Can't afford house down payment? Ask for a handout!

[Tradd]

I'm not going to link to this, but these folks have got to be in lala land if they think other folks in these difficult times are going to help them.

It's a young married couple with no kids. They've been married a few years. I saw this on a friend's FB page. Couple seems to have had some financial difficulty in the past, but I'd love to ask them what makes them think they *need* such help when there are people in real need. These folks can afford to keep a rented roof over their heads. Since they don't have kids yet, they should try picking up extra work if they want to own a house so badly.

What's wrong with the young folks today that renting is so beneath them, if they can't afford something else? I've encountered this mindset in not a few...

My parents (married mid-1960s) rented for four years before they could afford to have a house built (the lot was purchased two years after they were married).

I've known of several young couples in recent years (who were NOT living together) who were engaged 2-3 years for the sole reason they wanted a house before they were married. All involved were employed at good jobs.

Just another example of young people who have to have almost right from the start what probably took their parents years.

[ToomuchStuff]

There are SOOOOOO many mooches out there, it does not surprise me.
Unfortunately it isn't just young people. While too many of them think they are supposed to have their parents lifestyle, straight out of school, and go into debt to do it, I have also dealt with adults that think "they deserve it" (what I call it)
Some examples, while I was visiting a friends restaurant, a group came in and was hitting the owner up for sponsorship. They needed $5000 to buy the kids matching leather outfits for this after season tournament, and then if you would like to donate more, to cover the kids and parents rooms, etc.
Another visit when I lent a hand picking up some equipment during bad weather (4x4 truck and extra back), and a gal called as the schools were closed, and she didn't/shouldn't have to feed her kids because the schools free lunch program was closed with the school. (and wanted delivery from a place that doesn't). Her words were "your responsible to feed me".
This doesn't even count the kids who expect mommy and daddy to do everything.


Personally, I am still shocked that parents are required to pay for their kids college when they get a divorce, but those of us whose parents stayed married, can be told, go screw yourself, it is your responsibility.

[Mrs-M]

Originally posted by Tradd.
Just another example of young people who have to have almost right from the start what probably took their parents years.Bingo! And does it EVER show. DH and I, received no help... Between our two families, if you wanted something growing up, you prioritize and worked for it, which (gasp), means you for surely went without/did without certain things in order to see whatever goal/dream through, and yet when I observe twenty-somethings today, their upbringing and character reflects a lack of realistic ideals and over-the-top expectations.

[flowerseverywhere]

How fortunate that these people are not typical of the young people I see all around me. Unfortunately many of the advantages that we have become accustomed to will no longer be available to our young people. Social security and pensions which have many advantages for the elderly today are rapidly becoming a thing of the past while we leave a huge deficit for our heirs. Plus how much more of their income they need to contribute to their health care. When we were young marrieds our health care had no contribution from us and almost no copays and free medications. Oh how times have changed.

All around me I see young people who work hard, are very generous with their time and money to charity and almost all of my friends have kids who are trying hard to make it without any parental or government help in this crazy world.

Who knows, maybe some relatives or friends would be glad to help out. Unless there were extenuating circumstances I wouldn't.

[SteveinMN]

Over the weekend, I saw an ad on TV for the "Dodge Dart Registry". It's like a wedding registry -- you configure the colors/options you want on the Dodge Web site and then you can let your peeps know that they can give you "gifts" which are components of the car -- engine, wheel/tire, seat, etc. Part of me applauds the novelty and fresh thinking of the sales approach and part of me wonders what the heck is wrong with running a used car until you can afford the Dart on your own.

[iris lily]

I still can't wrap my head around any car company resurrecting The Doge Dart, an incredibly stupid car if there ever was one.

Hey auto execs, it's not a Mini Cooper, ok? Not in the same class at all.

[treehugger]

Personally, I am still shocked that parents are required to pay for their kids college when they get a divorce, but those of us whose parents stayed married, can be told, go screw yourself, it is your responsibility.

Well, this is OT, but I can assure you that even if that's what the divorce agreement says, that doesn't mean it always happens. My mom got me in the divorce, and my dad got my two brothers. Each parent was supposed to assist "their" kids with college. My brothers got that assistance and I did not. So, don't feel too jealous of all those children of divorce you know. ;)

Kara

[ToomuchStuff]

Well, this is OT, but I can assure you that even if that's what the divorce agreement says, that doesn't mean it always happens. My mom got me in the divorce, and my dad got my two brothers. Each parent was supposed to assist "their" kids with college. My brothers got that assistance and I did not. So, don't feel too jealous of all those children of divorce you know. ;)

Kara

I realize it doesn't always happen. The subject started for me, after hearing some lawyers talk as one kid and one former spouse was going after the other at the time. (I didn't realize how prevalent it was, expected my parents to get divorced when we were little, just due to some of the fights they had).
Most of the divorced couples I have known, are LUCKY if the spouse stays current with child support. Makes me think this is an area the legal system and reality are too far out of sync.

[redfox]

So many ways to frame something. I come from a family value that it's an honor to assist with college and first house down payments. My parents did this for each of their three kids to the extent they could, and we're doing it with our kids to the extent we can. It gives me great joy to support my kids' well-being by helping them out, and I am eternally grateful to my parents for assisting us with a down payment for our family home. It made stabilizing my stepchildren's lives possible under very dire circumstances.

I know we did a good job raising our kids, and that they understand how to also help themselves. No one outside of our family knows the entire story of our family, of our values, and the way we parent. I imagine there are those who choose to judge us according to their perceptions, either with approval or disapproval. Nonetheless, I am proud of our family values, and of our wonderful now young adults. (And I'd seriously discourage them from driving a Dodge Dart!)

[SteveinMN]

I imagine there are those who choose to judge us according to their perceptions, either with approval or disapproval. Nonetheless, I am proud of our family values, and of our wonderful now young adults.
I think you'd have to look really hard to find parents who categorically object to helping their kids financially if it's possible to do so. Of course, every set of parents has their own set of rules about this that reflect their values. I just had lunch today with a woman whose daughter/fiancé/visiting son want to move in after having lived away from her house for several years. She told them when they flew the coop that if they came back, they'd pay rent. It's below-market and she's secretly saving some of it to give back to them later, but not moving back into the house for free was a boundary of hers.

It has been my experience, though, that many people to whom things are handed with little or no sweat on their part do not appreciate having these things as much as if it was their work that got it for them. The kids in high school who were given cars for graduation? The worst drivers. And pretty poor on the maintenance side, too.


(And I'd seriously discourage them from driving a Dodge Dart!)
And, speaking of cars, the Dart has taken quite a slogging on this forum. This Dart is a completely different car than previous versions, based largely on FIAT/Alfa Romeo mechanicals which have been in use for some time. It is not the overpriced gussied-up Plymouth that most Darts were and it has, in fact, gotten pretty good reviews from the pros. Personally, I think Chrysler shot itself in the foot by calling it the Dart, but, well, you can't go from zero to hero without a few steps.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Prior generations were ridiculously spoiled if you ask me, my grandparents (yes grandparents, we're talking born early last century) inherited an elderly aunts house purely for agreeing to keep her in the house in her old age. No mortgage. Spoiled, spoiled prior generations, people were so entitled in those days, gah that generation, I'll tell you, didnt' even have a mortgage, can you believe it? What was wrong with people those days? My grandparents expected right away what, well what let's face it, I will never have, I'll rent till I die, course I guess I could inherit or something.

[Tradd]

IMO, there's a rather large difference between relatives helping other relatives, and a couple who can't afford a down payment asking for contributions from anyone who is willing to cough up the cash, related or not.