View Full Version : I always wear my Bluetooth headset. Why does that bother so many?
CaseyMiller
3-13-13, 12:52pm
Saving the potential health risks for another discussion...
I wear my Bluetooth headset all the time. I can listen to texts and make phone calls hands free. When I get a call or text, I don't have to fumble for my phone, the call is instantly relayed to my bluetooth.
Based mostly on comments on the internet and some snide remarks from people around me, the assumption is that people wearing BT headset are being arrogant or...I can't think of the right word right now..but you get my point. Like we are trying to project some type of perception of importance.
Why does seeing people wear a BT headset bother so many people? I could care less what other people wear.
How do you get texts on BT? Is it changed to sound for you to hear?
Some older people like me may look at you funny as you walk down the street or hallway carrying on a conversation by yourself until they put on their glasses and see that you have something in your ear. My DH had one so that he could continue working while on interminable conference calls. I think he has misplaced it though.
CaseyMiller
3-13-13, 1:07pm
How do you get texts on BT? Is it changed to sound for you to hear?
Check out My MotoSpeak on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-hte9Etf1M
Very cool.
Miss Cellane
3-13-13, 1:18pm
I think some people are bothered by it because, to them, it implies that you are more concerned with getting electronic messages than you are with interacting with the people around you. It can send an off-putting message.
Another interpretation, this one courtesy of my father, is that you (general BT headseting wearing you, not the OP in particular) is that you are sending the message that you are sooooo important that you can't wait, or your callers can't wait, for the few seconds that it would take to get your cell phone out and answer it. Or that you are soooo busy and important that you can't take the time to get your phone out.
It's all about how people perceive your actions. To you, it's utter convenience. To someone else, looking in from the outside, it's arrogance. Yours would not be the first action to be misinterpreted by others.
Yes, I think bluetooth is off-putting because of the signal it sends--I would be almost afraid to approach someone with a bluetooth earpiece--"are they on the phone?" "are they currently engaged in something I shouldn't interrupt?" For me, I see it that way more than the "I'm so important I have to be accessible 24/7" message, although that might be part of it.
I think there is something hard-wired in us in terms of our non-verbal cues and how we communicate that maybe is to blame. I've tried to analyze why it bothers me to be on a train with someone talking on a cell phone--even though the days of the loud "CAN YOU HEAR ME??" are long gone. I think it's because when you only hear half of a conversation, even though you're not eavesdropping, it's puts you a bit off-balance. That's not the natural way to communicate. That's just my pet theory.
So, when someone is wearing a bluetooth it is difficult for a nearby person to decipher in terms of the non-verbal cues that tell us you are approachable or not at that moment.
But I do have to say that I have some of that prejudice that the device means you're too important to disconnect from the technology--while at the same time giving the appearance that you ARE willfully disconnecting from those in the immediate vicinity.
It gives the impression to me that you are not mindfully in-the-moment.
It doesn't "bother" me, I just choose not to interact much with people who are elsewhere.
I don't wear mine all the time because it isn't quite that comfortable, but it is always at least handy and ready to pop into my ear. In my truck I don't even need the ear piece because I just run it through the stereo. Both DW and I are constantly multi-tasking when talking on the phone because we are hands free. Dusting, dishes, laundry...things we don't have to think about so we're not distracted from the conversation. I completely agree that it would be rude to engage in anything distracting while someone was talking to you. Anyway, we both love being able to do that because the house always looks great AND we get to keep up with friends.
I am completely blown away that DW and I appear to be the only people in the state of Nebraska that own a BT. In just the past few days at least a half dozen people have pulled right out in front of me or nearly hit me in a parking lot. Every single one of them had a cell phone stuck to their head. Its crazy! I can't figure out why so many people have to get on the phone before they even pull out of a parking space. Can't wait for this state to pass a hands free law. At the rate they move around here it will affect my grandkids.
treehugger
3-13-13, 1:49pm
It doesn't "bother" me, I just choose not to interact much with people who are elsewhere.
This reflects my feelings. Seeing that certainly isn't going to make me treat people rudely; instead I would probably just ignore strangers wearing headsets.
That said, if I were in retail or foodservice, it would bother me to be waiting on a customer who was suddenly talking to/listening to someone else in the middle of our transaction. That is rude behavior whether it's a handheld cell phone or a headset. Calls and texts can and should wait until one is finished ordering/paying for food and services.
Kara
CaseyMiller
3-13-13, 1:51pm
I don't wear mine all the time because it isn't quite that comfortable
Check out the Motorola Sliver. I have had one for about a month and love it. So comfortable I forget it is on. Also, it is somewhat inconspicuous, so I feel less like a dweeb wearing it all the time.
I think people who insist on being connected to business etc. 24/7, even when they're (supposedly) enjoying my company, being mindful while shopping, etc., just give an impression that they don't care. They aren't "here" fully, they're making sure they don't miss any little thing going on everywhere else, and it can be terrifically annoying. When I want someone talking on their bluetooth to stop blocking an aisle, step aside from the middle of the sidewalk, hurry up and take their turn at a retail establishment, etc., it's a royal pain, because they're "there," not here. I've joined the camp where I sometimes find it really irritating, and I tend to ignore people like that. And in case you're wondering, yes, I also think people using regular cell phones rudely like that is irritating.
It's also pretty darned rude in many instances. When you're ordering a coffee or checking out at a store, that's a human being you're interacting with. A person. Talking on the phone or interacting with someone electronically is simply dismissive of them, treating them as a money-taking, service-providing machine, no more. Not even worth interacting with. That's what I see most often --- people with BT devices who feel that making themselves completely accessible at all times is more important than interacting with the humans they are physically standing in front of. When I see someone like that, my mind paints this picture of them using a standard dial telephone for the same purpose, the receiver duct-taped to their head in case it rings....my mind is amusing.
In the car, yes, I can totally see that and I use my BT there. But when I'm interacting with humanity to meet my daily needs, I leave the thing in my pocket.
If I were an emergency surgeon and NEEDED to be accessible at all times as a matter of life & limb, sure. But 99.9% of people using BT aren't in that situation.....they just don't want to risk missing anything.
ApatheticNoMore
3-13-13, 2:02pm
I think some people are bothered by it because, to them, it implies that you are more concerned with getting electronic messages than you are with interacting with the people around you. It can send an off-putting message.
+1. Who are we wearing it around, when hanging out with friends, I have to say I'd interpret it as rude. If you can't even give them that much undivided attention maybe they aren't friends at all (sure keep a cell if you need to be reached, but prioritizing the cell call you haven't even but *might* get over present company, I'd say it's rude). Strangers on the bus or a coffee shop or something? You are certainly free to disengage there. I'd understand, we aren't all "making friends and influencing people" 24/7, some like our peace. But still the prioritization of some electronic world over the one right in front of you hits the wrong note to me. Whereas, maybe hypocritically, I'd forgive being preoccupied solely with the world in your head, that's a fascinating place, or preoccuppied with the clouds floating by in the sky or something .... been there, done that.
If I were an emergency surgeon and NEEDED to be accessible at all times as a matter of life & limb, sure. But 99.9% of people using BT aren't in that situation.....they just don't want to risk missing anything.
I'm not a surgeon. But I'm on-call 24x7 for life-safety issues, and I need to be able to be out-the-door in 60 seconds or so.
This is what I carry:
1) A recording pager, set to vibrate. It operates off our emergency radio repeater network. When it alarms, I excuse myself politely, step out of range, and play the message.
2) Then, if it's something I am to help with, I haul out the transceiver here, which also operates over our radio net, and figure out what the plan is.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Yk33m8pU7-Y/UUC-z9Eb7CI/AAAAAAAAHWY/uphES-YkgHY/s640/Awesomized.jpg
I love it when tourists are walking around here with BT devices - most of them haven't yet figured out that we have very very limited cell phone coverage.
My daughter and some of her friends in high school did a cool hack last year in which they hijacked peoples' BT headsets from a distance and broadcast amusing messages to them. "Hey you! Yes, you! You should try the hot chocolate in that shop you are about to walk by! Trust me!" I wish they'd made videos of the reactions.
...I can't think of the right word right now..but you get my point.
Also, it is somewhat inconspicuous, so I feel less like a dweeb wearing it all the time.
I think you found your word. ;)
I think you found your word. ;)
The kids around here call the BT-wearers "The Borg" :-)
The kids around here call the BT-wearers "The Borg" :-)
Exactly. That's the first thing that I always think...."he's been assimilated to the Borg!"
The word I might suggest you are looking for is "pretentious." But, I would like to just kindly opine that I feel like people don't interact enough with each other as it is, without technology interfering. One time I was approaching a seat at an airline gate. It was one of few seats available. The gentleman seated next to it saw me coming, and, rather than exchange a pleasantry, picked up his cell phone and called someone. The conversation was something like this: "What are you doing? Nothing. Just sitting here waiting for my plane." Made me feel kind of cr@ppy, frankly. And sad.
It makes you look like a member of the Borg Collective.:moon:
I now see I'm the third person to think this!
You wear it and don't care what others think then good for you. Be it a BT or a purple pokadot hat.
Early adopters of most anything will get funny looks and comments. Part of it is curiosity and some of it is that new etiquette will need to be established to integrate it with a greater part of society.
If someone is wearing a BT I have no idea if the wearer is talking to me at first nor will I know if it's ok to start a conversation with a wearer.
I think the word you are looking for is douche bag. And I don't ever use that word in polite conversation.
The kids around here call the BT-wearers "The Borg" :-)
Resistance is futile.
Are you trying to talk to people ("people" includes cashiers, baristas, etc.) while wearing the thing? That is rude; don't do that. (It is rude because it sends mixed messages about where your attention is. Like holding a conversation with someone while looking steadily at the person next to them.)
Also - when the stranger next to you starts a conversation, and you respond before realizing they aren't talking to you, it is awkward and weird. (And even more unnerving when you can't see that they have a headset on!) You may be getting annoyed looks from people who have just had an unpleasant interaction with you that you didn't notice. Or from people who have had several such experiences, and now consider bluetooth headset users to be weird and unpleasant as a group.
I do not personally care if someone wears a bluetooth headset, provided they do not try to talk to me while my headphones are on!
Simplemind
3-13-13, 10:28pm
Cell phones have their place. BT have their place. I promise you that I will never answer or check my phone when I am talking to you.. UNLESS, I am expecting something important and have told you that before we started talking. I know I am in the minority but I am so sick of being held captive to others one sided (usually amplified) converstations. You are not in a soundproof booth and either it is boring as hell or has no business being discussed in public. Sorry, this is one of my major pet peeves.
A few times I've answered a greeting from a stranger who is passing me in the grocery aisle ... only to have them ignore me and keep talking to the bluetooth that us barely visible. It makes me feel stupid and socially inept ... When actually its the other who is living in a bubble and ignoring me ...
In my neighborhood, the covered Muslim women keep their old school small cell phones open & at their ear, held in place by their gorgeous headcoverings! Keeps it hands-free as they go about their business, talking on the cell. Very inventive...
I'm one who finds it rude but I absolutely hate talking on the phone anyway. I don't answer it when I'm doing something. Heck, I rarely answer it when I'm not doing anything. I like to experience being where I am and who I'm with. I check voice mail and texts once during the evening and it takes me about a 1/2 hour to 45 min to deal with everything.
I've noticed lately that I've seen very few bluetooths in the last year. Maybe more people are realizing they don't have to be tied to their phone or maybe they are smaller and less noticeable now.
The Storyteller
3-14-13, 11:48am
I don't much notice (I like gadgets and think they look cool), unless they are actually talking on it.
I remember on vacation in CA several years ago, we were walking toward a restaurant and saw this guy walking toward us. He looked right at me and started talking. Being the polite Okie that I am, I stopped to see what he wanted, and said, "Excuse me, I didn't catch that." He just turned his back still talking and walked the other way without acknowledging me. Then I saw the thing in his ear and got annoyed.
Another example...
I frequently come to work early while the cleaning crew is still here. For months I had noticed this one woman walking around mumbling to herself as she worked. I tried to excuse it, as we all have our eccentricities. Besides, maybe she was religious and just praying. Finally, I couldn't stand it any more and asked one of her co workers about the lady who talks to herself. He just smiled and said, "Oh, she's on the phone." Apparently her hair covered her bluetooth.
So be careful when you use your gadget. People might think you are rude or crazy.
None of what follows has anything to do with the OP! Just some random thoughts -
I think some BT wearers think the device lends them status. In reality, though, having to be connected to technology implies the opposite of high status. It means the person is tied to something, like a tech support job. Or maybe they're a Jewelry TV phone operator, lol...BTs do seem to have more associations with dweebishness than with James Bond.
OTOH, I think Casey's reasons for using the device are okay. If you want to minimize the running commentary from people, maybe limit your use to indoors, or when you're alone and not with other people.
The majority that came to the front desk wearing them are having conversations and I can't tell if they are talking to me or the phone call. Then they shush me. I had to get to a point where I ignored them until they were ready to have a conversation with me.
My only pet peeve with BT wearers is that they are very LOUD when they are talking into them!!! It seems that they really up the volume on their conversations when they wear them - same with cell phone users I find. Definetely talk louder then when having a normal face-to-face conversation. And I'm nearly completely deaf!! I especially dislike them in places like a store waiting line or at the gym where I am "forced" to be right next to them while they loudly yap-yap-yap and gestering wildly in their conversations! Also I can't figure out if they are talking to me or no, so I often say "pardon?" and they give me "the exasperated look". Otherwise they don't bother me - but they do often look like insane people talking and gestering to themselves as they walk around so I do avoid them just in case :-)! But I hate cell phone users for much of the same reasons too so it's not just BT wearers. Nothing more irrating then listening to a very loud one-sided conversation when you are stuck next to someone. God I'd probably go nuts on a plane if I had a phone yapper next to me on a long flight - even a short flight. Watch the movie or read and shut up for Gawds sake!!
Cell phones have their place. BT have their place. I promise you that I will never answer or check my phone when I am talking to you.. UNLESS, I am expecting something important and have told you that before we started talking. And I thank you and other's like you for that. It is definetly one of my biggest pet peeves (along with the endless checking text messages and worse, responding). I just get up and walk away if it happens more than once.
It was funny that last night on NCIS, the gal being interviewed for job as nanny for the director could not keep off her device. She was even sharing what was on it with the interviewer. Guess who did not get the job or even the consideration?
chanterelle
3-20-13, 4:15pm
I live near a very large school and center for the deaf. For the longest time BT sets were not even on my radar as I thought they were some new cool hearing aid... there are some really interesting and varied external hearing devices for the deaf out there...so much for my awareness!!
Anyway, I do not ascribe any sort of arrogance, rudeness or heights of dweebness to anyone based on external appearences and choice of technology..you need to demonstrate those traits directly to me when we interact. Life is too short to make snap judgements and character assesments.
Also I can't figure out if they are talking to me or no, so I often say "pardon?" and they give me "the exasperated look".
That odd balance one has to do between trying not to listen and getting in some stranger's business by listening to their conversation with someone else to verify it does not apply to you.
poetry_writer
3-20-13, 7:31pm
I used to work as a customer service rep. I had to wear a head set thing all day....drove me crazy, so I would not want to wear anything thing like that. Its ok if you do, however...if you start talking on it while we are having a convo in person expect me to walk off. It doesnt bother me any more than when I'm talking to someone on their home phone and their cell rings and they put me on hold to answer their cell..........come to think of it, that bothers me...:o)
That odd balance one has to do between trying not to listen and getting in some stranger's business by listening to their conversation with someone else to verify it does not apply to you. Ha ha - well i try not to listen (easy since I'm nearly deaf) but it seems they are looking at me and talking and so I assume they are talking to me. Even if they aren't looking at me but no one else is around and they are talking I again assume they are talking to me. Now if they just pointed to their BT and ignored me I'd understand, but they seem to get very irrated that I am asking them "pardon?"
CaseyMiller
3-22-13, 2:36pm
This discussion has given me a new perspective on what I project while wearing the BT. Thank you all.
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