insensitive supervisor

[Zoe Girl]

argh, so my weekly meeting went okay yesterday and I did't think much of it at the time but this insensitive comment is really sticking with me. I think it sticks with me because this is my supervisor and it shows a bias toward the populations we work with (and me in some way).

I was saying that our program hasn't had a lot of niceness,but one of our very young boys was so cute. He decided to call me cookie, and so I now call him cupcake. When I walk into the room we exchange cookie and cupcake nicknames. Sweet huh, during a week of 2 suspensions and social services call it made me happy. So sup says he must be from a 2 parent family where he sees this behavior modeled for him from dad to mom. I told her the reality, his dad lives in Argentina now because he is terminally ill and mom has little to no family here. Many of our schools are in the 90% free and reduced lunch category, lots of struggling and single parent families. That assumption does affect the programming we offerr

I want to ask HR if there is sensitivity training but the last perrson who went to HR with a concern had it all basically get around the office quickly. Plus this person is MY boss instead of the other way around. Really that is part of what bugs me most of all. I feel in our weekly meetings that half the time I am educating her and not getting credit for that. Other than that, people just say stupid stuff.

[iris lilies]

So your supervisor ventured a guess about the living situation of one of your students and was wrong. Ok, people make errors.

Since most reasonable people and a fair number of number of social scientists agree that a two parent household provides the best stability for children, I find it pretty silly to suggest sending your sup off to the camps for re-education. I see no place for the Thought Police here.

[Alan]

I see no place for the Thought Police here.
Then how can we ensure that oldthinkers realize their crimethink is doubleplusungood?

[JaneV2.0]

Maybe he did see affection modeled by his parents; maybe he saw it modeled by others. Maybe he's just a naturally affectionate kid. I don't see the insensitivity in your report.

I'm an enthusiastic proponent of civility, but there's a sensitivity tipping point at which every bloody thing anyone thinks or says is offensive to someone.

[Zoe Girl]

Okay I can see that. I guess saying it to me as a single parent just wasn't nice and sometimes people say crap that they do not think about, not that if she had thought about me being a single parent it would have mattered.

[razz]

Don't sweat the small stuff and this is small stuff, IMHO.

[JaneV2.0]

My experience in dealing with human beings is that you're bound to be offended by them. Thick skin is your friend.

[Weston]

" I got some real honest-to-god battles to fight, Leo. I don't have time for the cosmetic ones." Admiral Percy Fitzwallace in The West Wing.

[creaker]

Okay I can see that. I guess saying it to me as a single parent just wasn't nice and sometimes people say crap that they do not think about, not that if she had thought about me being a single parent it would have mattered.

If she was doing intentionally to hurt you that would be one thing, but something else if she was oblivious as opposed to being malicious. It sounds to me more like she was just painting the world as she wanted to see it - and being a little oblivious. That could be a little annoying to me, but I'd let it go rather than get upset about it. It's not worth the effort.

Personally I would have thought he got it from TV - just because I've seen that cute nickname thing more there than I ever have in real life.

[JaneV2.0]

Okay I can see that. I guess saying it to me as a single parent just wasn't nice and sometimes people say crap that they do not think about, not that if she had thought about me being a single parent it would have mattered.

Not to mention that you were a married parent while your children were growing up and forming their personalities.

[Zoe Girl]

Yeah, i guess since she puts on so many diversity trainings and we are required to attend those and talk about judgements and assumptions, etc. it just rubs me the wrong way. But I am chilled out about it.

[JaneV2.0]

I have to say I've blurted out my share of less than diplomatic opinions over the years. Now I mostly just nod and murmur.