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redfox
2-21-14, 2:39pm
For over forty years, I've been in a bizarre, contentious relationship with one of the most basic pleasures of life, which is eating. Raised in a fat-shaming family (my 86 year old mother is STILL trying to lose weight!), where the "you can never be too thin or too rich" motto was laughingly uttered, along side Weight Watchers meals and fat shaming comments.
Ha. Ha.

Traumas at ages 18 & 30 sent me into brief periods of anorexia, which resulted in kudos for getting thin, but no mention of the trauma or resulting medical issues. It took me many years to heal the trauma wounds. The yo-yo nature of my weight loss resulted in the normal outcome, which is weight gain, and likely a damaged metabolism. (In fact, the biggest predictor of weight gain is dieting! The most effective diet is a time machine.)

Last year, I discovered the research & writings of Dr. Linda Bacon, at UC Davis and City college of San Francisco; Health at Every Size. Her book, http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/, is quite good.

I recently joined a HAES group being facilitated at an eating disorder clinic in Seattle that uses this approach. Wow... many insights (making the links between trauma & anorexia, for starters), and one profound change: I have dropped my anxiety about eating. Using my long time meditation/self-reflective practice, I decided to simply let go of my resistance to eating, and enjoy it. That's all.

Well, it's been incredible! I enjoy eating without reservation. I eat more slowly, and I stop when I am done. Sometimes, that's when I am full, and sometimes it's when my pleasure quotient is met. I no longer feel the need to binge eat, to eat secretively, to monitor myself, or think that I am somehow "bad". I cannot describe how liberating this is. I asked my husband what he's observed, he has definitely noticed my changes, and he appreciates them! He's an amazing cook, and to think I have not authentically appreciated him and his gifts all these years.

As I continue in this unfolding, I'm moving more, as my body shame begins to drop away. I'm dressing my body with pleasure, which is significant for me, because my body shame & dysmorphia are deeply rooted; it is a hallmark of my family of origin. My health indicators have always been solid: blood pressure, lipids, fasting glucose, etc. In fact, my 86 year old mother, who I eerily resemble physically, has never had serious health problems, and her mom lived to be 98 with no serious health problems.

It is time to separate weight from health. Body size and morphology are not indicators of health status. It's pretty amazing to be enjoying another deep aha in my life.

SteveinMN
2-21-14, 3:51pm
Comedienne Margaret Cho has discussed a variation of this philosophy. She calls it "The F--- It Diet":

(I've cleaned this up for rebroadcast.)
I was sick and tired of dieting and working out. I was sick and tired of buying clothes that were too small for me so I could 'thin into them.' I was sick and tired of eating 5 to 7 small meals a day. I was sick and tired of no carbs. I was sick and tired of thinking about food and not thinking about food. I was sick and tired of my trainer and any type of exercise. I went to a nutritionist and I lost a lot -- of money. I never left his office without dropping at least a grand on [bull]. Shakes, pills, supplements, food substitutes, exercise programs. I said "#*$&^%!!!!"

I stopped going to Fred Segal and getting the one thing in the whole store that fit me. I started buying clothes that fit me, like now. I put away all notions of what diets meant to me, what I was supposed to eat and not supposed to eat. I altogether lost the thought process that carried me through my life -- my dieting and exercise regimen -- and started thinking about the people I loved, hated, tolerated, laughed at, laughed with. There was a lot of time to read. I wanted to watch old movies. I ate a lot of [crappy] food. I gained some weight and it was scary. But it didn't really make a difference. #*$&^% I stopped exercising, and started writing. I played with my dogs. I looked at [crap] on Ebay. I started to eat what I wanted -- and kept doing it. Not a food vacation -- not a respite between diets. I just was going to eat eat eat eat eat eat and #*$&^% eat some more.

Then, I kind of started to get weirdly thinner. I get it now. Because I don't care about food, it is there when I want it, I don't crave it and want it and think about it. Since I can have everything, nothing is that important. I don't need to eat a whole cake because I can eat a whole cake every day every meal if I want and I don't care. I don't prepare to eat because I might be hungry later and 'they' won't have what I have to eat. When I am hungry, I eat. You know, that is what the weird diet is.

As one of those who "lives to eat", I have not yet achieved that enlightenment. :(

JaneV2.0
2-21-14, 5:10pm
I think HAES is a very sane and reasonable approach. "It is time to separate weight from health. Body size and morphology are not indicators of health status." Amen to that.

I have to laugh at all the Olympic athletes who proudly tick off their surgeries "I've had nine knee operations!" "I was in a month-long induced coma!" Then there are the football players who are courting wrecked knees and--even more troubling--wrecked brains every time they step on the field. We celebrate recklessness--to the point of death--in athletes, but can't excuse any imperfection in the rest of us.

Eating for health, regardless of other considerations, makes perfect sense to me.

catherine
2-21-14, 5:31pm
Reminds me of the adage, "what you resist persists." Surrender is a beautiful thing!

kib
2-21-14, 6:40pm
I think the (medical) obsession over body size is a lot like the medical obsession over a lot of other things, it misses the point of addressing the root cause. A whole lot of extra fat is a symptom, not a disease, and it's important to look beyond miracle pills, miracle diets and miracle surgery to get to the root of the trouble, whether it's emotional or physical or both.

OTOH, a bit more fat than average is just that, a bit extra. So what. Health and beauty comes in different sizes. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the whole world just accepted that idea?

sweetana3
2-21-14, 9:55pm
I was totally fine with my weight until my knees started giving me problems. Sudden onset of arthritis symptoms and pain in various joints was the biggest reason for getting in better shape. Lost 35 pounds and with 8 months of exercise under my belt, I have zero joint pain. I can easily reach down and pick things up, go up and down stairs, and get in and out of cars. These were quality of life issues and I hope to strengthen even more.

Goal is to lose another 35 pounds and be able to do a handstand by the end of the year. We took pictures of each of us hoding two 35 pound pails of cat sand to illustrate what our goals mean in real terms. (Those were darn heavy containers.)

redfox
2-21-14, 10:07pm
Good luck, sweetana. As we all know, keeping the weight off is the next challenge. The best diet plan I know of is a time machine. And, getting in shape is different from losing weight, which I image you know.

For me, the damage to my system and my mental health of that vicious losing/gaining/losing/gaining cycle is what motivated me to get out of the cycle. I'm moving a lot, walking & feeling strong. I look forward to many more joyous years.

lhamo
2-21-14, 10:28pm
Well done, redfox! I also struggle with my relationship with food. I had a very stressful week this week. DH is gone on a work trip. Potato chips did enter the house, and I opened a bottle of wine on Thursday rather than waiting until Friday. I knew I would feel crappy after eating poorly and drinking, and I did. But I did it anyway. That urge to soothe my pain and anxiety with fatty, carby, salty foods is just SOOOO overpowering. I know it is largely chemical -- I've been trying to be good about taking my multivitamin and 5htp, and it does help, but when the stress level ramps up and my sleep and exercise patterns get out of whack I just go into the worst kind of tailspin. And then the guilt and shame starts. Ugh.

I really want to develop a healthier relationship with food and my body, but it is extremely hard to do when I am under this amount of stress. Hopefully I will know soon one way or another what is going to be happening with my situation at work. It has been really hard on me (and by extension my family) to be in this limbo land for so long (boss announced his resignation about 10 months ago, so there has been a long time to obsess about the situation, and then the last few months of trying to do both my old job and the new one).

redfox
2-22-14, 12:22am
Oh sweetie, I so understand. Truly.... I'm about to share what works for me, but please just stop reading now if you'd prefer to just be listened to.

Here's what often (not always) works for me... just dropping the guilt & shame for one day. I can always pick it back up again. Often, under those weighty feelings, is also some anger and sadness. I get sad when I am exhausted, and absolutely, the CNS calming that carbs & fats does is so effective, though for me, it's sugar. Our limbic driven systems are exquisitely good at getting its needs met, and I often cannot override this.

I hope your get some relief soon about your job. You deserve some calm times.

Big, big hugs.
R