Zoe Girl
1-21-13, 4:35pm
Dang it, I just need to get this out because I know it is not appropriate to talk about in many situations.
I am doing a training with a partner organization tomorrow and I feel like crap about it. First of all I have not had any opportunity to put the process I have learned from the partner organization into practice. I am generally known as the person who will try new things and make them happen so it has just been a result of being moved school to school, low enrollment of programming, etc. So we were supposed to put on this training in November but the contract was not approved in time by our district. Turns out I am not as prepared as I thought I was based on planning the training with the other person. We scheduled a time last week to talk and I was not that prepared due to losing about 2-3 hours of work time due to lockdown/police shooting in our area. I am getting ready but allowing myself whatever i want to eat, a stopping time and even a few tears of frustration.
So my brain, can't talk about that at work. I am bipolar II, that is like the crazy entrepreneur type. It is thankfully not the go to the hospital type although I think a tremendous amount of energy has been spent the last couple years keeping me and my kids out of needing more serious help. That means the 'simple' tasks can take so much of my energy and an 11 hour day can affect me quite a bit (the shooting day was part of an unavoidable 11 hour day). I struggle to think in sequence and recall details, I want to hole up instead of returning phone calls, etc. I do what I need to do but it is real work. Meanwhile I am creating a new type of language class, supporting one of my staff in creating a writing class and supporting a young man who is coming in to teach digital music making after school. I want to work with our health inequities grant person to lead meditation one day a week before school if that works out. Plus I opened our etsy shop with my 4 items that had good photographs. I am pretty darn excited about these things and I am doing the detail work to get them done, but if you do not create things from scratch it may not be clear how much work it is compared to hiring a provider to come in and put a program into place.
So I have a break planned in an hour to meet someone for coffee. Now I just need to slough through the details that are so hard for me. Thanks for letting me just get this out, I am so scared that this opportunity I finally have to do a larger training is going to suck (low registration due to a variety of reasons that maybe I could have done better on is one thing I am already stressing about) and that means I will be forever doomed to under 30K because my brain is wired the way that it is.
I am doing a training with a partner organization tomorrow and I feel like crap about it. First of all I have not had any opportunity to put the process I have learned from the partner organization into practice. I am generally known as the person who will try new things and make them happen so it has just been a result of being moved school to school, low enrollment of programming, etc. So we were supposed to put on this training in November but the contract was not approved in time by our district. Turns out I am not as prepared as I thought I was based on planning the training with the other person. We scheduled a time last week to talk and I was not that prepared due to losing about 2-3 hours of work time due to lockdown/police shooting in our area. I am getting ready but allowing myself whatever i want to eat, a stopping time and even a few tears of frustration.
So my brain, can't talk about that at work. I am bipolar II, that is like the crazy entrepreneur type. It is thankfully not the go to the hospital type although I think a tremendous amount of energy has been spent the last couple years keeping me and my kids out of needing more serious help. That means the 'simple' tasks can take so much of my energy and an 11 hour day can affect me quite a bit (the shooting day was part of an unavoidable 11 hour day). I struggle to think in sequence and recall details, I want to hole up instead of returning phone calls, etc. I do what I need to do but it is real work. Meanwhile I am creating a new type of language class, supporting one of my staff in creating a writing class and supporting a young man who is coming in to teach digital music making after school. I want to work with our health inequities grant person to lead meditation one day a week before school if that works out. Plus I opened our etsy shop with my 4 items that had good photographs. I am pretty darn excited about these things and I am doing the detail work to get them done, but if you do not create things from scratch it may not be clear how much work it is compared to hiring a provider to come in and put a program into place.
So I have a break planned in an hour to meet someone for coffee. Now I just need to slough through the details that are so hard for me. Thanks for letting me just get this out, I am so scared that this opportunity I finally have to do a larger training is going to suck (low registration due to a variety of reasons that maybe I could have done better on is one thing I am already stressing about) and that means I will be forever doomed to under 30K because my brain is wired the way that it is.