Motivation, An Update and a $150 Dinner

[jschmidt]

Occasionally, I spew an update on this site because very few people in our lives think it is a good idea to get out of the rat race.

Since having paid off all debt in 2009, things have been great, but motivation to continue on in business has been waning. I spoke with a friend of mine a while ago who just bought a mansion, and he mentioned that him getting it was a very big help in being motivated to working harder, and achieving more at work.

I thought about that a bit, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't what I wanted. For me, work = stress, and I don't want stress in my life ... no matter how many square feet of property it can give me on a golf course or in a gated community!

As I have let my business slow down, I have a sense of a lack of pride ... that I have "given up", so to speak. I feel that our friends are passing us up, each time they make a massive purchase, or get on their high horse about flying some place to work. One friend of mine said they just dropped $150 for a dinner for 2 at a fancy restaurant ... whaaa? I'm sorry...just not tracking with that....at all!

So as we go over to others houses, my wife and I both marvel at the massive 3d hdtv in the theatre room, are in awe at all the amazing features their new vehicles have, and love the furniture, appliances, etc.

But then I remember, I am choosing to not get those shiny things, so I can partake in my passion of finding deals, re-selling. Not having to go to meetings, or dress up for jobs each day. Not being someone's slave for 40 hours a week. That does help tons ,but I guess there really is a trade off! I wonder how many people, if given the choice AFTER making all their purchases, if they could go back and decide to live more cheaply so they don't have to work so hard or in an unfullfilling job. To take it a step further - if they DO choose to have all the nice things and the nice house instead, I wonder if it is just because they don't know better, and they believe that this is how life is supposed to be?!

The American dream is something that is pretty clear cut - bigger and better = winning! Heck, I still struggle from time to time on this stuff. I'm doing what I enjoy, but I always feel like the odd person out, and always think ... am I doing what I should be?

[catherine]

If you sell your future to buy meaningless cr*p and show off to your friends as a way of motivating yourself to get out of bed in the morning, I'd find some other way chase that carrot.

You're the Marilyn Munster in the story here. If you feel differently than your friends because you're pursuing your passion rather than running in a treadmill going nowhere and you are your own person not beholden to anyone, what is the trade off? Not "fitting in" with your friends? I'll take that trade-off any day.

It's up to you to determine whether you are comfortable with your pace and your pride and your own terms of success, but don't compare yourself to the masses to do it!

[citrine]

I would rather have no debt, some nice things, and free time rather than the type of friends that expect me to go bigger and fancier! The only thing you need to ask is if you are happy.....if you are, that is all that matters!

[jschmidt]

a family member recently said that they wanted to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for their kids because their sister is, and they wanted to "keep up". that really dropped my jaw ... i mean ... who actually admits that? we simple livers think they are thinking that ... but saying it out loud?

[flowerseverywhere]

There is a big factor that you did not mention in the debt free lifestyle. The world today is no longer like it used to be. Pensions and old age financial security is threatened across Europe and the US. The people who get social security today will be getting more than those that follow, it is inevitable. Many people are losing ground, especially those just starting out with high education loans. In an instant a company can decide to close an office, or downsize or rightsize, or the economy can go into a downswing and services a business offers can no longer be needed.

To me, those are very compelling reasons to live as simple and debt free a life as possible when in your working years. We have friends who lived a much higher lifestyle than we ever did and they will be working far into old age and some are facing terrible working conditions. Also as you age there is much discrimination in the workplace and many jobs where you have to lift or be on your feet can be hell for an older person. My friends in the schools systems are trying to figure out how to get out- after years of loving their jobs things are changing at a rapid pace as budgets get tighter, classes larger and more and more regulations.


I have no regrets for not having the big house, shiny new cars or meals out, especially when I talk to my friends who are still in the rat race. Life is too precious to be beholden to material things beyond what truly has value to you.

[SteveinMN]

The American dream is something that is pretty clear cut - bigger and better = winning! Heck, I still struggle from time to time on this stuff. I'm doing what I enjoy, but I always feel like the odd person out, and always think ... am I doing what I should be?
You are the Marilyn Munster in all this (love that, catherine), the odd person out. We live in a society that has always Always ALWAYS equated "more" with "better". In fact, our economy is driven by continuous consumption, and if we all stopped buying stuff tomorrow, we'd create a hole which we likely would never get out.

In addition, you're a part of the choir here. We're all here because we prefer to live simpler lives (whatever that means to each of us -- less mechanized, less rooted, less stressful, whatever). There are just as many -- or more -- people who truly believe that whoever dies with the most toys wins. Depending on how old you are, you likely have parents or grandparents who were "Depression Babies" or have heard of celebrities who grew up really poor and now highly value owning stuff.

I am hopeful that the traditional American Dream is changing as it becomes more apparent that it is unsustainable on economic, ecological, and perhaps sociological grounds. It will be a rare individual who will work in the same career at the same company, as our grandparents and many of our parents did. Certain costs are going up way faster than inflation and they will have to be met or dealt with; the money has to come from somewhere. We are starting to see that people in their 20s are eschewing car- and home-ownership as tremendous commitments of money and time that are not necessary to have a happy productive life.

I can tell you that former colleagues of mine get a little green when I tell them that I was able to retire early -- a goal that, for many of them, is years away, and not just on numbers -- it's because they're so encumbered with houses and cars and cabins and motorcycles and Jetskis and huge TVs that, short of selling them for cheap, they'll have to pay off before they can have the daily freedom I have. Some of them believe that's the way it should be; some of them view their stuff as vindication of their hard work. I do not hold those values.

jschmidt, you have to think about what you value most. I knew retiring probably meant I bought my last new-ish car. It meant saying goodbye to a fun relaxing cruise every year. It meant not being the restaurant reviewer among my peers. But, looking back, I would make the same decision again -- and I do look back with more than a little regret over the $$$ I spent, essentially, on little of lasting value, just because I could.

Live your own life. You'll enjoy it far more than living someone else's.

[Wildflower]

I'll tell you a true story. DH and I spent our early years paying down our debt until we got to zero debt. What a great day that was, even though the getting there was sometimes hard! And then when he had to have spinal surgery and he couldn't return to work he was able to take early retirement at the age of 50. I had had to quit working a couple years previous due to my own health problems. The wonderful thing about all of this is that we were able and still are able to successfully live with no debt on his small pension... We have a nice, although very modest home, health insurance, good food, one decent vehicle, and everything we need to be happy, and we are.

And our friends are continually jealous of us!! These are the same friends that have always flaunted their latest and greatest purchases to us for years. Now they wish they had done what we did. Some of them will be working until they're very, very old.

[razz]

Well done Widlflower! That true story is the reason for staying within one's means at all times regardless of the influence of others and consumerism.

[Gregg]

The world is a funny place when you swim against the current. We are in mid-renovation of an 874 sq.ft. house (plus full basement so not exactly tiny). DD2, the last kid, is graduating HS in May and will be off to school after that so we will be empty nesters. We WANT a small house for just the two of us. Anyway, several of our friends have expressed sorrow, or pity, regarding our obvious financial duress causing us to move into such a small house. They can't comprehend that giving up the McMansion is voluntary or that I am doing a good part of the work on the new place because I enjoy it. For that matter when we talk about the garden plans and mention keeping a few chickens they assume we must also be on food stamps. We finally just gave up trying to convince those people that we really are excited about this new chapter. Since our downsizing will free up a lot of cash that we will use to travel DW says that maybe they will catch on when the see the pics on Facebook.

[catherine]

The world is a funny place when you swim against the current. We are in mid-renovation of an 874 sq.ft. house (plus full basement so not exactly tiny). DD2, the last kid, is graduating HS in May and will be off to school after that so we will be empty nesters. We WANT a small house for just the two of us. Anyway, several of our friends have expressed sorrow, or pity, regarding our obvious financial duress causing us to move into such a small house. They can't comprehend that giving up the McMansion is voluntary or that I am doing a good part of the work on the new place because I enjoy it. For that matter when we talk about the garden plans and mention keeping a few chickens they assume we must also be on food stamps. We finally just gave up trying to convince those people that we really are excited about this new chapter. Since our downsizing will free up a lot of cash that we will use to travel DW says that maybe they will catch on when the see the pics on Facebook.

So true.. People just have a default setting that more and bigger=prosperity; less and smaller=scarcity.

I love it when I watch HGTV and empty-nesters are downsizing from 6000 square feet to 4000--and they feel like they're sacrificing!! (Oh my God--no his and her bathrooms in the master suite?? Only 8 can fit around the kitchen island?? The walk-in closet is only 200 square feet!!) When the cost of ownership has to include a housekeeping staff to clean it, I draw the line.

[MaryHu]

Maybe you need some new friends? Not abandon the old just find some like minded people who understand. Maybe start a simplicity group in your town?

[citrine]

Gregg....LOL!! We get strange looks too when DH and I talk about the garden plans and building our shelves/island or making decorations for the house, or curb shopping. DH and also wear the same colors/clothes a lot so they probably think we are "poor". We love seeing the looks on their faces when we talk about our travel :)

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Maybe you need some inspiring stories to identify with rather than the over the top spending friends. I think one of the greatest books I turn to for inspiration in examples of simple living is The Simple Living Guide by Janet Luhrs. If you can read the stories there, (and other like minded publications/websites), and hear the ones shared here and they strike a chord with you, then you can know you are on the right path. When your friends talk about the $150.00 dinners etc. and you wince inwardly thinking "why?" then again, you can guess that you are following the right path in pursing simple living. As you can tell from here, SL means different things to different people, you will find your niche and what fits best for you.

[Rachel]

My brother and his wife live in an immense mansion--I call it "the castle" -- and they both look haggard and exhausted whenever I see them. I have laugh to myself (quietly, on the inside) because I think THEY feel sorry for ME--living in my little 2 room apartment, LOL! It's not for me to judge them, I just know I'm so content with a simple lifestyle, with long vacations and time to read and do other fun things.

[Life_is_Simple]

My brother and his wife live in an immense mansion--I call it "the castle" -- and they both look haggard and exhausted whenever I see them. I have laugh to myself (quietly, on the inside) because I think THEY feel sorry for ME--living in my little 2 room apartment, LOL! It's not for me to judge them, I just know I'm so content with a simple lifestyle, with long vacations and time to read and do other fun things.
Also, I can imagine that they have a ton of STUFF in the castle. To have to care for all the stuff would be rough.