How long after your pet dies do you wait to get another pet, if ever [Archive]

rodeosweetheart

12-3-13, 6:43pm

Just a question, to see what y'all think. We lost our wonderful, beautiful, sweet, crazy, and adorable Great Pyr a month ago. We are devastated. So is the other dog and the cat. It is uniquely painful since we bought her, planning to move to the farm, moved to the farm, and she loved it, and now she passed away due to heart condition. So it is hard not to grieve even more for what might have been here.

My husband wants an English shepherd. He wanted one even before the Pyr passed away. I had an Australian shepherd who was a difficult dog, to say the least. I do not want any more shepherding dogs due to new grandbaby--well, maybe a collie.

We are talking about a golden retriever puppy because I used to have goldens and I loved them when I had little children. My oldest son's first word was "Daisy"--our dog's name. Our other dog is a terrier-- sort of a Margaret Thatcher type and I can't see her romping with little children, but I could be wrong.

In a way I don't want anymore dogs. It is so unbelievably horrendous when they die, and they live so short a time, and you love them as much as your people family, and it is like your child dies.

If I got the golden, it would be so that he would bond with it and not feel the need for a shepherd dog. Is that terrible? I do not want another shepherding dog that needs to run 6 hours a day and has an agenda.

Losing our girl has made me pretty depressed. And our terrier is depressed. And the cat is depressed. But I can't get another dog just so the dog and cat aren't depressed.

I also miss our girl, and wish I could have HER back.

We waited about 9 months after the Aussie died to get the Pyr. He wasn't ready, and I wanted another Pyr (we had one before, best dog we ever had.) He was talking border collie. AGh!

Sorry, just needed to vent.

Blackdog Lin

12-3-13, 6:53pm

Vent all you want, it's totally understandable.

My sincere sympathies on your loss. Yes, it is so hard.....

razz

12-3-13, 7:13pm

It is a hard decision. We waited 4 years thinking about the freedom to do our own thing with no dog to be responsible for. But, you know what, we didn't do anything special so I finally grumbled that I needed a dog to get me out walking. I chose a foxhound which requires a lot of walking but wish I had been more careful to get a dog that was more of a homebody. This foxhound is happy, gentle, sweet-natured but loves to roam the neighbourhood if he gets loose. I am not used to a dog that doesn't stay home and needs so much supervision.
You are wise to be careful and thoughtful to get the dog that you really need and want.

catherine

12-3-13, 7:55pm

We lost our yellow lab mix in Jan 2008, and just as you said, boy, it was TOUGH. I don't think I've cried that hard in ages--or since. DH and I said the same thing--never again are we going to put ourselves through that.

But our kids were hinting around and we kept telling them we don't want a dog. For a year we enjoyed a dog-hair free house, we could go where we wanted and not have to make arrangements. But we hinted back at the kids that "if we DID get a dog, we'd want a mature rescue dog--one already housebroken and less likely to be adopted.

Well, they ignored us. They gave us a dog for Christmas, almost exactly a year later. A puppy--part lab, part terrier, part border collie. Not exactly your laid-back pup. I will be honest when I say I was not 100% into this gift. It took probably about three months to bond with Nessie. But she's totally awesome-- a great walking partner, very smart dog, loving, friendly, compliant, fun.

No one can tell you when the right time is for you, though. I totally feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Gardenarian

12-3-13, 7:55pm

After my beloved dog died I couldn't even think of getting another - then the rescue group for his breed called just one month later saying they had a litter of puppies who needed homes. My dd had wanted a puppy forever, so we went to see. Well, there was this older dog there, a cancer survivor who no one wanted, and we ended up coming home with two dogs.

They are both lovely dogs, but - they are just dogs. I never bonded to them the way I did to my previous dog, and I think it was just too soon. It was a good thing to have a dog to walk and hike and snuggle with, but I was still deeply grieving my baby. Still am, more than three years later - though now I think I'd be ready to take a new dog into my heart.

JaneV2.0

12-3-13, 9:07pm

So much of this resonates with me. I'm in the "if ever" camp, and I don't need more responsibility or the pain of dealing with another death. And what if, like Gardenarian, I got them home and never bonded with them. But...

There's an animal out there somewhere waiting for you to come along and rescue it--and it might not be exactly the animal you had in mind. There's a poster floating around showing an animal with the caption "Who rescued whom?"

I don't think there's a perfect time; some people get a new animal right away--the need is there. Others are more cautious, maybe waiting for the special one to find them. There's no right answer.

iris lilies

12-3-13, 9:31pm

I hope that you can work this out with your other family members to your satisfaction. For me, I'm the "Getter of pets" and so we adopt when Mom is ready.

My beloved, smart, beautiful, perfectly behaved English bulldog died in July of 2009 and I couldn't face getting another bulldog (even though I love the breed.) Even before she died, at the end of her life, I knew that I would not be able to go out and get another bulldog, they would be a weak imitation of her. I didn't want that. She was the second in a line of female dogs who were perfect for me.

So, we had a Frenchie in the house and I tried to make that work, but in the end, I must have the the big bulldogs. We signed on with Bulldog Rescue and had about 6 dogs a year through our house to care for, to evaluate, and to foster until the went to a permanent home. I would get attached to a few of them but others--not so much. Then Teddy Bear showed up as a foster dog and he was SO bloody different from my beloved female dogs--he is a total doofus! He has no brains and makes no claim to having brains. He is just a big lump of love. And because he was so different from the girls, I fell for him.

It took 3.5 years for me to fall for another bulldog enough to keep him. It also helped a lot that he gets along with all of our female dogs, and that ain't easy.

mschrisgo2

12-4-13, 12:34am

I lost my heart dog, a black-and-tan cocker spaniel 2 years ago; she was 17 years and 8 months old, and had been with me for 17.5 years. At first I said "no more" as I knew any other dog would have a hard time living up to her memory, but in just a month I was SO missing not just my girl, but just having a dog, to walk with and cuddle with, and greet me when I get home. So 2.5 months after I said goodbye to the first, I brought the second home. She's a rescued cocker, who needed lots of adjustment time and training. She's beautiful and we're well bonded, but I still miss my first girl terribly.

goldensmom

12-4-13, 7:00am

Four years. We lost two dogs, one year apart and after saying 'no more' it took us four years to get past (never over) the loss. We got a puppy that put new life into our lives. They are a lot of work but there's nothing like seeing the energy and antics of a new pup.

rodeosweetheart

12-4-13, 7:45am

Thank you so much for these thoughtful answers. They have served as a talking point for us--I have realized I need time to process this loss, and I think I am seeing that we both are processing the loss differently, and the doggie meant different things to each of us--that expression heart dog--yeah, that says it--and I think I need to trust when time is right, it will feel right, and it may feel different for each of us.
Thank you, guys.

jennipurrr

12-4-13, 9:39am

It took me two years to get another dog after my beloved yellow lab died of cancer. The sadness and grief was overwhelming for a month or so. It was truly like a member of the family died. We did have another dog, DH's hound/lab mix who was perfectly content to do his own thing but wasn't ruffled when we did get another dog.

At the time I said I would never get another lab. I wanted a medium sized dog who was calmer and more portable for trips and such. Well, of course a one year old lab needed rescuing about the time I was thinking about getting another dog. She was bred to hunt and so has all the best and worst qualities of the breed. She needs A LOT of exercise or else she makes trouble, but she is excellent with commands. She has become my jogging/hiking buddy and I am closer to her than any dog I've had because we spend so much time together.

I don't think it is selfish to wait until you are ready. The other animals in the house will be sad, but they will adjust. My parents' dog howled each night for several weeks after their other dog passed away. It was sad! But, she is fat and happy now being an only dog.

lmerullo

12-4-13, 9:44am

I am paying close attention to this thread, as we have an elderly dog and dh is pushing to incorporate a new dog before she goes.

When we lost Boss, he was a 14 YO black lab. Great dog for us, and I don't think many others would have put up with his idiosyncrasies. DH immediately began his dog-replacement push, but I didn't think I was ready. Nine weeks after, dh sent me out and said not to come home without a dog...I have allergies, so I opted for a few select breeds. There was a schnauzer at the pet store, but she was too expensive.... When I asked her date of birth, it was Boss's death date - so I bought her (screw the expense!). I really feel she is my "heart dog", as someone else so beautifully expressed. She is now 14, and losing both sight and hearing.

DH felt dog #1 needed a companion, so we got dog #2 five years ago. He is a defective bundle of love. He was just six months old when he came to us, but the previous owners "damaged" him emotionally. He needs constant reassurance, and is really not very dog-like, but more like a mischievous two year old child with attachment issues.

Hubby, god love him, has pointed out that if we wait until #1 passes to add another dog, then #2 will be the example of "dogness". That would be very bad! So, we are searching....

puglogic

12-4-13, 1:23pm

rodeosweetheart, I am glad you are taking the time you need to process this. There is no need to rush into anything.

I think I went the wrong way, in that we acquired a new dog in anticipation of the loss of our older dog (a white shepherd, approaching 15, deaf and losing control). The old love is the quintessential "uncle" dog, showing the younger one the RIGHT ropes, teaching him manners, watching out for him in our wildlife-ridden neighborhood when he was very small. This is exactly what we knew would happen, and why we felt we could handle having 3 dogs for a little while.

Now we have a different problem, though: In addition to the pain of US losing the old man -- which will probably happen this winter some time -- we know that the two of them have bonded very tightly, and it will be a big loss for the younger dog to lose him too. They play together, rest together, share toys....it's sweet. I know he will get over it eventually, but I'm not looking forward to those sad, confused looks when it does happen.

I do not regret any of it, though.

goldensmom

12-4-13, 1:34pm

I am paying close attention to this thread, as we have an elderly dog and dh is pushing to incorporate a new dog before she goes.

We had 2 dogs left after losing the first two. They were so much comfort though our grief. We now have three, the oldest is 16. I can't imagine losing her without having another (or two) to hold and hug 'when her time comes'.

larknm

12-4-13, 6:55pm

It took me 7 years the first time--dog reported to us to have died in a kennel fire, but no remnants of fire were apparent. We think she was sold to a lab (she was disabled and this place had prize ribbons hanging all over their office). Also a few months after that my lover of 12 years left me for another woman and I moved to NYC alone and had no home for 8 months.

Since then I've always had more than one dog (including one named Lark) and now a parrot whose supposed to outlive us all ( I have a good home for her to go to that has 3 generations who would be happy to have her).

It's never been as bad as that first death, but the later deaths are almost the only times DH and I have cried.

gimmethesimplelife

12-4-13, 7:46pm

I had a beautiful tabby cat back in 2006 and 2007. Someone I worked with back then had a cat and wanted to get it off her hands and I love cats so I stepped up to the plate and told her to bring the cat over to my place. So I met the cat and it was clear that it had had a difficult life and wasn't in the best of shape. I decided to try to bring it back to health. It took about four months but after four months it had calmed down a great deal and gained weight and it's coat was shiny and healthy. It became my favorite cat out of all I've ever had. It was affectionate, well behaved, got along with my other cat, just a great cat.

It was killed in the Spring of 2007 by some neighborhood dogs. That day was one of the few times I've ever called off on a job, I just was so upset that the idea of serving was too much to deal with. Anyhow, getting to the point - I went three years without getting another cat until one day someone I know was trying to find a place for a cat they could no longer keep due to moving somewhere with a no pet policy - and this cat's been great. None will take the place of the tabby I once had, but this one is dear to me, too. I'd say it took at least two years for me to be open to getting another cat, and this one just came along at just the right time, so I'm thinking it was meant to be. Rob

puglogic

12-4-13, 7:49pm

Rob, I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty :( I had a beloved dog that was killed by roaming dogs that jumped into her yard while I was at work....it took me forever to get over the anger.

jp1

12-4-13, 10:50pm

This is a tough question. I had my cat before I met SO. About a year after we all moved in together he passed away from kidney disease. At first I wanted to wait a while because I just couldn't imagine another cat replacing him. SO hadn't bonded with him as much, or more accurately Harry hadn't bonded with SO as much as he had with me, so SO was more ready to adopt another fairly soon. We were going grocery shopping one day about a month later and SO talked me into "just looking" at the rescue kitties at petsmart. They had a family of 3 orange tabbies, momma and 2year old boys. They were all adorable. we spent about an hour in the room playing with the boys and i realized how much i missed having a cat around. They were still trying to nurse and she was over it, so the rescue group didn't really want to keep them together. A week later SO and I talked about it and I agreed that we could get them. At the time I joked that it took two new cats to fill the Joel left by the one cat. Now I can't imagine life without them. It was definitely the right decision.

gimmethesimplelife

12-5-13, 12:10am

Rob, I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty :( I had a beloved dog that was killed by roaming dogs that jumped into her yard while I was at work....it took me forever to get over the anger.Thanks, Pug. I know what you mean about the anger, too. It really hit me hard - grief, self-blame, anger - all at once. It took me a good 18 months to feel better about things and start to heal from it. Rob

Simplemind

12-5-13, 12:29am

It was three years ago today that I lost my sweet soul mate. I swear nobody ever loved a dog the way I loved her and she loved me. Circumstances presented a new puppy a month and a half before we had to put her down and the two were oil and water. In retrospect (and looking back at pictures) she was too old and too ill to handle the energy of the puppy. Knowing what I know now I wish I hadn't put her through it. We love our new dog but Lordy..... she is an knuckle head. Her predecessor was intelligent, gentle and lady like. We refer to this one as the house cow. She is "special" but she isn't "the one". I always swore my previous dog was the reincarnation of the cat I had for 18 years. They were the same being in different bodies at different times. Same mannerisms, same responses to me. I have never been able to get another cat. It just wouldn't live up to the first.

JaneV2.0

12-5-13, 9:42am

... I always swore my previous dog was the reincarnation of the cat I had for 18 years. They were the same being in different bodies at different times. Same mannerisms, same responses to me. I have never been able to get another cat. It just wouldn't live up to the first.

That's pretty interesting. I've read a number of stories that suggest that's possible. All of mine were completely different "catalities," and any of them are welcome to come back to me.

frugalone

12-5-13, 1:47pm

I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved pet.

We have waited anywhere from a couple of months to "never"--depending on the pet. We never got another dog, for e.g. Every time I think about it, I'm not sure I really want another dog. Ours has been gone more than a decade.
We lost our bunny in June, and in mid-July adopted another one.

I have a neighbor who replaces his dogs a week or two after losing one.

JaneV2.0

12-5-13, 3:18pm

Some people replace their spouse about a week after losing them. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/big_standart/biggrin.gif For others, that's it. I guess it depends on the personality involved.

rodeosweetheart

12-6-13, 7:37am

Thank you, Frugal. I am so sorry for all our losses that I am reading here--the terrible ones that Lark and Rob experienced, and I am happy that no viciousness was involved in my girl's passing, that is a blessing, that would be so much worse. It is healing to read of the love we have for our pets and how much we mourn them. Jane, I had to laugh at your post--my father in law did that, married a woman his daughter's age in a big church wedding 6 months after his wife died, to the enduring anger of the kids, although it has worked out well for them and she has been a trooper caring for him in his declining years.

We have been talking over different aspects of this, different types of dogs going forward and what we each want from a dog, and I do think that the next dog should be his dog, a replacement for the old Aussie that was his shadow who died 4 years ago. My cairn is my shadow already, curls up in my study with my all day, in my lap at night type of dog. He needs someone to follow him around on his farm chores, so he is looking at English shepherds (no more Aussies for me--too much energy, and I am older than I was when we had the first one) and collies. I am steering toward the collies because the English shepherds sound a little Aussie ish and we have a new grandbaby. I am not dissing Aussies--just do not think it is the right dog for my household at this time in life, and want to amp down the herding and the prey drey a bit.

I am realizing that if it were just me, the Cairn and I would be sufficient--but if it were just me, we would probalby not live on a farm, either, and the Cairn LOVES being urban dog, and is happy going everywhere with you in the car or city street.

Just miss my Pyr--she was a loveable goof with a sense of humor--my Cairn emphatically NOT a goof an zero sense of humor, kind of Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.

catherine

12-6-13, 7:43am

Some people replace their spouse about a week after losing them. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/big_standart/biggrin.gif For others, that's it. I guess it depends on the personality involved.

haha! good point! And some are like puglogic and have a new spouse waiting in the wings: >:(

we acquired a new dog in anticipation of the loss of our older dog

Float On

12-6-13, 10:03am

My love-pet of my life, Levi (huge golden retriever) had to be put down due to his back exploding. I made the mistake of bringing a puppy (lab,german,collie mix) home 3 months later. She was not a good fit and I found her a new home. Just got news that she (Ginger) passed away a couple weeks ago and that home was the perfect fit for her over the last 10 years. I waited another 6 months before trying again and ended up getting two pups that were dumped on the family farm. Brother/Sister (Tom and Jeri). We still have Tom, took us a year to realize that all the behavior problems the two had together were because of Jeri, after we found her a new home Tom has ended up a wonderful little family dog....ugly as he is, think a cross between Benji and an Ewok from Starwars. When Tom goes.....I'll probably take a short break but I find myself looking at pets available on the local adoption sites regularly. I'm still a large breed dog lover.