The amazing power of a spreadsheet

[lhamo]

This may seem like the wrong subforum to be posting about a spreadsheet, but bear with me -- there is a reason!

DH and I have a long-standing argument about my schedule. One of the "perks" of my job is that I get to have a somewhat flexible schedule. When I started, my boss agreed that I could work from 7-3 so that I could avoid the rush hour madness (I have a horrendous cross-town commute in one of the most congested, heavily populated cities in the world). But because we don't have a car and I try to use public transit, this means I need to leave the house around 5:30-5:45 in order to make it to the office. Which means I typically get up around 4:30-5:00am to have a shower, get ready, and have a cup of coffee while my hair is drying (i don't like to use a blow dryer).

Yesterday when I got up at 4:30, it woke DH up (he is a light sleeper) and rather than even trying to get back to sleep he got up and was all grumbly and fussy, complaining once again about how my schedule diminishes our (ie. his) quality of life. We have had tons of arguments about this over the past several years and I have always patiently tried to explain what I see as the options. But we always seem to come back to the same point. One of the sticking points is he also is very concerned about expenses, so it isn't like I could just start taking cabs both ways.

After mulling it over most of the day, I finally decided I would lay out all the options as I saw them in a spreadsheet, along with timing, cost and pros and cons for each option. There are different tradeoffs, so I wanted him to rank the options from his point of view, and then I would do the same for mine, and hopefully we would come to a mutually agreeable solution.

So, I explained to him what I was trying to do and sent him the spreadsheet (which took me about an hour to do -- lots of different options and permutations possible!). In the pro column for my current arrangement and ones close to it were generally things like inexpensive, allows me to work out and run errands after work, ensures I'm home in time for dinner, etc. In the con column were generally things like expensive (when taxis are involved), greater chance of getting stuck in traffic (hence longer commute), having to deal with crowds on the subway (=stressful), not being able to work out after work, etc.)

Much to my pleasant surprise, he came out after 10 minutes and said clearly "Looks like Option A [my current commute pattern] is the best one."

I did make one change to Option A when I presented it to him, which was to push back my wake up time to 5:00 am rather than 4:30. I actually prefer to get to the office 15 minutes early so I can have my breakfast and get settled in before 7:00, but really I can be checking email while I eat, so getting there right at 7 should be ok. For some reason, he thinks that 5:00 am is exponentially better/more acceptable than 4:30, so he's now happy with something that he was not happy with before.

So, given my experience I was wondering if there are any other people on the forums who have used spreadsheets to facilitate major decisions, and what those were. I know that lots of us use Excel for FI planning purposes, so that would be one example. But wondering if there are others. Spreadsheet geeks, reveal yourselves! Let's celebrate the spreadsheet as a life planning/conflict resolution tool!

I also wanted to tell you all about this as others may find, as I did, that laying out all the options in this way is a good way to provide a platform for making difficult decisions with a partner.

lhamo

[Dhiana]

LOL!! Yes, 'speaking' the other person's language to get your point across is so important! In our household it's Artist vs. Engineer so yes, I have put together spreadsheets & emails consisting of charts, graphs, videos & more to get my point across.

That presentation took me two days to put together and was successfully presented last week =)

Feels great when you are finally understood and things begin to work better for both of you, doesn't it?

[rosarugosa]

Lhamo: I have not done anything quite like this, but I think it was a brilliant solution!

[herbgeek]

My husband and I are both engineers, so yes we do this all the time. Example, for major decisions, we've had spreadsheets with all the features of whatever we are looking for, with a weight for each feature for how important it is to us, and then we rank the options for each feature, and see which one gets the highest score.

I also use decision trees to show all the possible combinations of things (if we choose y, then we can do a or b). Have used mindmaps sometimes too. I like seeing things graphically, and my husband deals better in symbols than in words, so it works all around. :)

[lhamo]

The funniest thing about it is that this was totally in MY language, not DH's -- he hates spreadsheets! I always have to help him do his monthy financial reports because he can't get his brain around them. But I think the thing that worked was having it in a format that proved to him I was not just choosing option A without having thought through all the other options. It also helped that I put "not being able to work out after work" as one of the cons for many options, because he is always nagging me about working out.

Secret weapons....

lhamo

[Kestra]

Well, I have previously posted about a spreadsheet I use to keep track of unusual things I do and to remember what I did when. I'm still using it, though not as much as before.
For convincing DH I did have a spreadsheet going about renting vs buying and how different down payments and amortization times would affect our mortgage payments. Though we decided not to buy so I didn't end up showing it to him.

My latest spreadsheet is about some writing and editing work I've been doing. I want to get a better idea of how long a particular type of work actually takes me. So I have a spreadsheet showing the type of work, time it took and word count, so I can calculate how long it would take to write, read, review or edit 1000 words.
I have a related spreadsheet just to track what work I've been doing, how long it took, what I did last on that particular project, etc. To remind myself what I've been doing and to just track my time the way I would with a paying job.

I'm sure there are others as I use spreadsheets a lot.

[Zoebird]

we, actually, don't do well with spreadsheets. It's just not how our brains work. :)

We have to go through and do word-maps. Essentially, complex pro-con lists. But it works well. :D

[rose]

Ihamo. Good story about spreadsheets. I like them too. My friends laugh at me because I make spreadsheets when I'm making decisions. I made one for my health insurance purchase looking at deductibles, total out of pocket and premiums, etc to come up with the best option. I have one going now to help me pick a place I may want to relocate to....I have so many things I want, i.e. walkable, weather, cost of living, etc. and then I weight them by importance. It is too much to keep in my head. I made one recently on getting dental implants and estimates and travel costs and time involved in each treatment plan. It helps me get my arms around the problem and make a decision.

[Rosemary]

engineer and scientist couple here, too, so we make many, many spreadsheets! That's how we decided on the destination of our last cross-country move, in particular, comparing 3 different city/states and jobs...

[iris lily]

Today we are arguing about what material to use for/if replacing kitchen countertops, but a spreadsheet would only outline the costs. It ain't gonna capture the aesthetics, and it is in the area of aesthetics where he is boneheaded! haha.

[iris lily]

Ihamo. Good story about spreadsheets. I like them too. My friends laugh at me because I make spreadsheets when I'm making decisions. I made one for my health insurance purchase looking at deductibles, total out of pocket and premiums, etc to come up with the best option. I have one going now to help me pick a place I may want to relocate to....I have so many things I want, i.e. walkable, weather, cost of living, etc. and then I weight them by importance. It is too much to keep in my head. I made one recently on getting dental implants and estimates and travel costs and time involved in each treatment plan. It helps me get my arms around the problem and make a decision.

I like that idea of using a spreadsheet to determine where to move.

[Rosemary]

Actually, you can use a spreadsheet to assign number values to anything, even aesthetics. It doesn't have to be numeric in its own right. Assign numeric ratings to every aspect of the item, weight the value of the different items to you, and then sum up the scores. That's how we were able to use a spreadsheet to help us decide on relocation, which has many non-numeric aspects.

[fidgiegirl]

We did the same when choosing which home to buy. We had certain things on our wishlist and gave them a number weight - more important to us got a heavier weight, the "nice to haves" got a lower weight. Then we added up the total of all the points to see which houses most closely met our needs. And we ended up with one of the top choices! It helped us to clarify that yes, it would be worth the fight to get it, and it was. :)

[JaneV2.0]

I'm embarrassed to admit I don't use spreadsheets. I keep meaning to learn Excel, but alas. Kind of along the lines of Iris Lily and her kitchen aesthetics, logic doesn't work for me*. It's only taken me practically my whole life to learn this. I can make lists and trees and excuses all day long, but I finally figured out that if I don't go with my instincts I'll make a big, life-altering mistake every time. Aside from the little issue of which state the SO and I might both want to live in (which shows no sign of being resolved), I'm fortunate in not having to compromise everything in my life to suit other people. It makes me tired and annoyed even hearing about others' experience along those lines.

*Logic is best for logic tests, in my life. I've always aced those, even the spatial-relations ones. But when it comes to making life decisions, it's a complete non-starter for me.

[leslieann]

My DH is a spreadsheet guy. I didn't know this about him, as he is NOT an engineer, accountant or other professional that might suggest an Excel addiction. However, I am HUGELY respectful of the way that the spreadsheet helps him to think and helps US to make decisions. He never misses a variable, never misses a possible outcome, never misses a possible choice. Decision making can take a really LONG time but he rarely makes a decision that he is later dissatisfied with.

I have not been able to manage Excel even to do my billing for my business. I am a logical thinker and can manage all sorts of conceptual reasoning, including arithmetic weighting of variables. But I passionately HATE Excel because it is not intuitive for me. I get stuck in stupid details all the time. For example, WHY do you type in the space at the top of the page when you want the information to land in the cell? This seems ridiculous to me. Why will it sometimes grab a whole column and sum it, but sometimes it changes every value to the top value? Don't try to explain it....I have an Excel expert in the house but he isn't a teacher so I just defer to him.

I like the way it helps us but I hate to try to use it myself. The learning curve is way too steep for me. Usually when I need it, I have a task to do and don't want to learn how to use the blessed software.

Your story is great, lhamo, about helping your DH to see that you are not just being arbitrary about Option A.

[Gardenarian]

Awesome way of reframing choices.
I have used spreadsheets in the past but it's been a long time!
Is Excel pretty self-explanatory once you get into it?

[Glo]

We keep a spreadsheet on finances. The only other thing I used one for was when my mother died. My only brother lives out of state so that was the way I kept him aware of money going in and out. I was determined that he'd never be able to say that he was cheated. Worked for us.