Time to keep my mouth shut, I guess

[frugal-one]

Lately, I have not talked about any of the travels that my DH and I do. People act really weird and act jealous. We have worked all of our lives and are finally living and doing what we worked so hard for. There are times when they ask about our next trip but when we tell them ... again, act really weird. We have a modest home, live by the recycle/reuse principle and live below our means. Evidentally, we give off the vibe that we have money because we travel??? I have taken to avoiding these naysayers but it is hard.

[sweetana3]

Our big issue too. We have always lived frugally. I like to keep cars forever, dont wear fancy clothes, watch for garage sales, buy and sell on ebay, never pay retail......

However, we have always travelled. We used to spend 4 weeks to make the most of airfare. Did the cruise thing several times. This year it is a long trip to France and one back to Thailand. Most of the Midwesterners I know think going to Chicago or on a cruise might be a once in a lifetime thing. I even took travel industry classes to try and understand myself how to make arrangements and what to look for to get a good deal. Always balancing value with cost.

We also would rather travel to more out of the way or NonAmerican places. A dream on my bucket list is Borneo. So there are very few people to talk to about travel.

[rodeosweetheart]

Maybe they can't afford to travel, even though they do the same things, living modestly, I mean, and they feel sad or jealous, knowing they will never get to go?
There must be some forums where people love to talk about travel and are a self-selected audience who doesn't feel bad hearing about someone's trip?

[frugal-one]

Maybe they can't afford to travel, even though they do the same things, living modestly, I mean, and they feel sad or jealous, knowing they will never get to go?
There must be some forums where people love to talk about travel and are a self-selected audience who doesn't feel bad hearing about someone's trip?

I don't brag or talk about trips unless asked or if they notice we were gone. And the people who I am referring to chose to stay home and home school their children and only have one income. That is their choice so they should not be jealous. They chose other priorities. I am trying just not to mention anything to them at all in the future.

[onlinemoniker]

I agree. I try not to say anything. I have traveled a lot but only because it's free. (I'm a teacher and have organized 8 student trips to Europe.) I don't talk about it unless asked. I think people think they can't afford to travel but they don't have trouble paying a $100+ cable bill each month. It's all priorities...

[rodeosweetheart]

I did not think you would ever brag, that was not what I meant! And sometimes, it isn't just a matter of priorities, some folks can't afford to pay the cable bill or travel, that is what I meant. But no, I know you would never brag. Maybe they choose to homeschool and thus can't have two salaries but still feel sad they can't travel. So priorities can conflict, that' s what I am trying to say.

LIke the cable bill math--even if you paid 100 a month, that would still be around 5 years to get enough to take a trip to Europe. And it seems everytime I save up to travel, we get hit with a medical bill or something like that, and it doesn't happen.
Your post has reminded me of how much I want to travel again, so this is good impetus!

[ApatheticNoMore]

LIke the cable bill math--even if you paid 100 a month, that would still be around 5 years to get enough to take a trip to Europe.

plus the vacation time. Ok that could also be saved up, so if you get two weeks a year, if you don't take any vacation time for 2 years you have 4 weeks at the end of 2 years - provided you don't work somewhere where it expires yearly, I never have, but I've heard of it.

Yea even doing the homeschooling, they might regret missing the vacations, parenting being more responsibility than they bargained for :laff:

I think I often don't travel because I can't find anyone who really wants to travel around the world with me and I don't much want to travel alone, but also realistically I get about 2 weeks vacation a year, and I take off days here and there just to stay sane (my choice - for shizzle, *within* the contraints of having 2 weeks vacation). Overall do I need to travel more? I don't know, it's pretty environmentally taxing anyway, all those planes.

[razz]

Are they really jealous or simply making conversation and then don't know what to say next? It is hard to read people accurately sometimes.

[goldensmom]

Define weird - do they change the subject, walk away, make derogatory comments, etc.. I like to hear travel stories but the readers digest version not about every meal eaten or every step taken. I travelled a lot when I was younger and if asked (I never volunteered to tell of my travels) would give an overview of the trip and maybe stories of few unusual situations but felt that unless you were there it doens't mean that much to other people. I am a big picture person, no details please but that's just me and it doesn't mean I'm not interested I just don't care to hear it all.

[IshbelRobertson]

When I read a thread like this, I am grateful for the generous holiday time that most Europeans companies give employees. The very tight allowances by US employers certainly don't help Americans to travel overseas.

[Alan]

When I read a thread like this, I am grateful for the generous holiday time that most Europeans companies give employees. The very tight allowances by US employers certainly don't help Americans to travel overseas.
The subject of vacation time has come up several times over the years on these forums and I really don't believe the norm is accurately reflected. As an example, I receive 6 weeks of vacation each year, and this year I'll also receive a one week "mental health" week when we shut down all operations for no other reason than to allow the employees to recharge.

We love to travel as well and during the 90's and early 2000's got into the habit of running off to Europe every 18 months or so. Eventually, we decided that there were so many places in our own country that we had never taken the opportunity to enjoy and decided to get a motorhome and run off somewhere new and exciting several times a year, for several weeks at a time. I've never detected jealousy from friends or co-workers regarding our travels other than an occasional tinge of regret that others haven't made it as high a priority as we have.

[Dhiana]

Sounds like it might be time to find some new friends? It sounds like your lifestyle has slowly been changing as you have moved from an accumulation frugal type lifestyle to enjoying what your frugal efforts are providing; the opportunity to travel.

Some friends can handle and respect the changes we all go through as we move through life, such as; marriage, children, moves, new jobs, etc and others just can't.

But don't forget that being a friend is a two-way street, are you still being the supportive friend that you were before you started this traveling? Or have you become 'too busy' to be the friend they like to have around?

[frugal-one]

Define weird - do they change the subject, walk away, make derogatory comments, etc.. I like to hear travel stories but the readers digest version not about every meal eaten or every step taken. I travelled a lot when I was younger and if asked (I never volunteered to tell of my travels) would give an overview of the trip and maybe stories of few unusual situations but felt that unless you were there it doens't mean that much to other people. I am a big picture person, no details please but that's just me and it doesn't mean I'm not interested I just don't care to hear it all.

Define weird...... They ask about where we have gone.. then when we say where we went they either make derogatory comments (ie must be nice...) OR do, in fact, turn around and walk away with no comment whatsoever. It perplexes me why they even ask? The only comment I may make other than where we went is why we went there. For example, once we went to an island off the coast of New Brunswick, Canada to go whale watching (which we had never done) and saw puffins (which were high on my list of things to see). Comments were then made and they turned around and walked away.
"
From Dhiana ... But don't forget that being a friend is a two-way street, are you still being the supportive friend that you were before you started this traveling? Or have you become 'too busy' to be the friend they like to have around?"

I have contacted this person to do things or say we should get together and they are the ones too busy. BTW I have been traveling for about 20 years but have travelled more extensively since I retired. I think it is a matter of I made traveling my priority and they did not. Now they think they SHOULD be able to do the same and the remarks are coming. Again, I am trying just not to mention anything to them at all in the future.

[Teacher Terry]

I think your friends are acting weird. In the last 11 years we have taken 3 trips to Europe. Our friends were very interested in the trips & no one made a negative comment. They have chosen to spend their $ in other ways but were excited for us and wanted to hear all about it.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Define weird...... They ask about where we have gone.. then when we say where we went they either make derogatory comments (ie must be nice...) OR do, in fact, turn around and walk away with no comment whatsoever.

that's pretty weird alright. Online with strangers where a lot of ID gets out is one thing, but they just turn and walk away :laff: wtf

[Tradd]

Frugal-one, I get some weird comments, too. Not on going to exotic places, but because I'm going somewhere people consider not exciting enough!

I have a weird thing about traveling - I don't like hotel rooms, so I avoid them as much as possible. Plus I don't like paying for them, so I travel where I have friends - Cleveland, Baton Rouge, downstate IL. I want to see my friends, anyway! People always make such faces, "CLEVELAND? What's wrong with you? Can't you pick somewhere better?" I explain I'm going to see friends, and then I get the "Why can't your friends live somewhere better?"

I now just say I'm visiting friends out of state and leave it at that.

[iris lilies]

My friends, people I cultivate, travel. Overseas. And speak some of the languages.

I would suggest that you need to find yourself a new set of friends. I MARRIED DH because if I would say: Let's go to Prague/Paris/London/Bangkok he would say: "Ok WHEN?" He'd been to many continents and I had been to fewer, but I am anal about the U.K. Over the past 15 years we've not been any places outside of this continent other than Switzerland or Scotland. Back and forth. Time to do something new.

Just a few weeks ago we were at friends' house for dinner and around the table the group was speaking pigeon German, pideona French, and then DH chimes in with the Swiss dialect (pidgeon) and then our freind who spends months in Mexico spoke Spanish. This is really what I wanted in my adult life: a group of friends who value travel.

[Dhiana]

Yes, you definitely need new friends! You should not have to keep quiet about something that is an important part of your life. There are plenty of other like minded travelers, you'll find them now that you will be looking, right? :)

[goldensmom]

Define weird...... They ask about where we have gone.. then when we say where we went they either make derogatory comments (ie must be nice...) OR do, in fact, turn around and walk away with no comment whatsoever.

Behavior such as that after being the one to initiate the conversation is rude. If I ask a question I will listen to the answer. As I stated previously, I like the reader's digest version so I might ask a question such as 'tell me the highlights of your vacation' or 'what was your favorite part/funniest experience of your vacation' and if really interested I say 'tell me every detail'. Whatever the answer, if I ask, I listen. If I am the one being asked I ask in turn 'do you want highlights or details?'. Sometimes the question 'where did you go?' just mean location. If I am met with a rude response, however, I would probably just ignore it as there are lots more important things in life to think about.

[Kestrel]

DH and I are retired, and we don't travel much, but we could, if we wanted to. We say we want to, but we don't ... travel, that is ... we do "want to". Sigh. We do take several short trips each year, and one longish (2-3 weeks) one, often to visit relatives Out West here. We've never been east of Colorado. But I don't really want to be away from home or our animals (cats) for so long. Even a weekend is a long time, to me, and perhaps to them. And we have to get someone to feed them, or have someone house- and animal-sit. And it isn't because we're OLD that we don't travel. We're both young for our age (69 and 70) and in good health, but we're so involved with church and various "social" activities and family stuff that we can't seem to make the time.

I'm not at all jealous of people who travel a lot, but I am envious. I just wish we felt "free" to travel ... but we don't ... and we can afford it. But I do love hearing about others' trips, and seeing pictures.

[mtnlaurel]

Define weird...... They ask about where we have gone.. then when we say where we went they either make derogatory comments (ie must be nice...) OR do, in fact, turn around and walk away with no comment whatsoever. It perplexes me why they even ask? The only comment I may make other than where we went is why we went there. For example, once we went to an island off the coast of New Brunswick, Canada to go whale watching (which we had never done) and saw puffins (which were high on my list of things to see). Comments were then made and they turned around and walked away.

That's Bonkers Behavior... I'd be more concerned about their lack of basic manners than their lack of interest in your travel!
The stuff bolded above sounds more like a dysfunctional husband/wife in a fight than a friend.

Total bummer. If it were me, I'd give them The Heisman Stiff Arm for sure & find nicer (and hopefully more polite) people to share myself with.

I've always made travel a priority -- it's like oxygen for me. There are a ton of other things that I forgo to make it happen.
One time a friend told me she always wondered how I afford it - I listed all the things we don't do to make it happen... she was like, "Really, you don't do x or y?"

Now that we have 4 butts to put in plane seats (and until very recently 2 0f the 4 said butts counldn't sit still) we are on Aviation Lock Down - just too expensive for us right now.
But that hasn't stopped us from adventuring in other ways.

[frugal-one]

Per Goldensmom....If I am met with a rude response, however, I would probably just ignore it as there are lots more important things in life to think about.

I probably should have mentioned in the OP that these people are not necessarily "friends" but people in our neighborhood who notice we are not home at times or meet us out walking. Obviously, there are other more important things to think about, but it does make one think about how to even respond to these types of people.

[rodeosweetheart]

Per Goldensmom....If I am met with a rude response, however, I would probably just ignore it as there are lots more important things in life to think about.

I probably should have mentioned in the OP that these people are not necessarily "friends" but people in our neighborhood who notice we are not home at times or meet us out walking. Obviously, there are other more important things to think about, but it does make one think about how to even respond to these types of people.

This is probably a bonkers suggestion, but maybe if you still wanted to be friends with these people, yes, definitely not talk about travel, but if their kids were young and homeschooling, you could offer one time, "Do you think your kids would like postcards from x; do you think they would be interested in starting a stamp collection? We go to these places and we'd be happy to send them each a postcard of something interesting,"

Just a crazy idea; might be a way to make peace and stay connected, if you cared enough to do so. . .

[frugal-one]

Thanks for the advice but their kids are either grown or of high school age. The husband is my age and the wife about 7 years younger. I guess they are comtemporaries. I have decided that when they ask about our travel I will just say we are busy ... like they are and leave it at that.

[Glo]

Sometimes I find the perceptions of others very odd. We are not rich, live a frugal life every day, but can do what we want when we want, for the most part. We bought a new car in the Spring, and got several comments along the line of " you have money". If they only knew !