View Full Version : How do you know when it is time?
our 13 year old cat, Billy has had squamous cell cancer for ages. Finally, after having it cut off his ears he developed it on his face, just under his eye. He now has a huge tumour there, that opens and bleeds a lot.
it looks like he has been shot in the eye.
Well, the vet said that when it started to bother him it would be time to put him down. But even though the thing is hideous, he is still eating, sleeping and generally carrying on, although a bit slowly.
He doesn't pull at it much, but it does bleed something awful, so he always has blood on his paws from trying to clean himself.
I guess it isn't obvious to me what the time will be. He isn't crying, or hiding or generally acting sick. What would you do if you were me?
iris lilies
3-21-13, 10:35pm
Ah this sucks SO MUCH! My rule is: when there are large open sores that won't heal, it's time to go to Pet Heaven.
My first bulldog, my most beloved girl, had mast cell cancer. It manifested in erupting skin sores, open holes in her skin. This was after numerous surgeries and chemo treatment. She was taking prednisone to keep swelling and inflammation at bay and she was always hungry. She was active and bright eyed!
But her skin sores were open and smelly and weeping, so I decided it was time.
I took a day off from work. We went to her favorite place in the park. We saw and talked to cops (she loved policemen.) We bought ice cream and ate it. Then we took her to the vet to be euthanized.
I will tell you now, after looking back on all of the bulldogs who've died here--it is an act of grace to put them down when they still feel good. What a great way to go! that's how I want to go, I want people to say "that iris--h*ll she was charging around just yesterday, I can't believe that she's gone!"
A few years later I had another bulldog with mast cell tumors and I didn't hesitate as long, I knew what would happen and when his biggest open sore got to be about 2" wide, we put him down.
It's the ones who I don't euthanize until it's clear they are suffering (I've had two bulldog die one hour before we planned to take them to the vet) that haunt me, not the ones I take in early.
Hope this helps.
I'm really sorry to hear about your kitty. Such a difficult time.
I agree with Iris on this one. The cat that we tried to save with medical interventions who ended up dying anyway, probably with a lot of unnecessary pain, is the one that really haunts and hurts me still.
Tussiemussies
3-21-13, 11:52pm
I can't see what your cat's tumor is like but even so personally I don't think it is time to put him down yet. If there were other problems I'd say yes, but because the rest of him is fine, I wouldn't do it.
Is there a way for you to clean out the tumor everyday? Is there anyway at all that they could remove it? Does your vet recommend letting it bleed, if not can you put a liquid bandaid on it, although if your cat scratches it he might get some on his paws and lick it off.
This is just my opinion and you have to do what you feel is right.
So sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be awful thinking about it all. Christine
No advice, just sending you my best wishes Kally. It's a tough situation and a tough call. Remember that YOUR quality of life is just as important a factor as theirs.
I had a friend with a cat with a bleeding tumor (on his back) and she had it removed. Kitty's still doing well but it's starting to resurface in other areas...just bought him some time.
I will be facing this soon, I fear, and I know how hard it is.
There is nothing to be done about this tumour. We are just letting it be until such time as it troubles him. It is really ugly, and as I say, bloody. I can't put anything on it and it can't be taken out.
he has already has his ears cropped right down and he looks like a little polar bear. I am just preparing myself to do this and want to make sure that we don't wait too long. But neither do I want to deny him a bit of spring sunshine.
Oh I hate this.
I hate this, too, not only for me, but for you as well. Like most pet owners my tendency is to wait too long, and like Iris those are the losses I regret the most. Now I let my pet tell me when it is time. If I pay attention, the signs are there.
Even though my cat that died last year was having a mostly decent quality of life, I made sure that I paid attention to what she was sharing with me about her condition. To outward appearances she seemed just fine, but she let me know how she was suffering and I made the final vet appointment with less stress and heartbreak because I was paying such close attention to her behavior.
I am certain that most people think me stupid for this, but I am positive that our pets let us know when it is time, especially when we are not ready to let them go. Perhaps this belief is part of my own weirdness, but I believe that if you ask him to tell you when it is time for him to go, Kally, he will.
Our pets are completely dependent on us for nearly everything and this is kind of like the last gift we can give them.
CaseyMiller
3-22-13, 8:51am
So difficult. I recently had to put our 20 yo cat down. I waited far too long to do it. I've read that cats are very stoic and hide their discomfort and pain.
Such a difficult decision, but I think a bleeding open sore would indicate it is time for peaceful end to the suffering. I believe that, as a pet owner, having the strength to end the suffering is the greatest gift we can give our loving pets.
Kally........I would wait. I'm not a big fan of euthanasia. Except for one exception we had, I'm all for making them comfortable and giving them love.......until the very end.
But everyone is different. You just have to go with your heart.
If the cat always has blood on his paws from trying to clean his face, I would consider that the time had come.
try2bfrugal
3-22-13, 10:51am
I think it is time. You have obviously given him a good life and done what you could for him. I have always waited way too long with our pets.
treehugger
3-22-13, 11:50am
No advice, just support. This is tough. Even though we (animal lovers) know that we will outlive them, the end is hard. Just went through it last September with a beloved cat. In the end, we were lucky, because we did know it was time for him. I'm grateful to him/the universe for that. But I know we may not get so lucky with our current (almost 19-y-o) cat.
(((kally)))
Kara
What did your pet do to tell you it is time? Anything specific?
I hate this, too, not only for me, but for you as well. Like most pet owners my tendency is to wait too long, and like Iris those are the losses I regret the most. Now I let my pet tell me when it is time. If I pay attention, the signs are there.
Even though my cat that died last year was having a mostly decent quality of life, I made sure that I paid attention to what she was sharing with me about her condition. To outward appearances she seemed just fine, but she let me know how she was suffering and I made the final vet appointment with less stress and heartbreak because I was paying such close attention to her behavior.
I am certain that most people think me stupid for this, but I am positive that our pets let us know when it is time, especially when we are not ready to let them go. Perhaps this belief is part of my own weirdness, but I believe that if you ask him to tell you when it is time for him to go, Kally, he will.
Our pets are completely dependent on us for nearly everything and this is kind of like the last gift we can give them.
Kally, for my cat it was easy to know when. She had a brain or eye tumor that had metastasized to her lungs, so she was having breathing issues. One night I wasn't able to pet her because when I did she would purr and would go into respiratory distress. She lived for our nighttime petting sessions so it was torture for us both for me not to be able touch her. I had her euthanized the next day.
For your cat, the time is soon, I believe. I agree with others that a little bit early is better than too late. And as a vet tech I've been involved in well over a hundred euthanasias - assisting or performing. You could always have someone come out to your house to do it, and/or sedate her before hand. I've helped vets euthanize pets outside on their owner's deck or porch, in the sun. That kind of thing can sometimes make it feel a little easier.
Just know it will always be a tough decision and there usually isn't a perfect time. Just do what you think is best and try not to beat yourself up about your choices once you decide to have it done.
Ditto having it done at home. Though it's more expensive, my experience having my 19 year old blind, kidneys & heart failing boy euthanized while in my arms in our living room was wonderful. I knew because he had been looking more & more fragile, had stopped grooming a few days before, then the night before I chose to euthanize him, he couldn't make it to his cat box for the first time and looked so distressed by it. He basically collapsed. I made a pallet on the living room floor, and spent the night cuddling him.
This is a portrait my DH took of us in the sun the day before he died. I still miss him...1196
As a long time pet owner, I have faced this issue a number of times. They do tell you. Our last one, where we had to make the decision, had been on pain killer for months due to a bone tumor. He was happy until one day we could tell the pain killer was not working and he was just "not all there". We knew it was time.
One of our current cats has a chronic sinus condition. In and out of infection. This last time it got so bad we considered having him euthanized since he stopped eating and dropped more than a pound even while we were hand feeding him. Finally the medicine took effect but we are changing our long time vet to get someone more on the ball with treatment. The specialty vet wanted around $3500 for CAT scan and all the diagnostics and treatment without knowing if it make any difference. Thankfully, he started eating right at the time we had to make the decision.
I'm in the minority here, but if he's eating and acting normal, I don't think he's ready yet. And if you're questioning whether it's time, you have doubts. When it is time, I think you'll know without a doubt.
he was out in the sun enjoying himself and when I came out he ran towards me. It might look like time by the sight of this horrible growth on his face, but it is not time yet. But soon I think.
Well, I don't think there is ONE time, there is a continuum, and pet owners will make choices of "when" in the continuum based on their own thoughts, feelings, and situation. Veterinarians are good advisers for defining the beginning and end of the continuum.
I know a woman with a 14-year-old Great Dane who can barely move, doesn't want to eat, and has interminable diarrhea, arthritis, and internal upset. She is pumping him full of anti-nausea meds, steroids, exploratory surgery, the works, and syringe-force-feeding him. She can't bear to let him go even though every sign says he's ready. I am never going to be that person, Kally, and I don't think you are either. You know your pet best....just try to keep his best interests at heart, even if it hurts. Happy sunny day for Billy!!
I used to get a newsletter from Spring Farm Cares, which takes in unwanted, sickly and abused animals. The difference is that it is run by animal communicators who can communicate with the animals telepathically. Sounds woo woo, I know, but I've used them and another woman for this and it's for real. Anyway, in one newsletter they had a cat with a similar problem; the people could hardly bear to look at his face because it looked so hideous. But the cat was fine with it, felt great, and didn't care what people thought. When it was time he let them know in ways obvious to everyone.
The mess may be an inconvenience right now, but when he's gone you'll wish for one more day dealing with it. Oh, that sounded like a guilt-trip. But from what you described, he seems to be dealing with it fine. When he stops doing what he enjoys, you'll know.
I have a friend who is an animal communicator, and she was very helpful to me when my girl Cleo was needing meds. (Cleo is my avatar, by the way.)
Here is contact info if you wish to avail yourself - http://joanranquet.com/
Sharing the specifics of how my pets have let me know that it is time for us to part will not be helpful. What I did was to simply pay attention to how they were behaving with me, not so much anything else, although being a careful observer about how a pet behaves generally is certainly informative.
To illustrate, my cat, Aiden, had mast cell tumors. They were the granular kind and the only reason I knew anything was wrong was that one side of her face was swollen in the afternoon. We went to the vet the following morning and after tests and time, the cancer was diagnosed. We did use some medications, but the thing that helped most was for me to use therapeutic touch with her. I had learned that years earlier to self-treat my own pain and I thought that I had nothing to lose by trying it with her.
So, one day I settled us in front of the television, put in a videocassette (yes, that long ago) of meercats that she liked to watch and began working with her. She settled down, watched and when the program was only a half hour in, she got up, turned for a nuzzle and walked away. That was the first time that she ever wandered away before the tape was finished. She would even sit through the commercials (it was taped from the Animal Planet). A while later, maybe an hour, I noticed that the swelling was significantly reduced. When this swelling took place, it would double the size of her head and make her right eye all squinty. She was a tiny cat, and this was very uncomfortable for her and the steroids did not give much relief.
After that, every time that I would notice the beginnings of the swelling or that she seemed a little down, I would say "C'mon, baby, let's do some work" and she would go to the den, hop on the footstool and we would, well, work.
I could not let her go. Despite the help from the therapeutic touch sessions, I could see that she was ready to go. She would come to sit on my chest and just look at me. If I touched her, she would purr and close her eyes. Sometimes she would go to sleep. But, mostly she sat and looked at me. Sometimes I would walk through a room and stop, looking around, noticing finally that she was staring at me. A couple of times I woke to see her looking right into my eyes. Still, I could not bring myself to make that appointment.
Aiden's regular behavior was fine. She ate and eliminated perfectly. She walked the same, played the same, slept well, never exhibited anything that would indicate that she was in discomfort or pain, or any distress of any kind. Someone else here wrote about how stoic cats are. True. I knew that I was choosing to ignore all that she was telling me. I held out for a week and we went to the vet. I am trying to not be too graphic here, but if this still is offensive to anyone I apologize. The euthanasia went badly very quickly. I learned later that the tumors, keep in mind that they were small and granular, had grown everywhere and had greatly compromised her circulation as well. It was very distressing for all of us and I finally had to let them take her into the surgery suite and finish.
Despite my regret, I learned so much from that experience, and not just about finding a way to say goodbye to a beloved pet and glorious companion. So, when Lili showed unusual behavior, I immediately took her to the vet clinic. It was during a difficult time last year when I was escaping my ex and the stress was unrelenting for all of us, especially my cats. At the clinic, they worked with and on her for more than two hours before the tests started coming back that her kidneys were failing. We all knew it was time and when the vet left to gather the medications, Lili settled into my arms and it was like we were one body, just waiting there, spending those last moments together.
Kally, when it is time, the two of you will know it.
Thank you Jilly for taking the time to write out that. It was most helpful. Today he is my regular Billy, still sitting beside the bathtub for his shower, still sleeping with me and snugglng. The only change is he is closer to me, snuggling and purring more, and perhaps sleeping a bit more.
But he runs to the kitchen when he hears the can opener or the cat candies. He demands his baby kitty milk in the morning as usual
I will just have to trust that I will be able to tell when it is time. You have helped me.
I know that you will be able to tell. I love his name. We have never had a Billy as part of our family. Yet. :~)
he was Piggelet when we got him, but I didn't like that, so I changed it to something that sounded like Piggelet. He was 7 when we got him and we have had him for 5 years, so he isn't young, but he isn't old either.
I looked up therapeutic touch for pets and found some good ideas.
Kally......I sent you a PM.
update:
Just back from the vets where we let Billy go. The tumour on his face was huge, bleeding and had begun to smell. The hard thing was i was waiting for him to stop eating or start hiding out or whatever. But right up until the time we took him he was walking around outside in the sun.
I will miss him. A word to the wise - if you have a white cat don't let it go out in the sun without sunblock on its ears. This cancer started on his ears, which we cut right back and then went on to his face. In the end it looked absolutely horrific.
It was so hard to make this decision, but now I know he isn't going to get to the stage where he is suffering anymore.
Tussiemussies
4-15-13, 8:47pm
So sorry that he is gone now. It must be a very hard time for you. Sending prayers...
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know it will be really difficult for the first days and weeks and months... (((Kally)))
When my Oskar kitty died, his presence in the house a few days later was so strong that I called out his name. One night I woke because I had heard his feet padding on the carpet - a dream, probably. But once in the daytime, the bedroom door was thrown open just as he used to do when bolting through it, and the windows were not open so it wasn't a gust of air.
I read this entire thread through again. This is when humans are at their best--helping their beloved pets onto the next stage.
rodeosweetheart
4-15-13, 9:21pm
Kally, I am sorry for the loss of your beloved kitty. My little terrier Gracie died under similar conditions, and it was very hard. Hugs.
Blackdog Lin
4-15-13, 9:29pm
kally - please accept my sympathies for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to let go - and hope you are at peace with your decision.
(I absolutely CANNOT STAND this topic. It hurts me to the core, knowing that she (the spark in the household, the love of our days) is soon to be 13 years old. And that we will eventually be having to consider these decisions.)
try2bfrugal
4-15-13, 10:20pm
Sending warm thoughts your way. You sound like a great pet parent and I think you made the right call.
Hugs to you, Kally. You are a good, brave, loving pet owner, and if I were reincarnated as a kitty, I would want you to own me.
Many hugs for you Kally. i have 4 kitties of my own and had one die of old age a few months ago. I had only had her about a year, having gotten her from my uncle when he died. She was feral and not to be touched but she was my baby and i loved spoiling her. In her final days she simply slept in our house and allowed me to hold her which she had NEVER allowed before, she even wanted me to pet her. It meant a lot to me that she knew she was loved and allowed me to pet her and comfort her.
Our "furbabies" are so much a part of our lives and our hearts. I really feel for you because it is obvious that you loved your Billy very much.
I'm so sorry.
We have an outdoor white cat and I never thought about sunscreen for cats. She had a cancer tumor on her side about 5 years ago but nothing since. Thanks for the sunscreen tip.
My condolences. Pets add so much to our lives. Their absence can leave a big hole.
I'm so sorry for your loss and glad he didn't seem to be suffering. You made the right decision.
When I talk to my animal communicator about my horse, she tells me that my cat is here in our home. Mind you, she died years before we moved here. I just dreamed about her last night, and three times I've felt her walk on my bed. So your kitty will still be there with you and you'll feel his presence. When I'm at home alone, I talk to my late dog as if she's still here with me.
The first few nights after my cat died, I heard her in the litterbox, heard her jump out of the bathtub (we kept her box there), run up the stairs and jump on my bed. When I walked through our door after having my dog pts, I heard her nails on the wood floor. You'll probably have a few strange things happening; he's just letting you know he's not far away.
When they withdraw, when they don't want to eat or drink. Like us.
jennipurrr
4-17-13, 2:32pm
So sorry to hear about your kitty. I know he was so special to you. I'll keep you and Billy in my thoughts.
thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Like most pet owners I was so distraught at the thought of putting my Billy down. But now it is done I miss him and see he had no other options. You were all so caring and I appreciate it.
Sad Eyed Lady
4-30-13, 9:36am
thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Like most pet owners I was so distraught at the thought of putting my Billy down. But now it is done I miss him and see he had no other options. You were all so caring and I appreciate it.
Dear Kally, I know what you are going through. My first kitty was 17 when he passed and we didn't have to make that agonizing decision to put him to sleep because it happened naturally. But, our next kitty was 15, and like your Billy he also had had cancer and was not doing well at the end. We did have to make that decision too and it was hard to say goodbye. My mother had passed only a year before that and something she said came to me and made letting go of our cat easier in my thoughts: my mother had been hospitalized several times in the last year of her life, each trip a long, long wait in the ER before she got a room, and even the moving from one place to another was so hard on her. The last time, when she got in her room she looked at me and clearly said "I don't want to go through this again. It's too hard and it's not worth it.". Two days later she was gone. Later, I recalled her words and realized that she was able to tell me she was tired of fighting, but our little cat wasn't able to so we had to decide, (with our vet), when it was it was too hard and not worth it.
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