View Full Version : A Disconnect Between Perceptions and Reality
I do not have the energy or where withal to go into extreme detail right now about this right now, as once again, I have had a shi**ty night of a little sleep, then no sleep for a couple of hours, and then some fractured morning sleep to try and make up for it.
So many realizations, but some coming too late to be able to change them just yet. Such as, I NEED COMPLETE AND TOTAL CONTROL over my home environment. Even as I typed the other day about how great having KB as a roommate is, the reality of the situation is that the different schedules we have, even though we work in the same department and many times on the same shift, is really screwing me on the sleep issue. If he works the night shift and I work the am shift, and he goes out after work and comes in at 3am and I hear the slight creaking of the wooden staircase as he goes up to his room, it is enough to jolt me out of sleep.
I am so sensitive to disruptions and tried to con myself into thinking I "should" be like other people and just deal with the realities of life. I truly believed that this is going to work out but the more my schedule gets screwed around, the more tired I get, the more I use outside substances (coffee, cigs, sleeping pills) to try to deal with it, the worse it gets. How can I KNOW this on one hand and repeatedly dishonor it on the other? That is what I mean by disconnect...
My schedule for the next week really sucks too - I close tonight, have midday tomorrow, and then the dreaded clo-pen on Sunday and Monday...
I guess I kind of broke up (not that we were really a couple, but he had hopes all along) with the guy I've sort of been dating for the last ten months last night - I feel so guilty and horrible about hurting him that I can hardly stand it.
I am going to call my old psychiatrist and make an appointment to try and sort out (once again) my life and try to make sense of it all. But I just don't know how, as there are so many tangled up variables I have to deal with. I am also going to talk to my team leader about the damn schedule because I am going to end up really burning out if this continues...
Why does EVERYTHING have to be so hard? How am I going to get through today? I feel so frazzled/anxious/wired/tired...
I feel so frazzled/anxious/wired/tired...
Sending you hugs, SiouzQ, and wishing you luck as you try to sort this out. Have you considered asking your psychiatrist to treat your mood disorder with medication as opposed to sleep aids to address your insomnia, which might just be a symptom? Just thinking that perhaps that may help you if you are currently feeling wired and tired simultaneously.
Could you buy one of those white noise machines? I'm a really light sleeper too and everything wakes me up. For the past couple of years, I have used a cpap machine, and it filters out noise too.
I would really look into one of those noise machines.
I hear ya, don't have any answers but I hear ya. I am actually having a smooth time for a bit,
I really struggle also with people being on different schedules even though they are polite and quiet. It just is bothersome,. I still have teens at home so I am getting through it for a few more years, but I find some nights I am fairly frazzled. I did have medication for a couple years which smoothed it out. I have weaned off at this point but that is 6 months after our last traumatic event as a family. It didn't ruin me or change my personality but it sure took the edge off the frazzled and gave me a chance to survive and recover.
Could you buy one of those white noise machines? I'm a really light sleeper too and everything wakes me up.
+1 on that. I use mine every night. Good ones can cost between $50 and $100, but you may be able to find a no-longer-needed one for less on That Famous Online Auction Site, or buy a cheaper model at a department store/electronics store, or even find a white-noise app for your smartphone.
Unless, of course, the whole waking-up thing is merely a symptom of something bigger. That SQ refers to wanting "total control" infers there's more involved than squeaky stairs. That's what I would address first.
ApatheticNoMore
3-1-13, 4:02pm
I want complete control over my home environment as well. I have my own apartment and have it. Now true it's only an apartment and so if the neighbors decide to be loud it will disturb me, but they are mostly ok. I use earplugs and it's mostly enough for me but if the noise was worse I'd be looking into white noise machines too.
I really don't think there is anything wrong with what you want, or that it indicates some deep psyche problem, what you want here is really very basic: a good nights sleep!!!! I mean sure you may have other issues to talk over with the psyche (the relationship issues maybe), but your need for sleep is simply sane. And no not everyone can sleep with disturbances, and get back to sleep easily after them, and no not everyone can easily adjust to a crazy work schedule.
I truly believed that this is going to work out but the more my schedule gets screwed around, the more tired I get, the more I use outside substances (coffee, cigs, sleeping pills) to try to deal with it, the worse it gets.
coffee and cigs are stimulants so of course disturb sleep (and things like caffeine increase perceived stress as well), I think your body can have a hard time sleeping naturally with sleep meds
My schedule for the next week really sucks too - I close tonight, have midday tomorrow, and then the dreaded clo-pen on Sunday and Monday...
I think at a certain point just *dreading* the schedule, not even the schedule itself but just the dread of it will start to affect sleep, lying awake worrying about the ringer you're going to be put through and so on.
I am also going to talk to my team leader about the damn schedule because I am going to end up really burning out if this continues...
Good. You might also want to look at what other jobs are out there, I'm not saying quit, I'm saying look around. The thing about jobs with both good and pronounced bad features is that they suck you in with their good features, hey they have some good features, and they aren't like other jobs you had that have mostly bad features etc.. (those where leaving was the *obvious* choice!), but the compromise is often unnecessary, as jobs with the good but without the bad features often exist (similar work and a non-crazy schedule in your case).
Also SiouzQ.........everything always seems worse when we are tired. Are you sure you don't have a sleep disorder?
I had gone through my entire life not getting good sleep because of roomates, people in the next apartment, people in the next house, cars going by, dogs barking, etc., etc. You really can start feeling desperate.
30 years ago we moved out in the country and some of the area noise still bothers me, but its alot better than living in town.
Do you know if you snore? Do you get up several times a night to pee? These are symptoms of sleep apnea. Also.......if you're of perimenopause age, sleep can be a challenge just because of shifting hormones.
I know it might be a little disconcerting to get a noise machine, and not hear anything outside your room.........but I really hope you give it a try. When I was younger and having trouble being such a light sleeper, they didn't have those noise machines. I had to use something like a fan or an AC in my bedroom......which isn't good in winter.
Fix your sleep Siouz, and life won't seem so difficult.
((((hugs))))
We have two small dogs that snore like drunken sailors, a noisy house, a lot of anxiety, and two light sleepers. The white noise machine was such a blessing, and allows us to get some rest.
Good for you, making an appointment to sort out your tangled web. It always makes me feel better. This is a GOOD thing - the strong thing to do.
I agree that if you fix your sleep, you may fix everything else!
We are having a lot of these kinds of thread here, and I have to say: sleep is key. Sleep. Get some.
From there flows a regular life and one can roll with the punches if one's mental health is otherwise in tact.
I didn't have children because--for one reason-- I've always known that sleep in incredibly important to me.
Also, given the high numbers of posts about stress here today, I can't help but think that FEBRUARY the month has something to do with it. It's the worst month of the year. And here anyway, we are having a cold, snowy, wintery February. Soon it will be spring, tralatrala.
Simplemind
3-1-13, 10:12pm
Back in the day when I worked graveyard I got into the fan habit. I have used sound machines but preferred the fan. I have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. I also use a CPAP. The fan has the sound and keeps the room cool. The added benefit is the feel which is something I can get my little monkey mind to focus on and then float off.
I never would have believed face masks would make a difference but I was wrong. I bought one for a trip we were taking knowing I would have trouble sleeping on the plane. We never took the trip but I decided to try it one night. I am now a true believer about how digital devices and the light they emit distrupts your sleep. I have been sleeping much better with the mask.
SQ,
Maybe it just isn't going to work out for you to have a roommate. A shame in some ways, but good that you recognize it. Can you be honest with KB and let him know he needs to find another place? I'd just say it really isn't anything to do with him personally, but that you have realized now how much having someone else in the space disturbs your sleep and with everything else going on you really need to protect that so that you stay as happy and healthy as possible.
Hope you can work this out without too much drama. Don't be afraid to state what you need.
lhamo
Try the white noise device first and go from there. It is better to go small steps to work out a solution than throwing the financial benefit out with the bathwater, so to speak.
Wildflower
3-1-13, 11:43pm
Earplugs. And taper down on caffeine and cigarettes, if you can. You'll sleep better if you can get completely off those stimulants.
I think you are just overtired. You need a good night of natural sleep. I don't think a sleeping pill gives you that.
And some women have sleep disturbances that are hormonal. It would be good if you could get on a regular shift at work too, if that is possible.
And I agree with razz post above, in that you don't want to get rid of your roommate too hastily - I'm sure it is a financially helpful to keep your roommate there if possible.
I hope things get better for you.
Just a quick update before I go to bed to get up and do it all over again tomorrow - I did get my shift changed on Sunday to noon to 8pm, instead of 2:30-10:30pm. I still have to do the 6am shift the next day, but after 2pm Monday I am a free woman until Thursday at 6am!
I also made an appointment with my doctor, explaining what is going on. There is a possibility that she will write me and official doctor's note about my medical condition and that I simply must have a more regular work schedule.
As you have noticed, I have an extremely hard time with self-care. I was pretty good for a long time but as soon as I start having the sleep issues and things get all wonky, I do everything wrong and make it wonkier until I get to this al ost unbearable point. That's my brand of crazy, I guess...
SiouzQ, can you sleep with the radio or music on? If you can, that might help with the noise from the roommate. When I was growing up, the bedroom I had shared a long wall with my parents' bedroom. Their headboard was on that wall. My bed was opposite that wall, but only maybe 5 feet away in a narrow bedroom (it was a long room). My dad snored something awful. I learned from about 7th or 8th grade to go to sleep with my Walkman in my ears, listening to the radio. To this day, I prefer to sleep with the radio on (local talk or all news station). My upstairs neighbor gets rather noisy when she is entertaining her boyfriend overnight, so this covers that noise, too! ;-)
I also made an appointment with my doctor, explaining what is going on. There is a possibility that she will write me and official doctor's note about my medical condition and that I simply must have a more regular work schedule.
THIS is a very good idea. Hope it works. I can't believe that they can't do more to accomodate the schedules of full-time employees. Good news about the schedule change today. Hope you can enjoy your days off Tues and Weds.
lhamo
I have to chime in on the noise machine. I use a small air cleaner. I live in an apartment complex which is usually quiet so that the occasional car coming in late is noticable, and I've been renting out the master suite on airbnb.com so there are occasional sounds from the guest/s, and the air cleaner sound smooths all that out so I sleep right through it.
Agree on many of the above points: sleep is very important to overall physical and mental health. White noise and earplugs and an eye mask help me a LOT (my DH has a different scheduled than I do). And Everything will look better when spring arrives. (I was just realizing yesterday that the 2 most unpleasant months of the year are now done!)
Good luck getting some sleep and resolving these issues!
What is it about 3am that makes me jolt awake with my heart pounding? It wasn't KB; we came home at the same time and essentially retired to our respective rooms by 11:30. I fell asleep okay, but dammit, I woke up, but wouldn't look at the clock -tried deep breathing/meditating/relaxing but something in me turns up the anxiety button and then it's all over. I have an 8 track mind that won't shut up and my muscles twitch. Any sort of sleep is illusive for hours at this point...
I'm sorry to go on and on about this but it is somehow slightly therapeutic to type and vent my frustrations into internet land. The crap I think about when I am this tired is very extreme and exhausting.
I look like I have two black eyes (the right eye worse looking for some reason), what with the dark circles and puffiness. I look like hell...
I forget.......are you going through perimenopause? Your symptom of waking up, heart pounding in the middle of the night is sooooooo hormone-sounding.
It also sounds like sleep apnea............ which can rear its ugly head during perimenopause.
I've read it's a matter of low blood sugar levels and cortisol production. Here's an explanation:
http://doctorkatend.com/blog/what-really-causes-waking-in-the-middle-of-the-night/
Very interesting...I (pretty often, actually) will eat a piece of PB & J toast when I get home from work and before I go to bed at 11pm) because that is what I crave. This is after eating whatever small meal I take to work for lunch/dinner which can be at wildly varying times because of my crazy schedule, in addition to the all the bits and bites I eat in the deli through out the course of the day. I am quite on the thin side, and seem to need to eat pretty often; I guess I burn it off quick. I've also noticed for years I always wake up exactly four hours after I've gone out and had a beer or two (which I rarely do anymore because of the havoc it wreaks on my sleep cycle). Sugar...
I wish I could get away from my crazy everyday life and really concentrate on how to fix my bodily system! I was doing so well for so many months...
Oh I would agree totally on the blood sugar deal. I spent a year waking so much it was pretty horrible, I ate waaay too many carbs and refined carbs and already tend towards low blood sugar. I figured it when I was talking to a friend and she shared how she woke with a bad nightmare when she was pregnant and had gestational diabetes. When she woke she was able to check her blood sugar and it was dangerously low. I never knew why I was waking, I assumed it was emotional issues since I always woke with nightmares. That was my last year of high school where breakfast was a Coke and a cigarette and I weighed very little so it makes sense.
SQ,
Try having a high protein snack before bed -- it may keep your blood sugar more stable while you sleep. when I started Atkins a couple of weeks ago I found the meal that made me feel the most satisfied for the longest time was a slice of ham, a slice of cheese and a hard boiled egg. Pretty much solid protein, and it kept me full for hours.
I have also struggled with low blood sugar my whole life, and I strongly suspect that the periods in my life when my mental health has been the most precarious are tied closely to dietary habits. Not that the poor diet causes it, but it takes an already delicate situation and pushes me over the edge and into a downward spiral that is difficult to correct.
lhamo
The blood sugar roller coaster has been implicated in all kinds of mayhem--anxiety, road rage, political assassination...Nothing evens blood sugar out like meals Lhamo described. You don't have to eat every two hours when your nutritional needs are being met. I always bring up the Mormon crickets that swarm and eat everything in their path (including each other) until they get the protein they need.
I would guess the Food Pyramid (feedlot diet), grazing, and related fads are related to our increasingly grumpy society.
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