View Full Version : Simple Living Friends
I often see references that assume time spent on computer is time deprived of people relationships. For me, though, the people on this Simple Living board are important friends. The longer I hang around here, the more your personalities become clear to me. I'm curious what you all's opinions are about our time here. Is it more or less valuable to you than your non-computer friendships, and if so, in what ways?
One could say the same of phone, TV, radio, books, writing letters, etc. And also just about everything one does by oneself. It's all about finding the right balance for yourself - and realizing that balance will be different for others.
For me, I like being here, although I think I tend to gravitate to the computer too much - spending an hour doing not much of anything when what I really got on for was done in 10 minutes. I have to honestly say this is less valuable to me (although it does have very real value). If I had to choose one or the other, I'd go with the non-computer friendships just because I really need that level of interaction. But I would miss my virtual relationships, and I expect if I filled all that time with real life interactions, it would just be too much. So striking the right balance between the two just seems to make the most sense.
I have a "real life' that is full of loving family, adult children and grandkids. But my internet friends and our connections are special and important because at heart, i am a bit of a homebody. I'd rather be home than go anywhere, not sure why I am that way. i just usually hate going places. But forums like these put me in touch with people who have similar interests to me and offer new insights and ideas. The internet offers me a world of friendships and acquaintances, without ever having to leave home.
What BG said. If I were to count the number of people I know who are seriously interested in simple living but not on this or a couple of other Web forums, I'd be on one or two fingers. So to have this variety of experiences and approaches and all is quite valuable to me.
Besides, I am very comfortable on-line. In fact, the asynchronous aspect of communicating on-line sometimes is more comfortable than "real life" because it gives me a chance to reflect on what I just heard/read/saw and gather my thoughts -- and vice versa (I know I'm not the only person like that).
I have never considered time spent interacting with people on-line a waste of time or in any way inferior to face-to-face interaction. I've developed some very strong friendships on-line, usually with people I would have had virtually no chance of meeting in person. So I would say that interacting with people in any way is valuable. I don't deprecate the mode of that interaction.
it's interesting for me becuase I am also a both-and.
I have lots of connections IRL, but my internet connections are also just as real -- and spending time with those people is just as powerful as going to lunch with someone or just hanging out. I mean, in a way, it is hanging out with people of common interest.
Many of my online friends over the years have also transitioned to being "IRL friends" and many of my IRL friends have transitioned to being "online friends" as I've moved across the world. I had online friends living here, and we met and see each other 2-3x a week. And my IRL friends back in the US are now online friends whom i "see" on a regular basis via FB (we chat) or skype when we can.
So, perhaps it's due to my age or circumstances -- but these relationships are just as 'real' as other ones. Though none of you have transitioned across really. :)
I do certainly waste time on the internet, and I probably check in on this forum more than I should, but I do value you guys who support my simple-living thinking.
I have my work friends, who are all corporate folks. I have my church friends who I love because they're a motley crew but they don't necessarily think the way I do. I can only get so much from my readings of Thoreau and Duane Elgin and Vicki Robin. So that's where you guys come in!
I remember when my DH was actually threatened by the time I spent on this forum. That was way back in 2004-2005, and I actually stopped visiting here to appease him. But when I returned I did so because I felt that the values explored here were "me" and I felt good coming here.
Still do.. I think the only downside is that by design we only know slices of each other. That's fine, but I think we have to acknowledge that. We're more like "pen pals" than friends, and I often wish I knew more about y'all.
gimmethesimplelife
4-21-13, 5:41pm
For me, I have a very few close friends IRL who like and respect my quirks and eccentricities. Other than that, I am mostly online for simple living support, though I do find interesting characters in real life from time to time. Case in point, right now I am in Mexico to save money on crowns and to help my mom with getting her dental work done in Mexico - much more extensive than mine and she did not want to cross the border by herself. In the dental tourism hotel we are staying at, I met a man who lives here in Los Algodones, Mexico half the year in a one bedroom apartment for $175 a month plus electric, and the other half of the year he lives in Cambodia, much like my mom's former boyfriend. I find so much hope in a random stranger living this lifestyle.....but how many random strangers am I going to run across like this? Being online - in the right places - can definitely be a support for some of my life decisions. Rob
I love hearing those stories, Rob, about living in other countries. Our youngest son is in central America, mostly Costa rica, for 3 months. He loves it there.
As an extrovert, all connections are valuable to me. I very much appreciate the insights & opinions shared here. I'd love to have everyone over for a summer picnic and get to know you in real life!
rosarugosa
4-22-13, 4:33am
I definitely waste time on the internet, but I don't consider my time here wasted. I enjoy this community very much and feel that I gain a lot from you all.
IRL I think most of us tend to gravitate toward people with similar interests and opinions. That's perfectly normal, but usually not as thought provoking as hanging out with a broader group. That diversity of experience and opinion is what I most enjoy about this format. The chance to see a glimpse of the world through someone else's eyes is important to me and that does happen here. With that in mind I don't feel that time spent here is wasted at all. Pinterest OTOH...
We don't know anyone in our group who is into simple living/saving money. I have gotten quite a few strange looks when I have shared that I learned how to make bread and my own body wash. If I didn't have this community and a couple of other ones, I would have no support or any new ideas/ways to learn.
I can share things that I learn here with DH and it helps us to come up with different ways, discussions, and a wider spectrum of thinking and learning.
fidgiegirl
4-22-13, 4:46pm
I made the mistake of mentioning the other day how great it would be to be able to get rid of a car. Twice, in two different groups. One group looked at me and then tittered a bit about it as I walked away. The other advised me that in said theoretical situation (that has a 1% chance of happening) that I shouldn't get rid of my car right away. She appeared very concerned.
I was reminded that not everyone appreciates such radical ideas but that you guys always will. :D
Wildflower
4-22-13, 9:35pm
I've always considered my time here and on another message board as time well spent. I don't spend too much time either place as compared to my IRL relationships, but I have made a few good friends online. These friendships are important to me just as my IRL friendships are. I very much enjoy sharing and reading similar ideas here with others that are like minded. Sure wish we had the participation though that the old SLN boards had. I miss that....
ToomuchStuff
4-23-13, 2:06am
Time here is a waste, IF YOU HAVE OTHER THINGS YOU NEED to do. So we have all probably wasted time on days, that we weren't feeling well or such. Otherwise, your free time is no different spent here, then elsewhere, your here to learn, talk to people about things your interested in and hopefully make some semblance of friends.
Some of my IRL friends, have aspects of simple living, but normally very few, (both friends, and the ones that do, aspects).
i would say that it's only time to waste if A. you don't have something else to do, and B. you don't have an interest in the topic. Then, yeah.
I made the mistake of mentioning the other day how great it would be to be able to get rid of a car. Twice, in two different groups. One group looked at me and then tittered a bit about it as I walked away. The other advised me that in said theoretical situation (that has a 1% chance of happening) that I shouldn't get rid of my car right away. She appeared very concerned.
I was reminded that not everyone appreciates such radical ideas but that you guys always will. :D
We know two couples who share a car. All of the work outside of the home. I always things that's a great thing, coordinating rides like that. I admire it, can't see why anyone would denigrate that. oh well.
How people view anything - sharing a car is just one example - is almost completely based on their own experiences. If they never questioned "needing" two cars, or reducing gas usage, or they haven't traveled much and seen how other societies live, etc etc, then it is likely to be seen as impossible.
DH and I shared a car for 5 years when we lived in Tucson. He was able to bike to/from work or I could drop off/pick up as his work was on the way to mine - it depended on our hours for a given day. It became less convenient after we had a baby, though. And where we currently live, it would make every day extremely difficult and would probably often negate the less-driving value of car-sharing if, for instance, I had to take him to work in order to have the car, thereby doubling the miles driven.
Anyway, that's why it is valuable to me to have this online community... I have many friends both locally and remotely with whom I discuss various topics, but few of them are into saving money and resources to the level that all of you are. It puts me in the role of being their local expert when they are interested in learning more.
gimmethesimplelife
4-23-13, 11:33am
I made the mistake of mentioning the other day how great it would be to be able to get rid of a car. Twice, in two different groups. One group looked at me and then tittered a bit about it as I walked away. The other advised me that in said theoretical situation (that has a 1% chance of happening) that I shouldn't get rid of my car right away. She appeared very concerned.
I was reminded that not everyone appreciates such radical ideas but that you guys always will. :DI think maybe I'm just too blunt sometimes about this. When I am asked why I don't have a car, I always go the gas over three a gallon, insurance, repairs, how am I am supposed to save any money so my life is not all about work if I have this huge bill in my life.....I think it's too much for most people to grasp it the way I bluntly throw it out there. Thanks for your post, it's making me think about this issue that comes up for me more often than I'd like. Rob
I seriously limit my online time to maybe 2 hours a day or less - and often only a few days a week - because I do find it a huge time-suck. However, I almost always check in on this site and spend time here "chatting" and reading. I value the people and the input a great deal - especially since I don't have any simple living friends IRL. However, I do value my RL friendships much more (they often feed me so how could I not :-)!) and prefer those interactions to online ones. I am a person who needs real world companionship rather than online companionship.
Interesting to me that so few of us seem to have friends in RL that are into simple living. Same here. Guess we are still a lost (and scattered) tribe.
Well I am in southern Calif - land of the mega-consumer and the mega-consumer-wannbe. Hard to find like-minded friends that share my particular version of simple living so I find it here - or over on the Mr Money Mustashe forums (although I just read and rarely post over there). But I do enjoy my friends and have a lot in common with them (sports and hobbies) so that binds us even if they drive their new $60K Lexus SUVs to our volleyball games and I drive the 11 year old pick up truck. Of course they also have to drive their fancy SUVs to work 40 plus hours a week to pay for the vehicle while I'm at the beach playing volleyball everyday instead of working :-)!
ApatheticNoMore
4-25-13, 2:47pm
I dont' think sympathetic values are hard to find at all (ie turning away from materalism, excessive valuation of money). I'm not saying it's a majority, just that it exists and can be found. A truly cheap lifestyle can be hard to find though, cost of living is a pressure.
When I joined this forum some (almost) 8 years ago, I was saddled-down with little babies and young children, so the option for me to escape the daily rigors of motherhood/homemaking simply wasn't there, so this place was my link to the outside world.
I very much enjoy the interaction and learning that arises as a result of this forum, and in no way do I feel time is wasted by spending it here, nor do I cast a measure of less importance Re: the idea of online friends as compared to RL friends. Both have meaning, and both mean something to me.
Originally posted by Wildflower.
Sure wish we had the participation though that the old SLN boards had. I miss that....Me, too.
I am with Mrs-M. I have both online and IRL friends. A few online friends have crossed into IRL friends. Stella's offer a few months back of help unloading moving truck and such, if I ended up moving to the Twin Cities surprised me very much. It was unexpected.
Mrs-M also said when she originally found this forum, it was something of an escape from babies and such. In some ways, it's served the same purpose for me. I live alone and know very few simple living types IRL. The ones I do know have so much stuff that visiting their homes is an almost claustrophobic experience. This forum and the Miss Minimalist blog have been wonderful for connecting with other minimalists. :) While I generally don't agree with the political stance exhibited by many posters here, it's been interesting to see how the other side thinks.
awakenedsoul
4-26-13, 6:34pm
I really enjoy reading the posts here. When I was dancing, my work life was also my social life. I really enjoyed chatting with the girls in the dressing room before the show. We'd put our make up on and warm up. Now that I'm retired, I don't meet that many people in real life where I feel a connection. I have a few neighbors that I visit with, but not like when I was around dancers all the time. I learn a lot from the people here, and I like hearing about their life experiences.
I made the mistake of mentioning the other day how great it would be to be able to get rid of a car. Twice, in two different groups. One group looked at me and then tittered a bit about it as I walked away. The other advised me that in said theoretical situation (that has a 1% chance of happening) that I shouldn't get rid of my car right away. She appeared very concerned.
I was reminded that not everyone appreciates such radical ideas but that you guys always will. :D
I remember telling a good friend, who I thought was really a lot like me, how when my mother died, my brothers and I went to her home and packed up one garbage bag for Goodwill and one box of memorabilia and that was it.. the extent of her worldly possessions. I was surprised when my friend said, "Oh, that's such a shame" because I was thinking the opposite. It was kind of a revelation to me.
I've had similar experiences with other good friends that shine a light on the fact that not a lot of people are in "our" camp.
gimmethesimplelife
4-26-13, 9:13pm
I really enjoy reading the posts here. When I was dancing, my work life was also my social life. I really enjoyed chatting with the girls in the dressing room before the show. We'd put our make up on and warm up. Now that I'm retired, I don't meet that many people in real life where I feel a connection. I have a few neighbors that I visit with, but not like when I was around dancers all the time. I learn a lot from the people here, and I like hearing about their life experiences.I think I know what you mean Awakened Soul. I am in the midst of getting ready to take off to work at a resort in Utah for the summer, and I am already missing the banquet staffing place I worked for the past eight months.....I would come early to events just to mingle and network with the other banquet temps. There were a few real characters there (and I mean this in a good way) and I took some pleasure from meeting up with these folks on a regular basis. I am just glad I am in good standing with the banquet staffing place, they told me when I come back to Phoenix all I have to do is swing by their office and fill out some paperwork and I'm back on again. Really liking that and really liking the idea of that crowd being there again in the fall. Nice to have some folks to mingle with in f and b that "get it." Rob
awakenedsoul
4-27-13, 12:26am
It's great to keep that contact. Nice to have a job if you need it, too. I go to a knitting group at our library and have met some nice people there. They live simply. I'd like to find some more. Classes and work are good places to meet people.
I made the mistake of mentioning the other day how great it would be to be able to get rid of a car. Twice, in two different groups. One group looked at me and then tittered a bit about it as I walked away. The other advised me that in said theoretical situation (that has a 1% chance of happening) that I shouldn't get rid of my car right away. She appeared very concerned.
I was reminded that not everyone appreciates such radical ideas but that you guys always will. :D
you radical!
if you want to do this, i recommend just parking the car for a bit. Drive it once a week (to keep the machine happy), but otherwise, just see if you can do without it.
DH and I did that for a bit before we moved to one car, and then we lived something like 18 months without a car. :)
once we were out here, though, we discovered that having the car makes buying food easier by a lot, and then discovered that it would cost us less to drive and park than take the public transport (madness!).
And I had some romantic notions about using a bicycle, but. . . no. I mean, we could but. . . yeah. no.
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