Awesome Family Holiday (update!)

[Zoebird]

So, as you all know, my ILs were coming on holiday for christmas/new years. I was dreading it and freaking out.

Turns out. . . it was great!

We have no clue why (perhaps it was ho'oponopono plus nichiren chanting that both DH and I did? Plus boundaries work?), but it turned out really great and really fun.

We kept it very mellow, most of the things we did were free (simply because we didn't have any money), so they had to pay food and housing, and we were able to help them find good prices.

We even were totally ok with them hanging with DS on their own after the first few days. It turned out totally fine -- they were only anxious during transition days (such as when we packed up and went to the bach for the weekend), and the rest of the time, they seemed pretty happy overall.

They also were really complimentary. They liked how simply we lived, which apparently showed our "dedication to making things work here, and making sure that our business was supported first." They also liked it here a lot -- they saw how beautiful it is as well as how nice the pace of life is, as well as the fact that we are not isolated (we introduced them to a lot of friends).

They also started to see how well we were doing here (or so they said) -- they saw how much I love the business and how well it's doing, and they also saw how close the film industry is here, and with a couple of tours and having met "actual" filmmakers whose movies came out in the US (and/or were crtically acclaimed), saw that as "real" for the first time for DH.

DH says he felt like they 'saw' him as an adult and treated him as such the whole time.

On rare occassion, there was some weirdness and silliness, but we were all really good at having our own spaces. My ILs stayed next door, DS would run back and forth to visit, and DH and I were free to go home or stay with them and chat. DH did that more often than I did -- I would go for walks, or go online, or do work. It was great.

Overall, we had a really nice time. I have to say that it was the second-best holiday we had with relatives. The first was when my aunt came in our first year -- a tour of the south island with the only disappointment being the rain. The second was my parents -- and it was a mess. I just didn't accommodate my audience well enough, and they were sick and anxious the whole time. This one was really nice -- good place, great weather, plenty of physical and emotional space, and I think everyone got their needs met. We did well on our audience accommodation too (after two missteps in choosing our favorite restaurants, we remembered who they are and went to their sorts of places, and they were pleased as punch!).

All in all, it was a great time. I actually feel pretty rested, and DS had a great time (though yesterday when we took them to the plane, he was quite happy to see them off as well. He said they were very nice and fun to be around, but he was finished.. . and is now ready to go back to kindy. He cracks me up!).

Anyway, thought I would update, since I put out all that drama in the months leading up to it. Maybe i'm learning how to be 'normal' or even 'nice.' LOL

[Mrs-M]

Wonderful story. Happy endings are always the best! :)

[iris lily]

That is such a relief! I was wondering how it all went. And it is so great t hat, not only is this thing over, it actually went well and all of you had an overall decent time of it!

[fidgiegirl]

Awesome. I liked the part about "remembering who they are." Sounds like the approach worked well!

[Tradd]

Very glad to hear it went well!

[Zoebird]

remembering who they are is also audience accommodation.

as an example, i love trying the local cuisines when traveling. my ILs have so many food issues, and they *never* try the local foods when on their cruises. They dine on the boat for breakfast and dinner, and snag snack bars and fruit for their lunch when in port. they don't like to spend the money, for one, and for another, they aren't very adventurous.

So, by mostly eating at home (which saves us money too), we met that particular emotional need. Then, when we did dine out (which we did 1 breakfast/brunch, 1 lunch, and 3 dinners), we made sure that we had coupons and that we went to places with foods that they would recognize (indian was the biggest stretch, but MIL had eaten it before, so she reassured FIL that it was ok/safe).

While *I* wouldn't travel that way (when we travel, we tend to lunch out to try the new cuisines at good prices, but have dinner/breakfast 'in' at the hostels), by understanding how *they* travel, we were able to do well.

Another angle was not going place-ot-place.

Part of the reason why they like cruises is because their luggage is in one place and secure. They pack at home, unpack once, and repack to go home. There is laundry on the boat, too. So, they are happy with this. We stayed at our place in wellington for a week, then went out of town for 4 nights (i helped them pack one suitcase for both of them -- it should have been carry-on size, but honestly. . . they packed 6 pairs of shoes apiece for the 3 weeks. . . all of them variations on the same shoe, so who freaking knows what is in their heads about packing. it's not minimalism! LOL), then back in wellington -- then back out for another long weekend -- which meant that the BULK of their stuff stayed in one place and they didn't have to pack/unpack too often. This meant that there were only 3 high-anxiety days, because travel itself makes them anxious. It starts with the packing phase, moves into a total freak out as if they're going ot miss a bus or something (even though, you know, there were no deadlines and the drives were no longer than 2 hrs), and then once they are packed and in the car, they are settled right down again.

Now that I know this, I realize that this is probably THE best way to travel with them.

Friends of ours are talking about coming next January. Our suggestion is that we "hook up on weekends" -- not because we don't want to be with them -- we do -- but really because there is SO MUCH to see here and SO MUCH that DS can't do yet. Also, they are childless and he is fun, but noisy, needy, and chatty. So, it wouldn't be fun for them. THey can take 5 days and do this region -- with all of the wine tours and hikes and fine dining -- and meet up with us on the weekends for the lower-key, child friendly hanging-out stuff.

When my parents come back, we'll basically do what we did with my ILs. Get them their own space (apartment), let DS run back and forth, go to the beach, do free stuff that they like to do (museum, parks with DS, etc), and then do a couple of weekends out at a bach or whatever. It would suit them well, too. Also, more dining out because they like to do that.

Also, staying home over this time of year allows me to work -- and it's a good time of year for me to work. There are enough clients for me to make money, and it's a slow time of year for that overall. Some money is better than no money. And, weekend trips are easy on us and the budget, too.

And then, you know, we can holiday in the boom time of year (july/august) -- which makes it easier to have subs as well as plenty of clients so more money coming in. But no one wants to come here in winter (no worries) so it's nice for just our little family. :)

[razz]

Glad to hear that all your thoughtfulness and effort made the holiday memorable for everyone.

[Gardenarian]

Oh, Zoebird, what a nice story! I'm so glad everything worked out.

[puglogic]

I'm glad everything worked out well, zoebird.

I was surprised that MY holiday visit with the in-laws also went really wonderfully. I went into it determined to stay upbeat, accepting, and positive, and it seemed to be a little contagious. We had fun, felt really cared-for, and had a great time. No one more surprised than me! :)

[Zoebird]

that's awesome, puglogic!

:)