View Full Version : A Girl Called Jack
Found this blog accidentally two days ago. It's not the most well laid out blog I've ever seen, I wish she would use a different format, but the girl is pretty inspiring. She started her blog when, as a single mother on benefits she only had 10 pounds left (after rent and bills) to live on a week. She basically has cut back to nothing. But she her blog shows simple living at it's best. Life seems to have improved for Jack and in no small part to her blog. Good for her.http://agirlcalledjack.com/
Her beginnings are painful, but pay off eventually as a consultant and freelance writer. Being interviewed by the Telegraph who she shows a reporter one of her budget meals:http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02499/jackfood_2499025a.jpg
Maybe some of you are familiar with her blog, but it's new to me.
This morning, small boy had one of the last Weetabix, mashed with water, with a glass of tap water to wash it down with. ‘Where’s Mummys breakfast?’ he asks, big blue eyes and two year old concern. I tell him I’m not hungry, but the rumblings of my stomach call me a liar. But these are the things that we do.
I sit at the breakfast table, pencil and paper in hand, and I start to make a list. Everything that I have was either given to me by benevolent and generous friends, or bought when I earned £27k a year and had that fuzzy memory of disposable income. Much of it has gone already. The Omega Seamaster watch, a 21st birthday present, was the first to go when I left the Fire Service. My words, ‘you can’t plead poverty with a bloody Omega on your bloody wrist’ now ring true for most of my possessions as the roof over my head becomes untenable. My letting agents take care to remind me that I am on a rolling contract, and they can ask me to leave at any time, for no reason. I sell my iPhone for less than a quarter of its original price, and put my SIM in this Jurassic Nokia that I found in a drawer from days gone by.
Questioning how much I need a microwave. How much I need a TV. How much I need to have the fridge turned on at the mains. Not as much as I need a home, and more importantly, not as much as small boy needs a home.
People ask me how I can be so strong. People say to me that they admire my spirit. Days like today, sitting on my sons bed with a friend, numb and staring as I try to work out where the hell to go from here, I don’t feel strong. I don’t feel spirited. I just carry on.
First you turn your heating off. That was in December, it went off at the mains and I parked furniture in front of all the heaters to forget that they were ever there in the first place and alleviate the temptation to turn them on. Then you turn everything off at the wall sockets; nothing on standby, nothing leaking even pennies of electricity to keep the LCD display on the oven. Then you stop getting your hair cut; what used to be a monthly essential is suddenly a gross luxury, so you throw it back in an Alice band and tell your friends that you’re growing it, not that you can’t afford to get it cut. Everyday items are automatically replaced with the white and orange livery of Sainsburys Basics, and everything is cleaned with 24p bleach diluted in spray bottles. You learn to go without things, and to put pride to one side when a friend invites you to the pub and you can’t buy yourself a drink, let alone one for anyone else. There’s a running joke that I owe a very big round when I’m finally successful with a job application, and I know I am lucky to have the friends that I do.
Then you start to take lightbulbs out. If they aren’t there, you can’t turn them on. Hallway, bedroom, small boys bedroom, you deem them unnecessary, and then in a cruel twist of fate, the Eon man rings the doorbell to tell you that you owe £390, and that he’s fitting a key meter, which will make your electricity more expensive to run. So you turn the hot water off. Cold showers were something of the norm in my old flat, where the boiler worked when it wanted to, so you go back to them.
You sell the meagre DVD collection for an even more meagre sum, the netbook, a camera, you wash clothes in basic washing powder that makes your skin itch. You pare back, until you have only two plates, two bowls, two mugs, two glasses, two forks, two knives, two spoons, because everything else feels like an indulgence, and rent arrears don’t wait for indulgence.
Thanks, will be checking this out!
Teacher Terry
12-27-13, 4:05pm
Thanks for sharing! I went and read some of the articles. It appears that in England the rich are getting all the breaks and they are taking meager sums of $ from the poor people. The people don't feel like any of the parties are helping them. It just reminded me so much of what is happening in this country. It was interesting to read about the bedroom tax and the need for so many food banks, etc. What Jack had to go through to survive was awful-no heat, hot water, not having enough food, having to sell everything, etc. A real eye opener. It did make me wonder where her family was and why weren't they helping her but maybe they could not afford to. If she and her son could have at least lived with them they would have been able to eat. Really sad:|(
Thanks for sharing! I went and read some of the articles. It appears that in England the rich are getting all the breaks and they are taking meager sums of $ from the poor people. The people don't feel like any of the parties are helping them. It just reminded me so much of what is happening in this country. It was interesting to read about the bedroom tax and the need for so many food banks, etc. What Jack had to go through to survive was awful-no heat, hot water, not having enough food, having to sell everything, etc. A real eye opener. It did make me wonder where her family was and why weren't they helping her but maybe they could not afford to. If she and her son could have at least lived with them they would have been able to eat. Really sad:|(
That's not clear. I think she was getting help from her parents initially. Maybe she just didn't want to accept help. I learned a lot from her blog also, about what is happening in England.
Teacher Terry
12-27-13, 6:15pm
It would be interesting to know more about her family. If she didn't want to accept I admire her bravery to go it alone but she also had a child that was probably cold, hungry, etc so time to set aside the pride.
It would be interesting to know more about her family. If she didn't want to accept I admire her bravery to go it alone but she also had a child that was probably cold, hungry, etc so time to set aside the pride.
I think the point of her blog was how to live simply and NOT be hungry.
Teacher Terry
12-27-13, 6:51pm
I REALIZE that but often when someone has a blog they briefly tell their story. Sort of an intro to the reason/purpose of the blog.
I REALIZE that but often when someone has a blog they briefly tell their story. Sort of an intro to the reason/purpose of the blog.
There is...she says it. She went from a good job to no job because she didn't want her child in childcare 16 hours a day. Things went from bad to worse, but then up again to employment again but still blogging about a frugal lifestyle.. Still a good blog for simple living.
Teacher Terry
12-27-13, 8:08pm
The best way to find a job is when you have a job. If she quit a job that required her to leave her son in childcare that long it was dumb to do that before she had another job with better hours. Someone is more attractive to potential employers when they have a job versus being jobless. I could not find her story when I looked at the site-oversight I guess. I agree that it is a good simple living blog.
Kind of depends, ie quitting while searching. If you're searching for something that is pretty simple and straightforward I don't think those employers would dock many points if you told them you left a high demand, high pressure job to be with your child. I know I wouldn't.
Teacher Terry
12-27-13, 8:54pm
The longer someone is out of work the harder it becomes to be hired. I have worked in this field the last 20 years. It is the one of the reasons (there are many others) that when a worker gets injured counselors try to get them back as soon as possible. The longer they stay home the less they want to work & the less employers want them. However, many employers recognize that people take time off to raise children & that appears to be more acceptable to employers. I did that while my 3 kids were young and was able to return to the work force. In general it is much easier to find a job when you have one.
sweetana3
12-27-13, 8:57pm
Be careful when applying US issues with employers, benefits, and jobs to the UK or Europe. The whole attitude is different.
Be careful when applying US issues with employers, benefits, and jobs to the UK or Europe. The whole attitude is different.
I would imagine so. The culture seems very different just from reading the bit I did. Quite different. I didn't actually think this would thread would go in this direction. Kind of about judgment and not the blog itself. That's probably my fault because of how I presented it, that was what people saw. But it gets interesting to discuss how and what is wrong or right or what should or should not be done. I've always felt that in the USA there has been a shift in attitudes. Where once growing up in poverty wasn't so reviled it was almost a badge of honor. We hear stories of famous people growing up in poverty that we admire. Abraham Lincoln, Loretta Lynn, JK Rowling, Jewell, Jim Carrey, Oprah, Deepak Chopra etc. People talk about their poverty and it doesn't seem to be judged. (they probably were then) Now, it does. As if it's unacceptable to live in grinding poverty. It certainly isn't desirable. All the above people worked their way, someway, out of poverty, as does the blogger. She used her own circumstances as a way to find her way out, which to me is what is worthy of attention.
Kind of depends, ie quitting while searching. If you're searching for something that is pretty simple and straightforward I don't think those employers would dock many points if you told them you left a high demand, high pressure job to be with your child. I know I wouldn't.
Here is her words:
When I returned to work after maternity leave, my relationship broke down, and I found it impossible to cover the irregular night shifts 30 miles from home with any form of childcare. Childminders just don't work all night. son's father did and does look after him, but at the time it was impossible to match our work shifts up with friends, family and childcare to cover my working hours. Because he works too. But don't let that ruin your image of a very good man as a feckless waster. I applied for flexible hours under the fire service flexible working policy, I applied for a job share post, I applied for day work roles, other jobs in the fire service closer to home, and was turned down on all counts.
I've been following Jack's blogs for months now, and she is an amazingly resourceful, creative, active, bold, and deeply compassionate person. She has tumbled down the ladder of middle-class life (good education, strong work ethic, work experience, etc.) into grinding poverty, and climbed back up again into paid work, being a published author, national activist, and fearless fighter against the harsh and nasty attitudes in the UK towards the poor--those in work and out of work. She's done this all as a single mother and before the age of thirty. I admire her immensely, and many of her recipes are delicious--I especially love her Carrot Cumin Kidney Bean Burgers!
I've been following Jack's blogs for months now, and she is an amazingly resourceful, creative, active, bold, and deeply compassionate person. She has tumbled down the ladder of middle-class life (good education, strong work ethic, work experience, etc.) into grinding poverty, and climbed back up again into paid work, being a published author, national activist, and fearless fighter against the harsh and nasty attitudes in the UK towards the poor--those in work and out of work. She's done this all as a single mother and before the age of thirty. I admire her immensely, and many of her recipes are delicious--I especially love her Carrot Cumin Kidney Bean Burgers!
She has recipes that are unique. Like that one.
SteveinMN
12-28-13, 5:01pm
People talk about their poverty and it doesn't seem to be judged. (they probably were then) Now, it does. As if it's unacceptable to live in grinding poverty. It certainly isn't desirable.
Even though almost everyone knows better because it does happen to them and to people in their own families, too many Americans have bought into the mythology that all it takes to improve one's lot in life is hard work. And that anyone can work hard. Therefore, anyone who is poor simply isn't working hard enough. Why, there are entire political parties built around that very notion... >8)
(starting the clock ... Opposing viewpoint en masse in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... )
Teacher Terry
12-28-13, 5:26pm
I agree with you Steve that it takes more then hard work. It takes resources such as daycare, a place to live, enough to eat. Years ago I worked with welfare recipients as a social worker in a return to work program. Once we provided free daycare & free training/schooling most were successful in getting a job & keeping it. Also the program continued to provide daycare on a sliding scale so they could afford to work. Some did not have to pay at all based on their wages. I did not realize that Jack did not have daycare. For some reason I could not seem to find her personal story in her blog so wasn't really aware of all the obstacles she faced.
ApatheticNoMore
12-28-13, 5:31pm
meh so boring. It doesn't even strike me as what was interesting about the original post. What seemed inspirational was the learning to make do with less to an extreme by necessity, that hey some of it I'd actually like to do, but I wouldn't trade places, I'd rather voluntary simplicity than unchosen poverty. By the way it was sad she was going hungry, you can say well at least she fed her kid and true that is, but a kid won't soon forget the sight of mommy going hungry - not in ONE lifetime they won't.
I don't know why I'm supposed to look to my family for examples of hard work, it seems utterly absurd to me. Some are just worthless slackers, and others mastered the art of not having to work when they didn't want to (they worked hard on self-chosen paths but then dropped out when they were just doing time in the workplace). I can't in a million years aspire to do as much with my life as those who mastered the art of dropping out of work for periods of time when they wanted to do other things (they saved up the money in an economy where they must have actually believed they would get jobs again when they entered back into it - and they did). I get into pretty dark reflections on all they had done with their life and how little I have. I'd have to go further back for those who lived for hardwork, ok yes they didn't enjoy much of life and left all their money to others (including me!) from the vacations they never took and not retiring until 70 and so on, but even they AT LEAST had truly interested careers, they weren't working hard for pointlessness.
Nothing's more overrated than hard work, IMO. Or work in general, for that matter. As a cousin of mine opined "If it wasn't so unpleasant, they wouldn't have to pay you to do it." Maybe in my next life I'll be able to support myself doing something I enjoy, but the odds are against it.
meh so boring. It doesn't even strike me as what was interesting about the original post. What seemed inspirational was the learning to make do with less to an extreme by necessity, that hey some of it I'd actually like to do, but I wouldn't trade places, I'd rather voluntary simplicity than unchosen poverty. By the way it was sad she was going hungry, you can say well at least she fed her kid and true that is, but a kid won't soon forget the sight of mommy going hungry - not in ONE lifetime they won't.
I don't know why I'm supposed to look to my family for examples of hard work, it seems utterly absurd to me. Some are just worthless slackers, and others mastered the art of not having to work when they didn't want to (they worked hard on self-chosen paths but then dropped out when they were just doing time in the workplace). I can't in a million years aspire to do as much with my life as those who mastered the art of dropping out of work for periods of time when they wanted to do other things (they saved up the money in an economy where they must have actually believed they would get jobs again when they entered back into it - and they did). I get into pretty dark reflections on all they had done with their life and how little I have. I'd have to go further back for those who lived for hardwork, ok yes they didn't enjoy much of life and left all their money to others (including me!) from the vacations they never took and not retiring until 70 and so on, but even they AT LEAST had truly interested careers, they weren't working hard for pointlessness.
Then, ApatheticNoMore, you get it. That was the point of the op. This woman is not living in these circumstances now. It was her circumstances that led her to blogging that led to her getting endorsements, spokesperson jobs, political activist. Freelance writer and consultant, a book of her recipes and now a job as a writer. This is not who she is NOW. But her blog continues to advocate simple, simple, or as she calls it, austere living. The OP was sidetracked and became a judgement game when it was really about the blog. What was important about her past was understanding it's part in life.
Even though almost everyone knows better because it does happen to them and to people in their own families, too many Americans have bought into the mythology that all it takes to improve one's lot in life is hard work. And that anyone can work hard. Therefore, anyone who is poor simply isn't working hard enough. Why, there are entire political parties built around that very notion... >8)
(starting the clock ... Opposing viewpoint en masse in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... )
Yep, that's an American/Calvinist thing.
Teacher Terry
12-30-13, 3:09am
I actually spent a large part of today reading her blogs. She is a very strong woman. However, she made one mistake which was quitting her job before she had another although she had little time to spend with her son. Also I don't care what she says about the Dad he needed to help support them in some fashion. Many will say that was not the point of the blog but it is open to interpretation what others see as important. Not just what the author or others intended.
I actually spent a large part of today reading her blogs. She is a very strong woman. However, she made one mistake which was quitting her job before she had another although she had little time to spend with her son. Also I don't care what she says about the Dad he needed to help support them in some fashion. Many will say that was not the point of the blog but it is open to interpretation what others see as important. Not just what the author or others intended.
It's quite possible that she didn't know how to continue in her job when her job was at stake because of the inflexibility issues. It's hard to know. But I still question why YOU question it? Sometimes we need to look at a picture and now wonder what's behind it. In this case, that is true, because the blog is about her journey, and her experiences and how she responded to them and what they ended up doing for her in the end. Perhaps after she had tried so many different ways to keep her job and failed, there wasn't anyway for her to keep working. The way I read it, it wasn't going to work for her anymore. She didn't have a job anymore. Not a job that she could work to capacity. And whether it would have made it easier or not, is indeed, off the entire point. Life gave her lemons. This blog is about how she made lemonade. Not sure what else needs to be discussed on that front.
Teacher Terry
12-30-13, 2:23pm
She did not lose her job-she quit. Her parents were helping with daycare. She did not want to be gone from her son 16 hours a day which is understandable. She should have found another job before quitting. However, she gave herself lemons by her choice. It bothers me that she chose to do that when she had a child that deserved to be fed & not live in an unheated flat, etc. That is why I question it. She made a bad choice and suffered for it. Her child should not have had to.
In strong economic times a person can make a mistake and recover from it quickly. People make mistakes all the time. So a person makes a mistake and naturally we mustn't have any compassion, because there was a mistake involved? Really? If compassion is reserved for those who never err, there may be near zero chance to exercise it.
I really doubt that Jack thought when she quit her job that she was putting her child straight into abject poverty. If she had she wouldn't have done it. Kids all over the world are poor because their parents are or well off because their parents are.
I left my job in 2009 to care for my dying husband. When I could go back to work the jobs had dried up and I couldn't get one. Mistake? If it was, I'd still do it again in a heartbeat, for Cliff.
Simply Divine
12-30-13, 6:22pm
She did not lose her job-she quit. Her parents were helping with daycare. She did not want to be gone from her son 16 hours a day which is understandable. She should have found another job before quitting. However, she gave herself lemons by her choice. It bothers me that she chose to do that when she had a child that deserved to be fed & not live in an unheated flat, etc. That is why I question it. She made a bad choice and suffered for it. Her child should not have had to.
Hindsight is always 20/20. We've all made decisions that seemed good at the time but ultimately had bad results. It's not good to judge others when 1) you weren't in their shoes and 2) we're all only human.
Even though almost everyone knows better because it does happen to them and to people in their own families, too many Americans have bought into the mythology that all it takes to improve one's lot in life is hard work. And that anyone can work hard. Therefore, anyone who is poor simply isn't working hard enough. Why, there are entire political parties built around that very notion... >8)
(starting the clock ... Opposing viewpoint en masse in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... )
There are countless examples of people who have worked hard and succeeded. The ubiquitous 'immigrant who showed up with nothing' stories for example. What I don't think has changed at all compared to 1913 or 1813 or any other time is that hard work is only part of the equation. The myth of hard work is that its the ONLY thing you have to do to 'get ahead'. Getting ahead by working hard is a very simple recipe, it does still work and anyone really can do it. But like any recipe you need all the ingredients or it won't work right. The reason everyone does not do it is that 1) its hard, 2) it takes discipline and 3) all the gratification is delayed. Those are not things your average American is very good at dealing with. We're much too entitled to deal with rewards that won't show up until later.
Political parties and their elected membership can't preach frugality, much less reward it, when their major donors are the very producers of the goods that we all need to consume in order for this economic machine to keep chugging along. The parties and our "leaders" are much better off if everyone gets a big enough tax refund to be able to run out and buy that new super-mondo, hi def, smarter than the consumer TV. Chug, chug, chug...
Simply Divine
12-30-13, 6:57pm
There are countless examples of people who have worked hard and succeeded. The ubiquitous 'immigrant who showed up with nothing' stories for example. What I don't think has changed at all compared to 1913 or 1813 or any other time is that hard work is only part of the equation. The myth of hard work is that its the ONLY thing you have to do to 'get ahead'. Getting ahead by working hard is a very simple recipe, it does still work and anyone really can do it. But like any recipe you need all the ingredients or it won't work right. The reason everyone does not do it is that 1) its hard, 2) it takes discipline and 3) all the gratification is delayed. Those are not things your average American is very good at dealing with. We're much too entitled to deal with rewards that won't show up until later.
You forget 4) Stuff happens. An unexpected diagnosis of a serious disease, taking care of old/sick family members and maybe children as well, accidents, stock market crashes wiping out decades of saving into 401(k)s when near retirement, few decent jobs available despite skills and education, natural disasters ... need I go on? Not everything is foreseeable or can be prevented, even with hard work.
ApatheticNoMore
12-30-13, 7:09pm
In strong economic times a person can make a mistake and recover from it quickly. People make mistakes all the time.
exactly, who wants to live in a world where there is no chance to recover from something like that (*mistakes* not crimes - quitting a job too quickly is the kind of mistake we are talking about. A kind of mistake than if we had an economy would be nothing of nothing - and in fact would invoke laughter, as well it should. What are you an employee or an indentured servant?).
Be ye perfect ...
So yea you could take a lesson from it: don't quit until you have another job. But really, didn't your mother already tell you that? And you could wind up in the same place even so when they do layoffs.
catherine
12-30-13, 7:34pm
I enjoyed what I read on her blog. I'm not going to wage philosophical war on what she did or why she did it. She was in that position, she was resourceful, she made the most of her situation, and instead of sitting there moaning "poor me" she shed literary light on what it's like for many, many people out there. Also, she advocates for those people. And she works hard. And I think her recipes are useful for people who are living close to the bone, for whatever reason.
I'm not judging here--I'm inspired by her. And yes, sometimes we have to work hard, and I'm not for or against hard work. I tend to be on the side of hard work when it's purposeful, though, as opposed to some who are like Maynard G. Krebs :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqzpQPDSr2s
BTW, I do love Maynard.
She did not lose her job-she quit. Her parents were helping with daycare. She did not want to be gone from her son 16 hours a day which is understandable. She should have found another job before quitting. However, she gave herself lemons by her choice. It bothers me that she chose to do that when she had a child that deserved to be fed & not live in an unheated flat, etc. That is why I question it. She made a bad choice and suffered for it. Her child should not have had to.
I've never seen a blog link go into a discussion about right or wrongs. Always on this forum, when someone posts a simple living blog link, people tend to just enjoy it.
Teacher Terry
12-30-13, 7:42pm
Wow-didn't realize there were rules about blog links.
Wow-didn't realize there were rules about blog links.
Please don't take me wrong, TTerry, it just comes as surprise to me. I am just making an observation. I think we can all agree that quiting her job turned out to not be the best move. Although perhaps in the overall scheme of her life it was a deal changer. Obviously people don't quit jobs thinking, "Hey, going into abject poverty is better than this great job." It just wasn't the point of the OP. It makes great discussion though.:)
Teacher Terry
12-30-13, 7:49pm
It did make for a lively discussion!
It did make for a lively discussion!
And good points.
Well, going with the flow of the discussion about choices, mistakes and consequences, here is another blog about frugal living about someone open to sharing their foibles. No child involved. This time I'm not posting just the link but the idea of discussing it openly, along with Jack Monroe and others.
If you have a passion for good food, but very little money, what do you eat? How do you organise your kitchen? Where do you shop? Well that's the situation I'm in, and that's what this site is about.
A few years ago I went from being an affluent and avid restaurant-goer and home cook who spent a fortune on food to living as a homeless, hostel-dwelling member of the underclass: alcoholic, on benefits and in the care of my local mental health service. It was a bit of a shock, actually.
Still, I found I could live without many of the trappings of my former life – career, friends, car, clothes and travel etc. - but not good food. And that, when you’re hovering around the poverty line, can be an issue.
http://www.theskintfoodie.com/about.html
Teacher Terry
12-30-13, 9:32pm
You are a brave person:~) Good thing there is no kid involved-that is what I could not let go of.
JaneV2.0
12-30-13, 10:47pm
Maynard G. Krebs was my childhood role model.
iris lilies
12-30-13, 11:58pm
that food in the first post looks fab!
This discussion reminds me of NPR's interview yesterday with a single mom who plunged from middle class into living in her car. She wrote a book Without a Net by Michelle Kennedy.
If you read comments about her book on Amazon, you'll see that several readers observe that many of her choices were not good ones or even semi-good ones.
http://www.amazon.com/Without-Net-Middle-Homeless-America/dp/0143036785/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1388435659&sr=8-6&keywords=kennedy+michelle
I don't see why we can't read a piece and have our own takeaways from it.
You forget 4) Stuff happens. An unexpected diagnosis of a serious disease, taking care of old/sick family members and maybe children as well, accidents, stock market crashes wiping out decades of saving into 401(k)s when near retirement, few decent jobs available despite skills and education, natural disasters ... need I go on? Not everything is foreseeable or can be prevented, even with hard work.
Exactly. I'm a good example of this - college degree, great job, worked hard, good income, nice home, husband and 3 healthy kids....fast forward a few years - diagnosed with MS and completely disabled, no more job, then divorced, now living on SS disability.... I am now broke and living in poverty. That's my life in a nutshell. Stuff happens.
Exactly. I'm a good example of this - college degree, great job, worked hard, good income, nice home, husband and 3 healthy kids....fast forward a few years - diagnosed with MS and completely disabled, no more job, then divorced, now living on SS disability.... I am now broke and living in poverty. That's my life in a nutshell. Stuff happens.
Start a blog.:)
Start a blog.:)
That's a thought. :)
that food in the first post looks fab!
This discussion reminds me of NPR's interview yesterday with a single mom who plunged from middle class into living in her car. She wrote a book Without a Net by Michelle Kennedy.
If you read comments about her book on Amazon, you'll see that several readers observe that many of her choices were not good ones or even semi-good ones.
http://www.amazon.com/Without-Net-Middle-Homeless-America/dp/0143036785/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1388435659&sr=8-6&keywords=kennedy+michelle
I don't see why we can't read a piece and have our own takeaways from it.
Could you post the link to npr? I couldn't find that interview there.
iris lilies
12-31-13, 1:08am
Could you post the link to npr? I couldn't find that interview there.
http://www.ttbook.org/book/moving-michelle-kennedy
http://www.ttbook.org/book/moving-michelle-kennedy
"Sometimes beginning again means making the best of the worst of it."
Teacher Terry
12-31-13, 2:51am
Yarrow, I have spent the last 22 years working with people with disabilities to return to work if possible( for some it is not). I realized early on that I was only one accident or illness away from having my whole life turned upside down. I saw it everyday at work. People lost jobs thru no fault of their own (disabilities) then often lost savings, house & spouse. Some things are just outside of our control. Take Care:)
catherine
12-31-13, 9:19am
Let's talk two paradigms: Paradigm #1, Woman quits job to give her kid the best option for care (from his mother), makes it through hardship and poverty with some government safety net, but starts a blog and works hard to lift herself up. Takeaway #1--good for her--she worked hard against all odds and lifted herself up without the help of anybody, except for the very limited social services to which she was entitled. Takeaway #2--she shouldn't have quit so she put herself and her child in that dire position. She was foolish and deserves what she gets. Typical social parasite who thinks she's "entitled" even though her situation is all her fault.
In both of these cases our current monetary system puts her in a position where her use of money or lack of money defines her, drives her, and creates the filter through which we see her.
Paradigm #2: A time in the future when our current monetary system has long since collapsed under its own weight. Woman has a child, but can continue doing the work she enjoys doing because her local community pitches in and provides great child care for her son. She puts her cooking skills to further use by developing ways to cook foods that are nutritious, balanced and "pure" from an energy standpoint--no transportation costs, no processing. She shares this food with the people who have cared for her son. Of course she doesn't have to pull out the plugs and fear for electricity being shut off. She does have a job that enables her to pay for basic living needs, working only 4 hours a day covers that. The rest of the time she is sharing her time with her community in the same way they gave her their time to watch her son. When the basic needs of the community are met, they hang out in the town center and talk, play music, teach each other skills.
In paradigm #2, there is no judgement passed on her based on her ability to earn, spend, take, or grow money. And all her needs are met.
Let's take the money out of the equation and look at this woman simply for who she is--a mother who loves her child and has the talent in writing to share skills with her online community.
SteveinMN
12-31-13, 10:48am
The myth of hard work is that its the ONLY thing you have to do to 'get ahead'. Getting ahead by working hard is a very simple recipe, it does still work and anyone really can do it. But like any recipe you need all the ingredients or it won't work right. The reason everyone does not do it is that 1) its hard, 2) it takes discipline and 3) all the gratification is delayed. Those are not things your average American is very good at dealing with.
There are factors beyond working very hard (or being able to) and being disciplined and able to delay gratification. There still is plenty of discrimination in this country. Older people, people of color, people of minority gender preference, people with low levels of education, obese people,... face unspoken obstacles in seeking employment and promotion. There still are logistical obstacles -- not having enough money to repair your old car so you can get to work, not having affordable childcare available (sometimes on short notice) so you can go on interviews and stay employed, illnesses that prevent people from pursuing their previous lines of work -- or, in extreme cases, any work, and a lack of resources for adaptation and retraining.
The notion that anyone can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps is myopic and mythic. It happens and way too many Americans are a couple of paychecks away from poverty themselves. The private sector is either unprepared or unwilling to deal with that. But the poor aren't going away. How we handle the problem is a measure of us as a society. I can't say we're getting a passing grade right now.
iris lilies
12-31-13, 11:47am
.... But the poor aren't going away. How we handle the problem is a measure of us as a society. I can't say we're getting a passing grade right now.
Of course we aren't, it's never enough for you, Steve, and your wealth re-distribution buddies.
How much exactly will my tax bill be to get money distributed to "the poor" in quantities that are sufficient in your mind? I would really like to know (and don't expect you to answer that--how could you?) But I would really and truly like to know because it might just be an amount I'd be willing to pay to put a lid on this ongoing whine.
SteveinMN
12-31-13, 2:29pm
IL, there is a level of insecurity in people that's on the order of a toddler eyeing another to make sure the other kid does not get a bigger cookie. Measure your life that way if you have to. I passed that stage a long time ago.
I suspect there is no amount of money going to other people that is not considered "waste" to a certain percentage of the population, while welfare which comes with nicer labels like "TIF" and "home mortgage interest credit" and "Yes, we'll pay for half of your private football stadium, Mr. Wilf" "are welcomed and looked upon as their due, by those very same people. Welfare is welfare. We just seem to tolerate it better when it goes to people like us.
Tell you what -- I'll quit "whining" about the less fortunate if you promise to be the first one to push some poor unfortunate off a cliff or off an ocean pier. Solves the problem of those nasty expensive poor people neatly, eh? And takes away far less of your "precious". Deal?
Happy New Year.
ETA: I like to think I can get along with most people, but I'm sorry -- that kind of PoV just crosses a line for me. And it certain does not make my life "simple". I just figured out how to the Ignore function. Flame away.
rodeosweetheart
12-31-13, 8:44pm
I took a look at the Without a Net reviews on Amazon. She certainly seemed to hit a nerve with many, and I do think if I had known of someone doing what she did, having her tiny children in the car while we worked inside, away from them, I would have reported her to CPS--it is dangerous and illegal, and I do not understand why she did not ask for help--but then I have not read the book.
It seems odd to brag about ones neglect of one's children and to make it the fodder of a book. But we live in strange, woe-is-me times.
... I like to think I can get along with most people, but I'm sorry -- that kind of PoV just crosses a line for me. And it certain does not make my life "simple". I just figured out how to the Ignore function. Flame away.
Just an FYI, the Ignore function doesn't work on moderators and administrators, so, just as in real life, you may still see points of view from time to time that you'd rather not, despite your best efforts. Just thought you might want to know.
I took a look at the Without a Net reviews on Amazon. She certainly seemed to hit a nerve with many, and I do think if I had known of someone doing what she did, having her tiny children in the car while we worked inside, away from them, I would have reported her to CPS--it is dangerous and illegal, and I do not understand why she did not ask for help--but then I have not read the book.
It seems odd to brag about ones neglect of one's children and to make it the fodder of a book. But we live in strange, woe-is-me times.
I don't see her account as bragging, nor do I see writing my experiences about it as fodder.
iris lilies
1-1-14, 12:29am
Just an FYI, the Ignore function doesn't work on moderators and administrators, so, just as in real life, you may still see points of view from time to time that you'd rather not, despite your best efforts. Just thought you might want to know.
Well, luckily for Steve I try to make my regular posts in a non-moderator account and so, in respect to his desire, will make extra effort for that.
iris lilies
1-1-14, 12:31am
I took a look at the Without a Net reviews on Amazon. She certainly seemed to hit a nerve with many, and I do think if I had known of someone doing what she did, having her tiny children in the car while we worked inside, away from them, I would have reported her to CPS--it is dangerous and illegal, and I do not understand why she did not ask for help--but then I have not read the book.
It seems odd to brag about ones neglect of one's children and to make it the fodder of a book. But we live in strange, woe-is-me times.
She said in the interview that she was turned down for food stamps but I don't know why (she had no address?)
Well, luckily for Steve I try to make my regular posts in a non-moderator account and so, in respect to his desire, will make extra effort for that.
I'm aware of your two accounts and the reasons for them. Just wanted to point out to Steve that not all expectations can be reasonably met so, ya know, don't be surprised.
She said in the interview that she was turned down for food stamps but I don't know why (she had no address?)
Probably her waitress income was too high, and she didn't have expenditures like rent or utilities. However, I don't know how this is bragging. I spent quite a bit of of my early motherhood, living in a travel trailer, going campground to campground while working at a BurgerKing, not always sure of the situation I was leaving my children in. I was doing the best I could.
rodeosweetheart
1-1-14, 9:48am
I am really surprised that no one at work reported this situation to child protective services. I cannot imagine making this the material of a memoir, that is all I was trying to say.
I guess I have a lot of admiration for people who deal with poverty and unfair social conditions, so I thought her book might be in that category, but to me, the abuse and neglect kind of overshadows that.
Obviously, all of our definitions of abuse and neglect differ,and I made mistakes raising my kids, God knows. But leaving three kids under the age of 5 alone in a car is incredibly dangerous, illegal. How terrifying for them. It reminded me of The Glass Castle, how the little girl was supposed to take care of herself at the age of three, and she burnt herself cooking.
I cannot understand how no one helped Ms. Kennedy--that makes no sense at all; her living that way was not in the best interests of the community. She must have feared having her children taken away from her, so that is why she did what she did?
It sounds like she is going for "cautionary tale"?
But why write the book?
Oh, I just went back and looked at her bio on Amazon, and she sets herself up as a parenting expert and lectures on parenting and homelessness.
So I guess she wrote the book for money, duh.
So here is my hypothetical--suppose she had had four children but left a one year old alone in the bathtub and the one year old drowned. That is also child neglect.
Would people still want to read her book? It seems to me, she just got lucky nothing terrible happened.
I don't get it. Why profit off of your children's misery, misery that you caused. They are your children, not your hostages.
Sorry, I really dislike child neglect and child abuse, and that probably colors my judgment way too much.
Sorry, I really dislike child neglect and child abuse, and that probably colors my judgment way too much.
None of us like it. Perhaps it would be beneficial to look for outside the box options for people in the position Jack describes or the one Tiam lived through. Providing more and different opportunities for people with extremely limited options pretty much has to be a good thing (if only we can figure out how to do it).
Teacher Terry
1-3-14, 3:48pm
I worked with abused kids when I was a social worker and there is help for people. Low cost or free daycare depending on your income is available for the working poor. Carter started the program and the $ comes from the feds but is administered by the states. It is a miracle that nothing happened to those poor kids & yes this is definitely neglect.
rodeosweetheart
1-3-14, 8:25pm
None of us like it. Perhaps it would be beneficial to look for outside the box options for people in the position Jack describes or the one Tiam lived through. Providing more and different opportunities for people with extremely limited options pretty much has to be a good thing (if only we can figure out how to do it).
Hi Gregg,
I guess I did not make my post clear --I was only speaking of the author of "Without a Net," Ms. Kennedy. I was addressing my feelings about her decision to write a book and profit from neglect of her children. I was not commenting on anyone here or on the blogger "Jack"-- I was talking only of the author of the book that IL linked on Amazon. I thought that was where the thread had gone. Sorry if I caused any confusion!
I also spoke of the need for services for someone in Ms. Kennedy's position. My post was about her decision to write about what she did and to set herself up as a parenting expert.
Teacher Terry
1-3-14, 8:53pm
I was also just talking about Ms Kennedy & her book.
Sorry y'all, I should have read a little deeper and I would have seen where you were coming from. That said, I still think we need to come up with new and viable options for people who are in tough positions. Simply expanding the same old programs that have been in place for generations will do no more than insure there will still be people in those places for more generations.
I don't get it. Why profit off of your children's misery, misery that you caused. They are your children, not your hostages.
You make it sound like she decided to move into her car with her kids so that she could write an interesting book. I would imagine it happened the other way around. She moved into her car with her kids because she didn't really have any choice and then realized that it might make an interesting book. And further, that an interesting book might help her financially so that she would never have to fear putting her kids in that situation again.
You make it sound like she decided to move into her car with her kids so that she could write an interesting book. I would imagine it happened the other way around. She moved into her car with her kids because she didn't really have any choice and then realized that it might make an interesting book. And further, that an interesting book might help her financially so that she would never have to fear putting her kids in that situation again.
She didn't really get on her own feet financially--she remarried. Problem solved.
iris lilies
1-5-14, 1:54pm
She didn't really get on her own feet financially--she remarried. Problem solved.
I started the Michelle Kennedy book last night. She's not an especially good writer or she needed a better editor because already in the first 50 pages I went: hunh? what's happening now? or didn't you already talk about that?
She sounds practically manic in the choices she made (well, she was young and that's fine but then she produces 3 children immediately to share in the chaos) and oh yeah, is a dog collector until--oops! she's not, and drives off leaving them. You know what I think about that.
Biographies are interesting to me and yes, I will "judge" the writer's choices in life, so judge me for that, I don't care.
This woman is easily lead by her crotch. We like to blame this kind of behavior on men. Not always the case.
...
She sounds practically manic in the choices she made (well, she was young and that's fine but then she produces 3 children immediately to share in the chaos) and oh yeah, is a dog collector until--oops! she's not, and drives off leaving them. You know what I think about that.
Biographies are interesting to me and yes, I will "judge" the writer's choices in life, so judge me for that, I don't care.
This woman is easily lead by her crotch. We like to blame this kind of behavior on men. Not always the case.
Her crotch or her neediness? I suppose I should read the book to find out.
iris lilies
1-5-14, 5:30pm
Her crotch or her neediness? I suppose I should read the book to find out.
Here's what she says 24 hours after leaving her husband "...[a] guy walked in with a mountain bike...he had on ...bicycle shorts...I gazed with sheer delight--a delight I hadn't known in quite some time--as he walked back toward the bathroom to change. It had been quite some time since I had really noticed another man..."
Well, I'm sure that neediness came into it. Certainly ego was paramount (in men we'd blame that on the penis) and she states up front that ego is the reason why she didn't go to her parents for financial help. Although they had already given her $2,000 that they could ill afford so they did do their bit. She largely blew the $2,000 on dog sled team gear.
Here's what she says 24 hours after leaving her husband "...[a] guy walked in with a mountain bike...he had on ...bicycle shorts...I gazed with sheer delight--a delight I hadn't known in quite some time--as he walked back toward the bathroom to change. It had been quite some time since I had really noticed another man..."
Well, I'm sure that neediness came into it. Certainly ego was paramount (in men we'd blame that on the penis) and she states up front that ego is the reason why she didn't go to her parents for financial help. Although they had already given her $2,000 that they could ill afford so they did do their bit. She largely blew the $2,000 on dog sled team gear.
Why am I intuiting that the children were collateral damage, kind of like the dogs? Some people leave destruction in their wake.
rodeosweetheart
1-5-14, 11:36pm
She now has a blog about mothering biblically--
http://mishahogan.com/2013/12/31/a-year-of-mothering-biblically/
and a book about dogs:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00G8OOLVQ/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00G8OOLVQ&linkCode=as2&tag=michellekenne-20
"Year of the Dog: How Running Sled Dogs Saved the Life of a Middle-Aged, Woefully Average Mother of Eight"
So, I started reading the Kindle sample of Michelle Kennedy's book, and based on what I've gleaned from what you guys have already told me, I was shocked at the first sentence:
After six months as a housewife, I was ready for a change. My life wasn't terrible.. far from it. But it lacked something--excitement perhaps--and I was determined to fill the void.
Wow, she chose a homeless life and subjected her young children to it because she was BORED? If she wanted to walk on the scary side of life on her own and ditch her husband for some excitement, that's fine, but IMO, she should have just left her kids with Dad or her parents. I love stories about living on the edge--Into the Wild, Moneyless Man, and the social commentary Nickled and Dimed, but choosing to make this your kids' life, too? Not cool.
I guess Mother Jones agrees with me--here's their review:
The summer she turned 25, Michelle Kennedy spent three months living in a decrepit Subaru station wagon with her three young children. They stayed in a small town on the coast of Maine, and she worked nights as a waitress. The family scraped along by eating ramen noodles, buying clothes at thrift stores, showering at a local truck stop, and sleeping in parking lots.
Many of the details about the family’s day-to-day survival are compelling, but it’s hard to muster much sympathy for Kennedy. After all, the book’s title, Without a Net, is not quite accurate. Kennedy actually does have a safety net: She has parents who care about her and who live 40 miles away. She could have picked up the phone, told them she was sleeping in her car, and asked for help, but instead–driven by a mixture of stubbornness and pride–she decided to persevere on her own.
Kennedy calls herself the “queen of bad judgment,” an assertion that’s hard to contest. She married her high school boyfriend, dropped out of American University, had three babies in quick succession, ran up her credit card debt, then followed her husband to Maine. The husband turned out to be a loser, and when she left him, her station wagon became her temporary home.
The title suggests a book packed with insights about what it means to be middle class and homeless, but Kennedy doesn’t deliver, in part because she writes narrowly about her own experiences. There’s no exploration of the myriad reasons—domestic abuse, drug addiction, a sick child and no health insurance—why educated young people can, and do, end up homeless. And while Kennedy touches briefly on the failure of the social safety net when she describes trying to qualify for Section 8—the federal program that provides housing vouchers to low-income people—she offers no context about the cuts to this program that have exacerbated the nation’s housing crisis.
Kennedy’s perseverance in saving money and finally finding a home for her family is impressive. In the end, though, Without a Net is less a meditation on homelessness than a first-person memoir about the steep cost of bad decisions.
I think stories that talk about rising above challenges that are imposed on you are one thing--but this is another. Not sure I'm going to spend $9.99 on this one. iris lilies, tell me what you think of it once you've finished. I don't want to necessarily jump to conclusions about her decisions, not knowing the full backstory.
iris lilies
1-6-14, 11:29pm
So, I started reading the Kindle sample of Michelle Kennedy's book, and based on what I've gleaned from what you guys have already told me, I was shocked at the first sentence:
Wow, she chose a homeless life and subjected her young children to it because she was BORED? If she wanted to walk on the scary side of life on her own and ditch her husband for some excitement, that's fine, but IMO, she should have just left her kids with Dad or her parents. I love stories about living on the edge--Into the Wild, Moneyless Man, and the social commentary Nickled and Dimed, but choosing to make this your kids' life, too? Not cool.
Agreed, those adventure stories and stories about living out of the box are interesting.
So now she's saying that she left because she was bored? hmmm, in the book, she claimed that she left because her children's' lives were endangered by living with their father. One day when he was watching them her daughter got into the dog pen and was mauled by the big male dog. Of course the dog was euthanized as was necessary but she packed the kids into the car and drove off (after picking up her daughter from the hospital.)
I think that Mommie Michelle had some responsibility here, rather a lot of it, in collecting dogs and children. One of the female dogs was in heat and it was theorized that had something to do with the mauling. I agree with that.
The very first question out of the mouth of our rescue coordinator on the morning that my rescue dog attacked me was: Is anyone there in season? It makes them act crazy.
iris lilies
1-6-14, 11:32pm
She now has a blog about mothering biblically--
http://mishahogan.com/2013/12/31/a-year-of-mothering-biblically/
and a book about dogs:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00G8OOLVQ/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00G8OOLVQ&linkCode=as2&tag=michellekenne-20
"Year of the Dog: How Running Sled Dogs Saved the Life of a Middle-Aged, Woefully Average Mother of Eight"
Oh sweet jesus no, now she's got 8 children and another set of dogs? ugh. I can't stand it.
Teacher Terry
1-8-14, 2:58am
I hope that people do not buy her book and by doing so support her sick way of living. I am being judgmental here something I do not usually do but this woman is very self centered and not caring about her dogs/children.
ApatheticNoMore
1-8-14, 4:49am
Probably not bored, probably mental illness (bipolar or something maybe shrug). But yea if I must buy books by people I abhor (even if they are mentally ill - it's still loathsome behavior) - eh well buy it for a penny plus shipping used on Amazon or something so at least they don't profit.
rodeosweetheart
1-8-14, 8:20am
I think she shapes her stories to be saleable, whatever is a hot topic at the time--so when the economy melts down, she is poor homeless mother victim of the middle class, when "year of" books are popular, she is year of the sled dog, then no doubt year of Christian mom living biblically to follow, which is an amusing followup to the lusting after guy in bicycle shorts of the previous incarnation, but whatever. That would explain why she wrote about her story years later, and some of the details do not seem to match up, from what reviewers on amazon were saying--that as a memoir, it may have been rather fictionalized.
...that as a memoir, it may have been rather fictionalized.
Exactly. "Based on a true story" allows for all kinds of literary license.
Back to Jack Monroe and her blog, the New York Times has done a piece on her at the following link:
www.nytimes.com/2014/01/15/world/europe/jack-monroe-has-become-britains-austerity-celebrity.html?_r=0
Right on, Jack! Loved the bit about Waitrose (an upscale supermarket chain the UK) trying to airbrush out her tattoos. Sheesh!
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