View Full Version : Nephew's wedding in Aug...should we go?
I wanted to get some opinions on whether we should go to our nephew's wedding. Here's the situation: it's technically our step-nephew, the son of my BIL's 2nd wife. The nephew, his fiancee, BIL and the wife all stayed with us over a couple of days surrounding Thanksgiving, and we get along well with them. If the wedding were nearby, there would be no question that we'd go. However, the wedding is in Puerto Punasco, Mexico. In August. Because there's no airport there, we'd have to fly somewhere else (such as Phoenix) then take a bus or rent a car and drive there, for about 4 hrs. Now, I don't know why they picked a "destination wedding". Because they don't want many people to come, and just sent a save the date card as a sort of obligation or thanks for letting us stay at your house thing? Because they thought why go on a honeymoon just the two of us, when everyone enjoys a honeymoon destination? Because they've been there and it's the most beautiful place in the world to them, and they want to share that with their friends and family? I don't know. I can probably ask my SIL at some point if I can figure out how to diplomatically ask this sort of thing.
So our situation: money wise, we should be able to swing it because we didn't really have much travel planned this year except backpacking. However, I don't have any great (or even minor) desire to visit Puerto Punasco since we never went there the entire time we lived in Phoenix. And we have both a regular passport and the passport card as well as friends who had trips t Baja and the like when we lived there. I certainly have absolutely zero desire to fly to Phoenix in August, knowing full well what Phoenix is like in August. Although I suppose we would not spend much time there unless travel got FUBAR'd for some reason. Anyway, what would you do? I don't want to offend but OTOH this isn't the way I'd ideally spend my vacation time and money.
I'd just send a gift and go on vacation where ever I want. Most wedding invites are looking for gifts anyway.
It doesnt sound like you are close. At least close enough for such a big deal trip. I would not want to go to Arizona or Mexico in August either. Did it in July and ran like heck to Flagstaff to get out of the heat.
No need to go into explanations, just send regrets. I suspect they will get a lot of them but that is normal for "destination" weddings.
I agree with the above replies. You don't need to go and you don't need to give a reason. Send a gift and your best wishes.
+4. They don't seem to be that close, family-wise or geographically speaking.
I would never allow someone else to dictate to me where and when I go on vacation. Destination Weddings in their original form, where only immediate family were expected to attend, were a cool idea. They've grown beyond all of that to an extravaganza where dozens and dozens are invited, along with a full compliment of bridesmaid and attendants. ugh. Can you imagine having to be a bridesmaid at one of these things? All of the money you'd have to spend.
Some years ago we attended weddings of nieces during the same spring, one in Florida where we flew, and one in Iowa where we drove 6 hours. The Florida one was ok because we visited St. Augustine, a cool place. The Iowa one was outside of my favorite Iowa city, IOwa City. But those are the last ones I've attended. DH now goes to his family weddings, I just have no interest.
BarbieGirl
1-19-13, 8:33pm
I think if you have a real desire to go, then certainly! Otherwise, I'd just sent my regrets.
Personally, if I was going to spend a decent amount of money on a trip, I'd want to enjoy it! Not just feel like it was something I'd have to do, KWIM? :cool:
try2bfrugal
1-19-13, 9:28pm
I agree with the other posters. Just send regrets and a gift and spend your vacation money on some place you want to go. Phoenix in August isn't something I'd spend money on unless it was perhaps a much closer relative.
There is a funny Seinfeld episode about a destination wedding in India. Even the groom's parents didn't attend and told Elaine to not go and just send a gift.
http://www.seinology.com/scripts/script-164.shtml
Lost count of the number of + posts so I just agree with the others.
If you're thinking of it as an obligation, don't go to the wedding.
If you'd rather spend your travel money on a place you have more interest in, don't go to the wedding
But, if you would like the chance to be with the family again, and it's just that the specific destination isn't turning you on--I say go.
In other words, I'm not you, but I'm putting myself in the situation. If I had a chance to have a rare couple of days among family that I get along well with, I'd be open to the adventure of going to Mexico--expecting that I might just have a great time. But again, that's how I would look at it. Doesn't sound like that's where you are.
If for a second, I feel the need to question, doubt, or ponder, then that for me is my answer.
Thanks for all the responses! As far as the idea of going in order to see family....they are all closer than Phoenix or Puerto Punasco, and in (my opinion) better destinations. SIL lives in a ski resort town and nephew lives in a town a relatively short drive from Yellowstone NP. Both are within a day's drive of us....probably why I was surprised they didn't just have the wedding in one place or another, esp since either Jackson WY or any of several mountain towns in CO are destination weddings for many people living in other parts of the US. Then if they want a beach vacation, just do a honeymoon there.
In any case, the consensus is unanimous: don't go if we don't want to. I think we'd rather knock off a couple 14ers than sit on a beach so that settles that :-)
If you really don't want to go, then don't. Politely decline and if you want to, send a gift. It's nice that they invited you and all, but honestly in the case of a destination wedding, it does need to be understood by the bride and groom that not everyone invited will be able to attend. Not saying that they won't understand if you do decline, but don't feel bad if they don't.
Went to Puerto Punasco while on a college trip. It was nice but it was in March so the temps were OK. I can't imagine going there in the summer!
decemberlov
1-23-13, 2:12pm
Maybe it's possible that they want a destination wedding because they really don't want many to attend. I have to say that I've considered it for myself thinking how much easier it may be than having something where I feel almost obligated to invite everyone, have to make so many plans, etc. etc. Most of these destination places have a service where you pay, show up get married and that's it...they do all the rest of the work for you.
No reason to go, I'd be concerned with my safety in Mexico. At least here the border areas just aren't safe and taking a long bus trip would be ill advised. Send a gift, say you won't be able to attend, no explanations needed.
If you don't want to go then don't go. You have no desire to be there and that will surely shine through. It's not really about where you want to go, it's their choice and if you're going to be upset that's how you're spending time of instead of happy about the wedding celebration then just send your best wishes and a gift.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.