Zoe Girl
2-10-13, 11:33am
and tiredness, I guess this is another type of vent. I feel good about all the years I have practiced Buddhism and I think that has made these situations better, I am less reactionary, however I still have biases and basic human stuff going on. The biggest change in the last year or so is that I am not taking it personally so much.
One major one this last week is a staff person. She is getting a major write up after a stunt she pulled on Thursday. It was pretty close to not being seen as the stunt it was but she goofed a little so others saw what I see. She does not follow my directions very well and often talks on so much in ways that are reactionary and judgemental that by the end of something I have very little idea of what to do. I find that my style of asking questions and guiding things is almost useless with her. So this write up is for insubordination, and it is not a gray area on it at all. I have talked to my department, the principals at the school where we have our program and almost the police until I was able to call that off as being inappropriate. I am very glad that I am getting supported in this however I doubt it will make much of an effect on how she sees things and I need to let go of that.
Then my lovely daughter. She is getting tax return money so I hope that makes it possible for her to move out. After what happened the last time I asked her to leave I may never feel comfortable kicking her out again. She has been sick and then today there was a post on facebook about how her family has not taken care of her and her boyfriend who was also sick had to drive over to bring her medicine. It is true that her brother had friends over when she was sick and that affected her, it is not true that I did not bring her what she needed, she basically kept telling me nothing until he rushed in with the bag of rescue medicine. Just Monday we had another argument over dishes, I love how these happen on the days I work 12 hours and she has off. I even texted her to please not post on face book that she was asked to do an hour of work on her day off. That means she just simmers but still feels justified.
I feel these huge pulls towards the drama traingle in both cases, and I refuse to play along. Both of these people are more than capable of doing what needs to be done and for asking for help if needed. Throw in a significant number of times I make the effort to ask or talk to them and I am left with not much to work with. Still it is uncomfortable and emotionally exhausting. I have a little more support with a new family I met that can relate and I find that so helpful, not a whining complaining thing but seriously about how exhausting this can be to keep the high road and the standards and the door open for some amount of affection.
One major one this last week is a staff person. She is getting a major write up after a stunt she pulled on Thursday. It was pretty close to not being seen as the stunt it was but she goofed a little so others saw what I see. She does not follow my directions very well and often talks on so much in ways that are reactionary and judgemental that by the end of something I have very little idea of what to do. I find that my style of asking questions and guiding things is almost useless with her. So this write up is for insubordination, and it is not a gray area on it at all. I have talked to my department, the principals at the school where we have our program and almost the police until I was able to call that off as being inappropriate. I am very glad that I am getting supported in this however I doubt it will make much of an effect on how she sees things and I need to let go of that.
Then my lovely daughter. She is getting tax return money so I hope that makes it possible for her to move out. After what happened the last time I asked her to leave I may never feel comfortable kicking her out again. She has been sick and then today there was a post on facebook about how her family has not taken care of her and her boyfriend who was also sick had to drive over to bring her medicine. It is true that her brother had friends over when she was sick and that affected her, it is not true that I did not bring her what she needed, she basically kept telling me nothing until he rushed in with the bag of rescue medicine. Just Monday we had another argument over dishes, I love how these happen on the days I work 12 hours and she has off. I even texted her to please not post on face book that she was asked to do an hour of work on her day off. That means she just simmers but still feels justified.
I feel these huge pulls towards the drama traingle in both cases, and I refuse to play along. Both of these people are more than capable of doing what needs to be done and for asking for help if needed. Throw in a significant number of times I make the effort to ask or talk to them and I am left with not much to work with. Still it is uncomfortable and emotionally exhausting. I have a little more support with a new family I met that can relate and I find that so helpful, not a whining complaining thing but seriously about how exhausting this can be to keep the high road and the standards and the door open for some amount of affection.