View Full Version : For Ladies Only: The Big M (menopause)
Hi, ladies:
I think I might be going through menopause. I say "I think" because I'm not sure. I have been on the Pill for 20+ years w/o a break (which my OB/GYN seems to think is OK). I heard there's a blood test that you can take where they measure your hormone levels to see if you are really going through the change. The doc said they can't do it unless I'm off the Pill--in which case I might become pregnant.
No matter. I have what I think are hot flashes. I cry just about every day. It's like one of those rainforest storms: It happens, it's bad for a few minutes, and then it stops and I'm OK. I seem to need excessive amounts of sleep (I can go 12 hours easily). And my libido seems to have taken a vacation. (Though I have heard some women's sex drives *increase* during menopause, my friend told me that's the exception and not the rule).
I wonder if anyone can recommend a good book, or just some good advice on getting through this. So far the hot flashes are not too bad. The crying? It's a bit disturbing. I can't honestly say that the Big M is what's causing it--I have some stressful situations in my life and it could all be part of the big picture.
I have found my OB/GYN to be almost no use to me at all in terms of coping. My friend told me not to expect anything from him, either.
So, if you have any suggestions, please pass them along. Thanks for listening!
Get the book The Wisdom of Menopause, by Dr. Christine Northrup, and read it! Also, know that menopause is a 15 +/- year process, which usually starts in one's late 30's-early 40's, and concludes in one's early-mid 50's. It's essentially an event one identifies a year later, as it's considered "official" once you've gone more than a year without menstruating.
Also, get a new Gynecologist!!! Sheesh. You deserve information & support. Your Gynecologist needs to consider all angles if you're having hot flashes & are on oral hormones for contraception. And, there are lots of contraception options out there besides the pill, and you can utilize these while you get off the pill, and get your system back to its natural baseline. Do not put up with an inept medical practitioner. Fire him!!!
Gardenarian
2-12-13, 4:17pm
Hi Frugalone -
Do you have another doctor, a primary care physician? If so, this might be a good time to get a full work up. Lots of things might be going on - thyroid, sugar levels, and so on. I hate going to the doctor, but you do need to know what the problem is in order to treat it.
Do you feel your hot flashes from the waist up? If so, they are likely to be hormonal. I found taking evening primrose oil to be a tremendous help - it cut them down about 90%. It's also important to get your Omega 3 (fish oil.)
I was also on birth control pills for many years (for disabling menstrual cramps) and going off it was a revelation. I would not have described myself as depressed, but once off the pill I felt almost euphoric. You might consider taking a break from it and see how that affects you emotions. I know some people stay right on the pill though menopause and hardly notice it, but that doesn't seem to be your case.
Rather than sleeping too much, I had trouble sleeping at all. I'd wake up at 3 a.m. and not be able to get back to sleep. Everyone's different.
I remember taking a test that measured my FSH when I was in my 40s, but I was trying to get pregnant. I never saw my doctor about menopause stuff. I have read that peri-menopause can start as early as the mid-30s. I went through it from 50-52, right on schedule.
As for books, I liked "The natural menopause handbook : herbs, nutrition & other natural therapies" by Amanda McQuade Crawford.
Gardenarian
2-12-13, 4:18pm
Also, get a new Gynecologist!!! Sheesh. You deserve information & support. Your Gynecologist needs to consider all angles if you're having hot flashes & are on oral hormones for contraception. And, there are lots of contraception options out there besides the pill, and you can utilize these while you get off the pill, and get your system back to its natural baseline. Do not put up with an inept medical practitioner. Fire him!!!
+1
I agree to have a general exam first.........just to check your CBC, chem profile, thyroid, etc.
I am going to have some bloodwork done to check my thryoid, A1C etc.
Thank you for your suggestions. I'll check out those books. I am not thrilled with my OB/GYN as it is. I end up waiting for HOURS in the waiting room for my yearly. A friend has recommended her doctor so I may go to that one instead.
awakenedsoul
2-12-13, 10:01pm
You can also do a lot on your own. I've read a few books on perimenopause and menopause, and have made some changes that really help to keep me on an even keel. Exercising every day and eating every two hours are what helped the most. I notice that I get very irritable if I go several hours without eating. Protein, (especially in the a.m. helps.) I have a handlful of nuts three times a day. I take a couple of fish oil capsules a day and drink a cup of soy milk at lunch. Women in Japan don't get hot flashes or have the difficult menopauses that American women do. They eat a lot of fish and soy. Green tea is good, too. It will help your libido. So will fresh garlic. Yogi tea has some herbal aphrodisiacs. You can do a lot for yourself so that you don't suffer. I didn't use a doctor, I just researched books from the library.
iris lily
2-12-13, 10:13pm
Here's something to consider, it will be unpopular I know, but: why DO anything about this? I mean, unless your symptoms are debilitating, do they really require analysis and treatment? so what if you ARE going through menopause? This is a natural thing that will happen sooner or later, must it be diagnosed?
I went through menopause and it was fine, I never went to a doctor. I had light hot flashes which didn't really bother me. I had weird racing heart thing when I drank coffee (so I stopped drinking it! after reading it was a common menopause thing) I don't need as much sleep and really, the entire thing is fine.
Certainly I understand that if you are experiencing severe symptoms then perhaps a discussion with your dr is in order, but what is he going to do, anyway? Do ya REALLY want to ingest all of that ch*t that he might prescribe if you bug him enough?
Just an alternate point of view.
edited to add: ah, I see that awakenedsoul had a similar experience. I, too, skimmed a couple of books from the Library, especially one exclusively about hormones. From that I learned: this is complex and I'm unlikely to figure out entirely which of the hormones are up or down in myself and being bored with the topic, I went out to weed the garden. haha. I eat rather a lot of garlic so if that's good then that certainly helped.
frugalone
2-12-13, 10:23pm
Good point, Iris lily. I guess the worst part of it is the emotional roller coaster. I am trying to get off Lexapro and I don't need anything to complicate things. And the lack of libido is disturbing to me. It makes me feel very bad.
I do eat every two hours, am on a low-sugar, low-carb diet and take several fish oil capsules daily, as well as a multi vitamin. I try to walk at least a half hour every day (I know I should get more exercise, but it's not something I like doing, :(
Wildflower
2-13-13, 4:17am
Here's something to consider, it will be unpopular I know, but: why DO anything about this? I mean, unless your symptoms are debilitating, do they really require analysis and treatment? so what if you ARE going through menopause? This is a natural thing that will happen sooner or later, must it be diagnosed?
I went through menopause and it was fine, I never went to a doctor. I had light hot flashes which didn't really bother me. I had weird racing heart thing when I drank coffee (so I stopped drinking it! after reading it was a common menopause thing) I don't need as much sleep and really, the entire thing is fine.
Certainly I understand that if you are experiencing severe symptoms then perhaps a discussion with your dr is in order, but what is he going to do, anyway? Do ya REALLY want to ingest all of that ch*t that he might prescribe if you bug him enough?
Just an alternate point of view.
edited to add: ah, I see that awakenedsoul had a similar experience. I, too, skimmed a couple of books from the Library, especially one exclusively about hormones. From that I learned: this is complex and I'm unlikely to figure out entirely which of the hormones are up or down in myself and being bored with the topic, I went out to weed the garden. haha. I eat rather a lot of garlic so if that's good then that certainly helped.
I'm so with IL on this one. I've been going through this passage of life since my early 40's, and I'm nearly through at age 55. I haven't had a period in months, just a little short of a year, so can't call myself menopausal quite yet.
I think much suffering is caused by the carp doctors give you, especially fake hormones, etc. I opted to go off BC pills many years ago because I felt crazy on them. Bingo! I was fine once I got off the pill....no more depression, no more major mood swings.
This perimenopause ride has been pretty smooth for me. I expected horrible symptoms from everything I read and heard from other women. I really didn't have any except some very heavy periods towards the end which my gyno attributed to fibroids or perimenopause hormone fluctuations. Whatever it was it stopped.... and I am grateful! :)
I now realize that I had mild hot flashes for probably the last 10 years. No biggie. As long as I didn't indulge in too much caffeine, sugar, or alcohol, I barely noticed them...
I don't think this phase of life necessarily needs to be managed by an MD at all. There is alot you can do for yourself, and alot you can ignore, in my opinion. It's a big deal, if you make it a big deal, I think..... Lordy, the problems I'm having with the herniated disks in my back and neck along with severe spinal stenosis, have been far, far, worse to cope with than anything in my life ever....so that has helped to put the big M in perspective for me as well. I am disabled and in chronic pain from this. Menopause has been far kinder to me...
Now I know alot of women have a really hard time going through this process, but the ones I know that do are on all kinds of freakin' hormones and drugs. Natural is so much better and easier in my opinion....YMMV
Lexipro is really hard core, frugal one. I have friends who are on it and trying to make the switch, and that alone can bring on a lot of the symptoms that you mention. Heck, even lexipro does. It's a great medication when it works well for someone; but it's a rough one when it doesn't!
I agree about gong through menopause. My mother just had night sweats, and I tend to get off easy on all things gyn. I mean, when i get my period, i'm often surprised because i have zero pms symptoms. When I was pregnant, I only was tired the first semester, I might have had one or two hot flashes (but it was summer, so I might ahve just been hot), and I had a painless labor/birth. I mean, it was long and tiring, but there was no pain in it. I suspect that I'll probably have an easy go of it, and my friend just swears by evening primrose oil for herself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can relate to the things you are going through. I have days where I feel like I'm enduring one big hot flash, I cry over nothing, and I can go for long streaks without much desire to have sex. Dh is starting to reminisce about the good ol' days-lol.
I'm just trying hard to embrace the changes and roll with it. In some ways I think its kind of funny that I can lack the desire for sex and then all of the sudden I'll ovulate or get close to menstruating and suddenly dh looks irresistible.
I cry, sometimes SOB, over nothing. A lot of it is silent little tears over something silly that I see online or on television. Once every couple of weeks I break down and really cry about something. I've accepted the fact that its become something I need to do and frankly I always feel better a few minutes afterwards.
Dh and I have learned to talk openly about all of this. Our choice for now, is to just roll with it. We joke about me being a crazy woman. I openly share with him about what is going on, reassure him that he isn't doing anything wrong, and try to be as good to him as possible when I'm feeling sane. I've also told him if it gets too out of control, to let me know and I will get some medical help which for me probably means antidepressants. I've taken them in the past and they do me a ton of good. I get nervous about things getting to the point that I drive dh away.
I don't have any answers for you. I just wanted you to know that I can relate and somehow offer some encouragement. A sense of humor about the whole situation has been my biggest weapon used when it comes to getting through all of this.
I can totally relate to having no desire for the opposite sex whatsoever...I don't really know where I am in the whole menopause thing at age 51. My periods are fairly regular, pretty much cramp free. If I think about it I realize I do get pretty cranky during PMS when I REALLY don't want to deal with men, in particular the guy I am still kinda-sorta dating (still). I sometimes wake up at night pretty sweaty but I think my down comforter is just too hot!
Yeah, it is weird, I look the best I have in a long time, very trim with a pretty great figure and I really don't want to have anything to do with being touched or having sex, god forbid. I have been celibate for quite a while now, going on a couple of years and part of me just thinks that's pretty weird in itself. I actually have been wondering about going in to talk to someone, perhaps my old psychiatrist to see what is going on with this aversion to letting myself get close to someone and becoming physical even. I don't know if it is all in my head or what my hormones may have to do with it. In general, I am pretty happy though!
IL makes a good point---I have hot flashes and am moody at times. Hate the mustache. BUT I'm not doing anything about it, either. I like NOT taking pills, etc.
However, I don't like the sounds of the OP not liking her relationship with her OBGYN. That person should be someone from whom you do not feel condescended to, and that you can trust and talk to.
And just to throw myself on the other side of the spectrum for the sake of showing how we're all different....I LOVE sex! Didn't always, but do now.
Wow, what a variety of reactions to something all women will go through!
The hot flashes are not that bad, and I'm grateful for that because I absolutely HATE being sweaty and hot. I do talk to my SO about the libido thing--and he is very understanding. As for the crying, well, if it has to happen, it has to happen. So far it hasn't inconvenienced me too much!
Thank you all for sharing your experiences!
I think the medical community likes to make everything a disease or condition so I agree with Iris on this one. Looking back, the peri years were by far the worst time of my life as I had horrific bleeding every month. The only solution ever offered to me was hysterectomy so I eventually stopped going to docs and rode it out. On this side of the journey, I have cranky gloomy days that seem to by cyclical, ie monthly. It sort of feels like adolesence in reverse; there are definitely physical changes and events, ie excessive warmth, heart flutters etc. I guess the thing that surprised me the most though is that I never had any warnings about all this from other women in my family so it all came as kind of a shock. And it is so different for each of us depending on our own sensitivity and perceptions.
IL makes a good point---I have hot flashes and am moody at times. Hate the mustache. BUT I'm not doing anything about it, either.
I should clarify...I DO do something about that mustache! :doh:
ApatheticNoMore
2-14-13, 8:36pm
As if that's an M thing, isn't it kind of an over 30 (or maybe less) thing really?
treehugger
2-14-13, 8:48pm
Here's something to consider, it will be unpopular I know, but: why DO anything about this? I mean, unless your symptoms are debilitating, do they really require analysis and treatment? so what if you ARE going through menopause? This is a natural thing that will happen sooner or later, must it be diagnosed?
I agree with this, in theory. It's theory only because I have not reached menopause yet. However, I will admit that perimenopause is kinda kicking my butt. Heavy bleeding that goes on way too long, the most painful cramps I have ever had, back pain and poor sleep (very clearly hormonal; the week before my period starts, I can't sleep and my lower back aches at night). I'm 38 and these symptoms started 2-3 years ago and have increased with time.
I tried a low-dose BC pill for about 5 months, which my Dr. recommended to alleviate these symptoms, but I hated the way it made me feel (I had a tubal, so don't need the pill for BC), so I quit and now just tough it out. I can't take ibuprofen and acetaminophen doesn't do anything for the cramps, so I am left with a heating pad, which does help but isn't always very convenient. I also take iron daily because I was getting anemic from the heavy bleeding. I haven't bothered to go back to my Dr. because she will just suggest a different BC pill and I am done with that.
So, my plan is to just tough out menopause without doctor interference, too, but obviously I reserve the right to change my mind about that when the time comes. :)
Kara
Kara, there are some cannabis strains that would help both your pain & the sleep issue. I am not an expert! I rely on those who know the various hybrids. However, I use cannabis in edible form for osteoarthritis & sleep issues, and it is really effective. It's now legal to have in WA state, though not legal to buy yet.
treehugger
2-14-13, 9:06pm
Kara, there are some cannabis strains that would help both your pain & the sleep issue. I am not an expert! I rely on those who know the various hybrids. However, I use cannabis in edible form for osteoarthritis & sleep issues, and it is really effective. It's now legal to have in WA state, though not legal to buy yet.
Not safe for one-kidneyed people (at least according to DH's nephrologist). But, thanks for the suggestion.
Kara
evening primrose oil should help, Kara. look it up online (evening primrose oil and menopause should get you started).
I went thru a natural menopause at the ripe old age of 30. Just stopped having periods and they never came back ( had the blood work and ultra sound of my ovaries to confirm it was menopause). Other then some pretty severe hot flashes and night sweats that lasted about a year or 2 (and eventually went on HRT to deal with the worst of it but just for a year until they were over), I never had any of the other menopause symptoms mentioned. I think a lot of those body changes are more due to aging then menopause - but because they generally happen at the same time (around age 50ish) they are often attributed to menopause. I'm starting to see some of those changes now that I'm older, but my body has been basicly the same for the last 20 years or so since I went thru menopause. So for me menoapuse didn't change anything in my body (except the freedom to not have periods YAY!!! or get pregnent) since age 30. I didn't gain weight. I didn't get dry skin or more wrinkles. I didn't lose my libedo. I didn't have mood swings except during the hot flash/night sweat times and that may have been due to lack of sleep. I didn't get physically weaker. And didn't "age" in anyway early because of menopause. But now that I'm 50....well I'm starting to see a few body changes that I would call aging.
I had a similar experience to Spartana but around age 42. I can tell hormones are still cycling as I periodically get night sweats, but other than that -- no problems whatsoever.
awakenedsoul
2-15-13, 9:53pm
One of the books I read said that women who are stict vegetarians have the worst symptoms of all her patients during menopause. I've noticed my hair and skin are no longer dry now that I eat a handful of nuts a few times a day. The fish oil really made my coarse hair shiny and healthy, too. (My hair was always dry, even as a young girl.)
I think the yoga I do helps a lot. A few of the poses stimulate the thyroid and parathyroid glands.
As far as the crying, I just let myself cry. It seems to heal and release the energy. Having an artistic, creative hobby really energizes me. I've been knitting some beautiful clothes, and it's very therapeutic. Using your talents is so grounding...
Wildflower
2-16-13, 5:10am
I left this out of my earlier post, but just wanted to add that at 55 my desire for sex is still there, just like always. Nothing really has changed...
And I know I cried lots more in my 20's and 30's than I do now. I'm alot happier with who I am now, very content....
I'm with Spartana on alot of the things attributed to menopause really is just normal aging. :)
When I cry, I feel like the world is ending. Honestly, it's like this total overreaction. It's not just this little weepy thing. The feeling does pass, fortunately, but while I'm going through it, it feels like hell.
I had another question: While you were going through menopause, did you still experience PMS? I'm noticing that the closer I get to the end of my package of pills (i.e. 28 days) the crankier I get. I used to be on a great pill called Yaz, but they won't let me take it anymore now that I am a Type II diabetic.
It virtually eliminated all PMS symptoms. The Lexapro also helped. However, I am determined to get off antidepressants once and for all.
I had a similar experience to Spartana but around age 42. I can tell hormones are still cycling as I periodically get night sweats, but other than that -- no problems whatsoever.One concern I had going thru menopause 20 years earlier then most women was bone density as I am fine/small boned. But I have been getting screenings every year and nothing has changed. I am very physically active and I know that helps a lot with retaining bone density - especially weight lifting - along with calcium and Vit. D.
treehugger
2-19-13, 1:12pm
evening primrose oil should help, Kara. look it up online (evening primrose oil and menopause should get you started).
Thanks, just seeing this today. I will do my due-diligence kidney research on evening primrose oil. Looking forward to maybe getting some relief.
Kara
Gardenarian
2-19-13, 8:00pm
Kara -
can you take naproxen? So much more effective than anything else for cramps!! Take 2 followed by 1 every 6-8 hours. I could never have gone off BC pills without naproxen (brand name Aleve.) A godsend.
treehugger
2-19-13, 9:18pm
Kara -
can you take naproxen? So much more effective than anything else for cramps!! Take 2 followed by 1 every 6-8 hours. I could never have gone off BC pills without naproxen (brand name Aleve.) A godsend.
Nope. No NSAIDS, whatsoever. It's not a big deal, except for the 2-3 days when the cramps really get to me. Cramps laugh at Tylenol. :P
The good news is that I have been doing a little research on evening primrose oil, and can't find anything (so far) that says it is harmful to kidneys or bad for people with lowered kidney function. I will ask my DH to email his nephrologist about it. Not because I want my DH to start taking it, but because I don't have a nephrologist.
Kara
No advice here. We all have to find what works best for ourselves. But you do have my sympathy--menopause can be quite disconcerting.
Wildflower
2-20-13, 5:53am
When I cry, I feel like the world is ending. Honestly, it's like this total overreaction. It's not just this little weepy thing. The feeling does pass, fortunately, but while I'm going through it, it feels like hell.
I had another question: While you were going through menopause, did you still experience PMS? I'm noticing that the closer I get to the end of my package of pills (i.e. 28 days) the crankier I get. I used to be on a great pill called Yaz, but they won't let me take it anymore now that I am a Type II diabetic.
It virtually eliminated all PMS symptoms. The Lexapro also helped. However, I am determined to get off antidepressants once and for all.
I experienced PMS until this past year when my periods stopped. However, the PMS was barely noticeable the older I got....it was far worse when I was in my 20's and 30's.
I think the combo of BC pills and Lexapro may be causing you problems. BC pills is the one thing that made me feel very unstable back in the day. I went off of them and DH got a vasectomy, so I didn't have to worry about BC anymore, and I felt so much better, both mentally and physically. I felt so much calmer and happy again. PMS was terrible when I was on BC pills. My 33 year old DD had a bad time with Lexapro that she was given for postpartum depression. It didn't help her at all...made her depression worse. She is ok now though.
Sometimes you have to be a detective with your body. What works for one person won't work for another... Cleaning up my diet many years ago was very helpful too, I think, in going through perimenopause and reaching menopause without alot of issues. Cutting out caffeine and most all sugar, I believe, was the most helpful.
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