Grrrrrrrrrrr

[kitten]

(sorry for the big block of text, I'm having formatting problems) My boss is driving me crazy. One thing that really wears me down, and has had a really exhausting effect on me over time, is his subtle belittling of anything I bring up. Anytime I have a question or want to put something forward, he'll belittle it. For instance, I did a Facebook feature on one of our weekend announcers, Rolf (not real name). I wanted to get his program start time correct. When I checked our station web site, the info they had for him was all wrong. So I submitted a note to my manager and the web person, cc'ing Rolf, with the changes we needed to update his information. Here is my boss' reply: - "Thanks Kitten. These grid pages get very very low traffic counts, but this info would be nice to include. Jane is out today and slamming through voting pages and drive pages… but add them to the list! Thanks Kitten." - To me, this is nuts. If you have a web site, the information on it should be accurate, not "nice to include." So what if the frickin' announcer pages get low views? (If they promoted us at all, that situation would change btw!) If the information isn't important enough to get right, why include it at all? Also, we're in a phase where we're IMPROVING the web site! That's why this girl Jane was hired, to help do that! I love how, though Jane is out today (because she's sick - she told me she was feeling bad yesterday), she's nonetheless "slamming through voting pages and drive pages, so..." The implication being, That girl is working her ASS off! How dare you bother her with this piddly-ass shit! Who cares if anybody knows what time Rolf's show starts? Get back to work, you nit-picking slacker! - Anyway....you've heard my complaints about this gem of a manager before...What do I do? Do I count to ten? I really want to go into his office and tell him that I'm tired of the constant message that ANYTHING I bring to him is out of line. - So why don't I just leave? We're supporting my mother-in-law, we have two house payments, and we're in a bit of debt. Got some projects coming up that will need funding. My husband realizes how unhappy I am at work, and one night when I was feeling particularly bad, he said I could quit if it really came to that - and we'd figure it out somehow. But I remember how broke we were when we first came here, and it wasn't fun. I don't want to go back to that...Hubby says: "When you're walking to work and you see that building ahead, just think of it as a giant ATM. Forget everything else." So I'm trying to do that, but it's hard. I am also looking for a new position, and am facing the possibility that I'll have to change cities or industries in order to do this. I'm willing to do this to get out from under the nutty crap I deal with every day. So yes, I am working on it.-

[SteveinMN]

kitten, it is hard to deal with idiocy in management. It's one big reason I left my previous job. So maybe I'm not the guy to answer. But here goes:

I hope venting here helps. Venting to your husband helps. Any support -- even non-coworkers who will just smile and nod in empathy -- will help you deal with getting past the frustration you're feeling. That's one.

Working on getting out -- which you also are doing -- helps. Maybe it would be more satisfying to you to set some goals for activities -- say, spend two hours a week looking at applicable job sites, or find one new source of job listings in your area, or send out X resumes a week? Something attainable that at least allows you to look back satisfied that you are doing what you can to get out of the crazy house.

But the other thing which I believe will help is perspective. I don't know if you read the Dilbert (http://www.dilbert.com) comic strip, but if you don't, I would start. The Pointy Haired Boss in that strip stands in for Peter Principle imbeciles at companies across America. Maybe across the world. It may be a comic strip, but I've lived through so many of the situations they joke about and it helps to know the experience is more universal.

And, lastly, I think some perspective is helpful here. I realize this instance is only one you've relayed, but, honestly, I don't see it so much as belittling as a reaction from someone whose goals on this topic are much different from yours. PHB probably is getting measured on how much sponsorship he brings in, so that naturally will be a greater area of emphasis for him than it is for you, who can approach the Web site more neutrally. He will put other concerns in second place to his own. And maybe, just maybe, your PHB sets a new high-water mark in stupidity and you will have to set the tolerance bar a little higher for him.

I'm sorry -- this kind of behavior can make even a good job terrible. But hang in there. You're not ready to chuck this job yet.

[Geila]

Hi Kitten,
First, sorry that you're feeling belittled and upset. I hope you feel better - I know that emotional upset can be hard to wrangle.

Now, I'll say that in reading your boss's reply I don't read it as dismissive or belittling. He thanked you twice for the sugg and mentioned that the person who handles it is out but to add it to her list of "to do" items. That seems very reasonable to me. Having been both an employee and a manager, it's hard for you to know how much this other person has on her plate and what kind of priorities she's been given. Same for your boss.

You did your part: you noticed an error on the site and your brought it the attention of the responsible and affected parties. You're done! Whatever they choose to do is up to them. The item in question doesn't really affect you personally or professionally (from what I see). If it did, it would be different and you could certainly ask for clear action on the item.

Save your energy for better things - positive things!

[kitten]

Thanks Steve - great perspective. My boss' behavior is a pattern. Today's adventure seems like a blip, and it's possible I over-reacted. I get this surge of adrenaline or cortisol or something when I feel angry, powerless, beyond frustrated. For me it's like a color thing, my entire field of vision becomes dimmed, kind of brownish. Freaky. So I know I have a tendency to over-react. But he does belittle every single thing that I need to take care of as part of my job. It just gets so old. I do appreciate your advice to concentrate on the things that will give me a leg up out of this pit. Watergoddess (love your handle btw), thanks for the input. Agreeing with this! I will try to relax knowing I did what I could! That's all I can do, after all...

[Spartana]

Hi Kitten,


Now, I'll say that in reading your boss's reply I don't read it as dismissive or belittling. He thanked you twice for the sugg and mentioned that the person who handles it is out but to add it to her list of "to do" items. That seems very reasonable to me. Having been both an employee and a manager, it's hard for you to know how much this other person has on her plate and what kind of priorities she's been given. Same for your boss.

You did your part: you noticed an error on the site and your brought it the attention of the responsible and affected parties. You're done! Whatever they choose to do is up to them. The item in question doesn't really affect you personally or professionally (from what I see). If it did, it would be different and you could certainly ask for clear action on the item.

Save your energy for better things - positive things!I agree with this. I also didn't see your bosses response as belittling - but kindly and thankful for you bringing it to his attention. So you may be overreacting to this comment based on other slights you feel he has given you in the past. From what you said of your boss in previous posts, it seems that he behaves this way towards everyone at your work so it may just be his personality overall and not anything against you personally.

[kitten]

Spartana - yes, this true actually. When we're not chatting about work, my boss and I get along fine. He's a genuinely sweet guy who's been beaten down by the dysfunctional structure of our company. Normally I could look at him and say, "I don't want that to be this guy, EVER..." But I pretty much am this guy, minus the status. Though my boss doesn't seem to have any power. Or seems unwilling to use it, given that his managers step on him as soon as he utters a word. So he stopped uttering anything a long time ago. - This is not the kind of boss I want, or the kind of boss I would ever want to be. I'm trying to learn from what I experience here, while quietly making my exit plans. It's just a tough time. But I know how lucky I am to have any paying gig in this economy...

[kitten]

Thanks Spartana - yes, this is true actually. When we're not chatting about work, my boss and I get along fine. He's a genuinely sweet guy who's been beaten down by the dysfunctional environment and castrated by the psycho Dragon Lady who's really in charge of this place, and who appears to be running it into the ground. He's a puppet- almost not responsible for anything he says or does, the way an infant isn't. Normally I could draw some conclusions, learn some lessons, think of this as a cautionary tale - look at him and say, "I don't want to be this guy, EVER!" But I pretty much am this guy, minus the status. I'm trying to learn from my experiences, to the extent I can (although I'm never sure what lessons I'm supposed to be drawing here, other than: GAWD I HATE WHACKJOBS AND MORONS! GIVE ME AN ISLAND AND A BOOK! I DON'T NEED A LOT OF CLOTHES!) while quietly making my exit plans. It's just a tough time. But I know how lucky I am to have any paying gig in this economy...