View Full Version : after the foreclosure, pretty much my life is still ruined
There is apparently someone trying to serve me with papers. They served my ex-husband as well since he was on the mortgage. It is for the 2nd mortgage on the house I lost. When I lost it it was worth $100,000 less than what we paid and another effect of the economy was not being able to use mymasters to really get a job in a living wage range. I worked 2 jobs for 5 years to survive and keep subbing in order to get a teaching job. I lost so much of my childrern's lives during that time. I never declared bankruptcy during this time because I worked really hard. I paid off all my taxes last year as well and I earn under $30K. I knew about the 2nd being an issue, but I just lost track of it all during the foreclosure and trying to keep a roof over our heads and all the basic bills paid.
In any case I have next week off for spring break, I worked 50 hours last week and I am still a littel behind on work. . I am going to take some time off this week because I cannot handle this hanging over my head. I want to be totally 100% out of debt! I was getting pretty close too. I think there are ways to work this out, a friend in the mortgage industry has told me that and I just need to start by calling.
dado potato
3-18-13, 10:20am
To brighter days! 3/20 is the vernal equinox.
Okay, not sure exactly what that is but I will look it up. I am hoping this is just the last thing of my previous experience and I can finally move on (meaning get on with a living wage and some ease in life).
Zoe Girl, thanks for telling us--we are friends who care about you and want to hear how all this goes. Plus we owe you plenty for the help you give us.
Oh mannnn, I just hate it that this thing you thought was all done and behind you is back and biting at your heals. Don't let it get you down, just deal with it. We're going thru a re-fi and suddenly there's no paperwork on a 2nd mortgage from 3 loans ago and that bank doesn't exist anymore and I'm just putting my hands in the air and turning it over to the title company (which took over for the one that doesn't exist anymore) deal with it.
Thank you, I am going to handle it. I am glad I have some value here. I feel like life is pretty hard and I should be able to handle this without always needing to talk about it.
If it helps to talk, then you should talk! This is such a huge load to carry. Hope that things are soon looking up for you.
+1
That's what we're here for! Sending big hugs.
If it helps to talk, then you should talk! This is such a huge load to carry. Hope that things are soon looking up for you.
You will get through this! Sending hugs your way!
Okay I talked to them. I think I recall sending a cease and desist a long time ago so they could not call or send me a letter. I guess I couldn't fathom that I owed money on such a huge loss to me and my family. So it sounds like my piddly offer on $100 a month forever is not gonna fly. However my ex is on the loan and he owns 2 houses. I think he is pretty pissed off, I guess I would be, and I am dependent on child support. He is giving me more than what he is required to right now so the money I count on could be lowered quite a bit and he would be within his rights. I am going to take a lot out of my emergency fund and pay off my last credit card and all the dental bills even those are zero percent so that they cannot take my savings account. Scares the crap outa me, what if my ex bounces another check, what if he gets pissed and doesn't pay child support, I think if I make payments hopefully I can keep some emergency fund.
I just very much need to earn more money! I have been trying so hard, I wrote in the jobs area that the applying for teaching jobs is a huge mess because of paperwork that they keep changing and increasing without informing people who apply on a regular basis. I am just in general very very angry. I lost everything financially and my kids tend to be pissed off over things like not buying enough beef, geez. My youngest is pretty cool right now but I get so much negative all the time from everywhere. I got all my old taxes taken care of, almost all the dental work paid off, paid 2 months of rent for my oldest when she had the baby she gave up for adoption and really all I want is to have people be kinda nice and give me a chance to earn a decent living.
I recall hearing Suze Orman say once that if you ignore your creditors long enough, the statute of limitations--or its equivalent--comes into play, or something. I suggest you consult an attorney and/or a federal or state agency set up to deal with mortgage issues. And maybe your children could find a way to help bring money into the household?
No sage advice to offer Zoe Girl, just want to add to the moral support. Take a chance to celebrate the smaller victories while you're working through this tough spot. You've made good progress on a lot of issues, remember that. Keep chipping away and one day in the not too distant future you will wake up and all this will be behind you for good.
rosarugosa
3-18-13, 7:56pm
Good luck with this, Zoe Girl. You've accomplished so much; I'm confident that you'll overcome this latest obstacle.
Zoe, you are doing an incredible job of keeping it together. I am in awe.
I agree with Jane in terms of talking to a lawyer.
Also, you might actually consider bankruptcy.
I know that it's huge and emotional and overwhelming and feels *seriously uncool!*
BUT, it works. It's designed to work for people like you who need to be free, who need to really start over and be responsible and all of that good stuff that you *are* doing. That you should be *proud of* doing. That we are all proud of you for doing!
A lawyer can best advice, and consider going to a legal aid center first to ask for advice (it's free).
Thank you all, I am so encouraged by you. i have a friend who does this and she says the not being able to contact me is untrue. They could have sent a status update when they purchased the loan. Also that 1,800 in legal fees so far is untrue, there is no way they have spent that much to simply send a summons. So mostly I am worried about the shaky but currently stable relationship with my ex husband. When teh foreclosure was happening my lawyer said he thought my ex would have no problem with me and the kids having nowhere to live. I need to remember that when he gets really angry over this, and I am prepared for him to be very angry.
Thank you all, I am so encouraged by you. i have a friend who does this and she says the not being able to contact me is untrue. They could have sent a status update when they purchased the loan. Also that 1,800 in legal fees so far is untrue, there is no way they have spent that much to simply send a summons. So mostly I am worried about the shaky but currently stable relationship with my ex husband. When teh foreclosure was happening my lawyer said he thought my ex would have no problem with me and the kids having nowhere to live. I need to remember that when he gets really angry over this, and I am prepared for him to be very angry.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry this is happening. If bankruptcy can discharge this new debt on your end, please seriously consider that.
I'm no attorney, but if your ex didn't demand that the mortgage be re-done without his name on it, that's on him. Of course, you couldn't have qualified for that mortgage, right? So that would have meant disrupting your kids to move. Maybe your ex did see that and left it alone, so in that regard he was ok.
But I distinctly remember when you guys bought that house and you didn't want such a big house, he's the one who wanted it. Ok buddy, you got it.
SteveinMN
3-18-13, 10:48pm
Zoe, I'm sorry you've run into another obstacle.
I will echo those who suggest you at least look again into bankruptcy. A foreclosure will clobber your credit rating (as you know); bankruptcy is somewhat worse, but it will give you a chance to start again without this kind of encumbrance.
So my horrible rotten child was sooo nice. We made an agreement to just try to be nicer in our family. Honestly that is what usually pushes me over the edge, griping about groceries when i am trying to get a bill paid off and stressing. I think they feel it so then everyone is stressed. In any case I yelled at her this morning and it was justified (sneaking smoking in the house AGAIN, I can smell it through my vent in the middle of the night) but I was more angry than I should have been probably. I told her what was going on and how I was afraid her dad would be mad and take away some of the money he gives us, she thought that was ridiculous and it was not my fault. Then later she was tearing up and saying that at work they have this way to give people $500 when they are having a rough time. That is when I said it was okay, i will take care of it, but i wanted us to be nice to each other so when i handle these things at least I have my family.
And I got the last of the ice cream birthday cake for my son. Iris, you have a great memory. Sticking to my guns and getting out of the deal on a much more expensive house than the one we ended up with was an actual abusive situation. I don't go back and think about that often because it is not my life now, but I basically stuck out being trapped in a hotel room with him going on in anger for over 3 hours. Not fun, so I recall why I deal with all of this is so I never have to live like that again. Even if he is angry I can keep all my good boundaries and move on in life.
try2bfrugal
3-18-13, 11:39pm
Sending you hugs, Zoe Girl. I agree with the other posters about talking to an attorney. Many will give free consultations. And I would not rule out bankruptcy as an option. You need a break from more bills.
ZoeGirl, I'm so sorry to hear this. I've nothing else to offer aside from echoing the suggestion to check into bankruptcy.
Your children, on the other hand, make me grind my teeth. Are there two or three kids? I can't remember. I'd tell the one whining about not enough beef to go earn some money if he wants more beef. If the regular fast food/grocery store jobs are scare, well, the kid can push a snow shovel or something along those lines.
((((((((ZG))))))))))))))
no easy answers, but in a situation like this I think bankruptcy is also important to consider as an option to bring the situation to a close.
Good work with the kids and maintaining boundaries all around.
Deep breathes and try to get some sunshine. And be sure you eat/sleep as well as you can.
lhamo
ZG,
One of the things that collectors do is try to scare the pants off of you. Once they buy the loan, they have 30 days to contact you and say that they bought it and start collections. You have the right to ask them for ALL of the paperwork that htey have, including that it is assigned to them (that they have taken on the debt legally).
Many of these companies do not have the information handy -- ie, the original loan papers signed by you, etc. Without this, and without providing it according to the law (which is a common illegal practice that many agencies do) -- meaning within the proper timelines -- then effectively they cannot collect on that loan (it's illegal). And as such, the loan is usually wiped away automatically because no one legally holds the debt.
Several of my smaller student loans went this way (via citibank). They sold several of my loans to this group, to that group (illegally, mind you, as I was making payments!), and then the third group couldn't demonstrate that they owned the debt, and the debt effectively went away. It's a shady business.
Talk to a lawyer. Seriously.
Thankyou all again, I talked to my friend who works in mortgage collections and she was a great help including sending me resources I need to read. I have next week off work for spring break to take care of more. I will ask for all the paperwork because first of all I hear they got the loan a year ago and I don't have anything on that. I know I could drag this out but I kinda want to get it handled and whatever payment is feasible just get it done or do bankruptcy if needed. OUr employee assistance program has some legal help I can call as well and guide me to a lawyer.
About the family, if I am telling off my kids can I tell off my mother? It is against my nature since she is truly very helpful but I have had to do it before. I no longer ask her to stay with the kids when I go away because she called me 3 times on one trip to basically say i was not doing my job as a mom. She was here last weekend for my son's play (he plays sax and did music for Beauty and the Beast). When we went to drive to the play she balked at getting in the back seat because it was dirty. I looked afterward and it was a tablespoon of popcorn crumbs. She knows about the huge amount of work I need to do for my teaching certification and now this problem but it doesn't stop her comments about once a day when she is here (look the microwave is finally clean, when are you throwing away your older car and getting a loan, the house just needs to be gutted, etc). Having one more bill or not getting a higher paying job means she still helps me out, that is really off topic but I think the kids are affected by this as well.
sweetana3
3-19-13, 10:59am
You can certainly tell off your mom. BUT, if you need her time/money/interest/whatever, you have to be willing to give it up. That might by an ok thing but only you can make that decision.
It might be something to think about to take her to lunch and have a long discussion with her. Mom, I am working 50+ hours a week to increase my earning potential and resume, I have X number of kids to take care of and be concerned about, I make a limited amount of dollars and cannot waste any right now. I love you but your constant critical remarks are hurting me deeply and affecting the kids and their respect for me. My life is not perfect but we are surviving and have goals for the future..........
I don't know your relationship but if you tell her and then when she makes those comments call her on it right then and there, maybe she could "see" what she is doing. Sometimes it is just a habit.
ps: They may have been popcorn crumbs to you but I would want the seat at least swept off before sitting on it if I saw food type crumbs. It was in fact "dirty" and she had a right to balk. The kids should have sat there or if a friend was in the front seat, you should have swept off the seat. Now if she stood there and made a loud scene about a dirty car in front of others, that was way over the line. But it seems she is just a "how clean is it" concerned person from other comments you made.
I have to say I don't find beef particularly expensive, especially if you shop sales. It sounds like there's child support coming in to provide food, so I'd get the kids involved in planning and shopping so they can see what things cost and learn how to best make use of their money.
Yes, when you're accepting financial help from others, it usually comes with baggage. And it's not unusual for mothers to try to correct their offspring, no matter how old and independent they are--at least in my experience.
Yes I am accepting the comments from my mom right now since I am MUCH calmer today. It just comes with the territory. I can get beef just not everyday, all of this adds up to working really hard to take care of issues like this (and I do) and my family being stressed about it so we don't treat each other very nice. After a day of dealing with debt collectors and crap I just need some niceness. In any case you are all very nice, my daughter realized what was going on and really was sweet, and I took a walk. I will handle more tomorrow.
rodeosweetheart
3-19-13, 5:44pm
I don't have much to add except hang in there, hang in there, hang in there, better days are coming. I thought I would tear my hair out 10 years ago when my kids were the age yours are and we were living through the baggage of the abusive father--it is very, very hard and we did not go through the foreclosure and the difficulties of the masters and the job difficulties.
But better days will come! You are doing a great job, a great job, and I think talking to a lawyer about the situation, and if you want to declare bankruptcy, is such a great idea. It seems to me Zoebird has some great advice and that bankruptcy not be bad given the foreclosure.
I am so sorry you mom is not treating you with more respect, and yeah, maybe have a talk with her. Frankly, the help she is giving you does not seem to be worth the grief. And I like that idea about sitting down with the kids and discussing child support and food--figuring out exactly how much comes in for that, and letting them do the budgeting and shopping.
When my son was 16 he was a pill sometimes--once he told me "I had no chi--because chi was positive life energy and I had only negative life energy"! He hurt my feelings alot. 3 years ago, I was hospitalzed and he drove 11 hours to come up and stay with me for 3 days because he didn not want me to be alone.
They grow up and they get a whole lot nicer.
Hugs!!!!
I definitely think you should look into the employee attorney thing if your employer offers it. It sounds like it could be "zombie debt" ie where the creditors sell the debt, some shady company buys for pennies on the dollar, and then turns around and hounds people. Sometimes making any payment at all reactivates the debt and sends you back into the black hole of collectors. I was under the impression that the 2nd mortgage holder has LESS rights than the first, so if you foreclose on the primary then the secondary eats it even more. Do not be in a hurry to pay before you get a chance to seek legal help! If they've waited a year or more, a few more weeks or months won't be a big deal to them or your credit. See how much info you can get next week so you can send it to the ex in case there are issues. And, take some breaks, enjoy the nice weather (or snow if it comes). This is stressful but not an emergency, which is what the debt collectors want you to think. There is a very good chance the paperwork is messed up if nothing else, which may mean you have a foot in the door to have it excused. If you have a bunch of other debt too, maybe consider bankruptcy. But, definitely talk to someone experienced first. Best of luck!
I I was under the impression that the 2nd mortgage holder has LESS rights than the first, so if you foreclose on the primary then the secondary eats it even more. .
I don't think this is the case, at least in all states. Please, talk to an attorney. Even if you don't want to declare BK, you really need to understand the situation. Best of luck!
I don't have any solutions to add, but just thinking about you and your family. It's so hard when stress gets piled on top of years and years of past stress; it can be so very overwhelming. Please take care of yourself the best way you can so you can be strong and deal with this - you WILL get through it and make it out on the other side. We have faith in you!
Thank you all, I had already planned a few things so I went ahead and did them. I went on a 2 day silent retreat and that was wonderful. I had to leave early to make it to the meditation class I am guiding and that was also wonderful. The theme of the weekend was non-judgement and I think that will help me a lot in this process. I realized (about 2 minutes ago) that what I am upset about will not last forever. I feel I will lose all my choices around my money. This retreat was affrodable but still costs money for the accomodations and food and dana. I am afraid that I won't have that choice for a long time now just as I was starting to really focus on getting retreat days in. (one of my possible goals is to be a tri-lingual meditation instructor) Today I put another $600 into my dental work to get very old fillings replaced with crowns before they crack and I get root canals. I know that me and 2 of my children have bad teeth so I budget for $100/month or more to pay off the dental work we all have needed. I also have an older car and have savings just for repairs. I am afraid that in this process they will see money and not let me show why I need that money. Then we will have urgent things I can't take care of. But I also realize that no matter what it will not be forever. I had some taxes I needed to pay and medical bills for my son and I paid them off last year, I have had huge student loans and contacted the people for the Public service loan forgiveness program so now doing a 'good work' job puts me on an affordable path to paying and then having the balance forgiven for 10 years of public service (1 year down!)
It is spring break so I am doing the things I saved up for instead of going into fear/poverty mode. But also making the calls and contacts I need to while I have extra time. And it is just one more thing, but yes tiring.
I budget for dental work, too. In order to make sure that the money does not need to be used for something else, I pre-pay my dentist. Then, when I have enough money there for whatever needs doing next, it is there.
I am thinking that if you did that there would not be any savings that could be held against you. As for the car, the guys that take care of mine will allow me to pay them over time should the car need repairs. But, I have known this family since our children were in nursery school, so if I asked them, they would let me pre-pay so that the money is there when the car goes all kablooey.
Any chance this would help you keep your funds safe?
Jilly those are good ideas. I am not sure that I can pay ahead however I have been taking advantage of the zero percent credit card for medical procedures. I could use my emergency fund to pay that off and then have over $1,000 of credit available at 0% just in case. I am also going to schedule my daughter's last really important dental work very soon. After last year's volume of work and time I need to take off my job I got rather burned out. About the car, I reconnected with the car guys my ex's family knows. My son is going to get his permit this week which gives me a year to get our older car running again. I could give them a chunk up front and ask them to start searching for a motor. If my son can drive to school then we can have a lot more freedom and lower our cost of where we live.
I also thought about buying a few visa gift cards for emergency gas and stockpiling some groceries. I may be overdoing it however. I still need to make some calls, however. I got some real progress on my job search before the dental work pain kicked in.
I had an idea, there is a retreat in summer that I really want to go to however I may not have the money for it. I know they always have a retreat worker who takes care of all the practical matters. This is a camping retreat and I have been a camper. If the dates still work I may ask the teacher if I can work in exchange for some retreat costs.
I notice that you are really an hard working person and seem that you already overcome different kind of financial problem you are near now for being debt free just stay hard working and everything will be fine soon.In Finland i notice many people have different kind of debt and some of them comes from pikalaina (http://www.pikalainax.fi) or loan and i think that is normal to many person in whole world and doing an hard working will surely help you to pay all your debt and make everything free soon and be rich in future.
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