Waste

[catherine]

I didn't know where to put this, because it could go in Consumerism, Frugality, and a couple of other places, but I just feel compelled to address this topic so I'll stick it here, because when it comes down to it, it's about a different way to organize my thinking.

I am 61. 50 didn't really ring any midlife crisis bells for me, but somehow at 60 I feel this great sense of urgency about where I am in my life. Looking backward, I see that the common theme that runs through my regrets is "waste."

First of all, I do not mean this to be a downer post. I'm not unhappy or depressed or despondent about my life. Quite the contrary. Looking back and analyzing things I could have done better actually energizes me.

Second, when I say "waste" I don't mean in a "big picture" sense. My life has been absolutely awesome. One thing I have not wasted is my opportunity to love and care for my family, so that's the most important thing. No waste there.

But moving on to the second tier stuff in my life, I happen to have found myself (ie, chosen--I'm not a victim) in an environment where substance abuse has inevitably led to a lot of waste: waste of time, money, intention, health, and ability to serve God/HP/the Universe in a meaningful way.

And then of course there are other causes for waste: not paying attention being #1.

So, at this point in my life, I think about one of my favorite lines from Shakespeare--it's from Richard II, and the deposed king (deposed because he squandered his kingdom's resources) is sitting in prison and only then is he introspective about his life, and in a fabulous soliloquy about time, he says, "I wasted time and now doth time waste me."

I'm not wasting time--well, I am. Maybe I am right at this moment. That's one thing. But I'm also thinking about all the $$$$$ that has gone under the bridge in my life, and it's A LOT. And I consider myself to be a pretty conscious consumer. I'm not at all into jewelry, fancy cars, new furniture, big houses, a lot of clothes (people have literally made fun of the paucity of my wardrobe). But stuff happens in life, and you don't think through the implications of some decisions, and then you look back and realize them too late.

SO--I'm now driven to really start paying attention to not wasting, which I guess comes down to be more intentional about life in a day-to-day, moment-to-moment way. It's all those little tiny grains of sand that fill the jar of our lives. My jar I'm hoping is about 3/4's full, but I still have time to fill it with the right stuff.

As I make these little decisions in my life, I'm going to ask myself... what am I getting out of this decision? Am I gaining? Is this an investment in time or money or quality of life? Or am I wasting any of those things?

What are your thoughts on waste? And any suggestions for how to actually put this new goal into practice?

[razz]

Good for you for finding your way through the mass consumerism of today.

Today is the only day that you are able to change so make those choices that seem right today. Let tomorrow's time and energy take care of tomorrow.
Don't ever go back to yesterday to try to punish yourself or judge yourself, you did what made sense to you at the time, focus on today and live to the fullest and to your highest goals. Mindfulness is the goal of today - be mindful of how you think about yourself (be kind) and be thoughtful about today's choices among the options and be kind to others as well.

[ctg492]

I ask myself for the last few years: will this make me happy?will this improve the quality of my life? Do I need this vs wanting?
I now do this for everything from a purchase to going somewhere. It has greatly changed how I do and view things in my life.
Good luck to you.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

"Second, when I say "waste" I don't mean in a "big picture" sense. My life has been absolutely awesome. One thing I have not wasted is my opportunity to love and care for my family, so that's the most important thing. No waste there."

Oh Catherine, that is so important, so wonderful to look back and realize that you didn't waste time on this important part of life. I think what you are called waste is what a lot of us call regret. And regretting time spent and manner of time spent with family, is the major waste or regret in my life. Like you I am 61, I know what that looking back and evaluating is like and the $$$$$ come and go, wasted or not, but family and friends are another matter. You did well, you took care of the important things it looks like. At this age my family is all deceased except for a few cousins. I can't go back and "un-do" the times that I was too busy, too involved in my own life to help them out or be a better daughter, granddaughter, and niece. We were such a small family to start with and now they are all gone - I wasted something valuable. But, this thread isn't about me, I just wanted to point out the positive to you, and the other things will sort out. Look how much more mindful this has made you for the years ahead! As it has me, I treasure people now, the ones left.

[Tammy]

I'm 51. I keep making improvements along the way. One thing i love is staying connected to people younger than me, having influence in each others lives. In that way, I'm helping others to make good decisions earlier in life than I did.

[SteveinMN]

When I think of the thousands of dollars I've spent over the years on stuff and experiences that I barely remember, I do feel a little badly about it. But, as razz points out, there's no changing that (short of maybe making a few dollars of it back decluttering). So I don't dwell on it.

The last year, having left work, has proved to me definitively that it ain't the money that makes life good. Doubtless, not having enough money can make life pretty tough. But, above a certain level, having more doesn't make one happier. And all the money in the world does not make up for a messed-up life (e.g., the Kardashians, Michael Jackson). So, yes, it is about evaluating what adds to one's life and whether one is getting out of it the money and energy that is going into it. Shades of YMoYL...

[pinkytoe]

I am still on the back side of 60 by a few years but I find that approaching mark troubles me more than any other birthday. I won't call it regret but looking back, one sees a lot of missed opportunities or pointless errors. All my life, I have said about some wish or dream...I will do that when I am ... and now I sometimes think, I will do that in the next life. Really, I think one of the issues is that we have so many choices today compared to the straight and narrow roles we once all had, that is hard to not always feel like one is missing out on something. Or that one made the wrong choices.

[ToomuchStuff]

Look back, to learn from mistakes. Second guessing itself is just a waste, and living through mistakes is a way of learning. Only go forward, and be prepared to pass on, what you have learned, to those that INQUIRE, as they are open to learning. Trying to pass it on to your kids/friends, etc. is just another waste, if they aren't open to it. Sounds like your continuing the self discovery path.

[Jilly]

In the past I have spent time, energy, resources and heart on things and people who did not serve me well. It has not come easily or quickly, and I still have the occasional moment when I miss something from my other life, but I seem to have no regret or carry any shame about how stunningly wasteful I was. All things considered, if all of that had to happen to bring me here, so be it.

Truth is that I am still wasteful sometimes. I try to cook everything from scratch, but there are days when I have to toss some ingredient that lay forgotten until it is no longer safe to eat. It happened last week when I had to throw out a package of ground beef because I misread the use by date, by three days. You know, things like that. I will never stop making stupid decisions or choices, so I might as well accept it.

[catherine]

Thanks for your thoughts, all. I'm just trying to plug the dike at this point. For example:

I have to get back to my Dave Ramsey plan.
I have to really communicate with DH about our common goals and how we are going to get there, and set boundaries for joint spending.
I have to say "no" to some people.
I have to put my dry erase board with my debt repayment goals back into commission (I retired it around Christmas time so people coming to the house wouldn't see my financial life story, but I never put it back up--it usually is a great reminder).
I have to be more vigilant about recording my spending.
I have to cut back on "wants" spending. I have to cook more and waste less food.
I have to ask myself "do I really need this?" or "is this going to add value to my life?" every time I buy.


Steve, you're right--it is shades of YMOYL: So have to go reread it!

BTW, this list is just for the money waste in my life. I also have goals for time waste--including not watching TV the month of June for a trial period.

[Jilly]

That is a fairly long list, one that I could never handle all at once. I am just thinking that you might try to fit being supportive of yourself somewhere on there. :)

[KayLR]

When my brother-in-law died (within a very short time from his dx) at 48 from a brain tumor, it was a total wake-up call for me. I told myself that my time here is precious and I vowed not to waste anything, to live in a way that I do not have regret at the end. One thing I did was get my degree which I always secretly wanted, but didn't have the courage.

I try to tell my daughters all the time to think about their choices in a future perspective: when I look back, will I say, "I wish I'd done ....." Life is to be lived. Regret is an awful feeling.

I wish I had known more about finances when I was younger, but like others have said, all I can do is the best I can from now on. You can only work with the information/knowledge you have at the time.

[Aqua Blue]

I have been having some of those same thoughts, Catherine. I turn 60 this summer and it has been much more thought provoking than any other birthday. I also have a somewhat depilating condition and recently sold my house and bought a small townhouse. I had a huge garage sale and as I got things ready for sale many times I thought "this was something at one time I really thought I wanted or needed and now it is basically worthless to me". The whole process has left me contemplating stuff and by most standards I am a low acquirer of stuff.

[Tiam]

I've definitely reached a point in my life where I am examining what I buy and need much more. There was a point of loss and need at my life where I engaged in some hoarding activities. I still do, though I am better at purging. Boxing stuff makes it easier to let go. But in the overall scheme of things, looking at my life I see a lot of choices life long that have been very wasteful. I know that people on this forum always said that if you were open to the idea of simplifying, the time would come when it could be easier to let go, and be less wasteful and just streamline. I have issues in my life. Like an adult, grieving, hoarding daughter who lives with me, right when I've come to a place of feeling good about letting go. It IS a journey, and I'm not through it yet. Finding what in my life is worthwhile. What has meaning to me. It may differ with the meaning with others. I think we can find peace with our journey but need to continue trying. Keep on, keep on, is all I can say.

[catherine]

Thanks, Tiam/Aqua/Kay/Jilly, for your thoughts and insights.

One of the big financial wastes has been my deceased MIL's house that we have been trying to sell since 2007, literally. Unfortunately, BIL/MIL turned down two good offers right at the cusp of the recession. As I have relayed here, I had cosigned a cash-out mortgage with MIL so that we could buy the house next door (foreclosure) for cash. This was so MIL/BIL could live next door to us. We expected that within a couple of months we'd sell the house, and we could pay off the first house mortgage and all would be well.

What actually happened was I got stuck with the mortgage payment because MIL/BIL/DH were unable and unwilling, and except for two years when we had tenants in it, it's been a $3000 monthly burden. Many issues--the house is very old and MIL never upgraded, it has a shared driveway with the house next door, there was a glut of homes in the area--typical recession stuff with some unfortunate barriers to sale on this particular house.

Put $20,000 into it to at least clean it up. Finally got an offer a few months ago. I expected to close by mid-May, but lo and behold, BIL (the executor) had never put the house in his name after MIL died, so now the house is tied up in Probate for up to 6 weeks.

I just found this out today. Major financial setback. Am considering just not paying the mortgage but there goes my credit.

So, the bad waste karma or whatever it is still shadows me.

At this moment, in the middle of the night, I'm trying to a) find my interior peace--it's only money; and b) figure out if I should pay Chase June's mortgage payment or not. If I pay it, I miss a critical IRS payment. If I don't pay it, my credit is trashed. But then again, if I miss the IRS payment and they put a lien on my own property, my credit is trashed. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

But I must be grateful. I still have my own home. I still have work. I still have exactly what I need for today. I can't control this bit of waste that popped into my life today, so I'll just carry on.

[razz]

Catherine, it may offer more than moral support but lots of good thoughts and hugs coming your way.
What a struggle to work through!