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View Full Version : In A Weird, Awkward Spot Lately...



SiouzQ.
5-28-13, 10:46am
I get like this proceeding any vacation, a horrible sense of restlessness, anticipation, counting down the days, feeling like I am going to blow up at someone. The thing that is exacerbating it is that fact that I have become a terrible recluse the last few months. I hardly go out like I used to - some of it is due to my work schedule, a lot of it has to do with money (I went from being debt-free for years to now having the car payment and now a bunch of medical bills). Some of it is that I seem to be leaving my former social group and the type of lifestyle that involved late nights, social and/or binge drinking (and with it, the requisite smoking). I find that since I have quit the smoking, going out to the bar for music and a beer just doesn't hold the same allure as it once did. Plus, the fact that I have to often get up at 5am for work.

I just don't know what is next, and I am starting to crave being able to smoke again, just because I am uncomfortable in this place I am in. That is another reason I am avoiding going out because I do not want to be tempted!

On one hand, I feel like I have been launched back to my teenage years of doubts and insecurities but on the other, I feel like I am honoring myself and my health by making these changes, which, of course, are all for the better. I need to get the gumption up to make new friends that reflect more of my current interests and that scares me, being the introvert that I am. One of the reasons I learned to play the guitar ten years ago was to find a new social group and that has worked for a long, long time - one solution I suppose is to start hanging out with the more health-minded musicians I know, the coffee-house and house concert crowd vs. the bar crowd. Lately, it has been just too easy to hang out at home alone...

razz
5-28-13, 11:24am
Change is always difficult to understand and work through. What would you advise a friend who had mentioned a similar challenge? That way you will find a solution that meets your needs.

Whenever I encounter a change, I count the good things that have happened and look forward to more of them occurring as they will.

KayLR
5-28-13, 12:45pm
Do any of the coffee houses you know of have open mic sessions? Maybe commit yourself to one of those and see what happens. Make a date and keep it. I know it's hard, as I'm pretty introverted myself. But you really sound like you're ready for a change. When I get ready, I just have to force myself. I'm rarely sorry afterwards.

SteveinMN
5-28-13, 1:46pm
On one hand, I feel like I have been launched back to my teenage years of doubts and insecurities but on the other, I feel like I am honoring myself and my health by making these changes, which, of course, are all for the better.
"A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn." (Chris Paine) Change is hard. That's why it sometimes takes a few times to make the really big changes stick. The greater good is your own health, so a little social awkwardness/insecurity at this time is not a high price to pay.



I need to get the gumption up to make new friends that reflect more of my current interests and that scares me, being the introvert that I am.
So let me play devil's advocate and ask you why you think you need the gumption to make new friends?

You're an introvert. You don't derive energy from being around people. You're busy right now with a slighly-weird schedule to boot. I'm not saying don't make new friends. There's nothing wrong with having friends. But is there anything wrong with not having friends at this very time in your life?

SiouzQ.
5-28-13, 1:48pm
Thanks for the suggestion Kay; I have been going to open mics for years actually. However, there are not that many around where I live (meaning within a few miles - always conscious of saving fuel) and I often end up working the nights they are being held. I do go when I can - I am making a commitment to myself to go to one tonight (well, it's at a bar) when I get off work at 10:30pm. I haven't shown up there in several weeks.

It's almost like I am having a form of social agorophobia, if there is such a thing. I need to get over it and have a life!

iris lily
5-28-13, 9:11pm
I have to say, SQ, your self-analysis seems reasonable and objective. It doesn't sound as though you are fooling yourself. I really like the fact that 10 years ago you set out to take up an activity that would get you a certain set of friends. Sounds like you can do that again. You are in a transitional stage right now and I'll bet that you get it figured out.

Blackdog Lin
5-28-13, 9:39pm
Nothing constructive to add.....but thoughts and prayers going out to you.....

rerun
5-29-13, 12:18am
Ugh...sorry you are having these feelings. Hang in there. Try not to be too critical of yourself.