Legal question

[CathyA]

I want to do this in very general terms. This is about a friend I have. Both of her parents died and she and her sister will split the house/cars, etc. down the middle.
After the mother died, the grandmother moved in because of health issues, so she would be closer to my friend and my friend could help care for her.

Problem: Her sister is crazy. She is (I'm convinced) mentally ill.........is narcissistic, selfish, unreasonable, irresponsible. She essentially steals some things, stays occasionally at the house and trashes whatever she uses, doesn't clean up after herself or help the grandma at all. She lies. One time my friend confronted her and she got physically aggressive with her. She won't deal with any of the issues regarding the house. She is a hoarder. She can't make any decisions about letting anything go, or selling anything. When my friend tries to make progress getting rid of things, or deciding who should get what, the sister goes ballistic. My friend is living in hell during this time. If she could sell the house, she would hopefully be done with her sister, but as long as her grandma is there, nothing can really proceed. She wants her grandma there, since she loves her and wants to take care of her (and her mother voiced that she wanted her to stay there as long as she wanted, before she died). The sister is also suspected of being on drugs (maybe prescription) most of the time. She comes to the house saying she's going to help, and then and sleeps all day, then leaves without helping do anything.

So.........does anyone have any experience with a situation like this? I've told my friend many times to talk this over with the lawyer. Seems like if the sister is causing problems with the house.......which is meant for both children, there must be a way to keep her from going there. Yes, she will get half of the house sale.......but is it possible to keep her out of it until its sold??
I feel so bad for my friend. She really does live in hell, trying to deal with a sister who is clearly disturbed/aggressive/unreasonable.

I'm sure this isn't the first time something like this has happened in a family.

[Weston]

It varies depending on state law. In my state what you are describing would probably be handled as a partition action with a request for declaratory relief in the form of seeking to have the sister removed since her actions and inactions are devaluing the property. If I were you I would tell your friend one more time to consult an attorney experienced in real property litigation (most real estate lawyers don't do a lot of litigation, and a lot of litigators don't know much about real estate law).

If she brings it up again after getting that advice then I would tell her as kindly as possible that you really don't want to discuss it again until she takes the only logical pro-active step of consulting with an attorney.

[CathyA]

Thanks Weston.

[ToomuchStuff]

You say she is aggressive, if she gets violent then you could go for a restraining order.

[iris lilies]

You asked for a legal road through this.

I would offer one other way to view it and it is this: Your friend and her mother wanted to provide Grandmother with a place to live and that was expressed as "Grandmother will live in The House."

I would ask your friend to think out of the box and ask herself: why must Grandmother live in The House? Why not sell The House and use proceeds to help pay rent in a small apartment? Surely Grandmother has some means of her own and that would supplement the cost of an apartment.

As it is, your friend is forcing her crazy-*ssed sister to shoulder one-half of the burden of providing a roof over Grandmother's head. There are ethical issues with that and in it your friend is not blameless.

The House seems to bring all kinds of problems down on your friend and the Grandmother: Hoarding and probably unsanitary conditions, interactions with crazy-*ssed sister, possible drug use on the premises and other bad stuff. Wait until sis starts bringing around men of ill repute.

You have to cost it out, but say the house is worth $150,000 (and it is going downhill so is not appreciating. Same with The Cars.) An apartment around here will cost $650/month. That's $7,800 annually. Have Grandmother pay $200 of that because Grandmother surely has some income, and the annual cost goes to $6,400. That would be very nice help from your friend and would save her all of those interactions with her sister and would preserve the sanity and safety of the Grandmother. She could take it out of the proceeds of her half of the house and if Grandmother lives 10 more years, she would still have $12,000 net, plus whatever half from the sale of The Cars & and the other stuff (likely not worth much of anything.)

People often see only one way out, and people often are unreasonably attached to The House and all that it symbolizes. But in realty these houses are often not the best places for elderly, they are too big, requires too much maintenance, and they attract nuisances.

I would counsel her to separate out the two issues: The House and seeing that Grandmother has a place to live, not the same thing.

Of course bringing the sale of The House would likely require some legal support for your friend, but I wonder what her crazy sis would like to see happen? Who knows, this might play into what she wants.

[try2bfrugal]

I agree with all of the points in Iris Lillies's post.

[reader99]

You asked for a legal road through this.

I would offer one other way to view it and it is this: Your friend and her mother wanted to provide Grandmother with a place to live and that was expressed as "Grandmother will live in The House."

I would ask your friend to think out of the box and ask herself: why must Grandmother live in The House? Why not sell The House and use proceeds to help pay rent in a small apartment? Surely Grandmother has some means of her own and that would supplement the cost of an apartment.

As it is, your friend is forcing her crazy-*ssed sister to shoulder one-half of the burden of providing a roof over Grandmother's head. There are ethical issues with that and in it your friend is not blameless.

The House seems to bring all kinds of problems down on your friend and the Grandmother: Hoarding and probably unsanitary conditions, interactions with crazy-*ssed sister, possible drug use on the premises and other bad stuff. Wait until sis starts bringing around men of ill repute.

You have to cost it out, but say the house is worth $150,000 (and it is going downhill so is not appreciating. Same with The Cars.) An apartment around here will cost $650/month. That's $7,800 annually. Have Grandmother pay $200 of that because Grandmother surely has some income, and the annual cost goes to $6,400. That would be very nice help from your friend and would save her all of those interactions with her sister and would preserve the sanity and safety of the Grandmother. She could take it out of the proceeds of her half of the house and if Grandmother lives 10 more years, she would still have $12,000 net, plus whatever half from the sale of The Cars & and the other stuff (likely not worth much of anything.)

People often see only one way out, and people often are unreasonably attached to The House and all that it symbolizes. But in realty these houses are often not the best places for elderly, they are too big, requires too much maintenance, and they attract nuisances.

I would counsel her to separate out the two issues: The House and seeing that Grandmother has a place to live, not the same thing.

Of course bringing the sale of The House would likely require some legal support for your friend, but I wonder what her crazy sis would like to see happen? Who knows, this might play into what she wants.


Oh, well said Iris Lillies!

[CathyA]

Thanks for all the input. I'll talk it over with her.