Zoe Girl
6-7-13, 11:03pm
I was reading red's post and I feel for her. I have some of the same issues and I am bio-mom (divorced though and kids have step-mom as well).
I have to say however I feel pretty good about how I handle things. I vent and complain here about ex, there are things that the kids do know about that are not good (mostly to validate their experiences with their dad, not to bring my own issues with dad), but I don't put them in a bad position where they have to choose between parents or with step mom. It sounds like Red does the same as me, however neither of us can control the other parent/step-parent. Actually their step-mom seems nice enough. She came in pretty late and the kids have not lived with her so that is different, but she is a chef so my foodie son will talk about cooking with her when he has spent time there. Sometimes it bothers me and I have to say that I did teach him to cook first, but not really tense.
So my son's anxiety spiral has included not wanting to talk to his dad and therefore not going to guitar on Saturdays when he would see dad. He is sure dad will yell about his grades or missing school. Today dad tried to call me and I was busy so he actually talked to kiddo, and my son said it was okay. We have had a lot of talks about talking directly to people. When Ty was younger and dad and I should be talking dad would try to avoid that and go through the kids, I would do my best to keep the communication between adults and Ty and I really talked about that. Now at 16 he agrees that the communication should be direct between him and dad and is willing to work on that with his anxiety.
(on a total side note, my mom is visiting and she got angry at my oldest who was caught smoking in the house again, I think E is shocked because grandma is the lovey type but she has lost her patience as well, move out date is July 1st!!)
I have to say however I feel pretty good about how I handle things. I vent and complain here about ex, there are things that the kids do know about that are not good (mostly to validate their experiences with their dad, not to bring my own issues with dad), but I don't put them in a bad position where they have to choose between parents or with step mom. It sounds like Red does the same as me, however neither of us can control the other parent/step-parent. Actually their step-mom seems nice enough. She came in pretty late and the kids have not lived with her so that is different, but she is a chef so my foodie son will talk about cooking with her when he has spent time there. Sometimes it bothers me and I have to say that I did teach him to cook first, but not really tense.
So my son's anxiety spiral has included not wanting to talk to his dad and therefore not going to guitar on Saturdays when he would see dad. He is sure dad will yell about his grades or missing school. Today dad tried to call me and I was busy so he actually talked to kiddo, and my son said it was okay. We have had a lot of talks about talking directly to people. When Ty was younger and dad and I should be talking dad would try to avoid that and go through the kids, I would do my best to keep the communication between adults and Ty and I really talked about that. Now at 16 he agrees that the communication should be direct between him and dad and is willing to work on that with his anxiety.
(on a total side note, my mom is visiting and she got angry at my oldest who was caught smoking in the house again, I think E is shocked because grandma is the lovey type but she has lost her patience as well, move out date is July 1st!!)