a "spousal support" gift basket, or other ideas?

[Blackdog Lin]

A pre-retirement coworker of mine, whom I really like even though we are not close friends, is going through some serious health concerns with her DH. They will be flying out of state for treatment in the next 6 weeks (they have to coordinate surgeon's schedules), and she says she expects they will be there at least a month.

I have of course emailed her with prayers and good thoughts and the offer of doing anything I can to help them during this re: chores, etc. And of course she emailed back that they were all covered and she appreciates my good thoughts etc.

It's not like you can barge into someone's house (well, someone who isn't family or a very close friend) and demand "give me all your laundry! I want to help!". And the one thing I excell in, sending meals, I can't because she is the one with a serious gluten intolerance, and my kitchen is not at all gluten free. So I don't have a lot of ideas as to something I could do to show I care and want to help.

My one idea: a gift basket (I'm thinking a tote bag actually) containing some "spousal support" items to help her while they are traveling and at the hospital. A tote bag with a blowup travel pillow, a nice sleep mask, maybe lip balm.....

.....and that's where I run out of ideas. Those of you who have been there: what would be items to put in this that would be helpful, but that she might not think to have for herself? Things that would be helpful during weeks of hanging around a recovery room and taking care of a loved one? Ooh, a paperback book or two, just thought of that.

I'm also open to any other ideas of how one could help someone during a trial like this.

[cdttmm]

I think the tote bag of goodies is a great idea, Blackdog Lin!

How about adding:

-- a travel sized (or small) bottle of nicely scented, high quality hand lotion
-- aromatherapy-type scented hand wipes (I just recently bought some lavender ones and I think they are fabulous)
-- small, packaged gluten free snacks (the Lara Bar nut rolls are gluten free, I also like honey stingers energy chews, which are also gluten free)
-- a package of mints and/or gum
-- a book of crossword puzzles or sudoku puzzles and a pencil/pen set
-- a roll of quarters for the hospital vending machine
-- a package of pretty notecards with matching envelopes and stamps (for sending handwritten thank you cards to people who send flowers, etc.), plus some stamps and a nice pen

[Tradd]

I would go to the store and see what you could get your friend in the way of gluten free snacks. Maybe dried fruit/raisins if those are actually gluten free, too. Would a gift card for a restaurant near where they are staying work? Many restaurants seem reasonable in accommodating gkuten free requests from what friends tell me.

[Azure]

I have in the past made gift bags for someone who has been in the hospital for more than a couple of days. Based upon my experiences when my DD was in the hospital the thing that really struck me is how dry the air is in the hospital. So I put in things like a saline nasal spray, gentle eye drops & a good hand lotion. OH, and a box of nice SOFT tissues. Those hospital tissues are not soft! Also things like crossword puzzle or word search books or magazines to pass the time. Though with all the androids these days, those items may be out of style lol

The recipients of those gift bags really liked them.

[Miss Cellane]

My nephew is going home from the hospital today, two weeks after having surgery on his spine. This is what I've learned.

See if you can get a gift card for a coffee shop or other food service that is *inside* the hospital. Most hospitals have something these days, even a branch of Starbucks. Those first few days after surgery, your friend may only leave the hospital to sleep and will be living on hospital food. She may also not want to take the time to leave the hospital and find a place to eat; she may want to stay by her husband's side all the time, because it's hard to know when the doctors will stop by. You've got 6 weeks, so call the hospital. There's time for them to mail you something, if nothing is available on-line. The hospital my nephew is in had a national chain coffee shop, so I was able to stop by the one in my town and get gift cards for that.

Over the years, this is one thing that people really seem to appreciate and mention months later. Never underestimate the value of a good cup of coffee. The walk down to the coffee shop gets them out of the room and away from the stress for a few minutes, but doesn't take so long that they feel they have been away too long.

The first few days after surgery are boring and the patient frequently doesn't have the energy or concentration to read. See if you can find out if they will have any kind of laptop or tablet or iPad type device with them. A month's subscription to streaming Netflix would be nice, or a box set of a season of a favorite TV show or a couple of DVDs of lighthearted movies.

You could offer to water her plants at home or take care of a pet. Or offer to make her house look lived in--stop by a couple of times a week so there's a car in the driveway, turn some lights on, play music or watch tv, take in any flyers that get shoved in the storm door, shovel snow, check the heat so the pipes don't freeze, that sort of thing. One less worry for them. If that's too much work for one person, could you get one or two other friends to coordinate those efforts?

You might send her a small fruit basket after she's been there a couple of weeks. She'll be eating a lot of take-out and restaurant food and some fresh fruit would probably be welcome and it would be gluten free, and the supplies she's brought from home might be used up. It might also be nice to be reminded, in the middle of her stay, that her friends are thinking of her.

[redfox]

When a colleague & his wife had a newborn with medical problems that required repeated hospitalizations, we took up a collection and bought gift cards to local restaurants, so they could order ahead & pick up healthy, yummy take out meals at their own time & choosing. They really appreciated these. It didn't overwhelm them with food, and they had affordable options when out of town family came to stay.

If you are confident in understandi their food choices, this might be a good option for them. Or a simple Visa gift card that they can use. You are a very kind soul to think of this!

[Tussiemussies]

So true, you are really kind to want to help...:)

[BarbieGirl]

I can't think of anything else that hasn't already been mentioned, but I wanted to tell you that I think it's a great and thoughtful idea. Any kind of comfort items will make life more pleasant for them both!

I know if I or a loved one was ill and in a hospital for an extended period, we'd really appreciate such a nice gesture.

Regards,
Barb

[Blackdog Lin]

I KNEW you guys would come through with ideas! Awesome. I am already mentally assembling the (hopefully helpful) tote to take to her later this month, if things don't change.

- travel pillow and eye mask. Do I need to get on Amazon, or would WalMart or Walgreens have these? If they do, what department would I look in? (I don't shop a whole lot.)
- a roll of quarters for vending. YES. excellent idea.
- quality hand/body lotion and disinfectant wipes. Perfect. Bath and Body Works. If I can't get there, I bet they have online ordering. Never checked (I'm low maintenance.) :)
- notecards and stamps. Very excellent. We are both USPS, so it just fits.
- gift card to the hospital dining/drinks venues. Great idea, but maybe. Yes if they have specific gift cards. No if it has to be a generic Visa gift card (can't explain it, but one just doesn't send money/money items in situations like this in my neck of the woods). I today emailed the hospital in question, to see if they have gift cards to their venues (it's a huge nationally-known center).
- a couple of gluten-free snackies - of course. I should have thought of it. I'll bet even my little local grocery store has some choices.
- and saline solution and good tissues (Puffs +) - need to see if WalMart has Puffs+ in little travel-size packets. Gotta remember that anything I send, she may be flying down there and have to consider packing considerations. I don't know yet how they will be traveling.

I really can't thank y'all enough for the ideas. I feel better now knowing I can maybe be of a little help to her. You have to know, in our little neck of the woods, one does not ask for help with this stuff. Shoot, one does not even tell people that there is a problem/situation. So when I email her that I'm available for chores and plant-watering and pet-feeding, I get exactly what I expect: "oh thank you, we have it taken care of." Even if that might not be necessarily accurate.

[Lainey]

Can I add one more suggestion - slipper socks are another good comfort item.

[Blackdog Lin]

Thank you Lainey. Yep, slipper socks would be perfect, and I will include them.