How would you respond to this? [Archive]

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kitten

2-22-13, 5:18pm

I'm a freelance artist, and I keep my online gallery at a site that originates in Germany. The owner of the site, let's call him Hans, apparently likes my work and has taken a liking to me. I've edited some press releases for him (his English is good but he likes to run stuff by a native speaker), and I've done some of that kind of thing for him without pay. I've also blogged on his site for free, but it was a fun experience, and I've been able to add "art writer" to my resume.

At one point I asked him if I was going to be paid to continue blogging. He said he was having financial difficulties, so we dropped it.

Every now and then the guy shoots me an email asking me to do something for him. I don't know if it's the language barrier or what, but I'm finding these requests annoying, and his attitude extremely presumptuous.

He just emailed me today saying he's starting something called a Virtual Museum, which will feature artist prints from all over the world. Great - but he needs financing and is inviting me to become a partner in this venture. I'm going, wtf? I work full time, I'm in debt, I have a part-time art business that I'm trying to launch, and the time I don't spend doing all of these things is spent with my husband and our family. I don't have extra money lying around. I'm not a philanthropist. I can't even keep myself in art supplies.

I keep reading, and he's asking me to immediately fill out this PDF he's attached and get it back to him within two weeks, because he needs my commitment to a project where I'll be helping to set up art exhibits and start mentoring young artists.

I'm just gasping at this. So I reply to the guy politely: "So let me see if I understand - you want me to contribute money to the Virtual Museum?"

He says:

No:) We don't want you to contribute money :) On the contrary you should earn money by contributing some few activities inside the USA (maybe 1 or 2 days a month). You could be an US mentor or an ambassador of the new Virtual Museum in USA...The Virtual Museum will perform one virtual exhibition each month. Maybe you could do some public relations for a virtual exhibition in the USA or offer it to institutions, galleries, cafés or bookstores as a real exhibition (art prints sent by us as hi res jpg-files) - for all this there will be a good payment for you (including travelling inside USA if needed) - provided we get the European Union's appropriation for the money... [blah blah blah] Cheers, Hans

___________

I'm not sure how to respond to this. Hans is a good contact to have, and it's possible he could do something for me in future. So I don't want to just tear him a new one. Why on earth he thinks I can start "doing some public relations" for his cause in the States is baffling. I'm not as connected as the thinks. And what's in it for me? I'm also allergic to vagueness, as in requests that begin: "Maybe you could..." Blech. Plus, I don't NEED a part-time job! He knows I'm a freelance artist with a full-time (non-art) job too!

I want to say - Look, Hans, sweetie, baby, dollface - you'll have a better chance of getting help from people if you change your tone. Instead of peppering people emails with bare-bones information about your projects, and peremptory demands that they start working for you, approach them with respect. Assume people are busy. Assume they have lives, jobs and existing obligations. If you want someone's commitment of time and money, ask, but ask respectfully. What you're doing right now is rude, and it's probably driving away people who might otherwise be interested in your projects.

How does that sound? Or do I even need to respond to this dude at all?

(Posting this here because it is kind of human-relations related. And they're sick of me over on the workplace issues forum, lol)

citrine

2-22-13, 6:01pm

I would say NO. As soon as you do something for free, you lose the value for your work....a lesson I have learned the hard way.

sweetana3

2-22-13, 6:23pm

I would also say no. Let him know in professional terms that as soon as he is ready with funding and a legal contract can be drawn up for services and payment, to get back in touch. That is if you are interested.

jennipurrr

2-22-13, 6:25pm

The only issue is politeness if you wish to maintain him as a contact. So, something short and sweet...

Thank you for thinking of me but with my other commitments at this time it won't be possible.

No more neeeded.

Dhiana

2-22-13, 6:57pm

I agree with jennipurr. Keep it short and sweet...

..sounds like a great idea but I do need to stay focused on my own artwork and family at this time. I'd be happy to add a link to my website/blog about your new venture when you are ready (or something else in which you do feel comfortable in helping him)...

Good Luck!

herbgeek

2-22-13, 9:03pm

peggy

2-22-13, 9:24pm

I would allow for the fact the guy is German, and assume he isn't trying to be rude. Germans just tend to be straight out and say what's in their head without the filter that other cultures use (based on my German relatives- I realize this isn't true of EVERY German person). I would just say I'm flattered, but I no, I can't support this" without giving any details as to why (so he can't continue to argue with you).

I agree with this. Having lived in Germany for several years, and knowing Germans, he isn't necessarily rude, according to his culture. Take that as a clue. Be as blunt, but polite, in your response. Tell it like it is, with politeness due a friend. Germans don't seem to like nuance, and hinting around. He is a business person who wants to obviously build a business. I think if you respond with that in mind, you won't go wrong.

puglogic

2-22-13, 11:18pm

iris lily

2-23-13, 12:31am

Agree with the simple, to-the-point responses above. It's not necessary to get upset about this, and it's a waste of your time and energy to do so. It's a business, you don't wish to participate right now, say so. And let it go. Correcting his style is also not your problem. There are a lot of people who miss the mark, and you could burn a lot of life up trying to make it all better for them. Don't rob him of his right to make mistakes and learn from them.

That is so very wise!

Also, the notes about German cultural differences is interesting.

Personally, I wish that my German (Swiss actually) side of the family were more forthcoming, but it is odd, asking a question seems to be considered by them a rudeness. I really wish they wer emore "Germna."

kitten

2-25-13, 11:50am

Thanks for these great responses, guys!

JaneV2.0

2-25-13, 1:02pm

I agree with this. Having lived in Germany for several years, and knowing Germans, he isn't necessarily rude, according to his culture. Take that as a clue. Be as blunt, but polite, in your response. Tell it like it is, with politeness due a friend. Germans don't seem to like nuance, and hinting around. He is a business person who wants to obviously build a business. I think if you respond with that in mind, you won't go wrong.

I agree. I think it's genetic, speaking as someone who's about 75% German. One person's "nuance" is another's "shuck and jive." I was raised by a wizard at dissembling, so I speak the language, but I really, really appreciate people who will just say what they mean, for God's sake. I'm less direct than I used to be, as I've caught flack for it over the years, but I think life would run more smoothly if we weren't always having to guess at what people mean or want. Woman, particularly, are socialized toward mealy-mouthed gibbering, IMO.

kitten

2-25-13, 3:22pm

Yeah, I get this, and I like directness too. I'm not objecting to the guy's directness. In fact, he doesn't have much of that quality now that you mention it. He's being very vague, not direct at all.

I think this is because his project is just taking shape - he can't give me details because he doesn't have them. What he's getting at, is he wants me in on the ground floor of something that may never come together. And I know how much work that involves! He's asking me to gamble on a project that may not fly. If he were being direct, he would just come out and say that - I want you to take a risk with me.

What I object to is the tone of his communciation. I don't enjoy being commanded to do vague stuff for people I don't know. I like requests that are phrased as requests, and that show some awareness that I have a life and obligations. He could say, Hey Kitten, if you're interested, I've got a project on tap that I'd like your input on. Would you have any time to look this over? And then if I said yes, he could send me details, instead of dumping a bunch of stuff in my lap about the European Union.

His behavior shows a failure of basic social intelligence. When you approach people with something you want them to do, you have to present it as somehow enticing or beneficial for them. This thing of his is basically a start-up. What the guy needs is a stable of interns or volunteers of any age, who are passionate about the arts and have nothing but free time. I hope he finds some!

btw - I don't think the "what-I-need-from-you-is" personality type has anything to do with being German. There are plenty of Americans like this! lol

I agree. I think it's genetic, speaking as someone who's about 75% German. One person's "nuance" is another's "shuck and jive." I was raised by a wizard at dissembling, so I speak the language, but I really, really appreciate people who will just say what they mean, for God's sake. I'm less direct than I used to be, as I've caught flack for it over the years, but I think life would run more smoothly if we weren't always having to guess at what people mean or want. Woman, particularly, are socialized toward mealy-mouthed gibbering, IMO.

JaneV2.0

2-25-13, 4:04pm

Yeah, I was replying to Peggy rather than to your situation. I agree that you should politely refuse; it's not like you're under contract.

peggy

2-25-13, 8:21pm

Yeah, I was replying to Peggy rather than to your situation. I agree that you should politely refuse; it's not like you're under contract.

Agreed. A demanding, poor communicator is that in any language.

puglogic

2-25-13, 11:06pm

I know I wouldn't want to get involved in any venture with someone with such low social intelligence.

I'd say no, thanks for thinking of me, and have no further contact about it. And get on with the more joyful aspects of your life.

kitten

2-27-13, 12:19pm

JaneV2.0, oh, I getcha.

Yes, good points pug and peggy. I do get bogged down in situations that keep me flummoxed. I guess I just wanted to run it by y'all to see if you also thought this was outrageous...I was raised to distrust my own intuitions about people, so it's a relief when I'm not off base. Anyway - thanks for the reminder to just move on :)

BarbieGirl

3-2-13, 7:45pm

Kitten,

What did you end up doing and how I'd he react?

curious,
barb