redfox
2-21-14, 2:39pm
For over forty years, I've been in a bizarre, contentious relationship with one of the most basic pleasures of life, which is eating. Raised in a fat-shaming family (my 86 year old mother is STILL trying to lose weight!), where the "you can never be too thin or too rich" motto was laughingly uttered, along side Weight Watchers meals and fat shaming comments.
Ha. Ha.
Traumas at ages 18 & 30 sent me into brief periods of anorexia, which resulted in kudos for getting thin, but no mention of the trauma or resulting medical issues. It took me many years to heal the trauma wounds. The yo-yo nature of my weight loss resulted in the normal outcome, which is weight gain, and likely a damaged metabolism. (In fact, the biggest predictor of weight gain is dieting! The most effective diet is a time machine.)
Last year, I discovered the research & writings of Dr. Linda Bacon, at UC Davis and City college of San Francisco; Health at Every Size. Her book, http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/, is quite good.
I recently joined a HAES group being facilitated at an eating disorder clinic in Seattle that uses this approach. Wow... many insights (making the links between trauma & anorexia, for starters), and one profound change: I have dropped my anxiety about eating. Using my long time meditation/self-reflective practice, I decided to simply let go of my resistance to eating, and enjoy it. That's all.
Well, it's been incredible! I enjoy eating without reservation. I eat more slowly, and I stop when I am done. Sometimes, that's when I am full, and sometimes it's when my pleasure quotient is met. I no longer feel the need to binge eat, to eat secretively, to monitor myself, or think that I am somehow "bad". I cannot describe how liberating this is. I asked my husband what he's observed, he has definitely noticed my changes, and he appreciates them! He's an amazing cook, and to think I have not authentically appreciated him and his gifts all these years.
As I continue in this unfolding, I'm moving more, as my body shame begins to drop away. I'm dressing my body with pleasure, which is significant for me, because my body shame & dysmorphia are deeply rooted; it is a hallmark of my family of origin. My health indicators have always been solid: blood pressure, lipids, fasting glucose, etc. In fact, my 86 year old mother, who I eerily resemble physically, has never had serious health problems, and her mom lived to be 98 with no serious health problems.
It is time to separate weight from health. Body size and morphology are not indicators of health status. It's pretty amazing to be enjoying another deep aha in my life.
Ha. Ha.
Traumas at ages 18 & 30 sent me into brief periods of anorexia, which resulted in kudos for getting thin, but no mention of the trauma or resulting medical issues. It took me many years to heal the trauma wounds. The yo-yo nature of my weight loss resulted in the normal outcome, which is weight gain, and likely a damaged metabolism. (In fact, the biggest predictor of weight gain is dieting! The most effective diet is a time machine.)
Last year, I discovered the research & writings of Dr. Linda Bacon, at UC Davis and City college of San Francisco; Health at Every Size. Her book, http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/, is quite good.
I recently joined a HAES group being facilitated at an eating disorder clinic in Seattle that uses this approach. Wow... many insights (making the links between trauma & anorexia, for starters), and one profound change: I have dropped my anxiety about eating. Using my long time meditation/self-reflective practice, I decided to simply let go of my resistance to eating, and enjoy it. That's all.
Well, it's been incredible! I enjoy eating without reservation. I eat more slowly, and I stop when I am done. Sometimes, that's when I am full, and sometimes it's when my pleasure quotient is met. I no longer feel the need to binge eat, to eat secretively, to monitor myself, or think that I am somehow "bad". I cannot describe how liberating this is. I asked my husband what he's observed, he has definitely noticed my changes, and he appreciates them! He's an amazing cook, and to think I have not authentically appreciated him and his gifts all these years.
As I continue in this unfolding, I'm moving more, as my body shame begins to drop away. I'm dressing my body with pleasure, which is significant for me, because my body shame & dysmorphia are deeply rooted; it is a hallmark of my family of origin. My health indicators have always been solid: blood pressure, lipids, fasting glucose, etc. In fact, my 86 year old mother, who I eerily resemble physically, has never had serious health problems, and her mom lived to be 98 with no serious health problems.
It is time to separate weight from health. Body size and morphology are not indicators of health status. It's pretty amazing to be enjoying another deep aha in my life.