View Full Version : shootings, conversations, and NOT speaking about gun control
So this afternoon my after school programs were put on complete lock down due to a robbery that left a police officer dead and a suspect on the loose. This was very very close to another one of our schools (the staff there parked for their after school shift and then heard shots and ran inside). We usually have one door unlocked for a limited time for pickup since we cannot see the door and the doorbell currently we cannot hear at all, I will be buying a new one as soon as I can. Today we just put a sign up giving my work cell so if a parent was stuck outside they could call me. I already monitor the building constantly after school, but we stepped it up. I think I have been affected by a lockdown with real danger (guns in neighborhood) at least once a year while I have doing this work. Off the top of my head i know of 3 others this school year in our district.
Okay so this had parents waiting to be let in and then coversations started and then I got very uncomfortable with one parent. I know they are conservative and I respect their views. Of course today was a high tension one since all the parents knew what happened. In the conversation the mom said she wanted real security after school (something I expressed was on my ask for list) and she wanted us to be armed. I think she saw the alarm on my face because she backed off a little.
It also came up when I visited a friend recovering from surgery. The news was on and she exclaimed that she hoped that it didn't affect gun rights. I don't know what to say? I have said nothing so far really, but the intensity of these comments make it hard. For clarification I am Buddhist and I have responded to the violence by going back to being vegetarian as well as jsut showing up to work every day, working with the ways kids need to develop. I am working on a morning meditation that i could lead one day a week before school as well.
Does anyone have any ideas on this? I just want to find a way to put in my own perspective, but to create arguments is a form of violence, forcing others to agree with me is a form of violence, and standing in judgement that is apparent to others is a form of violence in my world view. I just need a couple sentences to help answer, and maybe this belongs in spirituality? Feel free to move it as needed.
I think that in the first instance, it would be easy enough to say that you are looking into security after school, but that you would not -- personally -- want to be armed (I know that I wouldn't).
In the second instance, I often find that it's easy enough to say something vague -- "change is not always for the better or the worse. who knows what will happen?" or some such.
Stating your opinion, too, is not a form of violence. Arguments are simply dialectic tactics, not violence. True, though, that if a person is likely to have a strong emotional rise, then it's best to back away (an emotional response that is extreme is the violence, but it's not your "fault" per se. And you can't force anyone to agree with you, so there's no way that you can even commit that violence. and your opinion isn't necessarily standing in judgment.
So, let yourself off the hook a little bit, and see if you can come up with a simple way to say "I disagree, I think that more gun controls would be a good idea. Of course, we are all free to hold our opinions."
So this afternoon my after school programs were put on complete lock down due to a robbery that left a police officer dead and a suspect on the loose. This was very very close to another one of our schools (the staff there parked for their after school shift and then heard shots and ran inside). We usually have one door unlocked for a limited time for pickup since we cannot see the door and the doorbell currently we cannot hear at all, I will be buying a new one as soon as I can. Today we just put a sign up giving my work cell so if a parent was stuck outside they could call me. I already monitor the building constantly after school, but we stepped it up. I think I have been affected by a lockdown with real danger (guns in neighborhood) at least once a year while I have doing this work. Off the top of my head i know of 3 others this school year in our district.
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Yesterday we had one of those shooting a block from where I work. The shooter (referred to as mentally challenged in several accounts) got mad because his student loans ran out and shot up the loan officer at his school and himself. Neither dead, both seriously wounded.
These incidents do get people to talking, that's for sure. If you are acting in an official capacity and are talking to a parent, giving an overview of what your school already does for security is a decent answer.
For a personal conversation, offer your opinion if you think that is worthwhile, there's nothing wrong with that. But staying silent is fine, too. Neither of you are going to change each others' mind most likely so why bother to extend the conversation if that seems troubling to you, as it does by your post.
Thank you, my silence so far has been the best option other than answering parent concerns.
My goal is to make some type of statement that is not creating more arguing, but is along the lines of the root causes are not in the law, the root causes are something we can try to affect in every day how we interact with each other. I would love to come up with a profound statement instead of a pithy one. I guess under it all is the goal of saying out of 2 sides there is a 3rd opinion, and maybe people don't know we exist or that they have options to not be divided in one side or another. I can't be the only one who can see the point of view, or at least have compassion for those who are so scared they want guns available or so scared they want guns gone.
You are not the only one who wishes for a "peaceable" answer. I don't know what's going on in this country but it seems like my way or the highway is the prevailing theme. Empathy for another's situation or viewpoint no longer matters. Silence is golden IMO. Just listen.
As a practical matter most of the 'experts' I have seen quoted recently think it is a bad idea to arm teachers and school administrators. The simple reason being that they have not typically been through the kind of comprehensive training that would prepare them for what is, in essence, a combat situation. The general consensus, at least at DD's school, is that teachers should lock doors, turn off lights, get kids away from any windows, behind furniture and keep them quiet. There is certainly no one-size-fits-all response, but that action is generally regarded as being prudent and is also non-violent.
I am not particularly familiar with anything beyond the most basic tenets of Buddhism, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to let yourself be bullied to stay true to them. Letting others vent a little is probably wise. When the highest emotions calm down a bit is when you can have a real conversation. It probably also pays to remember that regardless of which side of the debate someone is on the root emotion is the same. Fear. We are all scared that something could happen to our kids. We all want to do what we can to prevent that from happening. Phrased correctly that is a powerful way to bring people together.
I guess under it all is the goal of saying out of 2 sides there is a 3rd opinion, and maybe people don't know we exist or that they have options to not be divided in one side or another. I can't be the only one who can see the point of view, or at least have compassion for those who are so scared they want guns available or so scared they want guns gone.
There are more "sides" than that.
The assumption that those who want guns available are "scared" is flawed in many cases, for instance.
5 feet away from me now is a full set of firefighting PPE, and a SCBA airpack, and a set of irons. I can be out the door geared up in a minute or so. That doesn't mean I'm "scared" of fire, simply that I have the tools on-hand to deal with a fire or other related emergency if my neighbors have need, because I feel it is my moral duty to be able to render aid to others to the best of my ability.
I *am* scared of heights though, thus I have no ladder handy :-)
As a practical matter most of the 'experts' I have seen quoted recently think it is a bad idea to arm teachers and school administrators. The simple reason being that they have not typically been through the kind of comprehensive training that would prepare them for what is, in essence, a combat situation. The general consensus, at least at DD's school, is that teachers should lock doors, turn off lights, get kids away from any windows, behind furniture and keep them quiet. There is certainly no one-size-fits-all response, but that action is generally regarded as being prudent and is also non-violent.
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The idea of arming teachers is incomprehensible to me--from wits asking which of your teachers would you have wanted to see packing heat to graphics pointing out even the best defense doesn't always work:
http://www.watchdogcauses.com/2013/01/would-arming-school-teachers-make.html
..to contemplating how long it would be before some kid got their hands on teacher's sidearm. It's a non-starter in my mind.
Bae, yes that was very simplistic in my wording. Basically I am not judging how someone reacts to what has been happening and making this even more divisive. It does not need to be an us-them about issues of violence and weapons. I am not going to be armed because that is not the role I chose. however I am happy to have others who are prepared/trained/willing to do that role. My roles include educating, all the first aid cluster of skills, and being able to prepare enough that I am not an unnecesary drain on emergency services.
I heard today that the officer in last night's incident was wounded in the shoulder but not killed.
Zoe Girl - I would try to keep my conversations with any parents as professional as possible - just the facts ma'am - rather then go into your personal feelings on any subject. Just tell them that the Schools administrators are looking into any security issues for the school and that the parent should contact them. I find that to be the key in any job. If someone (not a co-worker but a client) made a comment to me while I was on the job, say asking my position on gun law or how I feel about something, I wouldn't respond to those kinds of questions as I consider them personal rather then professional. I'd just re direct the conversation back to something professional. If they kept talking about it, I'd either change the subject or just not engage in the conversation. Not always easy to do but doable.
If it's a co-worker I know well, or friends or family wanting to talk about topics that can become heated, I will also usually stay away form that too. Too much potential emotional harm. We basicly agree to disagree on those topics - whether religious, political, etc... -and don't talk about them. If, however, I am with someone that I feel comforatable enough having a lively debate on various topics - someone who won't get angry or hurt because I disagree with their side - then I enjoy a good debate.
Sidebar: My sister, who I have mentioned before has been an armed security officer for a big defense contractor for years, was laid off a year or so ago when her job site shut down (and has since been re-hired by the same company at a different location). While she was laid off she applied to a school district for some sort of office clerk/receptionist position over a year ago. She didn't get it. But yesterday they contacted her for a job because it seems that they are looking into having someone who is trained, licensed and experienced with guns professionally, and who has worked armed security, military or law enforcement, for the position. She didn't look into it further but I thought that was interesting. The school - a middle school - is a closed campus with only one entrance where the "armed ?? receptionist" would be. So maybe that is going to be the wave of the future for many school districts - to hire very experienced and trained security personal (ex-military, law enforcement, and professional security people) to do double duty rather than teachers or other school staff members. The LA police dept already has a division for school police - mainly for high schools but middle schools too - and they are regular full time LA Police Officers.
I agree with Spartana. Your job is not to engage the parents in any form of dialogue about school violence or what steps the board or responsible people may choose to do about your school. You should refer them to the proper chain of command for questions about big picture issues. I can see you in a lose lose situation. No matter what you say, someone may hear it and take offense and you would not mean anything by your comments.
Keep your personal feelings out of the equation and do not in any way get involved in expressing your personal opinions on the subject. It is a toxic subject right now. We even had a brief discussion of guns today in a quilting group and my friend and I stayed well out of the conversation since it was bordering on crazy (to us). Nothing rational would have made a dent.
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