Supporting a friend

[Tradd]

A good buddy of mine has been in the same job for years. He likes the work, but has some very toxic coworkers (HR/supervisors are not doing anything to address the bullying he is experiencing). He's in my industry, but a different aspect, and none of his skills would transfer well to something similar to what I do without a lot of training. I suggested he put up a LinkedIn profile and contact a local employment agency that specializes in our industry (I got my first job in current city through agency years ago).

Buddy tells me those are good suggestions, but he's too afraid of "eyes" on the internet (from his current company) to put up a LinkedIn profile. Employment agency a bad idea since he thinks his company has "eyes" there, too. He thinks the company searches for current employees on LinkedIn to see if they're searching for other jobs. Totally different from companies monitoring internet usage on the job.

Do companies actually do this or is my friend just paranoid? He's said he doesn't want to quit until he has a job, yet he seems paralyzed by fear at the thought of a job search. His situation has only been toxic for about the past year or so. He does have a family to support.

He keeps telling to me let him know if there are any jobs out there. My contacts do other stuff. But I had one contact I chat with on a regular basis. Turns out his company was hiring and I was given permission to put my friend in touch. Turns out a few people from friend's current company now work at contact's company, and my friend thinks he will be ratted out if he even calls.

I want to support my friend, but yet, I think he's going way overboard. I've explained you can hide job search activity/updates, etc., on LinkedIn, and even offered to show him (I've got mine set up that way), but to no avail. I passed along a website with lots of listings for our industry, but I refused to do anything more. Friend has been in the same job for so long that he doesn't seem to understand that job searches have totally changed. I see many positions posted on LinkedIn that aren't posted elsewhere, even on a company's own website.

I tend to not be a particularly sympathetic type, especially if someone keeps griping to me about something and doesn't do anything to make changes. I tend to be the kick arse type.

[Zoebird]

I think he's paranoid, but it probably stems from the culture of his workplace as well.

[herbgeek]

I did work at a place where LinkedIn was monitored as well as job boards. What a hell hole. He obviously is not miserable to do anything about his situation. The only other thing I would recommend is to have him cut back his lifestyle severely now to get a nest egg in place should the worst happen.

[fidgiegirl]

I think you are right to back off. Ultimately he'll figure out his answer or it will be figured out for him (by the company or some other outside force). My sister was in a workplace situation that was puzzling to me and stayed in it for many years. Finally the solution emerged in a move for her husband's job. But at the time, the more I "encouraged," it was like she was coming up with more excuses or inaction. And of course, I did a lot of "encouraging," being a solutions-oriented person. So I finally shut up. Still didn't make it easy to sit back and watch a situation that was so hard for me to understand.

[SteveinMN]

I would shrug and move on, too. Internet snooping or not, it is still possible to conduct a confidential job search. If Buddy really wanted to do it, he could. Apparently he does not yet want to. Let it be. And maybe set the boundary with Buddy that complaints about work will not occur during your conversations with him until he's ready to truly do something about it.

[puglogic]

I don't think he's paranoid - that sort of thing does happen.

But there's nothing you can do about his fear. At some point, the risk of slowly killing himself by staying in a toxic environment (assuming there's nothing he can do about that) may force him to think outside the box. If he's supporting a family, someone else will have to support HIM by getting a part time job. He'll have to cut back on their lifestyle and start building an emergency fund. He'll have to take the time and make a concerted effort to learn the truly safe way to shop himself online. He'll have to start his own small consulting business on the side and slowly build it up. Something. Anything. But alas, you can't do it for him. Kudos to you for doing what you have already.

[ApatheticNoMore]

It's none of your business whether he gets a better job. He has no obligation to get a better job because you think he should.

As for the snooping well he needs to quit working for the NSA. Haha :). But seriously if I was him personally I'd say F it. If you get fired because you posted on Linked In, there ain't no shame in losing a job for that reason!!! (frankly maybe take pride in it, although it's of course unfortunate), and if getting fired is the price you have to pay just to live your life, so be it (haha, you can tell I don't have a family to support). I agree it very well could be the environment though, an abusive (not just boring or non-challenging or stupidly managed or something but abusive) workplace like any actually abusive situation, makes people act and think in ways they wouldn't if they were out of it. I don't like Linked In either, it never occurred to me there were many jobs on it (I've used online job boards though).

[Tradd]

Apathetic, you must have missed the part where friend has actually ASKED me to keep my eyes out for any open positions and to let him know.

I gave him a few resources, but I most definitely will not do his job search for him.

[JaneV2.0]

If he's middle-aged or older, he may never find a comparable job. I don't blame him for being paranoid.

[Tradd]

If he's middle-aged or older, he may never find a comparable job. I don't blame him for being paranoid.

Yes, middle aged.

[redfox]

It seems highly unlikely to me that the crazy folks at his current place of employment would care enough to search Linkedin, etc. looking for current employees.

[iris lilies]

someone tell me, is there really any point in reading LinkedIn unless you are looking for a job? I have 30+ people asking me to link up with them or whatever it is called, but they are not in my field and beside I won't be looking for a job.

[Tradd]

There are some interesting industry-related groups where I've had some good discussions.

[SteveinMN]

someone tell me, is there really any point in reading LinkedIn unless you are looking for a job?
I keep telling myself I should spend more time on LinkedIn, but I guess I just don't want to because I don't spend the time.

They say you should have your network before you start looking for a job. I know I've had some pretty decent offers through my network when I wasn't specifically looking for another job. That all happened before LinkedIn; there's no reason it can't happen with LinkedIn. If LinkedIn makes it easier, though, go for it.

I'm just not a fan of LinkedIn's "Facebook for the cubicle folks" approach -- the public-reputation shaping that takes place on both sites, the "Suggested" posts, Likes and Endorsements. It doesn't help that (it seems to me) LinkedIn is not heavily populated by single-person businesses and arty types, so its value to me as a venue for tracking others who do what I do is minimized.

[jp1]

Like Steve I've tried to get interested in LinkedIn but I'm just not. I got my current job through networking without linkedin almost 5 years ago. I was moving across country and a contact at my then future/now current employer made a couple of calls to people in her division in this office on my behalf. They were hiring, I had the right background and boom, it happened. In my current role I'm very involved with people throughout the professional community for my part of my industry. If I find myself looking for a new job I may or may not use linkedin. Perhaps it would be more efficient to do so, but the important part is the fact that I already have the contacts in place and deal with them in my work and in work social situations on an ongoing basis. Without those contacts being on linkedin would be about as productive as someone with no relevant work experience going to the best resume workshop on the planet.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I've only ever gotten one job through connections in my life (and then someone I barely knew). I've always gotten jobs by responding to want ads - online job boards mostly (which usually inevitably goes through recruiters).