rides when we were dating. These last two years, we have moved to a city, downsized to one car, and now ride bikes for fun and transportation several times a week. I'm happiest when riding bike. Full circle.
I wouldn't call this simple.... But a very enterprising & smart woman used her talents to crack the world of online dating. An interesting article!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323374504578217973101313736.html
I wouldn't call this simple.... But a very enterprising & smart woman used her talents to crack the world of online dating. An interesting article!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323374504578217973101313736.html
Thanks for posting, redfox! That article was very interesting. The author also wrote a book on the topic, which I've requested from the library.
I wouldn't call this simple.... But a very enterprising & smart woman used her talents to crack the world of online dating. An interesting article! http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323374504578217973101313736.htmlFu nny story!! ("I wasn't about to let some bubblegum-popping blonde steal the neurotic Jewish doctor of my mother's dreams") definetly not simple though!
I have never online dated but, then again one of my romantic goals is to meet a guy who doesn't own a computer :-)! I guess in this day and age that would be impossible. But maybe a guy who isn't hooked in 24/7 (or only at work) that would be great too.
My husband and I love walking and talking. HIking and talking. Staying up late and talking. Going on drives (not so much anymore because of gas prices) and TALKING.
we yammer a lot. lol
these days, because of the kiddo, we don't get to walk/hike and talk as much. not because we don't want to, but largely because I don't want to have to explain everything to DS. not becuase it's "too adult" but, you know, he'll ask questions like "what does X word mean?" followed by "why does it mean that?" and if i'm reporting something for context, he'll go "why did she do that? why did that happen?" And usually you have to repeat yoruself 64million times.
It makes it hard to have a real conversation.
So, yeah. I'd have to pay for babysitting to get the sorts of dates that I want -- long walks with yammering. And DH and I can walk for about 4-5 hours, really. So, that would be $60-85 per walk if we had a sitter. LOL
San Onofre Guy
1-16-13, 9:52am
My wife and I when we were dating had a great inexpensive date at San Onofre State Beach trail six. Billy Barebutt for those on simple boards for a long time will remember would have approved.
For those wondering......Trail Six is a clothing optional beach!
My wife and I when we were dating had a great inexpensive date at San Onofre State Beach trail six. Billy Barebutt for those on simple boards for a long time will remember would have approved.
For those wondering......Trail Six is a clothing optional beach!
Oh you and you nekkid folks :-)! I'm not a nudist/naturist (don't want to scare people :-)!) but I do like beach dates. Definely one of my favorite "simple" dates - especially if we bring food. Would much prefer that to being wined and dined in an expensive restaurant. Add in the fact that I don't have to dress up makes it that much better! I have actually had problems trying to get guys to go on less expensive dates like spending the day at the beach, rather then the more traditional dinner dates. I would think that would be funner for them too but isn't always the case. I guess that is one of my weeding out techniques. If the guy always prefers upscale stuff over simpler, more active things like I like, then you pretty much know you aren't going to be compatible.
I don't really think that it is unreasonable to split the bill or even pay the whole thing sometimes. Call me old fashioned but I do know that some guys want to be considered the main bread winner and provide EVERYTHING. My bf likes to pay for everything all the time and it would frustrate me because I felt like I wasn't contributing to the relationship as much as him. I ended up just doing little things to try and surprise him every once in awhile and he really likes it. He loves hockey so one time I got him some tickets, another time I beat him home and had dinner ready for him. Just little stuff like that!
BarbieGirl
2-17-13, 5:38pm
My husband and I date every Saturday. We date more now after 26 years than we did when we were 'dating'! I love it!
What we do varies depending on our budget. We do spend money on our dates....we usually go out and try a new place to eat while we are out. We figure after all these years together and having three boys we had to take care of so long, we deserve to treat ourselves...modestly of course.
And when I say 'deserve' I actually mean it! We've sacrificed a lot to raise our three boys, two with special needs. We are finally asking time out for our own special relationship. Our boys are teens and doing fairly well at this time so we are finally focusing on us as a couple. It's been a smashing success!
i will say that even though we usually end up eating out, we don't have to actually spend money if our budget tightens. Sometimes we just go to a state park and walk.:treadmill:
I haven't dated in a long time, except for first meetings (sometimes 2nd dates, that's about as far as it gets). But my preferred way to get to know someone is doing something fun like taking a walk, or going out for coffee. I don't feel comfortable traveling to another city with someone I just met, or going out for dinner. I just want to be "regular people" and do what *I* do as a regular person, which is maybe go to the library (if he doesn't read, he's probably not for me), or out for coffee, or for a walk. I could do a lot of those things without getting tired of doing them, and still get to know someone pretty well. Oh, and going to the grocery store. For some reason that's always interesting AND revealing about who a person is! (Or a bookstore, but I don't usually buy books. I do window-shop, though!)
Agreed, jasuko. The best and most natural relationships I've had have been with people I met while going about my simple life.
42 years ago, I was wined and dined; I expected it! Then we got married and things changed. LOL! If I were doing it today, I would pay my own way except on special occasions. I'd also ask a man out; back in the day, you just didn't do that. Things like this have changed for the better.
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