How often do people really entertain?

[catherine]

As I sit here with a temporarily quiet house (until my adult kids all rise) on the day of a big 60th birthday party I've planned for DH, I wonder how often people actually entertain at home. Entertaining is a huge source of stress for me, because I'm not a natural planner, especially when it comes to details and social situations. And I really don't like the food prep aspect of it, either.

And when I watch the HGTV shows, EVERYBODY says, "This house is good for entertaining," as if it's as common as taking your garbage out to the curb. So they buy a huge house thinking of all the entertaining they'll be doing and how often do they actually entertain? Every month? Twice a year?

How often do you entertain? When was the last time you had a party, or even a small dinner party? Honestly, the last time I had people outside my family here for any social occasion was probably three years ago at least.

[iris lilies]

We are doing far less of it than we used to since we took on additional real estate properties and gardens. But even then, we did big outdoor parties. Our house was ugly and undone (but our yard and patio were nice) so we didn't have many indoor parties.)

But we have small dinner parties a few times a year. The last one was in July when we had two dog sitters/friends over to meet the dogs and learn about their complicated medication.

We dont' have family here in the state and so any entertaining are for friends. We have the world food group here once a year.

[goldensmom]

I did a lot of planned and impromptu entertaining when I was single and lived in town. When we moved back to the family farm, in the country, on a gravel road and as I grew older I just don't feel the need or have the interest in entertaining. Our house in town was small and easy to ready for a party and convienently located for people to get to without too may directions. I look back and think that a lot of the entertaining I did was to have people around, to meet my social needs. Now married, I don't feel that particular social need anymore and there is a lot of more work involved here than back then.

We have had events at our place because of the size and facilities we have that some of our friends don't have and I am always happy afterwards but would not initiate it myself. The last party was just last week.

[JaneV2.0]

I noticed that on HGTV too, and wondered the same thing--usually in reference to an open floor plan. I noticed that was a selling point for the huge deck attached to my house. That deck, which I only set foot on to fill the birdbath, is the bane of my existence. And I'm no fan of open floor plans. But I digress. I had a party once, and I used to host the occasional satellite quilt guild meeting. I didn't need a special house to do that.

[SteveinMN]

DW is part of two dinner groups, so we probably have those folks over once a year each. Out of town guests merit a get-together with old college friends/whoever and that's often at our house because I love to cook for a crowd (on occasion). Rarely, we entertain family -- even with some accommodation to the less mobile, they're reluctant to leave their nests for ours. So I'd say we "entertain" maybe 5-6 times a year. They're never huge groups. DW loved the "great for entertaining" aspect of her house before we married. But that was when she was a single social butterfly :), she had a high-school kid at home, and work was a lot less demanding than it is these days. Nowadays it's most comforting to come home, change into comfy clothes, and just "be".

[jp1]

We have people over for dinner maybe 6x/year. It can be anywhere from one couple to a dozen people if the weather's nice and we can host them on our deck. We didn't pick this place based on entertainment ability. The dining room is small and only gets used when we have people over. The deck gets used a lot more just by me or SO sitting outside when the weekend weather is nice.

Our kitchen opens to the living room. I actually really love that but not mainly because of the entertainment value. I like it more for the day to day value of being able to cook dinner and have a conversation with SO at the same time. SO values it because he can watch tv from the kitchen.

The other thing I always notice on Househunters is how everyone needs at least one, if not more, spare bedrooms for all the out of town guests they expect. Unless they really do have people visiting all the time I'd bet it would be cheaper in the long run to buy a smaller house and pay for the guests to stay in a hotel the few times per year that they actually have any. Especially the people moving to foreign countries. A friend of mine moved to Spain for 5 years and after returning griped one day that her parents were the only people who ever came to visit her there. We had considered going but it just never happened. We've had a couple of overnight guests in the 3 years we've lived in this place, (one was very last minute. He was at the airport near us but his flight home was cancelled. Rather than stay in a hotel by the airport he accepted our invitation to spend the night with us). SO works for a major luxury hotel so it's easy and cheap for us to put out of town visitors there.

[SteveinMN]

The other thing I always notice on Househunters is how everyone needs at least one, if not more, spare bedrooms for all the out of town guests they expect. Unless they really do have people visiting all the time I'd bet it would be cheaper in the long run to buy a smaller house and pay for the guests to stay in a hotel the few times per year that they actually have any.
That's just not the American way. :~) Gotta have the "restaurant-quality" stove in the kitchen even if you're making Hamburger Helper most nights. Gotta have the SUV that can climb cliffs like a Dall sheep even if the only off-road it ever sees is the ditch on the side of the highway.

[Gardenarian]

When our daughter was a little younger we seemed to have people over all the time. Not dinner parties or even invites, just parents and kids and let's make some lemonade and throw some hot dogs on the grill.

Now dd is a teenager and doing her own stuff. We usually have one summer party and a New Year's eve party.
My husband has jam sessions a couple of times a week but they stay in the music studio or out in the yard.
We still have neighbors drop by once a week or so

My house has been a mess lately. It's is not one of those that is designed for parties - little rooms, galley kitchen cut off from rest of space. I'm working on making the deck/yard more pleasant to sit in, but we get a lot of wind and glaring sun.

Maybe if you have a house that is really good for entertaining you invite people over more?
Having parties makes me a bit nervous.

[ToomuchStuff]

What defines entertain? (how many people)

Some jobs tend to lean towards it (I don't have one, thankfully). My last party here, was my housewarming. With my friends being a few years older, and I don't drink, we were at different places, so it was mostly people from work. It actually ticked off one friend of mine as I was the second member of our group of friends to buy a home. If your the same ages together, then when your young, you get together more, and as you have kids around the same time, etc. you tend to have get togethers (like I said, numbers depend), with them and the kids will grow up together. Not religious either so that crowd isn't one I hang around (don't go there).
I'm more of a loner. I could be at a friends charity events (one that entertains) and know everybody, and feel alone, out of place and like a third wheel. Part of that was events and how I was raised.

EDIT: Actually, to me this brings up another point, garages and basements. I prefer an unfinished basement for a shop (woodworking etc) and would like a decent garage for fixing my own vehicle and to have a place to stain/paint things, away from the furnace. TOO many finished basements.

[Gregg]

We entertain quite a bit, at least compared to most of our friends. Our new (redone old) house is in the finishing stages right now, but I spent a LOT of time considering how things will work for various size groups. I think we have it pretty dialed in, but will learn a lot over the holidaze. Either way I do firmly believe that having a space conducive to hosting is a critical part of the deal if you enjoy that kind of thing. A rough stab at our entertaining looks something like this...

Family dinners for about 15-20 people = 1 every other month or so, a little more in winter
Event parties (Superbowl, Kentucky Derby, etc.) for 20ish people = 2 or 3 times a year
Big parties with 30-40 or more people = usually once a year, always in warm weather to take advantage of garden, deck, patio, etc. 120 guests was our biggest that didn't include a wedding or graduation. That was too many.
Small dinner parties with 6-8 people (including us) = 1/month or more. This is our favorite kind of entertaining.
Casual or impromptu dinner get-togethers with a few people (often DD2 and a group of her friends) = a couple times a week
Dinner at home with just the two of us? Priceless.

[herbgeek]

I have another couple over maybe once every couple of months, I have a mother's day dinner each year and that's mostly it. Although I'm hosting a 60th anniversary party for my parents tomorrow and there will be 17 people in my small house. There's space for everyone to sit and chat on the 3 season porch, but dinner is going to be, shall we say, really cozy as my dining room is small, and we have a kids table in the kitchen only because I couldn't possibly fit any more in the dining room.

[Tradd]

I can't remember the last time I entertained. Maybe a couple of years? I've got a really small space, so having more than two people for dinner is a problem. Although when I moved in five years ago, I did squeeze in 25 people for a housewarming party!

[Spartana]

I never entertain - and neither does my sister who shares a house with me. We occasionally have our respective dates or BF's over to watch a movie and have dinner but that's rare. Even when I was married we rarely entertained. I find it too be too stressful - especially since I am the least domestic person on the planet and doing more than ordering a pizza and supplying some booze would tax me greatly.

[nswef]

We have a Memorial Day Saturday picnic with about 20 people-a 35 year tradition with a lot of the original people...although several are no longer able to come as they have died...That's about it.

[Glo]

We love entertaining and do lots of it. We are also invited out a lot so we're always busy. We have groups of people that include our immediate family (three sons and one DIL), as well as extended family, people I graduated high school with (that totals about 30 including spouses), and neighbors. We entertain each group a couple times a year; sometimes we entertain just another couple--it all depends. And this year we had the whole bunch together for DH's 70th birthday. No work involved with that because I had it catered. I am so blessed to have all these people in my life so I love being with them whenever we can. Everything does take planning, but as long as I have my lists made, I'm good to go. Of course, we are getting older and we've all agreed that some day we'll just invite everyone and ask them to bring a dish and we'll grill hot dogs. The food and surroundings aren't that important--the people are.

[razz]

Entertaining is mostly family get-togethers and one on one with friends for lunch that I prepare.

What I am hearing a lot more of these days is friends meeting for a coffee at a donut shop several times a week or every morning for breakfast or once a month at community brunch fundraisers to cover the entertaining aspect. Seems to meet the need for staying in touch and everyone is free to come or not depending on commitments.

[iris lilies]

We go to a fair amount of dinner parties and neighborhood parties (although any more I like to avoid the "cast of thousands" parties) but the key is this: we are all within a 6 block area. All of our friends are from this neighborhood. So the business of getting into the car and driving half an hour isn't our burden.

[puglogic]

We have small get-togethers (1-2 friends plus us) a couple of times a month. Very informal, either outside or hanging around the kitchen.
We have out-of-town guests a couple of times a year, usually my father-in-law and my brother's family.
Nothing formal ever, just getting together to enjoy food and conversation. I have some friends who put on big happenings frequently, with really good food and spirits, and they seem to love it. We love it too :) Just wouldn't want to be the host. I don't like having a ton of people around me - I have trouble connecting with any individuals.

[jp1]

Gregg, you and your wife must both be pretty extreme extroverts. I got tired just reading that description of all your entertaining. Trying to live through it would be sheer hell.

[gimmethesimplelife]

I'm not a great fan of entertaining but I have done it in my past. Given that I am very much an introvert, I find entertaining people to be extremely exhausting, something that takes me a couple of days to recover from. It's not that it's hell to entertain, and I have even had fun doing this before, it's just that it's so alien to my nature. I have a few very close friends who have been through thick and thin with me for a number of years and with whom I can go to with anything.....they know me as I really am and appreciate me as an introvert. Other people though, such a work "friends" - when I was younger working in food and beverage I went through a phase where I tried to be social with people I worked with as I was getting tired of being disliked for not hanging around with co-workers after work.

I learned real fast that was a quick way towards complete exhaustion for me and now I'd much rather be judged by the quality of my work than by how well I play the game on time off the clock. Rob

[IshbelRobertson]

I have a 'high tea' for friends every two weeks. We make the time to meet each other and enjoy the food. Scones, bar cakes, shortbread, Dundee cake, drop scones and a hot savoury such as Welsh rarebit or finnan haddie. In winter, hot crumpets and muffins (not those crappy, over-sweet modern style cup cakes!) Various teas, such as lapsong souchong, orange pekoe or Earl Grey.

I also do regular dinner parties with the chance to cook more elegant food.

Then there are traditional British Sunday Roasts. ( my favourite!)

[gmpg54]

I have to laugh at those comments.Some of these houses are carrying a 3-4k mortgage each month!! By the time all the bills are paid,whats left? Unless these people are trust fund babes or drug dealers...LOL

[catherine]

OK, it's Saturday night, and the kids are still under the tent that we rented, because it's raining. We had our big 60th birthday bash last night, and I tried REALLY hard to rein in the stress, and I was somewhat successful. The party itself was a success, but I see clearly that I would have done some things differently if I had a do-over. The idea of a tent was a last minute decision, and it definitely changed the dynamic of the event. It was a really nice evening with a full moon, and it was about 60 degrees, and I had ordered a 20 x 20 tent with lights, and everyone stayed outside, which was great, but it inhibited the flow of eating, because a lot of the food was inside. I just didn't expect an outdoor evening party in mid-October.

We had our firepit going and my kids are all musical and passed the guitar around, and it was really nice. My DH is a VERY extroverted guy--as extroverted as I am introverted, so I invited everyone, and we had a REALLY eclectic mix of people, from neighbors, to the minister, to bar-fly friends, to our new Brazilian in-laws, to our dog park friends, to the down-and-out guys who we paid under the table to do some handyman work.

But, man, I'm pooped. I am so happy that the weekend turned out well, and it has been a joy and delight every second we've spent with our kids who came down from VT and our one who is still in NJ. We laughed, we talked, we sang, we played Taboo, it was awesome.

Now that our house is looking better, I would like to do more entertaining--not as much as Gregg does!! but more than once every few years, for sure.

And Ishbel, the highlight of our party were the meat pies, bridies and sausage rolls we drove an hour away to get.

Whew.. As much as I hate to see the kids go, I'm looking forward to life getting back to normal

[Gregg]

Gregg, you and your wife must both be pretty extreme extroverts. I got tired just reading that description of all your entertaining. Trying to live through it would be sheer hell.

Lol. I go back and forth between being introverted and then needing to 'let it all out'. DW is a rock in her fairly extroverted style. Our revolving door started with wanting to get to know all the kids' friends so we intentionally tried to become the neighborhood Kool Aid house. That just kind of expanded into gatherings with all those kids' parents, other neighbors, people from schools... Plus we have a lot of family close by now that we've moved back to the Motherland. It sounds terrible to say (and probably is) but we have a lot of very interesting friends who, if they entertain at all, throw really boring parties. However it happened we seem to be able to get a pretty lively event going and so entertain partly just to get our fix.

Catherine: so glad you had fun and your party was a smashing success! Trust me when I say no good party ever goes exactly according to plan.

Ishbel: it's almost embarrassing to consider how lovely and civilized a high tea can be. I would have to seriously consider boarding the 12 hour flight if I were ever invited to one of yours (hint, hint). Your invitation here is, of course, always open should you get the urge to attend one of our intentionally low brow events. Come with the expectation of delta blues blaring and beer and bbq sauce flinging through the air and you probably won't be disappointed.

[IshbelRobertson]

Scottish 'high teas' are more substantial than the English 'afternoon tea' which is much more refined!

We have a wonderful old department store in Edinburgh called Jenners. When I was a schoolgirl it was a highlight to be taken there for high tea by my Granny. Sadly, they no longer do such a feast, and most of Edinburgh's other famous tearooms such as Mackays and MacVities are also gone. However a few of the posher hotels, such as the Balmoral manage a pale imitation, at exorbitant prices!

I love to cook and bake and so our group (called the Coven by certain partners,) convene at my home on certain Friday afternoons at 4 pm prompt for gossip, tea and food. It often rolls right on through to the cocktail hour and all that entails!

Guests are always welcomed!

[catherine]

..I am the least domestic person on the planet and doing more than ordering a pizza and supplying some booze would tax me greatly.

+1. Exactly.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I have to laugh at those comments.Some of these houses are carrying a 3-4k mortgage each month!! By the time all the bills are paid,whats left? Unless these people are trust fund babes or drug dealers...LOL

nothing would be left - you eat solely what you could grow on your property, live in complete darkness like our distant ancestors did because you can't afford the electricity bill, and running water forget about it's as who can afford to pay that bill, it's all humanure baby. On the other hand, the people buying those houses are probably rich.

[catherine]

our group (called the Coven by certain partners,) convene at my home on certain Friday afternoons at 4 pm prompt for gossip, tea and food. It often rolls right on through to the cocktail hour and all that entails!

Guests are always welcomed!

Wow, does that sound like a great way to end the week! Cucumber and watercress piece, please! And a glass of Pinot.

[Simplemind]

Oh IshbelRobertson that sounds so lovely. I would give anything to have a group get together just like that. I am in sore need of a structured estrogen fix.

We have the parents (his mom, my dad) over each Saturday. We have a dinner group once a month. Our home is humble humble humble but our backyard is a wonder so we usually start the summer off with a huge 4th of July party with many long tables set with vintage cloth, flowers and candles. For the rest of the season we do as much outdoors with friends that we can. I wish when my son was younger we had thought to put up a large sheet and use a projector to show movies. That would have been a blast.

[IshbelRobertson]

Next one is Friday, week. :welcome:

[Simplemind]

Oh gosh don't tempt me. I visited there a few years back and fell so completely in love. I vowed to come back even if it was in an urn! It was during the fringe festival (which I had never heard of) and I could barely contain myself. I'm sure you don't serve deep fried Snickers at your tea...... no never mind. Any place that has a shop that serves a Snicker any which way but loose is all right with me. Never had one, I'm just happy to know you show no fear in the artery department :0)

[IshbelRobertson]

We deep fry Mars bars in some of the chippies. I've even been known to make some when guests from overseas ask if it is a real thing. Frankly, mine are inferior, I'm tld, as they don't have the faint taste of battered fish!

[citrine]

Glad to hear the party was a huge success :) We had a big housewarming two years ago which was an open house...60-80 people, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a few dinners with 1-2 couples during the year. DH and I like cooking and having people over...but I am so glad when they go back home!

[Spartana]

I wonder if it's more likely for married people/couples to entertain then it is for us singles - especially us childless ones. I have a large group of single friends - many who are also childless - and they rarely entertain in a more formal traditional way. However they do occasionally have large parties like a Halloween or birthday bash as well as barbques. But not dinner or cocktail or even family type get together. Most often they just meet somewhere for dinner and drinks than entertain at home.

[SteveinMN]

I wonder if it's more likely for married people/couples to entertain then it is for us singles - especially us childless ones.
Before we started dating, DW did a lot of entertaining among her (chosen) extended family and her friends. She also was very active in a singles volunteers club and two book clubs and they frequently were at her home. DD was several hours away in college, so DW was almost childless. Sometimes I suspect the get-togethers were the deadlines DW needed to not stay at work because there was no other good reason to be home at night.

Different story now, though, as we banked five more years into middle age and work for both of us got bonkers. My life is much better now; DW's is hectic but fulfilling. But it's hard for us to endure day after day of that kind of craziness and have the energy to get together with anyone, especially as friends who have to travel across the metro to meet.

[Spartana]

Now thatbI think about it you're probably right Steve. That younger, single unencumbered people probably DO entertain more than those who are working and have kids and home duties. Guess I always thing of those 1960's Mad Men style cocktail parties as "entertaining" and just hanging out with friends at home for a barbeque as ....well... just hanging out :-)