Zoe Girl
5-14-13, 8:26pm
So I had another talk with oldest daughter, her boyfriend was there and he was a good person to have. He does understand to a decent extent my point of view. I started with the straight up vulnerable. I am tired, I need her help, and I am letting myself be vulnerable which is hard. i also talked about my concerns about her remembering things which she argued. We had an issue with her missing a dental appointment and not calling ahead or even calling when i called her and told her directly to call and apologize. So evidence of my point of view. I tried to be open enough to have communication towards solutions just basically becaues of her traumatic year. Maybe not the popular way to go but I felt good about it.
This morning I woke up and none of the dishes were done. It was her job, everyone else in the family did something. Her brother is having severe anxiety issues and we are working with the school and DR's and counselors, part of my exhaustion. The ways of figuring out who is responsible for dishes have been set for the last 10 years, this is no mystery and part of the issue is her remembering and taking that adult responsibilty. I did the dishes at 6 am, I had other things to do but I was not going to leave them. So I sent a text saying that she has until July 1st to find a new place to live. The boyfriend came up early and talked to me. I told him my point of view, we will see but I am not changing my mind without a comittment to extensive therapy.
So here is the difference (it is time #4 of asking her to leave and all of them have been about chores), I noticed my physical sensations in my body today as i recovered from this difficult talk. Make no mistake that this is WORK and has a toll on us to work hard at being skillful. My meditation practice has been essential to the process. I noticed the tiredness and the lack of hunger along with other reactions. I made an appointment with my counselor next week to work on this. I have not done this before, I told the story here and had to talk to her dad but I am trying to stay out of the story, get grounded and pay attention to what is going on. As always when we are going through this I do metta and tonglen meditations for her (and myself!) but limit those when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I cannot change her but i have an opportunity to learn a new way to interact with her illness or difficulty.
This morning I woke up and none of the dishes were done. It was her job, everyone else in the family did something. Her brother is having severe anxiety issues and we are working with the school and DR's and counselors, part of my exhaustion. The ways of figuring out who is responsible for dishes have been set for the last 10 years, this is no mystery and part of the issue is her remembering and taking that adult responsibilty. I did the dishes at 6 am, I had other things to do but I was not going to leave them. So I sent a text saying that she has until July 1st to find a new place to live. The boyfriend came up early and talked to me. I told him my point of view, we will see but I am not changing my mind without a comittment to extensive therapy.
So here is the difference (it is time #4 of asking her to leave and all of them have been about chores), I noticed my physical sensations in my body today as i recovered from this difficult talk. Make no mistake that this is WORK and has a toll on us to work hard at being skillful. My meditation practice has been essential to the process. I noticed the tiredness and the lack of hunger along with other reactions. I made an appointment with my counselor next week to work on this. I have not done this before, I told the story here and had to talk to her dad but I am trying to stay out of the story, get grounded and pay attention to what is going on. As always when we are going through this I do metta and tonglen meditations for her (and myself!) but limit those when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I cannot change her but i have an opportunity to learn a new way to interact with her illness or difficulty.