Living Will & advance directives

[puglogic]

Do you have them for yourself?

Sometimes it takes me a good kick in the pants to take care of things like this. In my case, it was horrible. A dear friend just lost her father last week to cancer. This morning she learned her healthy 30-year-old son, who was undergoing relatively minor surgery, suffered a stroke which shut down all of his major organs, and he is now brain dead. She is on her way to him, with other family members, to 'pull the plug' so to speak. There's nothing there that's working any more.

Just like that.

I would like my loved ones to have pretty clear instructions about what I want done, in case I am ever unable to speak for myself. Have you ever done any living will or advance directive forms? Do you think the ones available online are sufficient, or is it necessary/advisable to involve an attorney?

Sigh. Life.

[SteveinMN]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's family losses. Life indeed can change very quickly.

As part of our financial preparation for leaving Corporate America, we both completed wills and have health-care directives and organ donation in place. At least here, the ones you could download online were sufficient; we simply had them notarized so there was no question that we had signed them ourselves and "in sound body", as they say. Of course, it helps that we don't have so much in assets that someone would want to fight over them...

[Rogar]

I have been procrastinating mine and it is on my winter project list. I talked with my physician about it recently and he recommended using one of the online templates that is specific for the state. I'm really not aware of what an attorney might be able to do beyond the templates unless someone had some really complicated wishes, but I am just starting the process. I'll be interested in what others have to say.

[flowerseverywhere]

Yes, we have the appropriate forms in place, all of our accounts are in place with beneficiaries. The kids know where everything is.The last thing we will do is put the kids on the deed of the house. In my state you can put the kids on the deed with rights to live there but easy transfer upon death. Both of us know how to take care of the house, cars and finances. There is nothing that needs to go through probate after we take care of the house next week. I am sorry for your friends horrible circumstances.

[Kestra]

We did it just after we got married when we did our wills. I wasn't worried about getting it super legal, as I'd hope my husband and I would make the decisions for each other and we've discussed it ahead of time. But it is good to have something in writing, just in case we were in an accidental together. But I'm not sure how soon the paperwork would be found and am not sure if his family would comply with my (or his) wishes. My side has a similar opinion to me, so I'd trust them, especially my father to make the right decisions on my behalf. I never know how forward thinking I should be. I've started writing up some important info to give copies to our potential executors, but haven't finished it, or given it to anyone. At 36 you just don't expect to die, but then on Monday my house almost burnt down and/or exploded, so you never know.

[iris lilies]

oh we are "in the works" but that's been going on for months. we are terrible.

[bae]

I will point out something that may be important for your advanced directives... make sure people know you have them, and make sure they can be *quickly* found in an emergency.

Consider that an emergency can consist of first responders showing up in your home - think through how they are going to know what level of intervention you want. Because if they don't know, they'll go all-out.

Here, we've been having people put together a small envelope of medical history/meds/directives in a zip-lock bag, which they tuck in their freezer, so someone responding can take a peek and see if there's something we Need To Know. We used to have folks clip it to their refrigerator, but the freezer solution is less public for casual household visitors.

[cindycindy]

So sorry to hear about your friend's situation. You just never know. Our daughter is our health care proxy; she has a copy of the proxy and has access to the safe deposit box where the original is located. We have contingent beneficiaries on all of our accounts; the house and its contents would be the only thing that would have to be sold/gone through if we were both to go now through a disaster/accident. As we near our sixties, we'll have to look into trusts, etc.

[razz]

DH and I had openly discussed everything for years with our kids so no surprises for them. We consolidated all our finances about 10 years ago, and when he passed away, all arrangements worked out well. I have given both my DD's the written directives, taken them to meet the lawyer and accountant and prepaid all disposal arrangements. Neighbours who have keys to the house also have both DD's contact numbers for an emergency.
Like the idea of a bag of info in the freezer though but not sure what would be included. I don't take any meds so it would be written directives and contact info alone.

[pinkytoe]

Because she did not have a medical directive/living will, my mother remained in a vegetative coma for almost three years - sustained with a feeding tube. It was a pretty awful thing to witness. I, of all people, should be on top of doing this but we too haven't done anything yet. It is a combination of the hassle factor and not knowing if whatever one does is enough since you won't be around to know. I callled several attornies to inquire on costs and somehow having to pay several thousand to take care of this is not palatable. However, I was surprised at a recent jury trial I was part of. The plaintiff was an estate attorney suing for future lost income because she could no longer type as fast due to an injury. At one point, she did admit that all of their forms are available to anyone which is something I always wondered about, ie are the online ones sufficient?
I really need to take care of this:( and once done, I will give copies to dd along with a letter with specifics, ie no memorial service, cremation, etc...and maybe some thoughts on the life I lived.

[catherine]

I will point out something that may be important for your advanced directives... make sure people know you have them, and make sure they can be *quickly* found in an emergency.

Consider that an emergency can consist of first responders showing up in your home - think through how they are going to know what level of intervention you want. Because if they don't know, they'll go all-out.

Here, we've been having people put together a small envelope of medical history/meds/directives in a zip-lock bag, which they tuck in their freezer, so someone responding can take a peek and see if there's something we Need To Know. We used to have folks clip it to their refrigerator, but the freezer solution is less public for casual household visitors.

I have placed an envelope, sealed, in one of the pigeonholes of a desk in my living room. The envelope has advance directives, a log of all my usernames and passwords (including the one for this site), and my preferences for cremation/funeral down to the songs I'd like. I've told my oldest son about it (not even DH, who doesn't like to talk about stuff like that).

I still need to make a better will. I had had one done, but it was never fully executed, so in lieu of that, I made a video of myself stating that that version of the will is what I want and I put a flash drive with that video in the envelope. I'm thinking that at the very least, it would be better than nothing. However, I do need to replace that with a living trust. Thanks for the reminder.

[SteveinMN]

I made a video of myself stating that that version of the will is what I want and I put a flash drive with that video in the envelope.
Good idea. But make sure that you check periodically to make sure the video is still watchable -- the flash drive fits into a device, the format is playable or at least transferable ... the biggest issue with digital storage is keeping up with changing media and hardware.

[sweetana3]

In mom's senior apartment complex, they suggest posting the envelope with directives on the fridge so the EMTs can find it. They have so many calls that the EMTs know to look.

[pinkytoe]

I am considering this wills package but wonder if it is too much to pay if I can pull ours together myself with web forms. Texas law is different than most states. I figure if we just pay someone at least it will be done:
http://www.hmoorelaw.com/$400_will_package.htm

[SteveinMN]

I am considering this wills package but wonder if it is too much to pay if I can pull ours together myself with web forms.
For $400, I would think a little time spent downloading and completing Web forms and buying one or two hours of a Texas attorney's time to review them would come out far cheaper. Unless you have some complex situation to address, you don't need a high-caliber lawyer -- just someone who knows the law (better than you do). Even someone who just passed the bar would do. One would think in a low-cost state like Texas that wouldn't cost more than a couple hundred bucks.

[bae]

My wife, an attorney, has often recommended the quite inexpensive books, forms, and tools from Nolo Press to people.

http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/wills-trusts-estates

[pinkytoe]

one or two hours of a Texas attorney's time
Already checked...$325 an hour minimum.

[SteveinMN]

Already checked...$325 an hour minimum.
Wow. Apparently Minnesota attorneys have a lot to learn...