View Full Version : Got off of Facebook, it's just no real!
I had enough of facebook. It started with my SIL, she kept posting pics of situations that revealed my in laws' disregard for my children and so I unfriended her. She got so angry and she insisted that I refriend her because she feels like I am throwing her away. That's when I realised I don't need to know her everyday business. She's younger than me so she lives her life on social media. I decided to just deactivate the account because I need to live my real life.Facebook is not real-it's virtual-it is sad how people take it too far. I am taking a break. Keep all those friends wondering.Time to start talking with real people , like at the store or walking on the way home. Chat in person with your neighbor and it's better to not know all our family's business like they are too tired to spend time with you but you see them doing fun things with others on facebook. Any similar situations?
I just heard today at lunch with a co-worker that his two teen daughters think Facebook is "lame." They like Snapchat, twitter, and Vine.
So, maybe the day is coming when Facebook won't be cool enough to use anyway??
It's nice when it goes well but it's other people-I guess it's human nature to ruin things. That's OK I'm glad I am free of it.
FB is simply a tool. It isn't "not real", it is what it is. I chat with my neighbors in person AND get their FB updates. The don't carry their kids photos with them, but I see them online. My friends from high school & college, forty years ago & now thousands of miles away chat with me regularly, which is much more than what was happening before FB.
if it isn't a tool you prefer, definitely don't use it. There are those of us who do like it, use it, and appreciate it, and consider it just as real as everything else we do.
I just heard today at lunch with a co-worker that his two teen daughters think Facebook is "lame." They like Snapchat, twitter, and Vine.
So, maybe the day is coming when Facebook won't be cool enough to use anyway??
I've heard in varying places for a while now that the young folks have thought facebook is lame. I doubt that it'll go away anytime soon, but I can imagine the day when it's only popular with middle-aged and older people. After all, Mark Zuckerberg is pushing 30. How many teens/college age kids are going to be totally into something created by an old man like that?
Thankfully none of my close friends/relatives takes it so seriously that they'd be upset if I defriended them. But also I have no reason to defriend them, unlike Sylvia and her SIL. I've de-followed some people who's daily musings aren't interesting to me, but haven't had anyone's posts anger me in the way that Sylvia's SIL's did to her. For me facebook has been a nice way to at least be aware of what's going on in the lives of people from different periods of life that I care about. Seeing photos of high school friends' kids now in high school, etc is nice. Having little conversations with these people about stuff going on in our daily lives is also nice. Seeing those same high school friends act like assholes or posting political diatribes based off conspiracy theories would get old quickly and I'd probably de-follow them as well. Thankfully that hasn't happened. Either I did a surprisingly good job of picking friends when I was younger or the number of people facing facebook issues like Sylvia's isn't that huge.
SteveinMN
10-14-13, 10:39pm
Same here. What I get out of Facebook is at least as real as any fly-by conversation I have with my neighbors or (earlier) when I worked. It's not for everyone. It doesn't try to be. If you can do fine without it, by all means. But it does not diminish the goodness others derive from it.
I have an account, but no friends--basically just a newsfeed.
I have an account......just to keep up with family and 1 or 2 friends. It drives DH crazy. He just doesn't understand why people have to be so public and many times narcissistic. When I tell him what one of our relatives posted, his usually reply is "Who gives a #&#%!" haha I mostly post my nature stuff. I do find it weird when people are constantly posting pics of themselves.
My DD occasionally gets off it, saying she gets too wrapped up in everyone else's lives. I think its great when she knows that.
DS is on it, but hasn't posted anything in about a year. He's too busy.............which is a good thing!
I have an account, but no friends--basically just a newsfeed.
Similar situation. I have some friends but it seems like only a few show up in my newsfeed. FB can be good to get general info but I'm wondering too if it's a waste of time.
What concerns me is that the younger generation is really into posting every little detail of their lives... They have 500-1000 "friends", who read everything they write. And if they've chosen "public".....then the whole world can read it. Seems like just another way to express their narcissism. Plus........they are substituting this distant form of communication, for face-to-face or phone contact.
pinkytoe
10-15-13, 10:21am
I have an account but don't actively use it. DH also says who gives a sh-- but then covertly looks at mine to see what family is up to:) In a way, it seems very odd to me that people feel the need to post the minute details of their thoughts, feelings and activities. Kind of like keeping an unprivate diary.
reader99
10-15-13, 10:29am
I have a Facebook account but rarely visit it. I do like seeing pics of people's kids and grandkids. Sadly some people are so sure their own views are the only right veiws that they post political stuff that is just bound to offend someone and I wonder if they even realize anyone could see things differently.
I have lots of real (IRL) friends spread out all over the place, so it's a very handy way to keep in touch. When a friend's husband was stationed on Okinawa with the Navy (and the family went along), it helped her not be so out of touch. She said she doesn't know what she would have done without Facebook, being so far away from everyone.
Gardenarian
10-15-13, 11:31am
I have a Facebook account with some of my real friends on it, some acquaintances, and some news feeds. A lot of people use Facebook as a place to recount their achievements, and I found myself comparing myself to them. Childish, but almost impossible not to do, when X is off in Tuscany to write her book and Y is running for major public office etc.
It started to make me feel down on myself, so I'm limiting myself to checking it every couple of weeks. I like that I reconnected with a couple of nice people from the past, but I find it emotionally draining.
I use mine to play games when I should be doing something useful, and to keep up with a couple of organizations.
SteveinMN
10-15-13, 12:43pm
What concerns me is that the younger generation is really into posting every little detail of their lives... They have 500-1000 "friends", who read everything they write. And if they've chosen "public".....then the whole world can read it. Seems like just another way to express their narcissism. Plus........they are substituting this distant form of communication, for face-to-face or phone contact.
If you think postings on Facebook are "stream of consciousness", you should check out twitter. :)
I don't know if it's that I'm immature so much younger than most of you emotionally or if it was decades spent around computers, but I am very comfortable leading a somewhat-virtual life. Yes, electronic transmission lacks the indirect communication that takes place face-to-face. But we have/had the same problem in phone conversations. Nothing new there. Written electronic communication has grown to include emoticons/emoji/TLAs that help cover for that lack. Some people feel more comfortable engaging virtually because it gives them the moment to form thoughts and choose words in a way that silence between face-to-face individuals does not. The birth rate in the Western world was declining long before social media showed up, so I don't suspect those will be the tools that do us in as a species. I'm not saying everyone has to like communicating electronically; just that I see misunderstanding about how useful others find it and maybe a trace of "that ain't right" in some of what I'm seeing in this thread.
I honestly think today's young people are different from us. They spent their school years mobile and badged. They are adept at and comfortable with communicating without voice. My DD sends and receives several hundred texts a month. That mode obviously works for her. I think young people today have grown up without the expectation of privacy we grew up with, what with government snooping and data mining and the availability of emails/forum postings/tweets/etc. from decades ago. I think many believe there is anonymity in making a little noise in a big crowd. There are features (maybe not enough, but some) in apps like Facebook and twitter to minimize how public postings are and young people know how to use them. That's one reason apps like SnapChat have caught on: the post is there and the, in a few minutes, poof! It's gone.
Yes, there's lifestyle shaping on Facebook. Yes, people occasionally share too much on twitter. The same people in our lives who sent us
>>emails
>>>forwarded
>>> >> ad nauseum
are posting the same drivel on Facebook. We can ignore those posts the same way we ignored the multi-forwarded emails. We can enjoy the "being there" aspect of a Facebook post or tweet made at a concert or kid's softball game that we would not be able to attend ourselves. Or we can decide that that mode of communication does not suit us and let others derive what they can from it. Horses for courses.
I have to confess Steve, that I too enjoy the virtual life. I'm somewhat of a hermit, a mis-fit. I don't have friends, although at family get-togethers, I have no trouble talking to people. They probably have no idea that is difficult for me. I have ONE cyber friend, who I'm very close to. Never met her in person, never talked to her on the phone. She and I are both very happy with our virtual relationship. Its been going on for probably 9 years now. Its great for people like me, who need some social interaction, yet are easily overwhelmed to do it in the "real world".
Speaking of twitter (which I don't use).........have you ever seen Josh Groban singing some of Kayne West's tweets?
Here it is. Its sooooooo funnY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Axzxe1a78E
I had to use Facebook the past month to communicate with some folks. I've not used it before.
I was totally repulsed by the user interface, and how the underlying engine works.
SteveinMN
10-15-13, 1:32pm
I was totally repulsed by the user interface, and how the underlying engine works.
I'm sure if you ask, they'll give you back double your purchase price ... :devil:
I'm sure if you ask, they'll give you back double your purchase price ... :devil:
It just makes me weep thinking how much human effort must be wasted struggling with this low-water mark of user interface design. People have no standards anymore.
Did any of you see Leonard Pitts' latest column?
http://www.columbian.com/news/2013/oct/14/better-connection-results-in-a-disconnect-for-soci/#.UlyDwhVMfuA.facebook
I am a moderate FB user, but I only own a dumb phone. I think I'll keep it that way. I like technology, but am not averse to a sabbatical from it--I don't want to be a slave to it.
The Storyteller
10-15-13, 2:38pm
I have siblings on both coasts with their offspring, and I'm in the middle. So, it's a good way to keep up to date with what is going on in their lives and those of their children and grandchildren. I also have a few farming friends on it and I'm able to keep up with their various projects.
But there are reasons kids don't like Facebook any more.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/27/17-reasons-why-the-kids-dont-like-facebook-anymore_n_3825165.html
Gardenarian
10-15-13, 3:03pm
That was hilarious Storyteller - the chicken casserole store :laff:
Storyteller, that was awesome! The reason I got a FB account in the first place was reaction to a whiny article I read about how Baby Boomers were ruining Facebook! Hellyeah! I was gonna do my part!!
SteveinMN
10-15-13, 10:13pm
It just makes me weep thinking how much human effort must be wasted struggling with this low-water mark of user interface design. People have no standards anymore.
Microsoft Windows has sold for nigh onto 30 years now and people paid for it...
Not arguing that Facebook has a great interface. Some of it is (I'm sure) deliberately arcane, and I have yet to see an interface change that actually made it easier to do even the things most people want to. Just agreeing that standards are very low, indeed. And that maybe people have come to expect little.
SteveinMN
10-15-13, 10:24pm
Did any of you see Leonard Pitts' latest column?
I'm guessing in the mass transit of his youth, Leonard never saw people stick their noses into books or newspapers. Or hid behind their Sony Walkman in the 80s (or Discman in the '90s or iPod a decade ago). Or thought that some guy 1200 miles away from Columbia would be able to read his latest column, courtesy of the technology he derides.
Leonard also apparently does not know the story of Kitty Genovese (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitty_genovese). People have found ways to estrange themselves from their surroundings for decades. As sad as the story is, it is nothing new. I'll agree that some uses of technology do seem to make us less social in some respects. But then there are possibilities like this very forum, which make us social in a different way.
Technology is just an enabler. People will do with it what people will do. They won't enslave themselves to it unless they're getting something out of it.
I'm guessing in the mass transit of his youth, Leonard never saw people stick their noses into books or newspapers. Or hid behind their Sony Walkman in the 80s (or Discman in the '90s or iPod a decade ago). Or thought that some guy 1200 miles away from Columbia would be able to read his latest column, courtesy of the technology he derides.
Leonard also apparently does not know the story of Kitty Genovese (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitty_genovese). People have found ways to estrange themselves from their surroundings for decades. As sad as the story is, it is nothing new. I'll agree that some uses of technology do seem to make us less social in some respects. But then there are possibilities like this very forum, which make us social in a different way.
Technology is just an enabler. People will do with it what people will do. They won't enslave themselves to it unless they're getting something out of it.
+1 Thank you
goldensmom
10-16-13, 6:48am
I like FB the way I use it. I don't have a lot of FB friends and only post what I'd not mind if the world knows about me. I've reconnected with good friends from the past and caught up where otherwise I would not have done so. I use FB for my own enjoyment. I cull my 'friend' list periodically. If a 'friend' is not active, i.e., does not post or respond to my posts, I unfriend them as I use FB as a communication tool and if they are not communicating then why be there. The people on my FB friend list are truly friends not just people I know, have worked with, go to church with, see at the store, met once, etc.. Also, family members are not automatically friends just because they are family. I use facebook, it does not control me.
Thank you all for replying. I am glad many people have different experiences. Recently I haven't been posting at all. I am shifting away from the time wasted watching tv and using fb . At least it has been my experience. So I will just get started on some artwork that needs to be finished and sold. I guess financial freedom, get your time back theme is in my life right now. I think seeing what our family members do behind our back proudly posted on fb is enough to take a break.I am much happier now I have you guys!!LOL!!
I only started using FB maybe three months ago. I am by nature a laggard and until I find a thing useful, I tend to be wary. Given the popularity of social media, I found something of value to me and a reason to interact on FB. I love a musical group called Il Volo. They are from Italy and have been on tour in the US and now traveling in South America wowing their Spanish following. They have a wide range of fans across Europe, and all the Americas. There are many fun organized sites on this group on FB. Pictures, fan news, video feeds, on and on. I've met several wonderful fans on line. We love to chat, share stories, talk about the guys and on and on. Mostly, everyone is respectful, just loves great music and having a terrific time. All of us that were able to attend a concert, had the chance to talk right away to fans all over the country and world to share the moment. I have a fan friend in Chicago and we talked for two hours after her concert attendance there and than mine a few weeks later in Boston. It's fun! and the best way for me to meet like minded folks.
frugalone
10-16-13, 3:09pm
I'm on FB more than I care to be. I left for a while in the spring. Deleted my account and started afresh, and now I think twice about who I want to "friend." For instance, there are a lot of people from my high school that I don't want to be friends with. We weren't "friends" back then, and all it has led to is a lot of people pestering me to attend reunions.
I have gotten mad at people and unfriended them. It's pretty rare for me to do that, though. In one case, a casual acquaintance posted some sort of meme stating that instead of doing testing on animals, we should just use child molesters. um, Heil Hitler, anyone? Not that I in any way approve of child molesting...but jeez...
Frankly, it's a giant time suck and like a cell phone, I'm sorry I ever got into it. It just seems too late for me to get out now...
I also learned that when I left, people like my BFF didn't bother to get in touch with me outside of FB. Very disappointing. Very sad. But maybe that is the way life is in the 21st century.
I think I must be the only one without a face book account here. It's not that I'm some crazy Luddite hermit but.... well OK, I'm some crazy Luddite hermit :-)
SteveinMN
10-16-13, 5:38pm
All that said, I find myself spending less and less time on Fb. Between the low-information rellies who pass on anything they read on the Internet and the rellies who click Share instead of Like on everything and all the ^@&# Facebook has been shoving into everyone's News Feed, it's becoming a quicker and quicker cruise through the posts. But I'll stay there because there's still enough to be derived from it. There's just less than there was.
I was on Facebook for a while, then I shuttered it a couple of years back. I found that I would stand in the kitchen waiting for water to boil and would flip through Facebook on my iPod. That might be something I would do, but that definitely does not fit my self-image. I turned it back on a month ago and turned it back off after a couple of hours. It was the same mesmerizing mess of information, only it seems to have gotten more cluttered.
I do still have a Twitter account, and I check Twitter. I believe the difference is that I follow things that interest me on Twitter. On Facebook, I was friending - and being friended by - people I know. The two things don't always intersect. Twitter seems best for the types of things I want out of the internet.
I'm guessing in the mass transit of his youth, Leonard never saw people stick their noses into books or newspapers. Or hid behind their Sony Walkman in the 80s (or Discman in the '90s or iPod a decade ago). Or thought that some guy 1200 miles away from Columbia would be able to read his latest column, courtesy of the technology he derides.
Leonard also apparently does not know the story of Kitty Genovese (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitty_genovese). People have found ways to estrange themselves from their surroundings for decades. As sad as the story is, it is nothing new. I'll agree that some uses of technology do seem to make us less social in some respects. But then there are possibilities like this very forum, which make us social in a different way.
Technology is just an enabler. People will do with it what people will do. They won't enslave themselves to it unless they're getting something out of it.
+1
Blackdog Lin
10-17-13, 8:24pm
Spartana: you're not alone. I miss out on things not being on Facebook.....but that's just fine and okay. Being online at all (email, forums such as this one) is about my limit on my loss of privacy.
No, you're not alone at all. I got rid of my account right before Facebook went public. Our dog still has his account, with most family members as friends. He rarely posts, maybe a few times per year, and we check the feed maybe once a month. It's mostly boring shares, or the same predictable rants from family members. They all know our email addresses, so can get a hold of one of us if needed. I much prefer to call people or text.
I do enjoy facebook but on my terms, as others have said. Good for keeping in contact with "far away" family and friends, of course. But what I really like is I have found so many pages that I've "liked", and I am learning so much about topics that really interest me, and of course I then follow up with their website. I really really love all the cat videos (yes, I really really do) <3 (cat on my lap as I type, helping me) ... wildlife sites, some religious sites, SF Giants and 49ers, etc. etc. But I don't really actually post all that much. But I enjoy what I do.
Did any of you see Leonard Pitts' latest column?
http://www.columbian.com/news/2013/oct/14/better-connection-results-in-a-disconnect-for-soci/#.UlyDwhVMfuA.facebook
Again with the chatting with strangers on trains meme. (not you KayLR, but Leonard Pitts). I'll say this again and maybe the universe will listen. I do not want to, nor have I ever wanted to, have conversations with strangers on trains and buses. For the love of god, please people, stop telling me that the world is coming to a sad end because there are lots of other people just like me out there who engage in other activities either because those activities are more interesting or because they specifically want to avoid having to talk to strangers on trains.
gimmethesimplelife
10-20-13, 12:27am
What gets me about Facebook is that it seems to be a public space to create some kind of persona if you wish - an "online image." And there are employers out there who will want to see your online image to see if it is a "match" to their culture or their image. To see if there's a good fit between the two. And if there is one thing on there they don't approve of, out of the pile of candidates you go.
I can't speak for anyone else but I don't need that kind of extra stress in my life. Now that it looks like my National Park days are done, I deleted some folks that I honestly didn't like to begin with from my Friends list and then went through it again and made sure that everyone on my page was someone I genuinely wanted to keep in touch with. Then I found that a few people were very offended that I unfriended them - I guess this is the digital equivalent of Well, no, I don't really like you, which made me feel very uncomfortable and quite phony - just why did I "friend" these people anyway? (and why did the word friend become a verb?)
I also ran across something online called a Klout score, which somehow hooks up into your facebook account and any other social media you use and then gives you a score as to how influential you are. My score was 10 lol. Turns out I'm reading that Marketing professionals trying to find work are being judged on this score and it sometimes is the deciding factor, even if they have years of experience. Am I the only one who thinks this is all going way, way, way too far?
I'm making progress though, I'm down to checking Facebook just once a day now. Rob
My 86 year old parents recommended this, and I love it.
http://billmoyers.com/segment/sherry-turkle-on-being-alone-together/
ApatheticNoMore
10-20-13, 1:12am
The only time I have a barely smart phone is when I have to for work, you might catch me looking down at it, it's called staying employed :~)
As for FB isn't it enough if you just hate that little zucker and everything he stands for? (privacy violations, job in/outsourcing). And yes the algorithm that shows and hides FB posts from you depending on whether or not it feels like it (noone has really been able to figure out why) is ridiculous.
Honestly, i like being able to keep in touch with people. When I was in NZ, i kept in touch with my US, Euro, and Israeli friends. Now I'm in the US, keeping up with my NZ/Aus, Euro and Israeli friends.
Spartana: you're not alone. I miss out on things not being on Facebook.....but that's just fine and okay. Being online at all (email, forums such as this one) is about my limit on my loss of privacy.
One thing I do miss is not getting photos or more regular e-mail updates from friends. I know some other's have posted they disliked the "me" centered focus of some people's fb pages but that's what I like to see. Back before fb people would send me photo updates of their adventures with short comments via e-mail . Now they do all that on their fb pages and, not having fb, I never see those photos. So I do miss that.
Again with the chatting with strangers on trains meme. (not you KayLR, but Leonard Pitts). I'll say this again and maybe the universe will listen. I do not want to, nor have I ever wanted to, have conversations with strangers on trains and buses. For the love of god, please people, stop telling me that the world is coming to a sad end because there are lots of other people just like me out there who engage in other activities either because those activities are more interesting or because they specifically want to avoid having to talk to strangers on trains.
A big one plus!! This is also my feeling about how other's tell me I must be online as well as on Facebook - I don't want to be because I'd rather "engage in other activities either because those activities are more interesting or I don't want to talk to strangers". Except you guys of course :-) :-)
Blackdog Lin
10-22-13, 8:28pm
I am reminded: my last high school class reunion in 2010 we of course took several group photos of the attendees. I emailed an old friend who I knew had taken some of the photos to email me one. She said sure, and promptly sent me a link to her FB account. I emailed her back and said I didn't have a FB account, couldn't she just email me one of the photos. She said oh, sorry, sure, here you go.....and sent me ANOTHER link to her FB account. She just couldn't get her head around the idea of someone not being able to access the photos, someone not being on FB.
I gave up on seeing them. No big deal, but that's what I meant when I said I miss out on some things by not being on FB.....
Gingerella72
10-24-13, 3:56pm
Again with the chatting with strangers on trains meme. (not you KayLR, but Leonard Pitts). I'll say this again and maybe the universe will listen. I do not want to, nor have I ever wanted to, have conversations with strangers on trains and buses. For the love of god, please people, stop telling me that the world is coming to a sad end because there are lots of other people just like me out there who engage in other activities either because those activities are more interesting or because they specifically want to avoid having to talk to strangers on trains.
THIS. A million times! :)
I've never had a FB account and like it that way:-)
I talk to strangers on trains, buses, in the grocery store, and so on... all the time! I love it, of course, being an extrovert. I rarely have the experience of someone not responding, but when they do, I respect the boundary.
FB is like this for me. I have many FB "friends" I've never met IRL, and may never meet. We have fun convos, I learn about their lives as they choose to share, and feel enriched. A few who I've sought out IRL after getting to know them on FB have been fabulous! Only one person turned out to be crazy, and I dealt with that easily.
crunchycon
10-28-13, 4:14am
I have a couple of friends from long ago and far away and FB's a way for us to stay in touch - years ago, we used to write one another real letters, and this is the new version, I guess. DH comes from a large family and we're a group, so that's a way for the family to post announcements and news. Organizations we're both involved in use it for communications. For all of those things, I like FB. I don't post a lot of the day-to-day stuff that people I'm "friends" with do, but sometimes it's fun to read -- the trick is to be aware of how much time you spend on it.
pinkytoe
10-28-13, 10:32am
I work at a university so I am in the midst of the generation most attached to their devices and whatever new social network comes along. I have no doubt that all the things being used now - FB, Twitter will be replaced by somethings else a few years from now. I have come to accept that this is what our culture wants - constant stimulation, entertainment and connection. It is just the way it is. It does make me very sad though when it is an absolutely gorgeous day outside and students park themselves inside on couches in that familiar pose - arm bent holding device, neck down, eyes glued to screens - and oblivious to anything else.
ApatheticNoMore
7-14-14, 6:37pm
I have not unfriended anyone, yet. But there is an "unfollow" feature
I think I only used it once, when someone was posting on a particular political issue every 5 minutes, just flooding (and it wasn't a bot). I didn't necessarily even disagree (I really had pretty ambivalent thoughts on the issue period), but just drowing in the flood ...
that I regretfully must use for people who continually post way too many Food pictures(usually an artery-clogging casserole made of eggs, bacon, cheese, sour cream and so on.), or they are Partisan Politics Ideologues--right or left-wing; Gun Nuts; Religious Zealots; People who display hunting and fishing trophies; or too much pathos--terrible stuff in the news that I really can't do anything about. And last, there are those who post too many ready-made canned platitudes. They are Jack Handey clones. Anyone who is on F'book knows what I'm referring to.
Yea, also people who have much better lives than me and continually post them on facebook. That was annoying. :). So you have better lives than me, I don't want to know! :~) Yes it's your yearly international 4 week vacation .... (oh how flooded the feed was with that type of stuff). Also the positive platitutes indeed. Enough with these inspirational sayings. I don't need any more positivity in my life!!
Really though I quit because I was sick of Zuckerberg's evil empire, and being on it was not particularly bad but more "i could take it or leave it" and so not so rewarding as to cause me to overlook that eventually (involuntary human (psychological) experimentation - weeee!).
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