I have heard of the fake pets and glad it’s helping your mom.
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I have heard of the fake pets and glad it’s helping your mom.
Thankfully, Mom doesn't seem inclined to feed him. I never even thought about that!
I wouldn’t have thought of that either.
So in our latest adventure:
Apparently "the person in the mirror" is a common thing with dementia. They don't recognize the person as themselves and often become upset and angry at this uninvited intruder. Luckily, Mom's lady in the mirror is very nice, and amazing coincidence, she even has some of the very same outfits that my mother has!
Our problem is more when Mom knows it is her own image in the mirror, which is most of the time. She'll point at her reflection and say, "That's me? That's me? Oh my god, I am so ugly and old!" She really kind of obsesses about how ugly she looks, which is so sad to witness.
Anyhow, I had a bright idea and it was a big success! I ordered these static decals on Amazon, and Mom is absolutely enchanted with her new garden. I'm going to order some more to do the rest of the mirrors in her house. The picture doesn't even do them justice; they are vibrant and beautiful - and irises are her favorite flower!
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On another note, she is indeed feeding her dog cookies and chocolates on occasion. Apparently he specifically asks for macaroons, lol. Luckily the mouth and tongue are hard plastic and easy to clean, and Dawn dishwashing liquid gets the chocolate out of the fur very easily. I think the manufacturer should make a model that you can feed some type of plastic treats, since this feeding behavior is a common problem. Of course my Italian mother doesn't want to let her beloved dog go hungry!
What a cool idea about the flowers on the mirror!
My mom did not recognize photos of herself from when she was young, and said, "Who is that woman? I don't like her, she looks shifty."
Dementia can be funny and horrifying all the same time.
I wonder if there is a brain function that recognizes ourself, and has to keep shifting as we age and change, and for a dementia patient, they can't shift anymore.
What a fantastic idea, rosa!!
The mirror idea is nice, rosa.It’s very pretty. I can see where she would like that.
Love the mirror idea.
This is a funny Mom story that I have to share. One day last week, I could hear her talking away upstairs when I arrived at her house. This is usually a good sign and means she is awake and perky. I went up to her room, and she held out an AARP magazine to me, saying, "Do you know this nice, handsome man?" I said, "I don't know him personally, but I do know who he is. He's a musician." Mom said, "Yes, Jon Bon Jovi. He is so nice! We've been having a wonderful visit, talking and sharing a lot of laughs!" So Mom was in a very good mood, and who among us can claim to have had such a pleasant encounter with Jon?
She has also taken up the practice of trying to feed pictures of loved ones. There is now a lot of wiping of chocolate from things. There is also the ever fun guessing game of "Is it chocolate? Or is it, um, you know - - - not chocolate?" :laff:
Haha! What a good, happy place to be in! I'd like to feed chocolate to Sir Paul!
I agree, she sounds happy. Hope you are as well, rr.
Rosa, thinking of you during these difficult if entertaining mom years.
Thanks. I think I am one of those people with a pretty high happiness "set point," and I tend to be pretty cheerful and optimistic even under adverse circumstances.
That being said, I will certainly be relieved when this ordeal is over.
Mom finally qualifies for hospice. The intake RN yesterday said she did not expect Mom to go off hospice status and could probably be recertified for the duration, depending on how long she lasts. So while it is tragic to watch her decline, it's a relief to think that the end may be in sight, and that we may be able to avoid the unpleasantness of a nursing home for her. Hospice actually provides some tangible support unlike the other programs we've been enrolled in (Palliative Care, GUIDE program). She's lost 20 lbs since November, and I actually outweigh her at this point for the first time ever (she was always a much larger model than me).
That is such a good thing, that she could qualify. So sorry she is going through this.Quote:
Originally Posted by rosarugosa
I'm glad your mom will be getting the best care possible, and that your mind can be put at ease. You have been such a wonderful daughter to her, and she's lucky to have you.
everything I hear about hospice care is good.
what’s going on with your mother’s physiology? I mean, I know her mental state is in decline, but what else?
Hugs to all of you! It seems like the moving forward is in a positive way, even though sad.
I've had only positive experiences with Hospice. It's weird, but many of my loved ones have died in the fall and early winter, and it seems fitting, somehow. It sits easier in my mind, ending in the season of ending. The symbolism is extra comforting. All things end, and then begin again. Thinking of you and yours, and internet hugs for you ((())).
Hugs from here, too, Rosa. Hospice workers are angels here on earth. Truly.
Glad you're getting some help with your mom. Good thoughts your way.
Thanks everyone.
IL: She has lost over 20 lbs since November and her appetite is diminishing. That seems to be the biggest factor in her now being eligible for hospice. She does have asthma/COPD, but that hasn't been a major factor, it has been well-controlled with her medication (Breo Ellipta).
Glad that her medication is doing the job. I also have Breo and love it! Continued prayers and hugs to all.Quote:
Originally Posted by rosarugosa
So today marked a new low in the ongoing nightmare of caregiving. Mom looked me in the eye with a face full of hatred, and told me not to touch her, that she would first break my one arm and then the other, while squeezing my hand with all the strength she could muster.
My crime? Trying to change her wet and dirty Depends (wipes pre-warmed in the microwave, space heater on in the already 78 degree room).
OK cool. We'll let the space heater run for a bit and put on some soothing music, and try again later.
Second attempt, and she tells me that she will get a knife and kill me, that she wants me dead and away from her. The venom in her voice! I kept telling her, "Mom, it's me, Rosa. You LOVE me! You don't want to hurt me." It was like trying to reason with a rabid animal.
Third time's a charm and I get the Depends off and into the trash, was able to clean her up somewhat and get a new Depends on her. Not the best job ever, but pretty pleased with myself under the circumstances.
It's a damned good thing I am emotionally resilient. The worst part is that there isn't even a word to describe the horror my big-hearted, loving mother would have felt if she knew she was saying those words to someone she loved. But that thing inhabiting my mother's body is not my mother; she is long gone. I've had people say to enjoy her while I still have her. I find that hilarious!
Rosa, it really is a good thing you are emotionally resilient. Caregiving is not for the feint of heart--especially caregiving mothers with dementia. How often does hospice come?
Oh Rosa, I cannot imagine it. Sending you strength!
I'm so sorry, Rosa.
Rosa, my heart goes out to you. Sending continued strength and a gentle hug.
Oh my, that is a challenge indeed. So sorry.
That is awful, Rosa. My mom used to threaten to kill the workers at her memory care and "bury them on her farm." They actually checked with me to make sure she hadn't actually buried anyone on the farm.
When they look at you with hatred, or fear--that's the worst.
Is memory care a possibility in your situation?
You are right, she would be devastated if she knew what she was saying. It is just like you said, like someone else is inhabiting their body, and not a good someone. It's like they are possessed.
Yes, it felt like I was living in a chapter from The Exorcist.
Hospice sends an aide 1 hr per day, 5 days per week. RN stops in twice a week. A spiritual advisor came Tues and there's a music therapy session scheduled for Thurs and a massage therapy session scheduled for next Thursday. I wonder if the spiritual advisor performs exorcisms? /s
She doesn't really have $$ for memory care. I would have to go through the hoops to get her a reverse mortgage to fund any kind of care facility, so I'm hoping we may be nearing the end of the road and not have to pursue that. I'm also hoping yesterday was an aberration and not our new normal. I think our caregiver friend would have a harder time dealing with the rage.
Thanks for the good wishes everyone. I guess I just needed to vent.
Make sure to tell her physician about her rage and threats of violence. My mom ended up being on some psychiatric drugs and while nobody wants to drug someone up in that state, I don't think she could have stayed where she was without medication, as she was starting to hit. The verbal violence they were ok with, but not the physical. It is hugely stressful for them to be in that state and they are only trying to defend themselves, especially when they don't recognize us and think we are a stranger out to do them harm. I think of it that it must feel like strangers are mugging them or sexually assaulting them, and they are reacting reasonably for what they perceive.
Tybee: It might be relevant that I am just getting over a head cold and I was wearing a mask so as not to expose her or her other caregivers. I pulled the mask down a few times so she could see my face, and I kept reminding her who I was, but with no short-term memory, I might have morphed into a masked rapist with evil intent seconds later.
Update: So yesterday Mom was back to her sweet self, ate like a lumberjack and very much enjoyed the hospice-arranged music therapy session. It's a rollercoaster ride indeed (and I never did like rollercoasters!)
Hugs and strength to you, Rosa.
Oh rr I am so sorry - ((())). Glad your mom had a better day, and hoping her monster doesn't return.
Oh, rosa! Sorry for what you went through, but glad to hear your mom is doing better! Hugs to all.
We are very close to the finish line; we are trading off time doing round the clock vigil between me, sis, and our caregiver friend. Mom hasn't eaten anything for over a week, and is taking in very little fluids (water via syringe in her mouth). We're giving her Haldol every 4 hours, trying to keep her comfortable and peaceful.
Sending prayers to you all, rr.
So sorry, rosa. Hugs to you. Your mom has been so lucky to have had you and your sister providing such good care.