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Sweetana3 - Actually, the location is one reason I would like to go...lol. I figure if it doesn't work out with him at least I will have the good weather :) I am in Houston and have never gotten used to the humidity and bugs. I am so glad to hear it worked out with your dad. I love hearing stories like that.
And you are absolutely right, no rushing....
Yppej - He has asked to come here and I told him no, I would rather go there first. Mainly because I want to see if it is a place I would like to live in.
Yes, health is a very big consideration. He does have a bad back, but as far as serious health problems like my husband had, he sounds like he is healthy. But who knows? I know I don't want to be a caregiver anymore. So yes, you are right, especially as we get older, who knows what could happen health wise. Thank you for that advice.
If I outlive my husband, I will not marry nor live with a significant other again. Next door neighbors would be close enough. Dates, romance, sure. But I’m not their mother. And if they need medical care, the medical system can provide that. My husband, on the other hand, can expect whatever he needs from me, as we made a deal at ages 19 and 21, and there’s lots of history and trust between us.
Being a woman and a nurse, I will not become a free caregiver to someone I just met when I’m looking forward to starting my retirement. That would not be expected automatically of a man, but it’s a double expectation for female nurses. We are human too, and no we don’t live just to care for others.
Tammy - Gosh I am glad I posted on here...lol. I need people to slap some sense into me. Unfortunately when you are going through a grief period you feel alone and someone tells you they love you and you lose all common sense. You think "Oh wow, someone wants me!" Your vision is really distorted through the tears and loneliness. I have 2 cats and I can always join groups of like interests if I am lonely. And this may sound a little cold, but I just don't want to be a caregiver anymore. Yeah, the single life for me.....
razz - I love the Gary Smalley link. Thank you so much! And you are so right. I still have a lot of years of baggage to go through and I am not thinking clearly. I do value different qualities in him and admire him, but I don't think I am ready yet.
The link you posted is very informative and makes you look at things differently in relationships. It is very helpful. Thank you again!
ejchase - Yes, I was thinking that also. It isn't often you find someone in their 60's who hasn't been in at least one serious relationship. And I really need to take it slow. He is a very likeable man, although not very talkative...lol. That's o.k. I talk enough for both of us....haha.
It would take some "navigating" as you said (I like that word for this situation :) ) Should be interesting.....
“ toddlers engaged in parallel play” is brilliant! That is us a great deal of the time. Even when we are outside in “the” garden we are not interacting because I have my area and he has his area.
Gardnr - That is encouraging to hear about your relationship with your husband. I always feel rejected when he doesn't call me or initiate contact. I am alway thinking "you say you love me and want me there, so why don't you want to talk to me." But it is just the different personalities. I have a big mouth and he doesn't....lol.
Yes, I plan on visiting where he lives first and spend some time getting to know him and then I will make my decision. I already know I don't like where I am. To humid and too many bugs.....Houston.
iris lilies - I like that phrase also “ toddlers engaged in parallel play." I had never looked at it that way before and it makes perfect sense. My husband and I used to watch T.V. in separate rooms. Because we weren't interested in each other's shows. But it was comforting knowing someone was there in the next room living and breathing :)
So there’s two ideas going on here -
1. You want to move due to weather
2. He says he loves you
You can do #1 with or without him.
For #2 I think you should let him show you the love. Don’t contact him first. Make him prove it.
It might work out but you shouldn’t do all the work in the relationship.