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On the subject of gifts:
Among the upper class only a generation or two ago, it was considered tacky for people other than family and very close friends to give wedding gifts. I think it's because the gifting thing was perceived to create an obligation. Also, it was rudely intrusive to burden the bride with objects for her home. Old family pieces like great aunt Clara's Monet painting or uncle George's Charles II sideboard would be appropriate.
Interesting info right there!Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
I mostly just feel like I have everything I need. So why would I want gifts? And why would anyone want to give me something when they know I have all I need?
So that "creating an obligation" thing you mentioned comes to mind.
Something else though, about gift-giving, that in some instances can be symptomatic of a particular emotional problem that gift givers have...
For instance, my dad knows darn well I am a minimalist and that I am dyed in the wool SLer. I have told him I have all I need. Though recently when I snapped my fishing pole, I mentioned buying a new one (for like $20) he simply gave me one of his. But this was an instance when I really needed something. And I was grateful!
Recently though he has begun giving me these little pins to stick on my fishing hat; they are pins that are shaped and painted like fish -- a trout or a bluegill, that sort of thing.
He gives me these things to show me he cares. But when I get it I think: "This is just a trinket. If you want to show me you care, why not go fishing with me?"
Or just be like: "Son, I care about you. I hope things are going good with you."
See the difference? I think that my father is emotionally stunted and cannot express himself outside material gifts. And I don't want these pins. As rough as I am on equipment and gear, that pin will get ripped off and/or fall in the water anyway. But that is beside the point. I am a minimalist and I do not need trinkets.
It also makes sense as far as only people really close to you know what you actually want/need. I figure if you are struggling to determine what the best gift is for someone, then you shouldn't be giving them a gift. I rarely do gifts, but the couple I have given recently were very specific to that individual and their situation, and were also private in different ways, in that they wouldn't tell a regular friend about what I had given them.Quote:
Originally Posted by iris lilies
My sis is getting hitched next month. I am performing the ceremony, so that is something of a gift. But...Quote:
Originally Posted by Kestra
I think I am going to give them some cash too, or maybe a gift certificate to their favorite Mexican restaurant.
That's cool that you're doing the ceremony.Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
We gave my sister cash for her wedding as well - I don't know, I kind of thought I should think of something better - but everyone loves cash. (Later on I got her one of the specific private gifts I mentioned above.) And she got the gift of my presence, which is of course priceless... ;)
Actually, as her wedding was 1300 km away, it cost some money to get there. And for my own wedding, I paid for her to come as she was younger and broker then.
When my mother got married, she recieved three sets of steak knives. She kept them all and two stayed in the sideboard, unopened. When I got married, she said " I have a set of steak knives for you, and a set for your brother. Which ones do you want? And I looked at them and said " honestly? The ones we use.". She said " great! Take them. I'll get new steak knives." And picked a box to open. I don't know If my brother took the third set. But that first set of steak knives has been in use for almost 50 years.
When we got married, we chose a set of relatively inexpensive everyday dishes, which then went on sale. Nearly all our friends got us a boxed set for four, because we were all young and broke. Dh and I kept three sets and returned the rest to get some serving pieces, sheets, and a vaccuum cleaner. But we thanked everybody for the dishes. Our parent's friends and our older relatives mostly gave us useless fancy decorative stuff. Except my great aunts - they gave us sleeping bags!
I will take money. If anyone wants to give me money, I will take it :) I will also take Amazon gift cards.
I want little and what I want is so peculiar sometimes anyway, that unless someone asks me: "what do you want?", they wouldn't know. And even then. Uh .... I'd like an old wooden recipe box to show up at the thrift store ... I could use one of those.
If mom really wants to get me something I will take jewelry as long as I can pick it out (I like necklaces mostly). Really though the days people who actually had more money than me, like parents, could get me gifts are long gone. Dad is dead, and he had Alzheimer's for maybe 7 years before then. My mom spends all her money on a loser doesn't work sibling and is headed for being broke. How I wish sometimes it was not so, and someone could gift me uh ..... financially! I wanna go back. But I have the problems of an adult on my head, and on my shoulders.
I agree with that.Quote:
I figure if you are struggling to determine what the best gift is for someone, then you shouldn't be giving them a gift.
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Originally Posted by Chicken lady
Great story about the steak knives! That is how I feel about so many things.
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Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore
On my B-day my parents usually give me a couple hundred dollars. I always pay bills or throw it in my emergency fund. I am grateful for it. I guess I should say, while I have everything I need, I am always cool with more money for my savings/emergency fund.
I'm going to a wedding on Saturday--my cousin's daughter. I don't know her well AT ALL, but she's registered at Bloomingdale's and I noticed she picked a fine china pattern (I'm surprised brides are still doing that. I'm tempted to give her a place setting but OTOH,
a) I hardly use mine, so I hate to give her something that she'll come to learn she isn't going to use much either.
b) She's moving to NOLA in November, so why would I give her something fragile that she needs to move?
My husband says money is too impersonal and it's nice to give something people remember you by. So I'm thinking either a gift card to Bloomingdale's which she could use once she moves, or I'm also thinking of a gift certificate to a nice restaurant in New Orleans that maybe she and her husband would enjoy when they're exhausted from moving + a small unique household gift from a local artsy gift shop.
Or money.